This is Real
by PinkRhino
Summary: Be strong. That was what Finnick Odair had told her, in that note. And when Annie's best friend is entered for the Hunger Games just a year after she wins, she has to be stronger than ever before. Finnick/Annie, from the 71st Games on.
1. Chapter 1

_Keep holding on_  
_ 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through_  
_ Just stay strong_  
_ 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for_ _you_

**_-Keep Holding On_  
**

"Dad?" I called in the door, and my brother poked his head around the corner. "I'm going out for awhile. I'll be back later." Adam nodded his head and called up the stairs to our father, relaying the information, and I shut the door tight, smiling at Noah, my best friend.

"So, you ready?" He held out a hand gallantly, and I laughed, taking it. We walked down to the beach, our hands swinging, and Noah kicked his sandals off his feet as we reached the sand. I'd left mine at home, figuring since we were going straight to the beach anyway that I wouldn't need them. "Come on." Noah started to run, and I was only a step behind him when we got to the water, splashing into the shallow tide, and he scooped a handful of water into his hands, pouring it over my head with a grin.

"Hey!" I pushed his shoulder, just firmly enough to unbalance him, and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Annie!" He laughed, his blue eyes bright. He cupped my face in his hands, pulled me forward and kissed my nose. I flushed pink when I saw two girls on the dock, watching us curiously. Noah took my hand again, and we walked farther into the water, then promptly dunked under the water, coming back up in a moment, soaked. His dark hair glistened, parts of it looking almost silver in the light. I pushed a few locks of hair from my eyes, blinking slowly. "I got something for you. For the reaping tomorrow. Just in case...um..." He fished a necklace out of his shirt pocket, now wet with water. "Sorry."

"No...it's beautiful." I took the necklace, studying the small, intricate patterns in the metal. I wondered where he'd gotten it. Looking up at him again, I smiled. "You really didn't have to, I mean...I won't be reaped, I won last year, silly. But thank you."

"You're welcome." Noah smiled back, tilting his head to one side. I wrapped my arms around him, tucking my head under his chin and felt his lips on top of my head. I felt tears spring to my eyes and he tapped my chin, tipping my head back a bit. "It'll be okay, Annie. You'll be okay."

"What about you?" I asked him, reaching up to touch his face. I ran my fingers across his cheekbone, and he leaned down to kiss my nose again. "You'll be okay, too. More okay than me."

Noah and I grew up together. We've known each other since I was five. He's a year older than me, but he's in my year at school because his mom died when he was in his fourth year and he missed so much school that year that he had to repeat it. His dad was a victor of the Hunger Games, but he did something years back, before I even knew Noah - something bad that Noah's never told anyone, I think because even he doesn't know what - and the Capitol punished him as the Capitol does. Ever since last year when I won the Games, he's been acting a lot different around me, and not good different, either. He's been acting like...like I'm a different person. But I can't stop being his friend. It was him that helped me back into the water after last year - it was him who comforted me when heard voices in the night, when I woke up late and couldn't get back to sleep. It's like he could sense it. That's how close we are.

Some little kids were coming down the beach with three older guys and two girls, splashing into the more shallow parts of the water. One of the girls stopped them before they could get too deep, and brought the kids just deep enough to they could swim but not drown. I knew from living in District Four all my life that this meant it was swimming lesson season again. Every child in the district is required to learn to swim at a young age. It was a practice that we'd started ourselves, that even the Capitol didn't know about. As far as we knew.

Tearing my gaze away from the group, I looked back to Noah, who'd just apparently asked me a question. "What?" I asked, and he answered in a kiss; not just a nose kiss, either, but a real one, which was just a little unnerving. He'd never really kissed me before. Of course I'd been kissed by boys, but never with so much feeling. I knew that no kiss would ever mean as much to me as his. I was sure of it.

"Hey, guys?" An irritatingly familiar voice called. I quickly pulled away, blinking a few times, and felt my cheeks burn. "There are kids over there," Finnick Odair crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow. The hem of his shorts dipped into the water, and while something like that might be traumatizing for some Capitol citizens, it was a daily happening in District Four. The girls on the dock were watching admiringly from afar, which was a bit creepy and extremely annoying, because if they knew was Finnick was really like, they'd know he was a jackass. I'm not technically allowed to hate him, because he's really the only reason I'm alive, but he can get a little too...Finnick. Occasionally. "So," he continued drawlingly, never taking his eyes off me. "You'd probably do well to _not _make out. They're still in that stage of 'eww, that's so gross', and I have to put up with them for an hour." Studying his fingernails, he began to walk off, when I said,

"We weren't _making out._"

"Hold your tongue, Cresta." He was clearly proud of himself for thinking that one up, but I wasn't having it. There are some days that I can handle being around Finnick Odair, and some days that I just can't. Noah caught my arm before I could launch myself at him in a full-fledged attack, but I yelled a few words I'd probably regret saying later after him and he just kept walking, clearly unfazed.

"It's okay, Annie."

"It's not, Noah." I shut my eyes, trying to drive the images in my mind, but couldn't do it. Noah knew what was happening and immediately his arms were around me and he was walking me back up the beach, whispering in my ear soft words that didn't really have any meaning the way they were strung together, but they brought more memories, these ones good.

"Be strong," he would whisper, and even though it was only two words, eight letters, it helped more than anything else could. I don't know why it helped so much. It just did. "Stay. Fight." He whispered, and that was when we reached my house and he opened the door, and when I went in, Adam was there, on the couch, straight away picking me up and leaving Noah to go home. Adam set me on the couch, whispering the same sort of words to me. _Be strong._

**_Be strong._**

_That was what the note said. The note in the parachute, rolled up in an otherwise empty glass bottle. Written in curvy letters on the tiny scrap of paper._

_How did he know? I asked myself silently. How had he known I was ready to give up?_

_Just then, another cannon went off and I jumped, pumping my tired arms to keep myself above the water. A wave of hunger hit me and I could've cried, wishing for a break. With the bottle clutched in my hand, the note inside it, I craned my neck to try to see someone else. Someone else who was just as tired as I was._

_I tried to think. One more cannon. That left me and one other tribute. No telling which one. Hector..._

_I let out a small cry. _

_Not Hector._

_Think, Annie. Who was left since last night?_

_The boy from Seven. The girl from Two. And me._

_I_ was_ alive, wasn't I? Or was this was death felt like? Had the cannon been for me?_

_"Four!" A sharp voice called, and I was jerked back into reality, squinting to see a boy in the water. Somehow, he looked like Hector. The same blonde hair, though I couldn't tell if his eyes were hazel from where I was. But his voice was too loud, too mean to be Hector. And he was holding a knife. Hector didn't fight with knives._

_It wasn't Hector. But I already knew that. I'd seen him die myself. Really, it had only been about three days, but it felt like months. Years.  
_

_He was swimming strongly against the waves, holding his knife with some sort of pride. It could only be the boy from Seven. Which meant that the girl from Two was dead. _

_He and I were the last two tributes, and he was in it to win it._

"Annie!" Adam's voice broke me from my trance and I shook my head, holding my hands over my ears. He shook my shoulder. "Ann, it's okay."

I sighed, standing up a bit unsteadily. "I'm going to my room."

"Don't forget about the reaping tomorrow."

I groaned. "Do I still have to go to those?"

"Yeah, you're mentoring this year. Remember? You signed up instead of Mags, since she's been having trouble with her back this year."

"Right." I nodded, even though I couldn't remember at all. "Okay. I'll be there." I hurried up the stairs, heading straight to my room to look out on the water. The sun was at its warmest for the day, and the swimming lesson was just wrapping up. The kids were sitting on the sand, making sand castles, and the teachers were still splashing in the shallow parts.

When I caught the sight of a dark auburn mop of hair, the thought of mentoring came rushing at me.

Finnick was mentoring this year. I was, too.

Oh, damn it.

**_A/N:_**_ Um...yeah. New fic? Cool. Let's see how this is gonna turn out. It'd be rad if you decided to review. Also, I don't own any of the characters you recognize as Suzanne Collins' creations._


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to reviewers for doing your thing :) And also thank you to the people who put this on alert already. **_  
_

_You ask me what I need._  
_ And all I really need,_  
_ Is to breathe._

_**-Breathe**  
_

"Annie?" Adam gently shook me awake. "Ann, you gotta wake up for a shower. The reaping is in an hour. Be out in twenty minutes and I'll have breakfast ready."

Eventually I came around, gathering underclothes and a purple sundress from my wardrobe and disappeared into the washroom. The shower water was nothing like the seawater; something like this, though, only someone from District Four would notice. The Capitol obviously didn't care about it, but there was something so much more calming about the seawater, as opposed to the stuff that came from a tap, that you could change the temperature of by the turn of a knob.

Once I was showered and dressed, I met my brother and father in the kitchen. They were eating, and Noah was over already in his reaping clothes - a clean pair of jeans and his nicest flannel - eating with them. "Hey, Noah." I ruffled his hair on my way by and took the chair across from him.

"Hey, Annie." He smiled, pushing the plate of fruit closer to me.

"I'm not really that hungry, but thanks." I took an apple, taking a small bite. "Are you worried?" He met my eyes and shrugged. I reached over and put my hand over his.

"It'll be okay, Noah." He gave me a weak smile and stood up from the table.

"Thanks for the breakfast, guys. I'll see you at the reaping, Annie."

"See you." I waved, but he turned the corner and left without turning back. With a frown, I got back to my apple.

"Ann, eat. You'll need your strength." Adam told me, but I shook my head.

"I'm not hungry. This is enough." I held up the apple, taking a last bite and set the core down on my otherwise empty plate. There were voices being carried all the way from the market to our open window, and I quickly stood up. "I should probably get going." I kissed the top of Adam's head and Dad's cheek. "Are you guys coming to the reaping?"

"Yeah." Dad replied for both of them, even though it seemed like the last thing Adam wanted to do. "We'll be there, sweetie."

"Thanks, Daddy. I'll see you there." I stepped into my sandals on my way out, flattening the skirt of my dress on my way. The sky was clear and the sun was already warm for so early in the morning. There were already kids playing in the water, and I almost joined them, but I knew that if I got into the water, I wouldn't want to get out, and I had to be at the market in another twenty minutes. Ten minutes of walking, plus three minutes of making it through the crowd up to the stage would leave me with just enough time. Hopefully I wouldn't have to be late. They hated it when you were late - mostly the escort, but it reflected badly on the district, especially when you're a mentor. Finnick was nearly always late, but it didn't matter for him since he had special privileges for being sexy (not that_ I_ thought that...but just by...regular standards) and he was already kind of on the good side of the District Four escort, anyway, for...reasons.

"Hey, Annie!"

I turned around, expecting to see Noah, but it was Finnick. "Speak of the devil." I mumbled, continuing at the same pace without glancing back again.

He was wearing his trademark grin and caught up with me pretty quick. When he'd matched my pace, he slowed down, smiling at me. "I heard you're mentoring this year." His tone was soft as he said this, nothing like what I was used to from him. I wasn't fooled, though, and continued to stare straight ahead, my arms swinging at my sides. "Annie -" He began, mocking the Capitol accent. "you can't ignore me forever. I'm much too fabulous." I knew it.

But I did look up at him, and he looked triumphant.

He regained his regular tone to say, "Annie, are you sure you're ready to mentor already? It's okay if you're not, Mags can always help out - "

"Finnick, I'm fine." I told him a bit harshly, looking forward again.

"Look, I'm only saying you shouldn't rush into this." I hurried my pace, wanting to get away from him, but his legs were much longer than mine and he caught up in a matter of steps, catching my arm.

"Let me go!" I pulled it away quickly, stumbling backwards.

Finnick looked shocked. "Sorry." I held my head in my hands, continuing down the path ahead of him. "Annie!" He caught up with me again and I plugged my ears, turning away from him. "Annie, can't we be friends?" He took my wrists gently, pulling my hands from my ears. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to scream. "Shh." He sighed, releasing my wrists and put one hand on my shoulder. Maybe I did yell at him. I don't remember.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" I asked, exasperated, and he nodded.

"But only until we get to the Capitol. After that, we're a team." He clicked his tongue a few times, rubbing my shoulder.

When I opened my eyes, he was gone, and there was only one thing on my mind: Finnick Odair was the most confusing boy I'd ever met.

I reached the market and he was already on stage, speaking with the escort. I found Noah in the second cluster of boys, the seventeen-year-olds. "Hey," He hugged me over the boundary rope. "Are you okay?" He asked me, sweeping a lock of hair out of my eyes. I nodded quickly without saying a word, avoiding his gaze. "Annie, I'll be fine." He promised. I reached up to my throat, holding the charm on the necklace he'd given me, and nodded again, more slowly this time. "All right. You better get up there - Valeria will be starting soon, and you know they hate it when you have to interrupt by going up there in the middle of a speech." He squeezed my hand, smiling softly.

"Okay." I squeezed his hand back and then let go, hurrying through the crowd to the stage and took the seat beside Finnick, tapping my toes nervously on the stage. In the corner of my eye I saw him glance over to me but I didn't look back at him, tired of his pretty face - no matter how impossible that seemed to Capitol folk.

Valeria came over to us both, her black-and-white striped hair bouncing as she walked. "Annalise, you look lovely."

"Call me Annie." I mumbled, but smiled weakly at her then averted my gaze again, studying my nails. Valeria walked back to center stage and I looked up, finding Noah in the crowd. He gave me a smile and a thumbs-up, but I just wasn't feeling it. I felt like throwing up. I searched for Adam and my dad in the crowd, too, but I couldn't find them.

For a bit, then, I zoned out, hearing the Treaty of Treason being recited and all the other annual stuff as if from a distance. This just happened sometimes - Dad said it was probably because I have some sort of an attention disorder, but it never happened before my Games. I'll start randomly hearing voices that aren't there, and sometimes I'll reply to them and people will think I'm crazy when really I just can't tell if the voices are real or not. It would be rude if they were real and I didn't reply, and it's weird when I do reply and it turns out they're imaginary; I can't win.

I only managed to tune back in when Valeria had already pulled the girl's name. She was fourteen, I knew because she was in Noah's little cousin's grade - but she was tiny for her age. Probably a good six inches shorter than me, less muscular, too, which was really saying something, and kind of the opposite of intimidating. She stood just a foot behind Valeria as the escort walked to the boys' ballot ball, picking a single slip from hundreds. I was on the edge of my seat as she unfolded it, clearing her throat before saying the name.

"Ricco Samuels."

And it wasn't Noah. I was relieved. I found myself smiling, despite the situation, until I saw Finnick's grim expression and looked out to the crowd, seeing who this Ricco Samuels was. Surely it couldn't be that bad - I mean, people always have that expression during the reaping. Mostly the mentors, too, they know how bad it is in the arena and what these kids are in for.

My smile disappeared. Everything in me plummeted to my toes, except my breakfast, small as it was. I felt stomach juices rise to my throat and I forced it back down, trembling. My vision blurred and I wiped the tears away immediately.

Ricco Samuels was an eighteen-year-old, but he was built more like a thirteen-year-old. He was in a wheelchair - he'd been paralyzed from the waist down since birth. Of all the boys in the district that could've been reaped, it had to be him.

"_Again_?" Finnick whispered, and he muttered a few curses along with it, shaking his head, obviously disgusted. "Talk about the odds being in his favour." I almost wanted to ask him what he meant, wondering if I should've known, but now wasn't the time.

Ricco began wheeling up to the stage, a frightened expression clear in his eyes.

"Wait!" Everyone froze - everyone but Ricco, who'd apparently blocked out everything, his mind completely wiped. "I volunteer as tribute." Good. A volunteer for him. It wasn't surprising, seeing as we were a Career district. It wasn't unusual for there to be volunteers. I looked out to the crowd, smiling, trying to see who had volunteered. Ricco was still wheeling forward, as if he still hadn't heard a thing, but he stopped when the volunteer caught the handles on the back of his chair and another guy pushed it back to the boy's crowd.

Somewhere, I heard Finnick say my name, but I was too proud of that volunteer to even acknowledge him. I was ready to clap the guy on the back, give him a smile, let him know that an act of kindness that huge would get him plenty of sponsors. Plenty of fans in the Capitol, which was probably the most important thing for tributes.

It wasn't until he was up on the stage that I realized the volunteer was Noah.

_**A/N:** Let me know what you think so far?_


	3. Chapter 3

_It's always cloudy except for_  
_ When you look into the past_

**_-Thanks for the Memories_**

I wasn't allowed to see him until we got onto the train, which was probably best, because I needed the ten minutes in between to wind down a bit. My dad and Adam came by to wish me luck and then went back home, and Finnick's little brother and his mom came out to say bye, but before we knew it we were on our way to the Capitol.

I couldn't help but feel jumpy. I wasn't the female tribute this time, of course, but my brain still seemed to be convinced I was. Noah and the girl tribute - her name was Brigid - were waiting for Finnick, Valeria and me in the main compartment already, but I didn't know if I had the will to look at Noah.

Before we went into the compartment, Finnick placed a hand gently on my shoulder, squeezing it. "You're going to have to be strong again, Annie. Not for yourself this time. For him." But he didn't even look at me before following Valeria.

They'd changed the interior of the train since the year before. There were cushioned benches lining the sides and three small, circular tables - almost like bedside tables. Around each table were four chairs. I didn't know what we'd need twelve chairs for, what with just the five of us, but I didn't inquire. I already wasn't Valeria's favourite person in the world and I didn't need to risk getting on her nerves. There were also light fixtures hanging over the benches on the sides, and little platforms in between the lights where plants sat.

Sitting in one of the seats of the center-most table was little Brigid, her hands clasped in her lap. She looked even tinier next to Noah, who was pointedly studying his fingernails and not looking at me. I ignored him in return, kneeling down next to Brigid's chair, giving her the most genuine smile I could muster. She looked at me with tear-stained cheeks and red eyes, and I squeezed her arm. I felt Noah's eyes on me as I pulled up another chair and took a piece of Brigid's hair, starting to braid it. She watched me with wide eyes and a smile threatening to take over her expression. I gave her a smile back. Finnick took Noah into the next compartment for some early tips, and Valeria went back to the front car, leaving Brigid and me alone.

"I'm scared."

"Hm?" I dropped the piece of her hair and she turned her head.

"I'm _so _scared. What's it like?" She asked me quietly.

"Well...every year is different, remember."

"But...well, you had to kill that boy from Seven. What's it like...hurting people like that?"

At the mention of that boy, I shivered, and every time I blinked, images shot across my eyelids: images of Hector. The boy from Seven, who was my only kill. When the arena was first flooding, and six tributes died almost straight away. Shaking my head with a tearful frown, I sighed. "It's awful."

"Did you see his family, on your Victory Tour?" Man, this girl really knew how to trigger bad memories.

"I don't think so...although, there was a girl..." I trailed off, and thought I heard her ask who the girl was, but I was already lost in thought.

_There was a girl, standing there with a fiery rage burning in her brown eyes, behind a sheet of dark hair. The rest of the district looked uncomfortable, maybe sad, but she looked like she was ready to murder. I had trouble concentrating on what their Mayor was saying, because I was watching her in a terrified trance. She was the one person who stood out from the crowd. She stood apart from everyone else, not much, because everyone was pretty packed, but enough so I could tell. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. She was the only one who looked completely and totally broken._

_But even from my place on the stage, through the anger, I could see pain. I could see tear stains on her cheeks. And I could see the longing in her eyes, not for vengeance, but for something much deeper than that. Somehow, I'm not sure how, but some way, I could tell she just wanted someone to talk to her. To make her feel better. She longed for human closeness, which was something that she clearly lacked. She wanted it more than anything.  
_

"Annie?"

I jumped. "What?"

Finnick and Noah were back, and Brigid was peeking out from behind them, tearful. "You scared me." She whimpered, sniffling.

"You were, like, out of it." Noah commented, looking to Finnick for help. He was knelt by my chair, but he's so tall that standing on his knees he's almost as tall as I was sitting.

"Sorry." I mumbled, trying to avoid their eyes. "I was just...I was daydreaming. I'm okay." Running a hand through my hair, I stood up, shaking my head with a frown.

Finnick turned to Noah and Brigid with a sigh. "Can we have a minute? Get Val to talk you through some of the rules and ask her some questions or something." Noah hesitated before following Brigid out the door, but he gave me a smile before he left. When they were gone, Finnick set a hand on my shoulder. "You can't keep letting this happen, Annie."

That really bugged me. "How am I supposed to help it? You think I _like_ it or something? Because guess what? I _don't_. I _hate_ it."

"I'm not saying you like it. I'm saying you have to learn to control your thoughts. Especially if you want to bring Noah back home." I searched his eyes for any kind of compassion, some sympathy, maybe, but I found none.

"I feel bad for being so set on helping Noah. Brigid deserves a life, too." I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Everyone feels that sometimes."

"Can we mentor together?" I asked him. "I just...don't really know what I'm supposed to do. I can't see how I'm possibly going to be able to help them when I can't even help myself."

"Sure." He nodded, then, almost as an afterthought, added, "Everything will be okay, Annie." He gave me a weak smile and somehow, that little bit of kindness from him made me foolishly believe it.

/\/\/\

"Annie!" Before I had a chance to react, I was swept up into a pair of arms, spinning around. When Dex set me back on my feet, I had to hold his arm to keep my balance. "They didn't tell me you were mentoring this year!"

I shrugged, smiling. "I am. I missed you." He hugged me, absently playing with a lock of my hair that had fallen out of its fishtail.

"I missed you, too." Dex was my stylist last year, and he's probably the coolest person in the world. He doesn't seem like much, with his regular jeans-and-flannels ensembles, and the glasses that always sit askew on his nose, and the bright shoes and matching socks, but he's also more or less brilliant. Along both sides of his collarbone he's got tattoos, and piercings outline his ears, decorate his bottom lip, and adorn his eyebrows. He's got brown hair and blue eyes and a faint splash of freckles across his nose. "You look exhausted. Like you haven't slept in the past year."

I sighed. "I hardly have. Nightmares." Dex tugged on my braid, kissing my cheek.

"I wish I knew how to get rid of those for you, sweetheart."

"That's all right, Dex. You...you told me once that the one good thing about feeling pain is that it reminds you that you're still living, right?"

He sighed, squeezing my shoulder, and glanced at the watch on his wrist. "I've gotta go. Your girl tribute." I nodded. "Tomorrow I'll get the prep team to take longer with the girl so I can come see you. Deal?"

I smiled, hugging him once more. "Okay. See you then."

"See ya." Dex turned on his heel, scurrying away. Looking around, I realized I'd lost Finnick. Or he'd lost me, maybe. I don't know, but he was gone. I called out his name once, but the room was so noisy that there was no way he'd heard me, wherever he was. With one hand in the pocket of my dress and the other one clutching my necklace, I started to wander through the crowd. I thought I might be one of the youngest people there, but I couldn't be sure, because there seemed to be victors of just about every age. There was even a boy who couldn't have been older than fifteen, which was a year younger than me. I was thinking that it was scary how young some of them were, but then I remembered that a lot of the older victors were probably thinking the same about me.

Distracted by my own thoughts, I accidentally bumped into someone, and when I looked back forward, I was looking straight into the eyes of a hugely built guy. He said something that I couldn't make out over the noise in the room, and I took a step back, tripping backward. Just before I hit the floor, a hand caught my arm and yanked me back. I whipped around, losing my balance again, and when I came to, I realized I was only still on my feet because Finnick had his arm wrapped around my waist, using his free hand to tip my chin up.

"Annie," he said, anxious. "Are you all right?"

I blushed furiously, ducking my head in a sad attempt to hide it, and I pulled away from the embrace. "I'm fine."

"What were you thinking? Picking a fight with a guy like Brutus." He sighed, not without scorn, and shook his head at me.

"I wasn't _picking a fight_ - "

"Do you want to get yourself hurt?"

"You're acting like this is my fault."

"It is your fault." Finnick crossed his arms, his jaw set. "If you'd stayed beside me like I told you to - "

"I was talking to Dex. It isn't my fault you kept walking!"

"You have to be more careful! Just because you're out of the arena doesn't automatically mean you're home free. In fact, all it means is that the Capitol has instilled a fear in you. They have a power over you now that they wouldn't have if you hadn't been reaped."

"Because everything that's happened to me is my fault. I get it." I fired back, and he grabbed me by the arm, pulling me out of the room and into the hallway. It was silent except for the squeak of our shoes on the floor tiles and our breathing, and only then I realized how loud it had been in the mentors' area of the Center.

"Look," Finnick sighed, leaning against the wall. "We're a team now. We can't keep fighting like this."

"You're so confusing. I don't understand you at all." He reached over and clapped a hand over my shoulder. I lifted a hand and put it over his, blinking tears away. "Can we stay out here? It's really loud in there." Finnick just nodded, sitting down against the wall. I sat next to him, folding my hands in my lap awkwardly.

We stayed completely quiet for a good ten minutes before I said, "Thank you."

He jumped, as if he'd been completely lost in his thoughts, and looked at me. "For what?" A strand of his hair fell in his eyes and he shook it away, still staring at me.

"For getting me out of there."

He smiled, shrugging. "No big deal." Then he stood up again. "I'll be back in a bit. There's just some people I want to catch up with." And without waiting for me to reply, he went back into the room, voices exploding from the door until it clicked shut once again.

_**A/N: **Review? It only takes a moment and I do take anonymous ones...just let me know what you think._


	4. Chapter 4

_Something always brings me back to you._  
_ It never takes too long.  
_

_**-Gravity**  
_

I was almost too tired to go to the ceremony that night. I knew it was mandatory, but really, I didn't see why, because I could just as easily watch it on the television in my room. But I guess the bright side was, after the ceremony I'd have the chance to find Noah and finally get to yell at him.

The ceremony went by pretty quick, actually, the first three districts in their respective outfits, Brigid in a mermaid-style blue-green dress and Noah in a matching suit with sequined pockets and piping on the fourth chariot. Every tribute was smiling, but I knew all of them, even the kids from One and Two, were terrified out of their wits. It made me sad. I didn't pay attention to the ceremony itself, the president's words, as I'd been listening to them all my life, and it was beginning to become a bore. It actually wasn't so bad, though. The ceremony seemed much shorter than it had felt the year before when I was standing on that chariot, and before I knew it, it was over. The moment the doors shut behind the chariots I was on my feet, sprinting. Technically, mentors aren't supposed to see the tributes right after the ceremony - that time's usually reserved for the stylists, but I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to talk to Noah.

I was almost at the door leading to where they were before I realized Finnick had been beside me all along. "What do you think you're doing?" I had my hand on the doorknob, turning it, and he put his hand over mine, stopping me. "Annie, you'll see him tomorrow at breakfast." I sighed, trying my best to ignore him, but he wasn't having it. "Come on. You're tired."

"I need to talk to him."

"And you will. But not now." I was still lost in my thoughts of what I was going to say when I did get the chance to talk to Noah, and Finnick pulled me into the Training Center elevator, pressing the button labeled _4._ I pulled my arm away from him, tucking a loose lock of hair behind my ear. "You aren't mad at him, are you?" Finnick asked me quietly, twiddling his thumbs.

"I don't know." I sighed, suddenly feeling completely tuckered out. I hid my face in my hands, taking deep breaths, and he put one hand on my back. "I just...I can't believe he'd do that. Volunteer. Even if it was for Ricco..." I choked, a sob forming and threatening to escape. "He told me he'd be safe. He told me he'd be okay..." We reached our floor and Finnick walked me out the elevator. He stopped at one of the first doors on the floor.

"This is your room." I stared at the label on the door that read _District Four Mentor _and sighed, nodding.

"Okay."

"I'm across the hall." He told me, though I wasn't sure exactly why. "See you tomorrow at breakfast, Annie." He disappeared into his room before I could say good night.

The next morning, I was awoken by a knock on my door. I was still too tired to think to look out the peephole, so I just opened it, smiling when I saw Dex. "Morning." He smiled back, and I stepped aside to let him come in. He was already in his usual garb, and I couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed, still in my pajamas, even though he'd seen me at much worse times. "Did you have a good sleep?"

I nodded, surprising even myself. "No nightmares. First time in months."

He smiled. "Good." He held out a bundle of clothes to me and I took them, unfolding the dress carefully. It was black and white, polka-dotted. Black leggings and sort of funny-looking black and white sneakers completed the outfit. Altogether, it wasn't something I'd usually wear, but if Dex was sure...

"What kind of shoes are these?" I asked, holding up the sneakers.

"They're called high-tops. All the rage right now. I think you'll like them a lot more than heels." Dex pushed me into the bathroom. "Shower up real quick. We have to be down at breakfast in fifteen minutes, and I still have to go see Brigid, too."

"All right, I'll be out as soon as I can."

As soon as I stepped back out of the shower, Dex was knocking on the door. I pulled the dress on and zipped it up as much as I could on my own, opening the door to let him in. He zipped up the dress, pulling a brush through my hair. It was already dry - there were these weird automatic dryers in all the bathrooms - but he loved my hair, so I let him do what he wanted. As soon as I had the sneakers on, he put down the brush.

"Okay. I'll see you at breakfast in - " he cursed as he looked at his watch. "seven minutes." Before I could reply, he hurried out. I laughed a little to myself, realizing at the same time that the shoes were extremely comfortable as I walked out of the bathroom. I immediately decided I liked them over heels any day, even if they were a little funny-looking.

There was another knock at the door. This time I looked out the peephole, but whoever it was had their thumb over it, so I couldn't see. I opened the door slowly, peeking out.

Finnick smiled at me. "Are you ready for breakfast?" He didn't look like he'd showered yet. His hair was a mess, sticking up on one side where he'd slept on it, which was a little amusing, because usually he's so put together that it seems like it should take no effort. But seeing him just out of bed, still in a muscle shirt and pajama bottoms, let me know that clearly, it took a lot of willpower and push to be Finnick Odair. It had to be so _difficult_ being that good-looking.

"I thought we didn't have to go down for a couple more minutes."

"Valeria's the only one there with me, and she's starting to freak me out. Besides, you're ready to go."

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess." I stepped out, closing the door behind me.

"Thank God." He grinned, his hands in his pockets. I laughed.

When we got to the end of the hall, Valeria was tapping her fingers on the table, but looked up with a smile when we sat down. "Good morning, Annalise." I didn't bother to correct her this time. I knew she only did it to bug me. Every time. Finnick sat in the chair across from me, studying his nails. Valeria continued tapping her fingers on the tabletop. I just sat there, way too many thoughts consuming my mind to give me a chance to say anything intelligent.

"You said you wanted to mentor together, right?" Finnick asked me after a few completely silent moments. I looked up, nodding.

"Yeah. If you don't mind."

"No, it'll be nice." He smiled.

When everyone came in for breakfast and was served up, I stood, motioning to Noah to follow me. He shut the hallway door behind us, separating us from the dining area, and he stared at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Why did you volunteer?" It didn't come out as angrily as I'd wanted it to. In fact, it sounded tiny. Miniscule. Weak. Broken. Maybe because that's how I felt on the inside.

"I'm sorry, Annie - "

"Don't apologize!" I snapped, and he took a step back, surprised. "Tell me. Why?"

"I - " He turned his head, noticing the Avox in the hallway for the first time. His voice broke when he said, "Oh my God."

"What?" I asked him, looking at the Avox, but I didn't know what Noah was so worked up about. Tears were coming to his eyes, but he was smiling. "Noah, what is it?" I asked him, pulling on his arm.

"That's..." he looked at me, his smile disappearing. "that's my father, Annie."

**_A/N: _**_Bah. I don't even...aah. This is kind of the result of me hitting my head on the desk and forcing myself to write. I'm...not entirely sure what I was thinking, but I kind of like it. And...hopefully it won't just turn into a useless detail. Or something. Meh. I won't let it, I swear. By the way. You know what I just love? Reviews.  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_And these photographs keep me alive.  
_

_**-These Photographs**  
_

Suddenly, I saw it. The same blue eyes, the thin face. Even though the Avox's head was shaved, I was pretty sure that if he grew his hair out, it would be black, like Noah's, and have the same cowlick in the front. The Avox stared at Noah, shocked, and Noah grinned. "Dad!" When Noah hugged him, he looked like he'd have a heart attack. "Dad, say something." Noah sighed, smiling.

"Noah," I pulled him away, frowning. He looked so happy, I hated to ruin the moment. "He can't talk, Noah. He's an Avox."

"What's that?"

"A servant of the Capitol." Noah's brow furrowed and his smile melted away. "Come on. Let's go back to breakfast."

"No! I just found my _dad_, Annie. I've wondered if he was _dead _for the past thirteen years! I'm not just going to leave now." He looked back to the Avox, as if pleading him to say something. Clearly, Noah hadn't listened to what I said.

"Noah, he can't speak." I sighed, and he looked back to me, confused.

"Why not?" He asked, and I rolled my eyes at him, sighing.

"He's an Avox. The Capitol cut his tongue out." I guess I didn't have to say it quite so heartlessly, but I really wanted to get out of there. I pulled Noah back into the dining area before he could say anything. We sat down in a rush, but Noah looked like he'd lost his appetite. "Noah, eat. You'll need your strength for training today."

"Not hungry." He confirmed my suspicions and pushed his plate away. Without anyone arguing, one of the other Avoxes took his plate and he looked back to her. "Thank you." She looked surprised, blushed, and hurried off, dropping his plate on her way. Everyone jumped when it shattered, and Finnick watched her regrettably. Most people from the districts hate ordering the Avoxes around, but apparently, eventually you get used to it, or something.

We ate in silence for the next five minutes, which I didn't really mind, because it gave me the chance to think. Dex and Noah's stylist Helena had joined us for breakfast, and while they're usually the most talkative of the bunch of us, they didn't seem to have much to say.

Finnick cleared his throat, leaning his elbows on the table. "You guys did really well at the opening ceremony yesterday." The table exploded into praises, and Brigid and Noah were blushing. I stayed silent, and shut my eyes, trying to block out the noise. The way that the Capitol people, even the nice ones like Dex, could be so quiet and then so loud was still a mystery to me. If so much was on their minds, I didn't get why they didn't just say it in the first place instead of waiting until someone else mentioned something related to it. Nobody else seemed to notice how loud it was, which was fine by me, because it meant they didn't notice me and they didn't bother me.

After their freak out, Finnick started telling Brigid and Noah about training. I tuned him out, wishing I could be home. Maybe I'd see if I could phone Adam and my dad from my room. There was a phone in there. I just had to see if I could use it to phone the districts or if it was just for room-to-room communication. I wondered what Finnick and I would have to do for the day. Maybe we'd just have time to relax. That would be nice. Maybe we could just hang out and I could ask him why he acts like such a jerk around everyone all the time, when really he's secretly nice. Maybe Dex and I would get the chance to catch up. Maybe I could meet some of the other victors, and make some friends among them. Maybe -

"Annie!"

"What?" I jumped. "Did I miss something?" Then, I realized that Finnick and I were the last two people in the room. Noah, Brigid, Helena, and Dex must've left to get ready for training, Valeria no doubt had some 'important' garbage she simply needed to attend to, and that left the two of us.

"I asked you if you wanted to do anything in particular today. It isn't often I get a day off while I'm at the Capitol."

Clearly, he didn't want to expand on that.

"So, if you wanted to go anywhere, and you need someone to take you, today's probably the day." I shrugged, honestly a bit surprised by his offer. "All right. I'll go back to my room, then. If you think of anything, you know where I am."

"Okay. Thanks, Finnick." I smiled, and he took my hand, pulling me to my feet.

"We should clear out." I followed him back down the hall and we disappeared into our rooms. I kicked off the sneakers, sitting on the edge of my bed and reached for the phone. On its stand were a list of speed dial numbers, but no notes saying what kind of phone it was.

"Well, I haven't got anything to lose..." I mumbled to myself, typing my home phone number into the touch pad, and put the phone up to my ear. Apparently Adam and Dad weren't home, which made sense, once I thought about it, but I was still a bit disappointed when it went to the machine.

_"Hey, you've reached the Cresta residence - "  
_

I hung up, sighing. That was the end of that. I laid back in the blankets, staring at the ceiling. Tears came to my eyes, but I forced them away, blinking. There was no point in crying, anyway. I took my ring off of my finger, playing with it absently. It was actually my mother's engagement ring, but my dad gave it to me when I got back from my Games, and I've kept it safe ever since. I could hear his voice in my head now, telling me the story of when they'd met. I was a hopeless romantic like that.

My tears were gone, now, and I was smiling; laughing, even. It was insane how much my life had changed since I'd been reaped. Some ways it had changed were good, some were bad, others were just neutral. Those ones hadn't really affected me a whole lot.

Suddenly, I only had two things on my mind: one, that I really missed the beach, and two, that maybe I did have an attention disorder. I stood up, still unsure of what I was doing, and walked out my door, across the hall, and knocked on Finnick's door. Three sharp knocks brought me back to the moment, and thought, _what am I doing?_

But before I could run, he opened the door. His hair was wet, he was shirtless, and he had a towel wrapped around his waist, so I guessed he'd just finished a shower, out of the bathroom before the automatic dryers could go off. _Shirtless._ God. I tried to look away, but there wasn't really anywhere I could look except my feet, and if I looked down, I'd have to look up again, meaning I'd have looked his annoyingly perfect body up and down, and...the most egotistical, contemptuous, conceited, _stupidly beautiful _guy was standing in front of me, and I didn't need that kind of black mark on my personal permanent record.

So of course, thinking about all of this, I did the most strong, sophisticated, mature thing I could think of.

I blushed like mad and tried not to let my eyes stray away from his.

"Come in." He stepped aside and I hesitated for a second before taking a step into his room. He shut the door behind me, pulling a chair away from the table in the corner. "Have a sit. I'll just be a minute." And he disappeared back into the bathroom.

Figures he'd be that casual and collected about all this.

I didn't sit, though. I walked over to his bed, curious about the corner of a photo, sticking out from under his pillow. The dryers in the bathroom started going. That meant I had a good five minutes. I pulled the photo out, realizing it wasn't the regular rectangular shape of a photo, but it was a strip of four black-and-white square pictures. I only recognized one face in the pictures: Finnick's. It had to be from at least a few years before. There was a girl in the pictures, too. In the first picture she looked young, but that might've been her smile. By the pimples on her nose, I figured she couldn't have been younger than eleven, and looking at her in the other pictures, she could've even been thirteen or fourteen. In the first picture, the two of them were smiling regularly; he was hugging her and she was tucked under his chin. In the second, they were both laughing, in the third she was kissing his cheek, and in the fourth he was kissing hers.

In the pit of my stomach, I felt a bit of jealousy. Just because it seemed like this girl and Finnick had been really close, like Noah and me. I wished I knew her so I could ask her what Finnick was like when he wasn't being a jackass.

I smiled looking at the picture, so absorbed in it that I didn't notice when he walked up beside the bed. The first time I noticed he was there at all was when he pulled the photo strip from my hand and dropped it into the drawer beside his bed. I looked up, surprised, and stood up. "Sorry. I didn't mean to...intrude. I'll just go now." He didn't make a move to step in my way, but I still hadn't made it three paces before he caught my arm.

"Did you want something?"

"No. It's...never mind." I jerked my arm away and kept walking, but somehow he got ahead of me and blocked the door.

"Tell me, Annie."

"It's nothing."

He raised an eyebrow at me incredulously. "Call me crazy, but somehow, you don't strike me as the type to come to a guy's bunk, catch him just getting out of the shower, and be completely calm about it just to look at a couple photos. Photos that you didn't even know were here."

I almost said, _I wasn't completely calm about it, _but instead, I thought it would probably be a better idea to say, "You're right. I didn't count on you being half-naked."

He actually laughed at that. "I mean it, though. What'd you really come for?"

I shrugged, sighing. "I just wanted to talk to you." He seemed dubious about that, too, so I added, "I mean...I just miss home."

He nodded. "You get used to it eventually." It was my turn to be dubious. He smiled and sat on his bed, meeting my gaze. "What do you miss the most?"

"The beach. My brother. My dad." I paused, looking at him. "Do you miss anything?"

He nodded again. "I miss a lot of things. I miss my sister."

Surprised, I said, "You have a sister?"

"Had. I had a sister. The girl in those photos you saw." He swallowed, choked up a bit. That was new. This was the first time I'd ever seen Finnick look at all vulnerable. His eyes were sad and clouded. "That's her. She died when I was sixteen. She was fourteen." His voice cracked when he said _fourteen._

I didn't know how to reply to that, so I said nothing.

"But, hey," his eyes cleared and he looked at me with a smile. "You miss the beach. It isn't the same, but...they've got a pool in one of the underground rooms. Do you want to go?" I smiled, but shook my head.

"Maybe some other time. Thanks for the offer though, Finnick." He smiled and opened the door to let me out.

"I guess I'll see you later, Annie."

I smiled. "I guess you will."


	6. Chapter 6

_If I told you_  
_ All the words I've yet to say_  
_ Would they matter_  
_ Or would you simply turn and walk away_

**_-If I Told You_ **

The next two days went by in the blink of an eye, both of our tributes receiving at least half decent scores in the private training sessions (Brigid with a seven, Noah an eight) and before I knew it, it was time to prepare them for their interviews with Caesar Flickerman. I didn't remember my interview the year before that well - I'd made a point of blocking it from my memory - but Finnick never failed to remind me of bits and pieces of it. I hated him for it.

"So Brigid, you'll be getting tips from Annie and me in the morning, and from Valeria in the afternoon. Noah, vice versa. Eat up." Finnick was back to his bossy self, as usual, and as usual, Noah and Brigid were taking in every word he said as if it was gospel. I guess he liked the attention; the exact opposite of me. The second day of training Finnick and I had pointedly avoided each other, purposely finding things to do when the other was free. I'm not even sure why, because the third day, we were hanging out again.

The morning went by fast, I guess because Brigid already seemed to know exactly what she was doing, and because I was dreading giving survival tips to Noah.

When Noah came in, Finnick was in the bathroom, so for a minute or so, Noah and I just sat there, staring at each other.

Finally, I said, "You never told me why you volunteered."

He sighed, covering his face with his hands. "I'm sorry, Annie."

"You're apologizing again. I don't want you to apologize, I want you to explain."

"What is there to explain? The only cripple in the district is reaped, for the _second _time in his life, remember, and for a few seconds there, there's complete silence. The guys in my section were _laughing, _Annie. They thought it was funny. They thought it'd be a good show. What would you have done?"

"The second time..."

I remembered Finnick, on Reaping Day: _"Again?...Talk about the odds being in his favour."_

"Yeah. The second time." There was no mistaking the scorn in Noah's voice. "So I volunteer, and still, there's silence. No-one can believe someone would volunteer in the place of the poor kid. Ricco hasn't even heard me, so I go and wheel him back to his spot. And then I go up to the stage and stand there in all my idiotic glory, hoping to at least get a supportive look from you. Instead, I see you glaring at me. _Glaring _at me, Annie. When the only thing I wanted was a friendly look. From my best friend, really, how hard was that for you?" He was yelling at me by the time he was finished, and I was covering my ears, tears streaming down my cheeks. Just as he started to say something else, I snapped.

"Shut up! Just shut up. Stop acting like you're _so_ innocent. Because guess what? You aren't."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've seen you with those guys in the mornings before school. _Training_ for these kinds of things."

"We're a _Career_ district, Annie, it's - "

"So?" I yelled, throwing my arms up in the air, and he let out a big breath. "We're a Career district. So what? That doesn't mean you have to train for the Games. I really thought you weren't that kind of person, Noah." He looked ready to punch me, but I wasn't done yet. "You were just waiting for an opportunity to make an excuse with me. Ricco was a perfect out for you."

"I didn't know you were mentoring." He sighed. The way he said it, the tone, gave me the impression he was trying to calm me down, but I just wasn't having it.

"So you admit that you wanted to be a tribute." It wasn't a question. I'd already confirmed my suspicions.

"I wanted to win."

I laughed scornfully, crossing my arms over my chest. "You are such a _bastard_."

He ran his hand through his hair, groaning. "That didn't come out right."

"No, it really didn't." I turned on my heel and walked away from him, tired of fighting.

He sighed. "I wanted to impress you by winning."

I scoffed, turning back around to see him. "What?"

He closed the distance between us and pulled me into a kiss before I could register what he was doing. I felt my heart skip a beat. His lips were warm against mine, and softer than they had been that day that seemed like ages ago, when really it hadn't even been a week. The day he'd really kissed me for the first time. This kiss was somehow different, though. Desperate, almost. Pleading for forgiveness. Longing, and somehow sad. When he pulled away, still in the embrace, I smiled just a little, meeting his gaze. "I love you." He whispered softly, tracing circles on my back when he hugged me.

"You know," My cheeks were burning, but I didn't even care, for once. "There are better ways of impressing a girl. Dying isn't very high on the list." Noah laughed and kissed me again, and this time I kissed him back, giggling.

Behind Noah, a door shut, and we jumped, backing away from each other.

"Sorry," Finnick crossed his arms. "Did I interrupt something important?" He sauntered up to us, his demeanor suddenly terrifying.

"How long have you been here?" I asked, blushing like mad.

"Just a few moments. But I could've heard your arguing from District Thirteen." There was absolutely no understanding in his tone. I'd never heard him so disdainful. "And I caught just the end of what was going on." He looked at me. "We'll talk after the session, all right?" I averted my gaze, nodding noncommittally. "Annie, look at me."

I looked at him. He repeated his question, and I nodded again. "Fine."

So for the next few hours I sat through listening to Finnick repeat what he's said to Brigid, with a few slight revisions. When it came to the times when I was supposed to add something, I mumbled it distractedly, never able to get away from the thought that Noah _loved _me. I couldn't decide if I loved him back. He was my best friend...

"Annie." Finnick sighed, and when I came back to reality, I immediately noticed that Noah was gone.

"How does that happen...?" I muttered, holding my head in my hands. I looked at Finnick. "How can I just randomly black out like that?"

"What?" Finnick asked, confused. "What are you talking about, Annie?"

I sighed. "Nothing. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Noah." He gently took one of my hands in both of his. I looked at our hands, and then up at him, meeting his eyes. "Annie, you can't keep leading him on like this."

"What are you going on about? I'm not leading him on."

"Do you love him?"

My response a week ago would've been to say, _No, don't be silly. He's my best friend, that's all. _But of the late...

"Then it's a no."

"I haven't said anything yet, Finnick."

"That's my point. You hesitated. You didn't say anything at all."

"Well, I'm confused, okay?" I stood up, but he still had my hand. His grip tightened and I huffed, shutting my eyes. Quietly, I said, "It's complicated."

"I'll bet." He smiled sympathetically, pushing back a sheet of hair that had fallen in front of my face. "But this isn't the time to be falling in love, little Annie. When a person is going into the arena...that definitely isn't a good time to be falling for them."

I looked at him sadly. "I'm so scared for him."

"I know." Finnick squeezed my hand.

"Why do you care so much?"

Finnick smiled a little and stood up. "Because I care about you, Annie. You made it out of the arena. That's got to be the hardest thing you've ever done. Don't make this any harder for yourself."

"How come you're so wise?" I sighed, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, chuckling.

"Do you know how many people I've loved, Annie?"

"A lot?"

He nodded. "And do you know how many of them were taken away from me by the Capitol's hand?" I shook my head, covering my ears. I didn't want to know. "A lot." He whispered. "I know it isn't easy. God, it's never going to be easy." He sighed. "But you have to keep hoping that someday, all these trials and troubles you've gone through will be worth it. You have to be strong."

I nodded, feeling like crying. "Okay. I'm...going back to my room. I'll see you at dinner." He nodded, letting his arms drop to his sides. I massaged my hand where his had clenched it, loosening the tight muscles, and I left the room, feeling his gaze still burning into my back.


	7. Chapter 7

_Feet on ground, _  
_ Heart in hand, _  
_ Facing forward, _  
_ Be yourself._

_**-Good Mother**  
_

Noah tapped his fingertips against his knees nervously, biting his lip. "What if I choke?" He asked me, his eyes never leaving the screen. Brigid looked tiny in the chair; her knees didn't quite reach the edge, so her legs stuck out in front of her.

"Just be yourself. Don't worry so much - you'll be great." I smiled at him, and he gave me a weak smile back.

"Oh, don't listen to her, she has no idea what she's talking about." Finnick came up behind me, clapping a hand over my mouth. "You'll be awful. You'll suck. The crowd will hate you. Caesar will spit on your shoes." When I tried to say something, he kicked my ankle, chuckling softly. I kicked backward, hoping to hit a kneecap, but when my foot collided with his shin, I wasn't disappointed. His hand tightened on my face and I licked his hand. He jerked his hand away, wiping it on his jeans, and made a face at me. I grinned at him over my shoulder and he set his jaw, refusing to look at me. "Now. You need to be ready to get out there, so hurry up. By that door over there." Noah walked to the door, shaking with fear. As we watched Brigid leave the stage and Noah was pushed through the door, I hit Finnick's shoulder.

"Why would you tell him that?" I went to hit him again but he caught my fist in his hand.

"Annie, stop hitting me," he whined. "It hurts so much."

"Are you mocking me?"

He grinned, shushing me. "Your tribute's on in a couple seconds. Be respectful and shut your face."

I laughed. "Because that's so respectful."

"Of course it is."

Brigid came through the door and Finnick and I each took a turn hugging her. "You were lovely." I smiled, holding her by the shoulders at arm's length. She looked relieved, the colour starting to come back to her face.

"I was so scared."

"It didn't show." I reassured her, and hugged her again. She pulled away when Noah came on screen, waving to the crowd. He sat in the chair across from Caesar's, leaning back in it. I watched him answering every question so easily, keeping his cool and making little jokes, and I wondered why he'd been nervous at all. If he was at all worried about making a bad first impression, he didn't need to be. He was a shining example of exactly what the Capitol loved - confident, animated, and friendly. Even Finnick, Brigid, and I were a bit mesmerized by his interview. I just stood there with an arm around Brigid's shoulders, watching the screen. When his interview ended and I looked away, I had to blink a few times, a bit dizzy from staring at the screen. I didn't know how the Capitol people could stare at screens like that for so many hours in a row.

When Noah finally returned to our room, he was pale and collapsed onto the couch, pulling his hair. I knelt beside the couch, combing my fingers through his hair gently. His eyes blinked opened and he smiled at me, reaching for my hand. Brigid leaned over the back of the couch, smiling. "You were fantastic. I bet the whole crowd adored you." He gave her a grateful smile and Finnick caught her around the waist, toting her over his shoulder. She laughed, peeking out from behind his back.

"Can we have dinner? I'm hungry." Brigid squirmed and he set her back down on the floor.

"Sure. But we have to watch the rest of the interviews first." Finnick told her, and her face fell.

"We _have _to?"

"You have to." She didn't object again, sitting on the couch by Noah's feet. They were already up to the District Six boy, which meant that they were just over half done. After he left the stage, the girl from Seven came onstage.

I tried to keep calm. I did try; I just couldn't do it, though. "Oh my God." I whispered, and Finnick looked at me curiously.

I hardly heard him ask "What?". I was too far gone. Back to my Games, to the boy I'd killed from Seven, but most of all, to my Victory Tour.

The female tribute from District Seven was the same girl I'd seen in the crowd that day.

/\/\/\

I had trouble paying attention to what anyone was saying at dinner. I offered pieces of advice every so often, but I doubt they ever made any sense or matched up with what Finnick was saying. By the end of the meal, I was completely out of it. I'd barely touched my food, and my stomach was still growling, but that wasn't important to me at the time. We watched the recaps of the interviews. I was just in the threshold to my room when Finnick caught up with me.

"Are you_ trying_ to irritate me?" I asked him, leaning against the door frame.

"Why, am I doing a good job of it?" He joked, smiling his regular smirk. I shook my head, rolling my eyes.

"You're brainless." I told him with finality, and I had the door almost closed when he stuck his hand in between the frame and the door itself. Unfortunately, I didn't notice until it was too late and slammed the door on his hand. A string of curses followed, and I whipped the door open again, my eyes wide. I exclaimed, "I'm sorry!" and averted my eyes, embarrassed.

"It's cool." He squeaked, and I almost laughed, but stopped myself at the last second.

"Um..." I put my hand to my mouth, grimacing. "Do you need some ice, or something?" He shook his head with a sigh.

"Got some in my room. I'll...go, I guess." Before I closed the door, I apologized again, and caught a glimpse of him waving it off as the door shut, blocking my view of him.

I changed into the pajamas that had been left for me and sat on the edge of my bed, my gaze flicking back to the telephone on the desk every so often. It couldn't hurt to phone them, could it? With a sigh, I shrugged to myself, grabbing the length of rope on the bedside table. I knotted it absently, lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. I hadn't really realized how much Noah going into the arena was wearing on me. Now that it was a reality, and he was going in just over eleven hours, I felt weighed down and grief-stricken. I felt tears burn the backs of my eyes, and because I was alone, I let them fall. I choked up at the cries closing my throat. In just a few short moments, the cries turned into sobs and I laid on my side, hiding my face in a pillow. I was grateful for the soft pajamas, anyway. Pajamas were always somehow calming for me. They meant I was going to sleep. They meant the day was over, and I could look forward to another day that would hopefully be better than the one at hand.

At some point, I guess I fell asleep, because I was plagued with nightmares; images of Hector Valance's beheaded body, of the look in his mother's eyes when I arrived home, a mixture of grief and hate. Visions of the girl from Seven, those piercing dark eyes glaring as if they could see into my mind, into my heart. Of Noah, dead.

I woke up to a knock on my door. It wasn't until I cleared my throat that I realized I must've been screaming in my sleep, because my throat was dry and horribly sore. I glanced at the clock on my way past. It read 1:39AM.

I looked out the peephole, but as soon as I saw it was covered, I knew it was Finnick. I opened the door, immediately crossing my arms over my chest. The pajamas were at least comfortable, if a bit revealing, and I suddenly felt self-conscious.

He looked as worried as I was weary. "Were you screaming?" He asked, leaning against the door frame. I shrugged.

"I guess so. I...I was asleep."

"Nightmares?" I nodded and he sighed. The bags under his eyes were prominent.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" I asked him, and he smiled.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"You woke me up."

"And here we are."

I sighed, understanding that I wasn't getting rid of him any time soon. "Do you want to come in?" He stepped inside and I closed the door. He sat in the chair by the desk, watching me sit on my bed.

"Are you all right, Annie?"

I nodded. "Fine. Just...you know. Nightmares." He lifted his weight from the chair, pulling the lever underneath it and it raised up a bit. That annoyed me. I'd had that chair at the perfect height for my short legs. He yawned and rubbed his face, blinking slowly a few times. "Do you ever get nightmares, Finnick?" I asked quietly, keeping my gaze squarely focused on my clasped hands in my lap.

"I...yeah, I get nightmares. I get them every night." When he paused, I grabbed my piece of rope again, twisting it into a hitch knot. I undid it quickly and tied the same knot again. Before I could ask how he dealt with his nightmares, he asked me a question. "What've you got there?"

I looked at the rope, trying to decide what to say. It seemed silly to say "a rope" because clearly, he could see that. Instead, I said, "It's...sort of a stress reliever, I guess." He didn't push me to say more. I was thankful, because telling him more would cause me to think more of my mother, and I didn't need that.

"You guys sell nets back at home, don't you?"

I looked at him, surprised he'd even know. "Yeah. I make them, my dad and Adam sell them. It gives me an excuse to stay at the beach all day." I blushed, but he just smiled.

"You make those nets?"

I debated saying something like, _"Well, that is what I said, isn't it?"_, or being pleasant about it. Being pleasant won out at the last moment. "Yeah. My..." I hesitated, meeting his gaze. But his eyes were so genuinely kind at the moment that I trusted him enough to say, "My mother used to. Before she..." I stopped myself. "Anyway. She taught me how. I make them all now."

"They're good nets." He commented. And then he listed off the good qualities of my nets, so quickly that I couldn't keep up. Not that I spoke fisherman language anyway.

"Uh..." I narrowed my gaze at him, confused. "What?"

He chuckled. "It was a compliment."

A smile crept up on me. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He stood up, and I noticed for the first time the bandages on his hand. The one I'd slammed in the door.

"I _am_ sorry about your hand." I told him, keeping my gaze down.

"It's no big deal, Annie," he shrugged, and turned his back, looking at one of the paintings on the wall. "Really." He looked over his shoulder at me.

I stood up. "Why couldn't you sleep, anyway?"

"The nerves. They're really getting to me this year." There was something he wasn't telling me. I could tell, just from the way he said it. Only I couldn't tell what he was hiding, exactly. "Sorry for waking you up."

"It's fine. I had nightmares; I was happy to wake up anyway." He turned around, holding his injured hand in his good one.

"I'm gonna go back to bed. I'll see you tomorrow, Ann."

He left so quickly, I didn't notice he'd called me Ann instead of Annie before I heard his door close across the hall. Only Adam ever called me Ann.


	8. Chapter 8

_Don't say goodbye,  
'Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight._

_**-Say Goodbye**  
_

I didn't see Brigid or Noah in the morning. That panicked me to the point of yelling at Finnick.

"You said I'd get to see them." I muttered to him as we walked to the mentoring station.

"I didn't say anything." He muttered back lowly, taking a sharp turn and opening a door for me.

"Why didn't you tell me I wouldn't get to say goodbye?" I shouted, my voice echoing through the empty hallway. He didn't answer, pulling me through the hall and led me into another room, this one with TVs and computers all around, already tuned into the Games. They hadn't started yet. If I remembered correctly from the year before, the tributes were probably with their stylists, saying their final good-luck's and, for most of them, their last goodbyes. In one of the three TVs, the middle one, the camera was panning the arena. Right away, I saw a stream and a good shelter, wishing I could go and tell Noah then. But, of course, that wouldn't be fair.

Finnick had a headset on already, and I put mine on, surprised when I heard the Games announcer's voice. I glanced over to Finnick in question, but he was already in the zone, tapping away at his keyboard. I pressed a few keys, completely overwhelmed. "You're taking care of Brigid's sponsor money and gifts, all right?" Finnick mumbled a few minutes later, looking at me, his headset hanging back around his neck.

I pulled my headset off, too. "Why can't I take Noah's?" I asked immediately, and Finnick, as if he was anticipating this question, sighed and said,

"The same reason I can't take Brigid's. You'd take one look at Noah, needing the littlest thing: food, water," he shrugged. "something he could easily find himself, and send it to him."

"I would not."

"Yes, you would. You've never done this before, Annie. I have. I know how tempting it can be, and it's even worse when the person you're watching is someone you care about." I decided not to mention that he'd just basically said he cared for Brigid the same way I cared for Noah. It was too weird, and I didn't even feel comfortable thinking about it. He seemed to know the cogs in my brain were working, so he just said, "Just watch your funds and don't overreact."

"Whatever." I murmured, turning back to the screen, pulling my headset back on at the same time I heard just the end of what the announcer was saying.

"_Ladies and gentlemen, let the Seventy-First Hunger Games begin!_"

Sixty seconds. I turned to Finnick, but he was focused on the TV in front of him again. While the TV in the middle showed the regular viewers' images, his TV was focused on one tribute only: Noah. Mine, on Brigid.

Brigid was fidgeting on her platform, as if itching to run. But Dex must've made it perfectly clear to her that if she stepped off, she'd be blown to pieces before the Games even started. I remembered he told me a million times last year, and if he cared about Brigid even half as much as he cared for me, he'd be making her swear that she wouldn't step off that platform.

Fifty seconds. The TV in the middle was focused on that girl from Seven. Somehow, she looked terribly innocent. Much less scary than she'd looked on my Victory Tour. "Finnick," I said, and he turned his head to me, though his eyes were still on his TV. "Who's that girl? The one from Seven."

He looked at the screen, squinting. "Seven...I think her name's Johanna or something." I nodded, turning back to my TV.

Thirty-five seconds left. The camera on the middle TV panned across the faces of every tribute. Thirty seconds.

I checked Brigid's sponsor funds. She already had a couple hundred in her account, so I guess she'd made a good enough first impression, anyway. A message popped up on my screen, saying someone had given another small amount of money for her. I smiled.

At fifteen seconds, I was shaking like a leaf. If both Noah and Brigid did exactly what Finnick told them - run in quick and grab whatever they could, getting out just as fast, they might have a chance to survive the bloodbath. I didn't figure Brigid would go to the Career alliance, though Noah might. It was a dangerous idea to begin with, but I remembered that Finnick had teamed up with their pack for a short time - before he killed them. I glanced at him again, but he was all business.

Three.

Two.

One.

And they're running, Brigid in front of the whole crowd of the other twenty-three. She scooped up a backpack from the middle of the pile of goods, also managing to pick up a belt of knives without losing her momentum, and kept running. The girl from One threw a spear at another tribute, but it overshot and landed just ahead of where Brigid was running. She scooped it up on her way and disappeared from sight in the middle TV.

According to Finnick's grim expression, Noah hadn't been so lucky. I snuck a glance at his screen, and I saw that Noah had a gash on his forehead already and only a small satchel that he'd slung over his shoulder. In one hand he held a dagger, the blade bloody.

When I looked back at my screen, Brigid had taken cover in a crowd of small sapling trees. She was lucky that she was so small, but even so, a shelter like that wouldn't last long. She knew this, though. She hadn't even unzipped her backpack or put on the belt yet.

Once she'd regained her breath, she kept running. I looked up at the middle screen. It showed the Careers, already sorting through their supplies. Even though it meant he had less of a chance of living, I was glad to see Noah wasn't with them.

Cannons went off. First just one, then two, three, six, eight, ten, eleven. Eleven tributes were already dead.

No, wait.

Two more cannon shots.

Thirteen tributes were dead. The first thing that came to my mind was: which thirteen?

As if he was reading my mind, Finnick rolled his chair over to me, taking my computer mouse and double-clicked on an icon on the desktop. It brought up a list of the tributes. A thumbnail of their face. The tributes that were out were shaded out, just enough so you could see a difference but you could still read the name and see the photo.

The boys from One, Three, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, and Twelve were dead. The girls from Three, Six, Eight, Nine, Ten, and Eleven were dead. That ruled out Three, Eight, Nine, and Ten completely. That was unusual - generally the tributes from Three lasted longer because they were smart.

I couldn't help but let my eyes trail over to the photo of the girl from Seven. In her picture, she looked sweet and young. But I knew better. Johanna Mason. Her name gave me chills down my spine.

For the next few hours, we just sat there, watching our tributes try to find suitable shelter and clean water. I hadn't had trouble with water in my year. I'd been teamed up with the Careers for a total of about three minutes. In that time, I'd managed to snag a backpack with water and bolt. Then, of course, after the arena flooded, I just had to worry about whether it was clean - which wasn't a problem either, because the backpack had had a few water purifier vials. Looking back on it, I was pretty well-off in those Games, except for the 24/7 swimming in the last few days.

Meanwhile, Brigid had finally found the stream I'd seen before they started. She was just filling a water bottle when a twig snapped somewhere. She was immediately on her feet, poised to chuck a knife. A familiar, dark-haired boy emerged from the bushes and she lowered her arm. "Noah." She murmured. "Allies?" He nodded, scratching at the cut on his forehead.

They just walked along the stream for awhile after that, getting nearly to the edge of what the maps on our computers told us was the edge of the arena before Brigid stripped her shoes and socks off, dipping them in the stream and stowed her shoes in her backpack. When Noah gave her an incredulous look, she just shrugged. "I run better barefoot anyway. Those boots are too big, I keep tripping over them."

"Fair enough." Noah sat back to back with her so they were looking both ways for other tributes. He kept his hand on her arm, ready to pull her up in a moment's notice, which he had to do a few minutes later. By instinct, Brigid grabbed the hilt of a knife, ready to take it out in case whoever was coming was armed, too. Noah took his own dagger, still back-to-back with Brigid.

"You're both from Four, right?" A brunette girl pushed out of the brush, an axe slung over her shoulder. She was weighed down on that side; it looked like she couldn't even carry the weight of it. Noah and Brigid nodded cautiously, but the girl just stuck out her free hand with a childish grin. "Seven. Allies?"


	9. Chapter 9

_I don't believe that anybody_  
_ Feels the way I do, about you now_

_**-Wonderwall**  
_

Before I could think about what I was doing, I shouted at the screen. I wished to God that they'd hear me, even though I knew just below the surface that they wouldn't. Finnick looked at me like I was insane and pulled his headset off. "What?" He exclaimed. I was in tears, and I felt myself flush pink.

"They can't ally with her! She's...she's..."

"Annie. I think you need some rest." Finnick was laughing, the jerk. He didn't realize how serious this was.

"I do _not._" I growled, but he didn't listen, lifting me out of my chair. I watched the screen over his shoulder, a choked cry escaping me when Noah shook the girl's hand. Finnick set me on the couch at the back of the room, kneeling down beside me. He ran his thumb under my eyes, wiping away my tears.

"What's wrong?" He asked me, and I pulled the blanket up over my face, turning to lie on my front. He wasn't laughing anymore. He pressed a button on his headset and I faintly heard a familiar voice in the speaker, but I was too wiped to register whose voice it was. Finnick said a few words into the little microphone on the headset and pulled the blanket back down. "Dex is coming. Will you talk to him?" I nodded reluctantly, sniffling. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "I'll watch out for them, okay?" He pulled the headset away from where it was hanging on my neck and placed it back on the desk. I watched him walk back to his seat and sit down, putting his headset back on.

Dex entered the room a minute later, carrying a tray of three mugs of tea. He set one mug down beside me, another beside Finnick, and took the third for himself. I took a sip, a smile overtaking my features. "Thanks, Dex." I murmured and he shrugged, sitting down at the foot of the couch.

"Tell me what's up." Dex took a sip of his tea, skillfully balancing the mug on his knee while reaching for my hands. I took his hands, squeezing them with a sigh.

"I'm...not really sure. I just don't trust that girl. The one they allied with. Johanna." Dex nodded, considering this.

"If it makes you feel any better," he began, leaning his shoulder against the back of the couch. "She only got a four in training." At this, even Finnick turned around, listening. Dex looked from him to me, to him and back to me again with a shrug. "I'm serious."

"I've never even heard of anyone getting that low a score. Even that tiny girl from Nine a couple years back. The one that stepped off her platform too soon? She had a six."

"That isn't reassuring." I sighed, hiding my face. "What if she wasn't trying?"

"What makes you so sure she's a serial killer?" Finnick asked me with loads of fake suspicion. Dex cracked a smile.

"I just don't trust her, all right?" I sighed. I didn't want to tell them about my Victory Tour. Not yet, anyway. Maybe it was because they both were treating me like an infant, or maybe it was because the Johanna onscreen seemed to be an air-headed weakling, but I was even starting to doubt myself. Maybe I'd just been seeing things on my Tour. I had still been pretty kooky from the arena at the time.

Anyway, even though I was calmed down, Finnick still insisted I get rest. I told him I didn't need it nearly as much as he did, but he just said he didn't want to leave me to hold my own in case anything happened.

"You need to sleep sometime." I argued, but he just waved me off.

"I'll wake you if something important happens."

"No, you won't."

"I will. I swear." I still didn't believe him, but I was too tired to disagree anymore, so I took it, wrapping up in the blanket and dropped off to sleep.

When I woke up next, Finnick looked like a zombie. I poked him and he jumped, blinking drowsily at me. "Hey. You're awake."

"Yeah. But you shouldn't be."

"Nah. I'm - " he yawned hugely, his head dropping to the desk. "not tired at all. I'm fine."

I tried to pull him out of his chair, but when that didn't work, I pulled his whole chair over to the couch, tipping it until he fell onto the cushions. He fell asleep almost instantly, snoring softly, and I draped the blanket over him, walking back to the computers. Checking the tribute list, I saw that one more tribute had died, the girl from Twelve. That left ten tributes, and it was only the first day. Or was it? How long had I been asleep? I glanced at the clock in the corner of the computer screen. 11:33AM. I'd fallen asleep maybe at six or seven the evening before. I'd been asleep a good six- or seventeen hours. How was that even possible? And without nightmares?

Dex had to have put something in that tea.

But that wasn't what was bugging me.

Finnick had been awake for those seventeen hours, plus whatever he'd been awake the day and night before. How was _that _possible?

I glanced over my shoulder at him, standing up again. I walked back to the couch, kneeling down beside it. There were dark circles under his eyes. I've heard people say that everyone looks younger in sleep. But Finnick looked twenty years older, at least this time. I reached a hand forward, running my fingertips over his unshaven cheek. Now he had more of a beard than I'd ever seen him with. Usually he was clean-shaven, but now the same auburn colour of his hair was covering his face. It looked funny on him. I might've laughed, if he didn't look so miserable.

I stood up again, walking back to the computers. On Finnick's screen, Noah and Johanna were leaning against a huge boulder, taking turns drinking from the water bottle. Brigid was swimming in the stream. I guess the Gamemakers had messed with the temperature and made it really hot out.

"You know," Johanna said while Noah was taking a drink. She glanced at him. "You remind me of someone."

Noah looked incredulous. "Really?"

"Yeah. This guy I used to know."

Brigid came back out of the stream then, so we didn't get to hear more about this guy Johanna used to know. They put the water bottle into the stream, filling it again, and cleaned it, then put the lid back on and put it back in the backpack.

"What're we gonna do if someone finds us here?" Brigid asked them, walking backward along the path. Noah shrugged and Johanna just heaved her axe back over her shoulder. It made Brigid flinch. They kept walking for another couple hours, and I started to watch the TV in the middle.

A groan from the couch made me start. I turned around, seeing Finnick sitting up again. "Finnick," I sighed, standing up. I walked over to him, poking his shoulder. He tipped over again, snoring. This time I actually laughed, shaking my head. I sat back at the desk, and realized that in the short moment my back had been turned, a knife had been embedded into the back of Brigid's left knee.


	10. Chapter 10

_Cause some days I think I'm dying,_  
_ But I'm really only trying to get through_

_**-Just Another Day**_

My first instinct screamed at me to wake Finnick. But looking at him, finally peacefully asleep, I couldn't bring myself to. I narrowed my gaze determinedly, trying my best to block out the screams that were coming from Brigid. On screen, the girl from One and both tributes from Two had appeared from over the hill. Noah had Brigid's belt of knives in a second, chucking them inaccurately at the Career pack. They were laughing, taking the knives out of the ground and keeping them for themselves as he threw them. It wasn't until Johanna snapped at him to stop that he realized it was a stupid idea.

"Take the kid and run. I'll take care of these lunatics." She told him. He raised an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. "Go. I'll be fine." Returning her gaze to the Careers, she smiled slyly and waited for Noah to ditch. As soon as he was out of sight, I had to look up to the middle screen to see what was going on. Noah took cover with Brigid in a mess of burned trees and bushes, and Johanna used the backpack he'd left behind to deflect the knives they were throwing. If anyone else had thought she was an innocent, weak seventeen-year-old, they were proved wrong now. Without any hesitation, she swung her axe full-force at the girl from Two, as if the girl was a tree and Johanna was getting ready for the holiday season.

The axe collided with the girl's torso and cut halfway through her. She immediately dropped to the ground, dead. I shut my eyes, hiding my face in my hands. Her cannon went off a few moments later. After I heard the hovercraft take off, I looked up again. "Now," Johanna began with an eyebrow perked, grinning. "Anyone else wanna mess with me?" Both the other tributes scattered, and she laughed to herself. "Noah, it's all good. You can come out." She used the hem of her jacket to clean her axe, affectionately stroking the handle as if it were a pet.

"You're more capable with that thing than you let on." Noah deadpanned in a state of shock. He was carrying Brigid, one arm under her knees and the other around her back. A ripped-off piece of his shirt was pressed to her wound.

Johanna raised an eyebrow again, and sarcastically said, "Nah. Lucky swing."

"You're insane."

"Thanks." She swung her axe over her shoulder once again and pulled the backpack over her shoulder and they continued walking up the path.

By the time they reached their old camp spot from the night before, the cloth on Brigid's knee was dyed completely red with blood. With a grimace, Noah shook it off in the stream. Johanna was going through their backpacks, looking for something that might help, but found nothing. Brigid was still passed out, her head resting in Johanna's lap. I checked Brigid's account again, scanning through the gifts I could send for her with what money she had.

Bandages. Antibiotic cream. Sleeping pills. These three things took up almost all the money in her account, but if it kept her alive...

I selected the items and pressed the button to send them to her.

In a few short moments, a silver parachute landed next to the group. Noah opened it carefully, smiling at what he found. He looked up to the sky, mouthing a _thank you _before taking out the contents. I relaxed.

The middle screen changed, showing an image of the tributes from Five. A blonde girl and a redheaded guy. I turned back to my screen, watching Noah carefully apply the cream to her wound, then wrapped it up in the bandages carefully. She jerked awake when the cream started to sting. Johanna gave her a couple sleeping pills. They worked immediately, unlike most of the pills we have back at home.

"Are you tired?" Noah asked her.

"Yeah, a little." She nodded, yawning. "You too?"

"A bit. But I can take the first watch." Johanna smiled gratefully, lying down on her back in the grass.

"Noah?" She looked over at him, pushing her hands through her hair. He glanced to her in question. "If something happens, and you can't save me and her, leave me behind, will you?"

"Why?" He asked curiously. By the look in his eyes, it seemed like he'd been planning on doing that anyway, but he clearly wanted to know her reason.

"Just do it."

Without arguing, he nodded. "And...you too. If you're on watch and you don't have time to help me, save Brigid." She nodded reluctantly, and then drifted off to sleep. His gaze lingered on her for a few moments, his eyes narrowed in confusion. Then, he shrugged to himself, hugging his knees and started drumming his fingertips against his legs.

I almost fell asleep myself, still in my chair. Maybe I did. When I looked at the clock next it read 8:47PM. It was kind of crazy how fast these days were going. At midnight, we'd be launching into only the third day in the arena, and already fifteen tributes were dead. After one more died, they'd be interviewing the contestants' families and close friends. Only, I didn't think I would be able to answer questions about Noah without crying. Maybe I could just skip the interviews.

"Annie?" I looked over my shoulder. Finnick was sitting up, squinting at the screen. He'd rested his elbows on his knees, but as soon as he got a good look at what was going on, he stood up abruptly, striding closer to the screen. "What happened?"

"A...knife. Back of the knee. They think she'll be all - "

He cut me off. "Why didn't you wake me?" I rolled back in my chair, shrinking into it. I shut my eyes, hoping my tears would stay at bay, but it was a futile hope. When I looked at him again, he'd knelt down in front of me so we were closer to the same height. "Annie." His tone had softened.

"You were so tired." I whispered, staring down. "I didn't want to wake you again."

"We promised that if anything important happened and one of us was sleeping, the other would wake them." He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, squeezing it. "Oh, Ann, you don't have to cry." He stood up, pulling me with him. He hugged me and I hid my face in his shirt, letting it soak up my tears.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "I just...I thought I could handle it on my own."

"What'd you send them?" I told him, and he smiled, satisfied. "That was a good call. The pills, I mean. When did it happen?"

"A while ago." I shrugged, unsure of the exact time it had gone down. I couldn't decide if I ought to tell him about Johanna and her axe or not. "She's looking better though. I mean...she isn't screaming. She isn't bleeding. She's dead to the world, but...she's not in pain." I shrugged.

"Next time, wake me, okay? No matter what."

"No matter what." I agreed. "I swear. I will." He still didn't look like he believed me.

"Who else died?" He asked, looking at the tribute count in the corner of the middle screen. He stood up, walking back to his computer.

"The girl from Two." I replied, spinning my chair around to focus on my screen. "Who's left?"

"The girl from One, the boy from Two..." He ticked them on his fingers one by one. "Noah and Brigid, both from Five, the boy from Six, Johanna..." He shut his eyes, trying to remember. "and the boy from Eleven. I think that's all." I nodded slowly, holding my head in my hands. "Hey. You all right?"

"I'm fine." I sighed, rubbing my face. "Just a bit tired."

"You can sleep if you need to."

"No. It's...I'm okay. But...it's just a lot to think about. Can I take a walk?"

"Sure. Take as long as you need. Keep your headset on, though. I'll contact you if something happens."

"All right. Thanks." I ruffled his already-messy hair on my way passed and pulled my headset back on. "I'll be back in a while."

_A/N: Would any of you want to read my final project for my English class this year? It's the jabberjay scene in Catching Fire from Finnick's POV, in case you might be interested. Let me know if I should post it here.  
_


	11. Chapter 11

_Therapy, you were never a friend to me_  
_ and you can keep all your misery  
_

_**-Therapy**  
_

I made it back to my room by some miracle, grabbing my rope from the side of my bed, knotting it tightly, and falling on my back onto my bed before noticing there was an Avox in my room.

The Avox that was Noah's father.

"Hi." I said weakly, and he gave a shy wave. "I'm Annie. I don't think we've ever actually ever met. But I know your son Noah really well." He looked bewildered. "You remember Noah, don't you?" The man shook his head with a sad frown. "Did they...take your memories, too?" The man shrugged. "Do you remember your wife, Amelia? She went by Amie most of the time." He shook his head again. "Oh. All right...I guess I should maybe leave you alone." I stood up, but he waved his hand. "Yes?" I asked, and he pulled a scrap of paper from his cart, taking a pen and scrawled something on it. Then he bowed his head and hurried out, leaving a clean change of clothes and pajamas for me on the bed. I looked at the paper, curious.

_I am sorry about your friend._

I supposed he meant Noah. I looked around the corner, but he'd already closed the door behind him and probably went back down the elevator. I reached up to scratch an itch on my neck, realizing I was still wearing that headset, as Finnick had told me to. I hadn't been planning on keeping it on - I was going to take a shower. But now all I could think of was: how absurd had I looked to the Avox? I supposed that he saw the odd dressings of the Capitol every day, so a headset wouldn't be so out-of-the-ordinary, but I was laughing, despite myself.

I shook my head with a smile still playing my lips, folding the note he'd given me and slipped it into the pocket of my pants. I went to take a shower.

The water felt nicer than it usually did. Maybe it was my unwashed hair or tired body speaking, but it felt wonderful. The water was cold - I'd hardly turned the warm water tap. It felt a little more like the ocean that way.

I left the bathroom, dried but only wearing underclothes, to the clothes the Avox had left on my bed. I put on the shirt and pants, taking the scrap of paper out of the pocket of the other pants before I left them, too. Taking my rope and putting the headset back on my head, I walked back into the hall, shutting my door tightly behind me. The shirt I was wearing was too big on me, but I didn't mind. It was cozy.

Then, I remembered Finnick had said about there being a pool in one of the underground rooms. I entered the elevator and pressed the button labeled _Sub-zero. _The gym for training was _Zero_ - it was just barely underground. So the floor just under it was my first guess.

When I stepped out of the elevator, I smiled. It smelled like water. Not the same as the ocean, but at least it was water. I pulled my shoes off, sitting on the edge of the concrete flooring, and dipped my feet into the water. It gave me the same cool tickling feeling I always got from the water at home. Even if it was not quite as authentic as really being home, I loved it.

I tapped my fingertips on the flooring. Even that little of a sound made an echo in the silent room. _Ta__p. Tap. Tap._

In my free hand I still held my rope, the knot still in it. I undid the knot carefully, looking at the worn rope. It was frayed at the ends and old, discoloured with age. But I couldn't make myself cut a new piece of rope to use instead. This one held so many feelings. So many memories I never wanted to forget. I'd use this one until it was so worn that it could no longer be tied.

I jumped when a there came a buzz of feedback on my headset. "Hello?" I asked when the feedback faded a little.

"Annie? Where are you?" Finnick's voice spoke in my ear, and it sounded so close that I had to remind myself that he was still in the mentoring station, floors above my head.

"Why? Did something happen?"

"No. Nothing with Noah or Brigid. Just checking on you."

"I'm fine. Down at the pool you told me about. Has...have any more tributes died?" I twisted the rope around my hand, lifting my feet back out of the water. I hugged my knees, waiting for his reply.

"The boy from Five."

"So they'll be doing interviews soon."

"Yeah. You up to doing one?"

"I don't think I'll ever be up to it."

"That's fine. I'll tell them you can't."

I was a bit surprised by his kindness. I'd found out in the past while that Finnick could be nice when he tried. But this didn't even seem like he was trying. "Thank you, Finnick." I said a bit awkwardly after a moment of silence.

I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, "You're welcome. Are you coming back up here soon? I mean, you don't have to. Stay at the pool as long as you need. But it's a bit lonely up here."

I laughed a little. "I'll be up soon. I just needed a break, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." He paused. "If you're not up in the next half hour, I'll contact you again, all right?" I nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see me. "Annie?"

"Uh - yeah. Okay."

"Are you all right? You sound distracted."

"I'm always distracted." I sighed. "But anyway. You shouldn't worry about me so much. You're stressed."

Now he laughed. "I'm fine. I'll let you go for now, though, I'm getting another call in."

"Okay. See you in a bit."

There was a moment of feedback and then the sound cut out, and I was alone again.

The room was suddenly too silent. I hopped to my feet, running to the elevator. There was a reason I hated silence. In silence, the voices always found their way back to me. The false voices. The voices only I could hear. I frantically pressed a button in the elevator, my shoes in my hands along with my rope. I tapped my toes on the floor and knocked on the wall to a beat, hoping it would be enough sound.

When I was at the right floor and the elevator doors opened, I ran even faster than I had before, whipping around corners. The bottoms of my feet were numb by the time I made it back to the mentoring station. I collapsed onto the couch, breathing hard. I covered my ears, trying to block out the voices, but I knew that what I was doing wouldn't help. I jumped a mile when I felt the pressure of a hand on my shoulder. It was taken away immediately, but as soon as I felt it gone, I opened my eyes, sitting up.

"Finnick, say something."

"What - ?"

"Just say something!" I yelled, and he took a step back. "Anything!" He knelt down beside the couch. When he still stayed silent, I took a handful of his shirt, pulling him close to me, pleading. "Please. Just say something."

"Are you okay?" He put his hand over mine carefully, watching me while he did it. His other hand raised up and he ran his fingers over my cheek. I shivered at his touch, shutting my eyes again. When he understood that I wasn't going to answer his question, he climbed onto the couch beside me, pulling me in close. His lips brushed just barely against my ear and I ducked my head, at some point letting go of his shirt. I flattened out the wrinkles in the fabric, leaning my head into his arm. I plugged my ears, still trying to get the whispers out of my head. I wasn't sure what they were saying, exactly. But they were there, taunting me.

As if from a distance, I heard a cannon shot.

I was still shaking when he stood up. I grasped his hand as tightly as I could, but he was still stronger than me and pried my fingers away. With a whimper, I opened my eyes again, staring at him. Without looking at me, he walked back to the computers.

"Finnick?" I tried to say it loudly, but it came out in a whisper. If he heard, he didn't acknowledge me. He was clicking away at the computer. After a moment, he muttered, _Eleven_, and his shoulders sagged. "Finn?" He turned around abruptly when I said that, his eyes clouded with a mixture of sadness and confusion. He sauntered back to the couch, sitting on the other cushion, a few inches from me. He held his head in his hands and let out a deep breath. "Finn." I said again, my voice strangled, and when he looked at me, I realized there were tears in his eyes.

"Please don't call me that, Annie." He reached out and brushed a lock of hair from my eyes, then stood up again, his head still resting in one of his hands. I stood up, too, and handed him the piece of rope I'd dropped on the floor beside the couch. He looked at it, and then to me, to it, and back to me again in question. I just smiled. He carefully tied a knot, pulling it tight. He pulled on both sides of the rope, the muscles in his arms flexing. He took a shaky breath when he'd relaxed again, and undid the knot just as carefully as he'd tied it in the first place. He handed me the rope back and we walked back to our computers, continuing to watch the Games.


	12. Chapter 12

_I can live without you but_  
_Without you I'll be miserable at best._

_**-Miserable at Best**_

One day passed. Two. Four. The final-eight interviews were done, and they were down to five tributes left. The boy from Six and the girl from Five were gone. It left Noah, Brigid, Johanna, and the two remaining Career tributes. Brigid still couldn't walk on her own, which left them awfully vulnerable, but Noah wasn't going to leave Brigid behind, even if it meant he had to give his own life for her. As nice as it was of him to watch out for her, it was the stupidest thing you could do while in the arena, next to lighting a fire, of course. The Career tributes were trying to find them, but they were on the complete opposite side of the arena, so I guessed they'd be safe for a pretty long while, anyway. Noah and Johanna were on watch together. It was late, but neither of them could sleep.

"I can't believe I've made it this far." Johanna sighed, her hair falling in her face. She almost looked like she wanted to say something else, but stayed silent.

"What do you mean? With that axe, you could win this thing." Noah replied with a smile. The look in his eyes wasn't totally stable, as if he was worried that she'd try her tree-chopping method on him. I didn't blame him - I'd be scared, too.

Johanna smiled a little at that. "You think so?"

Noah started to laugh, but stopped himself. "Yeah. I mean, duh."

Johanna dug her fingers into the ground, hollowing out a small spot in the dirt. "I don't. I mean..."

"Why not?" Noah asked, cutting her off. She avoided his eyes, picking the dirt out from under her fingernails.

"Dan didn't. He didn't make it."

"Who's Dan?"

Before she even replied, I knew who Dan was. He was a tribute from the year before. He was the boy from Seven I'd killed last year. He had been Johanna's _boyfriend. _"Oh my God." I whispered, gaping slightly.

"He was in last year." She sighed. "He came in second." The pieces seemed to come together in Noah's mind._  
_

"He was the one - "

"That Annie Cresta killed. Yeah." Johanna finished for him, her voice breaking. I was afraid that she was going to start to cry, but she didn't. It was bad enough that I could feel Finnick watching me; I didn't need a reason to feel more awful than I already did. "You know her, don't you?"

"She's my best friend," Noah nodded. "I...she isn't usually like that, Johanna. She didn't kill him to hurt you. She killed him because - "

"Because she wanted to win. I know, it's what the counselors and therapists have been telling me for a year, Noah. I _know._" There was a new fire in her eyes as she glared at him.

"You don't understand."

"I understand perfectly. You may not want to believe it, but your best friend was just as desperate to win as any other Career tribute. That's why she killed Dan."

"You realize she went out of her mind in last year's arena, right? She watched the male tribute from our district be _decapitated._ She still isn't...back to normal." It hurt when he said that. All that I got from his statement was that he still thought I was weird. I was crazy. I was insane. I was out of my mind. All that he'd told me for a year, the soft words about how I was so close to being myself, all stomped out like a spark.

"You aren't going to make me like her, all right? No matter how many excuses you make." She just sounded hurt now. Like she'd been expecting Noah to agree with her. Of course he wouldn't, though, he'd stick up for me no matter what. We were best friends - it's what friends did.

"You only hate her because she's alive and Dan isn't," Noah jeered. "don't you?"

"Maybe I do. All I'm saying is, you aren't going to change my mind about her."

I hadn't realized how much really losing Noah would kill me until I really listened to Johanna's words. The things she was saying...I realized I could relate to. As if they were coming straight from my brain. As if she and I shared a mind and she was just me in the future, if Noah didn't make it.

"So why don't you just kill me, then?" Noah asked her coldly. "I know you can do it. Why don't you?"

His words looked like they cut her to the core. Maybe they did. "I told you before that you remind me of someone." Noah waited for her to finish. "You remind me of Dan. I don't feel for you the way I felt for him, obviously, but there's something about you that I can't ignore. You're just like him. A little too power hungry. Completely aware and in control of your actions. Unsure of exactly who you are." Those characteristics, even I had to agree, did fit Noah perfectly. "And you have someone you'd give your life for."

"I'd give my life for Annie." He murmured, but Johanna shook her head.

"That isn't who I meant."

They both looked backward, their eyes falling on the sleeping person who was Brigid.

"She doesn't deserve to die." Noah sighed, covering his face in his hands.

"Nobody deserves to die, Noah. Not like this. Not in these Games."

"But she's so young."

"So are you. And I am, too. And so is everyone who has died in the arena." Noah finally tore his gaze from Brigid, looking back at Johanna. She let out a deep, shaky breath. "I don't want to die. Not like Dan did. He told me when he left that I had to live my life and his. For him. I can't die now. A year isn't long enough to live two lifetimes." She wasn't lying. You could tell, just from the way she said it. There were tears spilling down her cheeks by now, sobs wracking her whole body. You couldn't fake something like that.

Noah watched her while she confessed this and squeezed her shoulder. "You're going to get out of here."

"What?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"I said, you're going to get out." He repeated with a half smile. She stared back at him with a tiny smile.

"What about you? What about Brigid?"

"Jo," he said, and she flinched visibly. "Sorry. What'd I say?"

"You called me Jo. Only Dan ever called me that...he thought Johanna was too girlie for a tomboy like myself." She laughed a little. He clapped a hand over her shoulder and she looked at him tensely before relaxing a little, leaning against the wall of rock behind them.

Noah smiled. "Is it all right? If I call you - "

She cut him off and smiled. "It's fine. In fact...better."

"All right. Do you mind if I sleep a bit?"

"Go ahead." Johanna nodded. "I'll wake you in a few hours to take over."

"Deal."

When Noah had settled down to rest, I looked over at Finnick. "Did Noah just do what I think he did?" I asked. Finnick shrugged.

"What do you think he did?"

"He just agreed to _die. _To kill himself, even, I bet, if it means getting her out." I frowned, hugging my knees.

Finnick stood and walked over to me and wrapped an arm a bit awkwardly around me. "You should rest. You'll need it." I pushed his arm away, hiding my face in my knees and my hands. I tried to fight back when he lifted me out of my chair and set me back on the couch.

I just sat there for hours, unmoving, wide awake. As if from a distance, I heard the TVs going, but I didn't understand the words the tributes were saying. I couldn't make out different voices. I just sat there, trying to fight memories from flooding my mind.

I must've fallen asleep at some point, because when I looked at the clock, it was almost noon, and Finnick'd put me to bed around two the previous night. On the screens, in the heat of the day, Noah, Johanna, and Brigid were making the trek across the arena to find the Careers. I didn't want to watch, so I blocked it out of my mind. Finnick had a few paper coffee cups by his desk (and by a few, I mean a few _dozen) _and he was watching the screens with no interest whatsoever. Both alliances were just walking, and from what I could tell, none of them had anything to say, really.

They settled down to rest again and Noah asked about the threaded bracelet on Brigid's wrist.

"I made it. I made one for my brother, too. Do you like it?" She held out her arm to him and Noah smiled slightly, nodding.

"Annie and I have matching bracelets." He didn't show his, but I looked down to my wrist where my bracelet hung, and I smiled a little.

I wished I could sleep more, but I wasn't tired. I tied a few knots, but it wasn't as calming when I didn't have anything unsettling on my mind. Now, it mostly reminded me that things weren't calm. That I shouldn't be calm. But being calm just felt so nice. So untethered, and free. I dropped the rope beside the couch and stood up, leaning over the back of Finnick's chair. I rested my chin on the top of his head, watching the screen. By the map on his computer screen, they were getting quite close to the Careers by now. Maybe soon something would actually happen and I'd cry some more. At least then I wouldn't be bored out of my mind. I'd have something to think about.

Still daydreaming, I heard myself say to Finnick, "You smell nice."

Where did _that _come from?

He tipped his head up, and I realized he'd shaved again. He looked nicer without a beard, too. While I was sleeping he must've taken a shower. "Do I?" He asked me with his general conceited grin.

"Um...yes." I nodded, and he chuckled.

"Thank you."

"No...problem?" I knew my face was probably beet red. That's probably why he was laughing so much. Not because I'd said he smelled nice. Not because I'd clearly smelled him.

With a sigh, I realized I couldn't even convince myself.

Trying to find a way out of the situation, I said, "Do you want tea?"

"Coffee." He stated, and I nodded.

"All right. I'll be back in a minute." I patted his shoulder.

"Thanks, Annie."

As soon as I'd left the room, I burst out laughing at myself. At my uncensored stupidity. Sometimes that just happened, though - I'd be thinking something, and then, without any warning, I'd say it out loud. It was embarrassing, but at least it made for funny stories to tell later.

"Hey, Annie." Dex was in the refreshments room, getting a cup of tea for himself.

"Hi, Dex." I smiled over at him. "How's your day?"

He handed me a couple paper cups from the stack in the corner of the table and took a sip of his tea. "All right. How's yours?"

I laughed a little, shaking my head. "I just told Finnick he smelled nice."

Dex did a spit take, laughing. "I seriously wish I could've been there." I rolled my eyes, pouring a cup of coffee and one of tea.

"Do you know what he takes in his coffee?" I asked curiously, and Dex nodded.

"Two creamers and a sugar cube." With a chuckle, he added, in an exaggerated accent, "The sugar is what makes him so sweet."

I laughed. "That's awful, Dex. You couldn't think of anything better?" He shrugged, holding up his hands in defense.

"It's what Nyx is always saying. She's hopelessly obsessed with him. It's a bit creepy, to be honest." I shook my head, remembering Nyx, one member of my ridiculous prep team from last year. She still sometimes helped Dex with my makeup and hair, but she's still pretty new to the prep team thing, so she usually stuck to only Dex's latest tribute.

"All right. I'll see you later, Dex." I didn't hug him because I was carrying a tea and a coffee, so he kissed my cheek and smiled.

"See you, Annie."

I had only gotten half-way back to the mentoring station when Finnick caught up with me in the hallway. "Annie...you're gonna want to come quick." He told me, his expression grim.

_A/N: Pretty please review :) Because even though I seriously love and massively appreciate every review I get, one per chapter is a little depressing._


	13. Chapter 13

_Is this what it feels like to really cry?_**_  
_**

_**-Cry**  
_

"What happened?" I must've asked it a hundred times before we made it back to the room. He didn't answer - just took his coffee from me and pulled me down the hall. When we finally got back, he helped me back to my chair. I'd frozen in the doorway.

Onscreen, Brigid was bleeding. Hardly breathing. Noah was beside her, the life draining from him, as if he'd come to her aid when he was stabbed. It was definitely a knife wound, a clean stab in his back, near the heart. The person who'd stabbed him had for sure known what they were doing. The only person still standing was Johanna, in the midst of it all, watching Noah with huge eyes. At her feet were two people, the boy from Two and the girl from One, both horribly massacred. Her right arm was hanging limp by her side, looking broken. Her left arm wasn't nearly as able as her right with the axe, clearly. She was probably exhausted, too. I almost wanted to look away, but I made myself watch.

A cannon went off. I immediately looked at Finnick's screen, but Noah's chest was still moving, just barely. He was still alive. In unison, Finnick and I looked at my screen. He took a sharp breath in, and with a stab of regret, I sighed shakily. In the corner, where the screen said the tribute's name, just before the screen faded to black, I managed to read:** _Brigid Emsing. Status: deceased. _**

On the middle screen, Johanna was looking at her with tears in her eyes. "Noah..."

"Do it." He whispered, his eyes shut. "Just kill me, would you?" She dropped her axe, shaking her head. "Johanna, please."

"No!" She cried, covering her face with her left hand, which was covered in blood. Not her own blood. "I...I can't, Noah! I told you that you're just like Dan. You are. Killing you would be like killing him!"

"I won't look at you. I...I'll shut my eyes. As if I'm already..." He coughed up some blood, grimacing as he did. She lifted her axe again, taking a few cautious steps toward him. She hesitated, lifting the axe over her shoulder. "Jo. Please. Just do it. End this. You deserve it."

Shutting her eyes, she brought the axe down with her one good hand. I hid my face in my knees, covering my ears so I wouldn't have to hear the last cannon.

It might've been seconds later, or it might've been minutes. Hours. But sometime later, I heard Finnick say my name. His hand resting on my back. Tears dripping onto my shoulder, from his eyes. There were no tears in my sobs, though. Only shaky breaths and sorrowful words. I thought I heard myself say at some point, "He didn't care about me at all. If he had...he wouldn't have wanted to die." Finnick sighed, laying his cheek on my shoulder blade and his arm across my back.

Suddenly, only one thing was on my mind. "I never got to say goodbye." I looked at Finnick, dry-eyed. He rubbed his face, his eyes wide.

"I'm so sorry, Annie." He whispered. "I...I just thought it would better. Sometimes...if you don't say goodbye, it seems like they aren't gone. Not really, anyway." I must've just sat there, staring at him for way too long. Trying to figure out if he had been trying to help me or not. Deciding if I should forgive him or not. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing. "I know saying sorry isn't enough. It'll never be enough. You probably want me to go away right now. Forever. Never talk to you again. I get that." I couldn't make myself tell him that, more than anything, I wanted him to stay. Before I could stop him, he left, saying something about going to pack up his things to go home. I didn't know what I had to pack up, other than my rope and some of Noah's stuff.

I lifted my hand to the necklace he'd given me. With a sigh, I took one last look at the screens, which were dark, and around the room once more. The paper coffee cups Finnick had used so many of. The couch. Our chairs. A small piece of paper on the desk that made me do a double-take.

Taking a closer look, I realized there were actually two pieces of paper. One crumpled up, as if it had been in someone's pocket, and the other just a scrap, written on in small, neat letters.

_Ann,_

_Noah asked me to give you this if he didn't make it.  
_

_-Finnick  
_

I unfolded the paper, careful not to rip it, and read it slowly aloud to myself.

_Annie,_

_If you're reading this, I guess there isn't really much I can say to apologize. I managed to screw up somehow. I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt about you earlier. If I'd known we were both going to end up in the Games...I would've told you years ago. I thought we'd have a lifetime together. I'm sorry I'm not there. But I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you. There isn't another girl in the world I would rather call my best friend. You've got to be the single strongest, most incredible, beautiful girl I've ever met, and I just wish I could tell you in person. I wish I could, but I can't, Annie. So you have to do something for me. You have to fall in love for real, all right? I mean...I knew you didn't love me back from the first moment. I know you don't make friends easily, but please try, for me. Don't push people away. Let yourself love. You deserve that much. I promise I'll be watching over you if you promise me something, too. Watch out for my dad.  
_

_Your friend,  
Noah  
_

I hugged the letter to me close, my eyes shut, wondering how on earth I was going to watch over his dad. The Avox. The servant. It seemed so impossible. Then, folding the letter back up, I put it in the pocket of my dress and walked out of the mentoring station, finding my way back to my floor. Finnick's door had been left open a little, just enough so I could hear him talking to someone, I guess on the phone.

"Mom, I'm serious, though." - "Oh, yeah? That's awesome. Can I talk to Jordie?" - "Hey, little man! How's my favourite little brother?" I stopped eavesdropping then, going into my own room. I found my few belongings, shoving them into a small cloth bag. Once I had everything, I walked down the hall to the tributes' rooms, scanning my mentors' ID, hoping it would work. It did, and I walked into the empty room, walking to the dresser. The only thing I could find of Noah's was the bracelet. The one we'd made together. There were charms on it, one of which was broken. It had a sharp edge. They must've made him take it off before the Games because they thought it could be used as a weapon. I took the bracelet, slipping it over my own hand and smiled. It matched mine so perfectly I wanted to cry.

I walked back out to the hall, my bag over my shoulder. I knocked lightly on Finnick's door. He wasn't on the phone anymore, as far as I could tell. When I knocked, it bumped the door just enough open so that he noticed, and looked up.

"Hey." He stood up, rubbing the back of his neck, still holding the photo of him and his sister. I stood, frozen on the threshold. "You can come in." He came to the door, ruffling my hair.

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as we want. We just have to catch a train going through Four."

"It's different, then. From when you win."

"Yeah. When you win...well, you know all about it already, I guess." I nodded. I looked at the picture in his hand again.

"What was her name? Your sister?" I asked curiously.

He regarded the photo sadly. "Lucy." I watched his expression change as he looked at the photo again. There was a slight, small smile on his lips. "She was such a great kid. Better than me, anyway. Better grades, my parents favoured her 'cause she was the only girl out of us kids."

"You're lucky to have little siblings. Me and Adam get along fine, but I'd love a little brother or sister." Finnick leaned against the wall with a soft smile. I looked around his room, finding it pretty bare. "Are you finished packing up?"

"Just about. We'll see if we can catch the train in twenty minutes."

"Can I stay in here? I already put the lock on my door, so - "

"Yeah, whatever." Finnick picked up his backpack and threw his stuff in, pulling it over his shoulder. "I think I'm good. I mean, I always forget stuff here, but I'm here so often..." he trailed off. "Never mind. Let's catch the train."

We caught Dex in one of the hallways. He hugged us both and apologized about our tributes and hurried off before I got the chance to say bye. I followed Finnick down the hall, racing out to the station when we saw that the eleven 'o' clock train was early. We just barely made it, but I didn't have any money or tickets. He paid my fare and pulled me aboard, slipping into a compartment. This train was just a regular one - not like the special ones we'd come to the Capitol on. I left my rope and the note on the seat beside me.

Finnick stared out the window, his elbows resting on his knees. His hands were folded and he was leaned forward, his eyes clouded. "Are you all right?" I asked him, pulling my feet up onto my seat across from him. His gaze flicked over to me and he nodded, a little frown still on his face. "Thanks, by the way. For leaving Noah's note for me. I really appreciate it." He weakly half-smiled, but it didn't travel to his eyes, which were still clouded.

"Don't mention it."

I paused, and then said, "And I'm sorry about Brigid. You...really cared about her, didn't you?" He looked up at me, studying me, as if trying to figure out what I was trying to say. "I mean..." I sighed, wishing I didn't have to have this conversation, but I really wanted to know. "did you love - "

"Annie," he cut me off, holding up a hand, sitting up. "That's disgusting. You really think I'm that _low_?" He held up his other hand when I started to answer. "Never mind. Don't answer that."

"So...it wasn't like that, though."

"Of course not." He made a disgusted face, looking out the window again. That was a relief, at least. "It's just..." he sighed, pushing his hands through his hair, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling of the compartment. "Fourteen is too young to die, Annie."

And suddenly, it all made sense. Why he wanted to get Brigid out. Why he cared for her so much. Why he'd cried over her death. Why he'd treated her with the love and affection of an older brother. He saw Lucy in her. His baby sister. I felt a flood of relief.

He seemed to get that I understood. "I was fourteen when I was in there. You might not have noticed, since you only killed one person, and by _accident_, but murdering people...it changes who you are. It toughens you up. And as awful as I feel for not keeping her alive, I'm happy that she doesn't have to live with the plague of the Games. She's better off now anyway. You get a lot of money for winning, sure...but no amount of money could buy you nightmare-free sleeps. It can't buy your old life back." He was rambling now. I reached a hand over to touch his shoulder, but thought better of it at the last second and drew back.

"Does it ever get better?" I asked. "Losing the ones you love, I mean." He looked at me and shook his head.

"Never."

I leaned my head against the cushioned wall, frowning. "I hate what the Capitol does to us."

"Me too." He stared out the window, at the world flying past him. "I could never run, though. I could never leave Four, I don't think. I'd miss the water." I nodded in agreement. He sighed. "I am really sorry about Noah." I didn't react when he said Noah's name, which was my first clue that I was going numb about him. "But you have to understand, okay? He was a good-looking guy. If he'd won, you know what Snow would've made him do."

I nodded. I did know. The same fate Finnick himself faced, every day of his life. But I couldn't help but brush off what Finnick had said. "You're saying it's better that he's dead."

"I'm not saying that. That...I never said that. I mean...it's better that he doesn't have to live half in his own skin, half in the arena for the rest of his life. It's what we have to do. Is it fun?" I shook my head. "And answer me this: would you wish this life on your best friend?"

I covered my face. "Stop it! You're making me feel so awful for wanting him alive! There isn't anything wrong about me wishing my best friend wasn't dead!" I shut my eyes, holding my head in my hands. Finnick said my name and I felt his fingertips graze my bare shoulder. I smacked his hand away. "Don't touch me." I hoped it sounded more forceful to him than it sounded to me. He held his hands up in defeat.

"Fine."

The compartment was cold. It probably didn't help that I was just wearing a sundress and it was rainy outside the train, but I was shivering. I leaned against the wall, trying not to stare at Finnick. He was looking down now, rubbing the back of his neck, mussing his hair every so often. When he finally looked up again, I wasn't ready and he caught me looking. I felt myself blush a little and I looked away, but I could almost feel his grin. It was radiating glee, or something.

He stood up and I looked at him again. He shrugged off his jacket and laid it on the seat beside me, and without a word, left the compartment.

_A/N: You know what I just love and cherish and adore? Reviews. _


	14. Chapter 14

_And I'm missing you,  
I'm just missing you.  
Now I'm all alone, now you're gone for good.  
Now I'm stuck right here wishing I understood._

_-**Missing You**__  
_

When we got back to Four's train station, only Adam was waiting for me. I hugged him and he squeezed the life out of me back. "Hey, Adam."

"Hey." He grinned and pulled back from the hug, ruffling my hair. I laughed and ducked away.

"Where's Dad?" I asked him as we started to walk. He took my bags and slung them over his shoulders so I was only carrying Finnick's jacket, and I walked a few paces ahead of him, excited to get home.

"Back at the house. He was working - didn't get the chance to take a break. I've been here for hours." Adam replied. "Go see him when we get home, he'll be thrilled to see you." I smiled and fought the urge to run straight to the beach. It wasn't a long walk from the station to the Victor's Village. We were ahead of Finnick and his family, which I was grateful for, because I really wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I was too happy - I didn't need a sarcastic remark to ruin it.

When we got to the house Adam dropped my bags on the couch and I ran up the stairs to my dad's study, knocking on the door. He peeked out a moment later and a grin spread across his face. He opened the door and I walked in and hugged him tightly. "How was your stay in the Capitol, Annie?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"It was...eventful." I replied quietly. He pulled away from the hug and flattened my hair gently, kissing the top of my head.

"It'll be okay." He sighed and pulled me into another hug. I hid my face in his shirt and breathed in the scent of the detergent and let a few tears go. He held me close.

"Can I go to the beach? I'll be back in time for dinner." I promised and Dad nodded, releasing me from the hug. "Thanks, Daddy." I kissed his cheek and bolted out of the room across the hall to my own room. I changed into swimming clothes and had to refrain from jumping straight out the window; it would probably work, if the window wasn't three stories up onto the most shallow part of the water.

I ran past Adam on my way out, who was on the phone with someone. He called something after me, but I couldn't hear him - I was too excited to get back to the water. It felt like years since I'd squished the sand between my toes. I'd forgotten my shoes at home again, but it didn't really matter. All that mattered was getting to the water. It was enough to make me want to burst with happiness, the thought of being back in the water.

As I reached the edge of the water, I slowed down, savouring each step in. It took over a minute before I was waist-deep. My fingertips just barely dipped under the surface and I felt tears burn the backs of my eyes.

In a second, I was out of the water and on the sand, my face hidden away in my lap. My elbows rested on my knees and were bent over my head and I tried to keep myself from crying, but it only lasted a moment. After that, I lost it, finally letting myself just sob. Completely uncontrollable, ugly, horrible sobs. Thinking about Hector, and Noah, and Johanna, and Dan, and even my mother and Dex and Brigid. I thought about the time the day before my Games, when Hector and I went into the dining area after everyone had left and thanked the Avoxes that were still cleaning up. When I came home from my Games and my mother was dead. Because of me.

"S'cuse me," I didn't realize he was talking to me until I felt a little hand on my shoulder blade. I jumped back and stared at the little guy, who couldn't have been older than seven. He looked familiar, but I was too upset to figure out who it was. "Why are you crying?" He asked me and I rubbed my eyes, staring out over the water.

"Just...thinking. About things." I murmured, hugging my knees. He dropped to his knees beside me and leaned into my side, looping his skinny little arm into mine. I smiled at him a little and he grinned back, resting his head on my shoulder. "What are you doing here, all alone?" I asked him. Kids under ten are supposed to have adult supervision at the beach. It was silly, though, of me to ask, because nobody ever followed that rule. Even Noah and I didn't, when we were younger. I'd been going to the beach alone every day even when I was as young as six.

I don't know how long we sat there. He talked about school and how he'd gotten stuck in goal on the soccer team and that he wanted to learn how to surf. I tried to listen for his benefit, but the ocean looked beautiful. I hadn't realized exactly how much I'd missed it.

"It's late," I finally said, ruffling his hair with a light smile. "We should both be getting home, hey?" He nodded and stood up, walking beside me down the path with his hands in his pockets.

"You won the Games last year, didn't you?" He asked me, staring forward as we came into town.

"Yeah, the 70th." I nodded and he smiled a little.

"So _you're _Annie. I'm Trent, by the way." He looked up at me, grinning. I smiled back slightly, unsure of what he was getting at. As we came to one of the smaller houses in town, he opened the door, stepping inside, but just before he closed the door, he stuck his head back out, still smiling. "My brother likes you."

I raised an eyebrow at him and pulled the door back open a little more. "Who's your brother?" I asked, feeling a blush creep up on me.

"Can't tell you." He shut the door quickly, and I only just had enough time to pull my hand away before it closed. I rolled my eyes and turned on my heel, walking back to the Victor's Village.

Back at the house, Dad was making dinner. Pasta with tomato sauce. It's nothing compared to the Capitol food, but I'd take dinner with Adam and my dad over dinner in the Capitol any day. Over supper Dad and Adam asked me about the Capitol and how it was mentoring and strategically went out of their way not to mention Noah's name. I found myself talking about Finnick a lot, the things we'd chatted about and laughed over. The pool in the Training Center basement. Every time I said Finnick's name, Adam looked uncomfortable and wouldn't look me in the eye, looking indifferent. Can _every _guy master the art of looking indifferent, or something?

When Dad got up to go work again, Adam listened for his door to close, and leaned in close to me. "What's going on with you and Finnick?" He wasn't smiling.

"I...we're not...nothing. Nothing's going on."

"He's too old for you, Ann."

I rolled my eyes at that. "First off, we're not dating," I felt myself blush even at the thought of it. As if Finnick Odair would even consider someone like me. Not that I wanted him to. "Second, he's only like three years older than me."

"Four. He's my age."

"Nothing's going on between us." Adam still didn't look convinced. "Adam, I don't even like him!" I insisted, and he shrugged, leaning back in his chair. After he was silent for a moment, I said, "What's the big deal, anyway?"

"The deal is, I don't trust him."

"Why not?"

"Because I _don't."_

"That isn't a good answer!" I crossed my arms, staring at him. "Finnick's all right. He's actually...kind of nice." Adam shut up after that, looking down to his plate. I stared at him, waiting for him to say something else, but he never did.

The moment we finished eating, Adam stood up. "I'm going out."

In the few minutes we'd been silent, I'd managed to calm down a little. Enough to say, "Ooh," and I raised an eyebrow at him, continuing in a sing-song voice, "Adam's got a _gi-i-i-irlfriend_."

"So what if I do?" He grinned, taking his coat from the closet in the entry way. "Whatever. I'll be back late. You don't have to wait up." I waved as he left and he waved over his shoulder, hopping down the porch. I watched out the window as he grabbed his bike and wheeled out of the driveway, and smiled a little. So Adam did have someone else. I was proud of him for that. A guy of twenty should be hurrying up to get a serious girlfriend.

Maybe that was why he hated Finnick so much. They were the same age. In fact...they were even born on almost the same day, if I remembered correctly. And yet, on the outside, Finnick seemed so much more successful than my brother. But if Adam knew Finnick at all, he'd know the poor guy was broken. That the only thing holding him together was his family. His mother. His brother. And it probably sounded silly, but I felt like I was sort of holding him together, too.


	15. Chapter 15

_But believe me, I'm not hostile,_  
_I just want to hear you laugh,_  
_When I'm sarcastic like that._  
_That just makes me a dumb human,_  
_Like you._

_**-Human**  
_

The next morning I went straight to the beach without even eating breakfast. I picked up the net I was working on from the entry way and left a note for Adam and my dad saying where I was. Not that they really needed me to. I was always either at home or at the beach.

Nobody was out yet. It was still before swimming hours, and fishing hours didn't start until the afternoon. But I liked the soft washing of the waves onto the shore, the slight breeze. I'd brought Finnick's jacket along so I could give it back to him when he came to teach swimming, but I was mostly grateful I'd brought it because the morning was chilly and otherwise I was only wearing a sundress.

The sun had hardly even risen before people started coming to swim. Swimming hours start at six in the morning and end at eleven at night, so most people came early before work or school. Since I was a victor, I didn't have school. Even though it was nice to be finished soon, I sometimes wished I could go, just so I wouldn't feel like such an outcast. They were coming up on the end of the year before summer break anyway, but it was still another three weeks of classes in session, which meant I'd have the beach mostly to myself during the day. It was a nice thought - I'd have time to think.

Even after people started to swim, it was peaceful. That's what I love about Four most - the peace.

"What'cha working on, Cresta?"

And the peace was broken. Lovely.

"See for yourself, Odair." I replied without looking back at him. I heard him chuckle and he plopped down beside me.

"So this is one of the famous Cresta nets then, is it?" He asked, half-smiling. He picked up the side of the net and threw it over my head, grinning.

"Finnick!" I laughed, lifting it off and threw it back at him. He fell onto his back so it only caught his knees.

"You've gotta be quicker than that if you're gonna be a fisher, Annie."

"Who said I was gonna be a fisher? I'm a net-maker." I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed, putting his hands behind his head. I reached over and mussed his hair, smiling. "You need a haircut." He chuckled and reached over to me, tugging on the cuff of his jacket. I blushed. I'd forgotten I was wearing it. I shrugged it off quickly and laid it beside him. He raised an eyebrow and pushed it back over to me.

"Keep it."

"I couldn't."

"I insist."

"I decline." He chuckled and sat up again, standing and walking for the water. His jeans were hanging low on his hips, which was oddly distracting and annoyingly embarrassing, and I called, "Pull up your pants, Odair. Nobody wants to see that."

He laughed and turned his head to look at me. "Stop looking at my ass, Cresta. It isn't free." He turned around again and rolled his jeans up, walking into the water. I stood up, abandoning my net to follow him.

"What are you doing?" I asked. Where he was only knee-deep in the water, I was in more like mid-thigh, and the skirt of my dress was soaked.

He didn't reply for at least a few minutes. I'd almost forgotten I'd asked a question in the first place when he said, "There. See it?"

"See what?" I'd hardly formed the words before I saw it, too. In the water, not five feet ahead of us, was a bale of sea turtles. All swimming together, in one huge group, right in front of us. "Oh my God." I clutched his arm and gasped, watching them speed through the water.

Finnick smiled. "Same time every morning. It's the only time they're ever this close to shore." I looked up at him, smiling a little. "First time I saw them, I was fifteen. Thought it was the coolest thing in the world."

"Did you ever try to catch one?"

He chuckled. "Jordie did once, when I dragged him out here. I never brought him again after that. Too scared he'd hurt one. Not that I thought he would, but..."

"But you didn't want to risk it." I mumbled, realizing I was still holding his arm. I let go quickly, and he looked down to me, his gaze flicking back and forth from his arm to my eyes.

"Yeah."

"That is _so cool_." I whispered finally, catching sight of one last turtle who'd fallen behind, swimming behind the rest.

"You think so?" Finnick grinned and ruffled my hair and turned around, walking back up the beach. I followed him back up to where I'd left my net. We both sat down again, but I was too distracted to get back to it. I hugged my knees, staring at the water. At the people swimming already - the ones completely unaware of what we'd just seen.

"Why did you show me that?" I asked, looking over at him. He looked back at me, meeting my eyes. Then he narrowed his gaze quizzically, poking my nose with a little smile.

"I didn't show you. You followed me down to the water, you saw them."

"But..." I sighed. He let his gaze wander back to the water and I did the same, leaning back on my hands, stretching my legs out in front of me and crossed one over the other, feeling the sand stick to my still-wet skin. Finally, forgetting what I'd wanted to say, I asked him, "What do you usually do? During the day, I mean."

He looked at me. "Huh?"

"I mean...when your friends were in school, but you didn't have to go. What did you do?"

He smiled a little. "Do you want to hang out today?" I looked away from him, blushing, and nodded shyly. "Come on." he stood up, reaching down a hand. I took it and he pulled me up, smiling. When I tried to pull my hand away, he squeezed it tighter.

"If my brother sees you doing this - "

"He _won't, _Annie." Finnick laughed.

"Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'll see." I rolled my eyes, but a smile was threatening to take over my expression.

Instead of going into the main square where the market was, he pulled me into the mess of trees to the right of the beach. My sandals fell off my feet on the way and I stooped to pick them up before he could pull me too far to. The hill we were climbing was steep and I was dragging my feet by the time we reached flat ground again. He turned around, smiling a little. "Tired?"

"I hate hills." I felt myself blush. Of course he wouldn't even be winded.

"Come on, we're almost there." I asked him where we were going again, but he just pulled me along.

"I can't walk anymore!" I sighed. My knees were wobbly and threatening to give out any second. I wasn't used to walking this far without water - without food, either, since I hadn't eaten since the night before at dinner. He seemed to finally notice how fatigued I was and stopped, kneeling down to my height. I stared back at him, wiping my brow with another sigh. He gave me a tight smile and slipped his hands under my arms, lifting me with ease off my feet and threw me over his shoulder. I squeaked, kicking my feet, but he just chuckled and held onto my ankles, leaving the rest of me unsupported. "Finnick!" I pushed my upper half away from his back with my hands, craning my neck to see his face.

"You're fine!" He laughed. "I won't drop you, I swear."

"Yeah, you will." I muttered, and he threw his head back, laughing.

"How awful do you think I am?"

"Horrible. You're like...a million times worse than anyone in the whole world. You're despicable." He set me down again after that and I laughed. "I won?"

"No, we're here." I turned around, surprised.

Finnick had taken me to a cliff. I walked to the edge, leaning over. An easy eighty feet below us was the ocean, the beautiful mixture of blue and green I always saw from my bedroom window. "Wow..." I whispered, lying down on my stomach and propped myself up on my elbows, hanging over the edge of the cliff. He took a seat beside me, dangling his feet down. "It's gorgeous." I looked at him, and he smiled.

"I'll jump it if you jump it."

At first, I thought he was joking. I stared for a second and then cracked a smile, giggling. But he stayed serious, starting to stand up. "Wait, what?" I asked, holding onto his calf and pushed myself up to my knees. He swung his arms a few times, meeting my gaze with a smile, and shook me off his leg. I stood up, pulling him back from the cliff. "You're not jumping that! You'll be dead as soon as you hit the water!"

"Why do you care so much?" He grinned. "Besides, I've done this hundreds of times. It's fun. You should try it, too."

"No!" I crossed my arms, my eyes wide. "I'm not jumping it, and neither are you. It's dangerous." I absently played with my necklace while he walked back to the edge of the crag. "Finnick, please." I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and bit my lip. He didn't look back at me. "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. You're gonna die, and I'm not gonna feel sorry for you." He laughed and waved over his shoulder, pulling his shirt off over his head and threw it back at me.

"One last thing to remember me by, Cresta. You know. In the event of my demise." He laughed, and then he jumped. I scrambled to the edge, watching him fall. It only took a few seconds. He whooped once, moving his arms in circles before hitting the surface.

It seemed like forever before he resurfaced. I yelled his name when he did, though, and he lifted his arms over his head. "Annie!" He yelled back. "Jump!"

I shook my head, laughing a little. "You really are an idiot, you know that?" I shouted, and he laughed. I stood up, turning back to the path and ran down it. It seemed like a much shorter walk when I was going down hill. In a few minutes I was back at the sand where I'd left my net earlier. Finnick was looking at it, tying a couple knots to continue. When I sat down beside him again, he just grinned at me, still breathless from the fall. "I can't believe you did that." I rolled my eyes, and he grinned.

"I can't believe you _didn't._"

"Maybe I'm just smart."

"Maybe you're just not as adventurous as you should be." He lay back in the sand, stretching his hands behind his head. The morning was beginning to warm up now, and the few families with kids too little to be in school were coming down to swim.

"Maybe I just don't like cliff jumping."

"Maybe you've just never tried it." I didn't know how to reply to that, because he was right. So I stayed silent and he grinned. "You will, someday. I'll make you."

"Oh, will you?" I asked with a smile, and he nodded.

"I will." Then he stood up, waving to me to follow. "Come on, let's get lunch."


	16. Chapter 16

_You'll find that life is still worthwhile-  
If you just smile._

**_-Smile_**

The cafe was mostly empty. Two guys who looked like brothers at a table, three girls at another, and the workers. And Finnick and me. I found a table while he ordered and sat down, tapping my fingers against the tabletop as if it was a piano or something. Even from across the cafe I could tell he was flirting with the girl on counter and I rolled my eyes, smiling to myself a little.

"You're here with _him_?" I jumped and spun around. The girls from the other table were behind me. Two of them were too busy looking at him to pay attention, but the girl who must've asked the question was looking right at me.

I combed my fingers through my hair, nodding slowly. "Yeah. We're getting lunch."

"I didn't know he actually dated girls from the district."

I laughed. "We aren't dating, we're friends." I looked back at him. He was still leaned on the counter, his head tipped to the side a bit as he talked to the girl. One of the girls, the brunette of the group, twirled a lock of her hair around her finger and stared with an eyebrow perked. One of the blondes occasionally looked over at me, but she was clearly distracted with looking at ass.

"Don't mind them," the blonde talking to me rolled her eyes. "They're hopeless. But really, we're all curious. How'd you pick up someone like him? He doesn't come cheap."

"We're not dating," I repeated. "We mentored together this year. That's all."

Suddenly, both of the other girls turned to look at me, and without turning around, I knew Finnick must've seen them staring. I heard him chuckle and both of the girls flushed pink. I almost laughed at them, but held it in at the last second.

"Well, we'll be watching. If we think he's flirting, you have some explaining to do." The brunette stated, and this time I actually did laugh. Anything Finnick ever did could classify as flirting.

They scampered back to their table and I got up, walking to the counter. "What'd they want?" Finnick asked, craning his neck to see the girls.

"Nothing." I shrugged, sitting on one of the stools by the counter. In a moment the cashier came back with two drinks and Finnick gave her a couple coins, taking the drinks back to our table. "They were all flustered and embarrassed. Did you look at them or something?"

"Oh, I winked." He grinned, sipping his drink. I smacked his arm lightly, laughing. "What can I say? I'm too sexy for my own good." I choked on my drink. He hid his smile in his glass and threw a sugar packet at me. It bounced off my forehead and I giggled, throwing it back at him. I didn't have as good of aim, though, and it sailed over his head, landing on the table behind him and burst open. He laughed and stood up, sweeping the sugar into his hand and poured it over my head.

"Hey!" I shook out my hair, trying not to smile. "Not cool."

"What_ever_." He grinned.

"Was that _attitude_?" I exaggerated a gasp. He laughed and nodded firmly, ruffling my hair. I giggled and squirmed away from his hand, finishing my drink in one last gulp and left the glass on the counter. He finished his, too, and gave the glass back, and we left the cafe, pushing and shoving and laughing. "Don't you have to do swimming lessons today or something?" I asked when we finally stopped laughing. He nodded.

"At three."

"What time is it?"

"Almost two."

"Oh." I tried not to sound as disappointed as I felt. I knew from the start that we wouldn't be hanging out all day anyway, but the time had gone by so quickly.

He sighed, slipping his hands into his pockets and looked over at me. I glanced back and he smiled. "Do you like music?" I nodded quickly, and he nodded back, grabbing my arm at the elbow. "Come on."

"Where are we going _now_?" I asked. I had to jog to keep up with his long strides. He didn't reply, pulling me into the market. Luckily for me, when we passed Adam and Dad's stand, they were busy with customers, so they didn't see us.

We came to a stand at the edge of the market. It being by the far end meant its owners weren't as wealthy as the others, such as my Dad's, because the lease to your stand in the centre of the market was a high price, then there was the deal with superiority, and...basically, this stand was most likely cheap and new.

"What is this place?" I asked him quietly. "I've never been here before."

Finnick still said nothing. He dug a couple coins out of his pocket and tossed them into the jar on the side of the counter, and the guy behind it smiled gratefully. "Mr. Odair," he said, nodding his head. He had long white-blonde hair and it was tied back in a ponytail. His gaze trailed over to me and he smiled. "Finnick, who's this?"

"A friend of mine." Finnick smiled and the guy handed a guitar over the counter - a really nice, acoustic guitar. "You play?" He asked me, holding the guitar out to me. I shook my head quickly. Adam had a guitar, but he'd never let me come within ten feet of it. He was pretty protective - the thing was his baby. "Try it." I sat down on the stool next to the counter and he handed me the guitar. I tried to mimic by memory how Adam held his guitar, but it felt awkward and I blushed, knowing something was wrong. The ponytail guy chuckled a little and reached over to me, fixing the position slightly so that it almost felt natural.

"Teach her something, Finnick." Ponytail Guy nodded. "I think she'll be a born prodigy."

I laughed slightly. "I've never even played a note on a guitar. I have a piano, and I'm all right, I guess, but - " I choked on my own words when Finnick hovered behind me, wrapping his arms around me. "What the _hell _are you doing?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly, feeling my shoulders tense. He chuckled, putting his hand over mine and guided my fingers to the right strings. Then he helped me press the strings down to the neck of the guitar, then nodded.

"Strum." He stated, and I looked back at him.

"I don't get a pick or anything?" He raised an eyebrow at me and I smiled a little. "Fine." I flicked my index, middle finger and thumb down the strings, the same way I would if I did have a pick, with them pressed together, and Ponytail Guy clapped, smiling. I rolled my eyes with a laugh, giving the guitar back to him. "You play something."

He took the guitar and Finnick rested his elbows on my shoulders, clasping his hands over my head and leaned his chin on his hands. Then he started playing. And I could've died right there, and I would've been okay with it, because I would be dying to the most beautiful music I'd ever heard in my life. I felt extremely untalented.

When he finished, he looked up at us again, smiling. "You're amazing." I murmured. I knew I was grinning. I would've been happy to stay there all day and listen to him play, but Finnick pulled me off of the stool.

"We should get you home." He smiled and waved to Ponytail Guy, and then he pulled me back into the square.

"If he's that amazing, why doesn't he have a stand here? Closer to the rest of them?" I asked quietly, following Finnick back to the Victor's Village.

"Doesn't want it." Finnick shrugged, holding my wrist gently. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want him to hold my hand, but I would also be lying if I said that asking him to would be the most simple thing in the world, so I stayed quiet. "He told me once that it didn't matter to him. That a stand in the middle of town isn't actually that great. Besides, if everyone knew how great he was, he wouldn't have gotten time to teach me to play, too."

"Are you as good as him?" I smiled and he shook his head quickly.

"Not nearly. Haven't got that much patience for learning."

"What's his name?"

"Hasn't got one." I looked at him, incredulous, but he just shrugged. "It's true. Lost his parents when he was three, forgot his name since he was so young at the time, and never got a new one that sounded right to him, so he went without one."

"What do you call him?"

"Whatever I feel like."

We came to my porch and he gave me a little wave. I waved back. "Maybe I'll see you later. "

"Maybe." I didn't get the chance to tell him that I'd probably come down to the beach just to find him, because I'd had such a great day hanging out with him and now home was going to feel boring. I couldn't make myself form the words, which I should've been grateful for, because it would've been the most embarrassing thing of my life. Instead, I approached him again and hugged him quickly, pulling away just as fast, and felt my cheeks flush pink. "Thanks." I murmured.

"For what?" He smiled, slipping his hands into his back pockets.

"For being my friend today." I smiled back.

"Anytime." He chuckled, ruffling my hair, and turned on his heel, walking across the way to his house.


	17. Chapter 17

_I look to you  
I look to you  
And when melodies are gone  
In you I hear a song, I look to you  
_

_**-I Look to You**  
_

Usually I didn't mind being home alone. It was peaceful, but not too silent. It was lonely, yes, but it was sort of calming. Not today.

I couldn't sit still. I wanted to be at the beach. Talking to Finnick. How quickly I'd deteriorated into loving being in his company. It wasn't exactly my fault - he was fun to be around. Always could make me laugh. Damn his stupid charming words and cocky smiles and ridiculously attractive face.

Finally, I settled for the piano. I'm pretty good at it, if I do say so myself, and it kept my mind busy so I could stop thinking about _him _for two seconds. I knew quite a few pieces by heart, and so I started playing one of them, not even noticing when the door behind me opened. It was another five minutes until I finished the piece and someone started clapping.

I whipped around, relieved when I saw it was Adam. He was smiling, leaning back on the couch, and I stood up, walking over to him. He patted the cushion beside him and I sat down, pulling my knees up and hugged them. "You're playing again?" Adam smiled, looking at me. I nodded. "Since when?"

"A couple weeks before I left." I looked down, smiling to myself.

"It's so nice to hear you play again, Annie. Mom would be so proud." He hugged me and I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand, wishing I could keep the tears in.

"I miss her so much." I sniffled, hiding my face in my knees.

"I know. Me too." Adam sighed, petting my hair gently. I don't know how long we sat like that for. Hours. We only got up when Dad got home. I sat back at the piano and Adam stood up, pushing his hands through his hair. On the next floor up I heard the shower start going. "When he's out of the shower, can you let him know I went out?" Adam asked me before he left the room.

"When do I get to meet your girlfriend?" I asked curiously, grinning into the piano keys. I didn't look at him, but I heard his smile in his voice.

"When we know for sure if we're dating."

"Bring her for dinner tomorrow." I suggested, pressing the keys lightly so that they hardly even made a sound.

"I'll think about it." He left after that, and I started to play louder, letting the music consume me. For the next half hour, it was almost as if I was in another world entirely. I forgot everything and just concentrated on the notes, the keys, the sound. I went through song after song, even the more difficult ones, and let myself go. By the end of the session my hands were cramped and my fingers were callused and my toes hurt from pressing the pedals and my eyes hurt from staring at the music.

And I loved it so much.

Dad came into the music room half-way through one of my songs, but he wasn't as stealthy as Adam and I noticed right away and stopped playing. I turned around on the bench and he grinned, sitting beside me, but facing the piano. It was my actually my dad, not my mom, who taught me to play. He always said he couldn't teach me much anyway because I was something of a 'prodigy' or whatever, but I wouldn't have even been interested in the first place if not for him. My mom used to say that his one redeeming quality was his way with music. He could pick up just about any instrument and learn to play it, and he was a great teacher, too. According to him, the trait went back generations.

He started playing an easy song, one that I'd learned by heart early on in my lessons from him. Turning around on the bench again, I started to play it in a higher octave in the same time and rhythm as him. He grinned over at me and I laughed, playing louder and then softer, lightly and then clumsily, hitting the sharp and flat notes where they shouldn't be. By the end of the song, we were both laughing and he threw his arm around my shoulders, hugging me into his side.

"I've missed that." I leaned my head on his shoulder and he nodded, smiling. "I'm sorry I stopped playing, Daddy..."

He shook his head quickly. "You're playing now. That's what matters, right? Play something else for me?"

When I tried to play again, I couldn't. It was like every song I'd ever learned was wiped from my mind. I looked at the photo of my mother we had on the wall, taking short, quick breaths; panicking. I hadn't frozen up like this in...ever. I never had. Not even the first time I tried to play after Mom died.

Then, without any sort of warning, I just started crying. Dad pulled me into a tight hug, petting my hair gently. I buried my face in his shirt and he held me, resting his cheek on the top of my head. When I'd finally calmed down a little, he looked me in the eyes. "Go take a nap, okay? You look exhausted."

"I..." I yawned. "I guess I am kind of tired..." I stood up and left the room. Just before I shut the door I heard him start to play another song. I stumbled up the stairs to my room and collapsed onto my bed, falling asleep instantly.

As always, I was plagued by nightmares. Flashbacks of the arena, people screaming...the usual. I couldn't make myself wake, no matter how hard I tried to. It felt like real life, which was even more awful because at a point in my conscious life the things I was seeing _had _been real. I had to remind myself that they were the past; that they wouldn't happen again. Ever. But it wasn't easy.

I finally woke in a cold sweat, at least not screaming for once. I gripped the sheets around me, pulling them over my head, breathing deeply to try to calm down. _It wasn't real. _I told myself silently. _None of it was real. Not anymore. It's over now._

I couldn't convince myself.

I pushed the sheets and covers away, crawling over to the edge of the bed and picked up the phone, pressing one of the speed dial buttons.

"Annie?" He answered after two rings.

"How'd you know it was me?" I asked, laying down on my back.

"Caller ID." He replied. "Why are you calling, anyway? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah..." I paused, biting my lip. "No. Not really..."

"What's wrong?"

"Nightmares."

"Do you want company?"

I felt my heart speed up for a second and I nodded. "If...you don't mind?"

"Of course not. I'll be right over." He hung up and I looked in my mirror, quickly running a comb through the unruly waves and curls, hoping to get them a little more manageable. No such luck. I threw my hair into a ponytail instead and straightened my clothes as I walked down the stairs, just barely catching the sound of a knock on the door. I opened it and he smiled a little, his hands in his pockets. "Hey."

"Hi." I smiled and stepped aside. "Do you want to come in?"

"Actually," he said, offering his hand. "I thought I'd take you out for the evening."

_A/N: Ugh. I...seriously don't like this whole chapter. It took me forever to write and it's horribly short and it's not even GOOD and meh. Mostly a filler, I guess, and that's probably why I don't like it... Anyway. Review anyway, even though I'm a hideous person?_


	18. Chapter 18

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_  
_ Darling so it goes_  
_ Some things are meant to be_  
_ So take my hand, and take my whole life too_  
_ Cause I can't help falling in love with you_

_**- Can't Help Falling in Love**  
_

"Really?" I asked Finnick incredulously, twirling a loose piece of hair around my finger absently. "You took me out this afternoon." He smiled and held his hand out still. I took it reluctantly, shutting the door behind me.

"Were you playing piano earlier?"

I blushed, looking down. How did he know? "Yeah." I said quietly, letting go of his hand to wipe the sweat from my palm.

"It was very good. Have you been playing for a while?" I nodded in response, kicking a stone in the path a few feet ahead of me. After a few steps I reached the stone and kicked it again, then walked a few steps and kicked it again, and continued in that fashion until his voice finally pulled me out of my reverie. "This way."

"Where are we going?" I asked, slipping my hands into my pockets.

"Just a place."

I cracked a smile. "Very descriptive." He grinned. Pretty soon, we came to another cliff. This one didn't hang out over the water. It was rocks down below. Finnick sat at the edge, patting the rock beside him. I sat down, leaning back on my hands. "What's here?" I asked after a moment.

"The view."

"Hm?"

"I come here to watch the sunset sometimes. Sometimes I'll just come to think. All the time during nights, when I wake up from nightmares." I looked at my lap, not brave enough to meet his eyes. He was too kind. Showing me all these things that mean something to _him, _sharing them with _me. _This was not the Finnick that the girls in town knew. They knew flirty, sexy, mysterious Finnick Odair. This was sensitive, sweet, compassionate Finnick Odair. Not the boy who would take a stroll down the beach to show off his muscles, seeming so indifferent to the world. This was the same boy who'd told me about his sister, the same boy who'd knocked on my door in the middle of the night to wake me from my nightmares.

I owed so much to him.

When I looked over at him, he was watching the sun go down. His fingertips were tracing tiny circles in the dust. He was so focused that he didn't even notice I was looking at him, like he usually did.

The soft orange of the sunset was casting a glow over everything, and from root to tip, Finnick's hair appeared a flaming red. I scooted backward on the cliff, pulling my knees up, hugging them. "It's beautiful." I finally said, looking over at him again. He glanced back at me, smiling softly.

"It is, isn't it?" I nodded silently in response.

"I don't get it, though," he stood up and reached a hand down to help me up. I took it and stood. "I...I mean, I don't feel any different."

"That's because the therapy part of this isn't done yet. The view is to calm you down." He walked to the very edge of the cliff so his toes hung over the rocks and reached a hand backward. "Don't worry, I won't let you fall. I swear." I took his hand cautiously, walking to the edge of the cliff with him. "Usually if there's something in particular on my mind when I come here, to let go, I yell. Yell out exactly what's on my mind."

"Don't people down there hear?" I asked quietly, looking up at him. He shrugged.

"Do you want to try it?"

I nodded slowly, realizing with some surprise to myself that I actually did. "Do I have to yell?"

He shook his head. "You can talk, or whisper, if you want. In fact, I'll leave, if you don't want me to hear you. I know it's personal." He started to back up but I held tight to his hand.

"Don't let go. I'm going to fall if you aren't holding onto me." He nodded with soft eyes, walking back to the edge with me.

I couldn't decide on what to say. There were so many things I wanted to say. Saying them all would take hours, or, who knows, maybe even days.

As I was taking a deep breath to begin, Finnick said, "Do you mind if I go first, then?" I shook my head. I saw that the stars were starting to come out and realized that we must've been standing there for at least ten minutes since he'd tried to let go of my hand.

"I hate myself," Finnick murmured, slipping his free hand into his back pocket. "For everything that the Capitol has made me do. For everything they will make me do. And for everything they've done, not just to me, but to everybody. I feel like I should be able to persuade them to stop what they're doing, because I can get just about everything from them I want so long as I follow their rules.

"I wonder sometimes if people would've been better off if I'd just died in the arena." I wanted to cut him off, saying that nothing would be any better. I would be dead, too. But I didn't interrupt him. "I miss when Jordie knew he could trust me with anything. I wish I'd known my father.

"I can't stand keeping up this act of being okay. I wish someone cared enough to ask me if everything was okay, and when I said no, to actually listen to what's wrong. Nothing will ever be okay. I hate telling people that it will be okay."

I hadn't realized he was finished until about twenty seconds later. "Do you want to say anything?" He asked me, meeting my eyes. I nodded again. And then I began.

"I want to cry every conscious second of my life. I don't know if it's ever going to go away." I swallowed, shutting my eyes. "I think I'm slowly going insane. Everyone I love is slowly drifting away from me. I wish I had more girl friends to hang out with, but I don't get along well with the girls from the school. More than anything, I want a friend. I'm very insecure of myself. Everything about me is wrong.

"The worst thing about me is my past. After my Games, I cut my wrists a lot. I still have every scar, of course. They're never going away. The first time I cut, I almost killed myself by accident...a-almost cut a serious vein." I felt Finnick squeeze my hand and I choked up. I'd nearly forgotten he was still there. "I-...I sometimes wish I could forget everything and just start all over again. Sometimes I even wish I could just redo my life. Make better choices. Let myself die in the arena instead of fighting. Stop myself from falling in love as easily as I do. Most of all, I just wish things could be normal."

After a moment, I decided to add, "I miss my mom."

I sighed, crouching on the ground. I let go of Finnick's hand and held my head in my hands, crying a little. Then crying a lot. Then sobbing to the point of no return. And when I finally picked myself up again, Finnick was gone.

I called his name once, but right away I gave up on looking and started to stroll home, slipping my hands into my pockets. It was chilly and I'd forgotten a jacket, so naturally I was shivering like mad. My face felt sticky with tears and I looked down, sighing.

When I passed by the beach, I spotted someone just sitting there in the shadows with a dog at their side. Not many people in the district had dogs, but the ones who did always said they were the greatest companions. I'd always wanted one. Maybe the next time I saw a stray I'd take it in. That's how most people got their dogs.

When I got back home, Adam and Dad were waiting up. They were watching TV, and I was hoping that if I sneaked past them quietly, they wouldn't notice me, but one of the floorboards right behind the couch is the worst for squeaking, so of course, I stepped right on it.

"Where the _hell _have you been?" Dad stood up, crossing his arms over his chest. I bit my lip and glanced at the clock. It read _12:35AM. _Had I really been out that long? When I looked away from the clock back to Dad and Adam, they were both staring back at me, their jaws set and their arms crossed. It was spooky how much they looked alike. I twirled a lock of my hair around my finger, chewing my lip nervously. "Annie, where were you?" He repeated, and I looked down.

"I was just out."

"She was with Odair." Adam muttered, rolling his eyes when I began to protest. "Don't even_ try,_ Annie! You don't understand that he isn't a good guy for you to be hanging around. He's bad news."

"For the last time, he isn't the guy you think he is."

"I thought you were better than that."

I took a step back, turning toward the stairs. "You're grounded." Dad called after me as I ran upstairs to my room, throwing myself onto my bed. With some difficulty, after hours of laying wide-awake, I finally fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

_No one knows I've never really felt_  
_Good about the hand that I've been dealt._  
_What kind of game is this anyway, here?_

_**-It's Over Now**  
_

And that was how I ended up staying inside on the nicest day of the year so far. I played the piano and read and drew and cleaned my room. I looked out the window and saw that swimming lessons were going on and wished I could go outside, but Dad and Adam had eyes like an eagle when they were upset with me, and trying to sneak down to the beach would be more or less disastrous.

So, needless to say, I stayed at home. Bored out of my mind. I made lunch when Adam and Dad came home for their break, gave them both mournful looks, flipped through TV channels and looked as bored as possible, trying to get them to loosen up a bit. But they wouldn't let up. Apparently they were more mad about this than they'd let on the night before.

Just before they left to go back to the stand, I blocked the door. "_Please _let me leave." I sighed despairingly, trying by best to give them puppy-dog eyes. "I'm just so_ bored_." They did something I wasn't expecting. Dad lifted me by the shoulders and Adam caught my feet and they carried me back to the couch, depositing me not softly there, then left. I sighed, walking out to the backyard. Since it's fenced in, Dad seemed to think I couldn't get out, so whenever he grounded me he let me go out there. Silly him.

The grey cat was there already. I patted her head and clicked my tongue, and she jumped off the fence, following me to the door. I slipped inside, careful not to let her in, and went to the fridge, grabbing what must have been what Adam and Dad had made one of the last evenings I was away - a casserole with salmon. I took the dish and brought it back out to the porch, placing it in front of the cat. She gobbled up what was left, which wasn't much, and looked up at me expectantly for more.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I stroked her fur, scratching under her chin. "I can't take anymore food today, Adam and Dad'll be suspicious if I suddenly start eating like a..." she gave me a dirty look, as if she knew what I was about to say, and I stopped myself. "I mean, if all the food disappears." Then she rubbed her face against my leg. Cats are terribly bipolar.

When I took the dish back into the house, she stretched out on the grass, her belly bulging. I came back and sat beside her, tickling her stomach. "Only another couple weeks, hm?" I murmured, and she looked at me, her eyes bright. She'd been coming to my house for food as a stray since I moved in, but recently I'd noticed the extra roundness to her belly, the increased appetite. She wasn't getting enough food to be fat, even if she was healthy enough with the food I'd been giving her. I'd put two and two together pretty easily. She was going to have kittens. "Maybe I'll keep one when they're old enough, hm?" I teased her, feeling a bit crazy for talking to a cat as if she was a person.

She stayed in my backyard for another couple hours before getting up and running off, scaling the tree by the fence and jumping over. That was actually how I realized how easy it was to get out of the yard, by watching her do it. But instead of jumping the fence and risking getting Dad even more mad at me, today I just climbed the tree and sat there, leaning against the trunk. Looking at the water. Tons of people were at the beach, swimming, making sand castles, tanning, boating; everything. Swimming lessons were over so all the water was free to everybody, and there were no shark warnings or anything, so the water was filled with people - it almost looked like a house party, the way that everyone was so packed together.

I hopped down from the tree, going inside to the music room and went through the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. Half the books that I own are technically banned, but the Peacekeepers never check, anyway, so I've got tons. Plus, in the market there are always the older people pawning their books from before the Games even started, before the Capitol really cracked down. The books that they managed to save are old and torn, but good stories, anyway.

I took out from the shelf one that I'd read before about a young girl cursed to the appearance of an old woman, a heartless wizard, an adorable apprentice, and a fire demon, and walked back outside to the tree, climbing it again. I opened the book and started reading it for at least the seventh time, managing to get to the hundredth page before hearing Adam and Dad come home, finished their work for the day. With my book under my arm, I jumped down from the tree and walked inside.

Dad and Adam were laughing about something or other when I passed them, and they hardly noticed my existence. I rolled my eyes and walked up the stairs, still hearing their laughter from my room. I settled at my desk, putting a bookmark in to mark my page and left the book on my bed, pulling out a clean sheet of paper and started to draw.

I'm not good at drawing. In fact, I suck at it. But I love art. I love looking at it. I love trying to interpret the way that artists express themselves. I think it's the most beautiful way of thinking, because honestly, everyone talks too much. But I guess if everyone had to communicate by only art and interpreting, the world would be in uproar, because no-one would ever understand each other.

But still I sat there, drawing for hours, not acknowledging when Adam yelled up the stairs that I had a phone call. It isn't like anyone would actually phone me anyway. He was probably using it as an excuse for me to unlock my door and come out of hiding. Finally, though, when Dad came and knocked on my door and told me to come for dinner, I couldn't refuse. The mention of food had awakened my senses, and they told me that I was really hungry. So I followed him downstairs, leaving my drawing on my desk, and pushed my hair back from my face.

There were two more people at the table than usual. A girl and a guy, looked like siblings. I sat in my usual chair, which was across from the guy, and looked at Dad for any kind of explanation, but if he saw me, he didn't do anything. We served up and Adam finally said something, probably mainly for my sake.

"Annie, this is Merle." Just under the table from the corner of my eye, I saw him take her hand in his and I felt stupid for not immediately understanding, and needing the hint.

I smiled. "Hi."

She smiled back and I looked at the guy. "Um...I feel like we've met before." I said, scratching the back of my neck. He nodded and I felt myself blush a little.

"We're in the same grade. Well, we were, before your Games..." he tapped the tabletop, biting his lip, as if he was afraid I'd freak out at the mention of the Games.

"It's okay to talk about it." I averted my gaze from his, stabbing a piece of trout with my fork. He stayed silent for a moment before saying,

"I'm Lucas, by the way." I nodded silently, staring at my plate, and he said, "How old are you, again?"

"Almost seventeen." I mumbled, pushing my food around my plate. I really wished he'd just stop talking to me. It wasn't just that it was him, it was that I didn't like talking one-on-one with people I hardly knew.

Also, it didn't help that he had had two younger siblings, too. Brigid had been one. The other was the little boy I'd met on the beach, Trent, and according to him, Lucas Emsing had a crush on me. I never did well with this sort of news.

_A/N: Kudos if you know what book she was reading :) Also, sorry for the wait on this one. I was going to post yesterday and then we got this hugeass storm and a power failure. Reviews are loved and appreciated.  
_


	20. Chapter 20

_All I can do is keep breathing_

_**-Keep Breathing**  
_

I was grounded for the week and a half, and when I was finally set free once again, I set one foot on the beach and heard a voice behind me. With a roll of my eyes, I turned around and met his gaze, crossing my arms.

"Did Adam send you to keep an eye on me or something?" I asked, sighing. Lucas jogged up to me, smiling sheepishly.

"That he did."

"How did I know?" I muttered, walking down the beach with him. He chuckled softly.

"Do you always come here this early?" Lucas asked, and I nodded. "What's in the bag?" He pointed to the bag at my side as I plopped down in the sand and took my still-unfinished net out. He sat beside me, laying on his back. "What do you do when you're not at the beach or at home?"

"Do you never stop asking questions?" I asked, slightly amused, partially annoyed. I looked back at him and he grinned up at me. I shook my head, a bemused smile playing my lips, and turned back to my net, tying a few more knots before saying, "You don't _actually _want to hang out with me, do you?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I'm kind of..." I hesitated, looking for the right word. "I'm weird, I guess you could say. And if people see you hanging out with me, they'll think you're weird, too. It's just how it works."

"You're not weird, you're cool." Lucas said, and I almost laughed.

"How much is Adam paying you to hang out with me?" He didn't answer. "And how much per compliment?" Again, Lucas didn't answer. I sighed, momentarily forgetting my net to look at him. "Look, I don't need a babysitter. I'm almost seventeen years old. Can you remind him of that?"

"He's only worried about you."

"He doesn't have to be. He won't always be able to monitor every move I make." I sighed when he still didn't budge. "I'll give you double whatever Adam's paying you if you just leave me alone." Lucas sat up, and I thought he was standing up to leave, but he wasn't. Unfortunately. He hugged his knees, staying next to me.

"Maybe he isn't paying me. Maybe I _want _to hang out with you, be your friend." I thought to say something like _whatever, _or _and why would you want to do something like_ _that_, but I decided against it at the last second. He was the second person who wasn't family acting remotely friendly to me since I got home, and I wasn't going to screw it up. I couldn't. I had to at least _try _to make new friends. I thought of Noah's words in that note. _Don't push people away. _Without noticing, I'd been doing just that with Lucas.

"Fine." I sighed, and he smiled over at me.

"So, he didn't really tell me. Why's Adam so protective over you?" Lucas took off his shoes and squished the sand between his toes, resting the side of his head on his knees. I thought of not mentioning Finnick. As if I needed another guy to tell me how awful he was and how I shouldn't even be friends with him, but I decided to tell him anyway at the last minute. Maybe Lucas didn't think the same way as Adam.

"Partially, it's because he's my brother," I shrugged, tying another knot. "And it's partially because he doesn't like that I've been hanging out with Finnick lately." Lucas looked surprised.

"Finnick _Odair_?" I was worried that he was going to scold me, too, but he only said, "That's awesome! That you're friends with him. He's totally cool."

"Adam doesn't think so." I smiled a little. "And don't tell Finnick what you just told me. He's got enough of an ego already." Lucas laughed and I tied the finishing knot to the net and stood up.

"Where're you going?"

"To give this to Adam and my dad to sell." I replied, pausing mid-step. "Will Adam get mad if I go and you're not by my side?"

"Probably." Lucas hopped up and followed me, leaving his shoes in the sand. I rolled my eyes with a little smile and we walked back up the beach to the market. We walked straight to the stand. Dad was there, and he took the net, smiling.

"Thanks, Annie. We were down to only two left. Think you can make another by tomorrow?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. I'll try." I hugged him over the counter. "Love you, Daddy."

"Where are you headed now?" Dad asked, folding the net. I shrugged and looked at Lucas. I really didn't know. Usually I'd be hanging out with Noah at all times during the summer, and he always had some idea of what we could do. Lucas shrugged back. "Well, see you later, I guess." I nodded and Lucas and I started back to the beach.

We sat down again and I looked at Lucas. It struck me how remarkably similar he actually did look to how Brigid did. The smallish build, though he was taller, of course. The eyes were exactly the same. "I'm sorry." I sighed finally, not really knowing exactly why I said it. He looked back at me and it's like he could read my mind. He knew exactly what I was apologizing for.

"Me too." I kept his steady gaze for a moment before he reached out to my collarbone, lifting the charm of my necklace. "Did he give this to you?" I nodded, tilting my head down to try to look at it. I caught the glint of the metal, the sun shining on it, but I couldn't quite see it. In my effort to see, I noticed a thread bracelet on his wrist. It matched the one that Brigid had worn in the arena.

"Did Brigid make this for you?" I asked quietly, running my fingers over the bracelet. He nodded silently. It felt weird when I hugged him. "I'm sorry..." I repeated when I pulled away, averting my eyes.

"You tried. Isn't that what matters?" I smiled weakly at him and he shrugged half-heartedly back. "Do you want to swim for a bit?" I asked me and I nodded immediately, getting to my feet.

"Race you." I started running before he could reply and darted down to the water, splashing into the shallow tide. When I was in waist-deep I stopped, turning around to see him just getting to the edge of the water. He grinned at me, walking to me.

"Cheater."

"Not my fault your mind was too slow to keep up." I laughed and splashed him, and he splashed back and I felt like I was with Noah. It was strange, but I just felt that same comfort from Lucas for some reason. I couldn't explain it, but for some reason, I didn't want to. I just wanted to have fun for once and not have to wonder why, because really, I shouldn't be having fun because my best friend was gone and he was the only person I'd ever really opened up to all my life.

No, this was definitely different. But I liked it.

_A/N: Agh. Another horribly short chapter. I'm sorry :P  
_


	21. Chapter 21

_I like the way you're not afraid  
You've got the world planned in your mind_

**_-Friend Like You_**

Adam seemed pleased that I was hanging out more with Lucas over the next few months. What he didn't know was that I still saw Finnick every day, talked to him all the time over the phone. He didn't know that Lucas even encouraged it. Adam was spending all his free time with Merle. And while they were awfully cute together, it got annoying when she was all he talked about. Was this how he'd felt when I was talking all the time about Finnick? But it couldn't be the same, could it? Finnick and I weren't together. Not even close. Neither of us wanted to be. Did we?

I pushed that thought from my mind as I realized Lucas had asked me a question.

"What?" I looked at him, hugging my knees. It was late. We were sitting on the beach; we had been watching the sunset, but the sun was long-since set now and we were just talking quietly. It was cold - the late autumn air had that wintery chill to it, and there was snow in the forecast pretty soon. But for now, we were both in jeans and t-shirts and we weren't terribly cold. The cold is second nature to us. "Sorry, I...wasn't paying attention. What'd you say?"

"I asked if you like being my friend."

I looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "Yeah, of course. Why not?"

"I just thought..." he sighed, and I leaned against his shoulder. His hair was much too long and it tickled my forehead when he flipped it out of his eyes. It was odd what fast friends we'd become. For the few weeks it was still awkward and I felt like he didn't actually want to hang around me. But he stuck with me, even when I had one of my episodes when we were swimming one day, and by my standards, I think that makes him a keeper.

He sighed again, fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist, and I hooked my finger under it, pulling his arm closer. "What's this?" I whispered, running my fingertips over the thin, criss-crossed scars on his wrist. His expression didn't waver when he looked at me. I sat up straight, shifting onto my knees to face him. "Why'd you do that?

"You aren't the only one who does it, Annie." His gaze flicked down to my own wrists and then to his, and then to my eyes.

"I don't _anymore._" I replied defiantly, turning my arms so he couldn't see. "I stopped."

"Sure," he scoffed. "That's what everyone who does it says. Including me."

"I did!" I started to stand up, and he grabbed my hand. "I'm not going to sit here and let you say these things to me. I've _changed, _I swear..." Tears were welling up in my eyes and blurring my vision.

"I know. I'm sorry." He said quickly, and then let go of my hand, pushing his hands through his hair.

"It's okay." I stood beside him, and he looked up at me. I looked back at him, puffing my cheeks out. "I hate your temper."

"I hate your low tolerance for my temper."

I grinned and he chuckled softly, shaking his hair out. "You _seriously_ need a haircut. Badly. We're going to your mother tomorrow and I'm telling her to chop it all off. With a knife, if she has to."

"No!" Lucas laughed, clutching the ends of his hair, almost protectively. "I like my hair the way it is!"

"You look like a girl."

"_You _look like a girl." I stared at him, my expression blank, until he seemed to come to terms with what he'd said, and we both burst out laughing at once. Picking himself up to join me standing, he shook his head, a smile across his face. "Shut up, Annie. It's not that funny."

"You're such an idiot." I looped my arm into his and giggled quietly, looking down. We stayed silent for a bit until I forgot that it was Lucas with me and not...

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?"

"That isn't fair! Stop being psychic!" I rested my forehead against his shoulder and sighed. "Yes, I was thinking about Noah. The way we were bickering just...reminded me of him and me." Over the last few months I'd managed to not cry every time I thought about him. It was a start, anyway, but I swear, other than avoiding tears, my grief was only becoming worse.

I realized I was looking at his wrist again a moment later.

"When did you start doing...that?" I asked, nodding to his wrist without looking him in the eyes.

"Just after Brigid was reaped. The day after." He shrugged, embarrassed. "I mean...I knew that she wasn't gonna make it. I never had hope for her. I tried, but I just...couldn't. Nobody thought she'd win. Even Mom knew she wasn't coming home. She wouldn't stop crying the whole week. I still hear her crying at night, Dad trying to calm her down..." He looked at his wrist regrettably. "I feel so _weak_. She was the one in the arena, not me. She's the one who died, not me. And yet...look at me. I'm a mess."

"You're fine. You're a good person with a good heart." I shrugged. "I'm sorry. We tried to save her, we really did..." I trailed off because I didn't want to say anything that was going to be a lie. For me, as much as I hated to say it, it always had been about saving Noah. If either of us should've felt weak, it should've been me. For not trying equally hard for each tribute. For not bringing one of them home.

"It's okay." We stopped outside my house and Lucas ruffled my hair, smiling. "The victor comes tomorrow. Her Victory Tour."

I froze. "What? Who said?" _Why didn't I know about this? _I thought frantically. I wanted to march over to Finnick's house and wake him up, knocking his door down if I had to, and demand to know why nobody had told me that _she_ was coming so soon, but I knew that Adam was probably watching from the kitchen window, so going over there now wouldn't be the smartest idea.

Lucas shrugged. "I'm going for Brigid. Mom told me about it. Speaking of Mom, I need to get home before curfew," he smiled. "So I'll see you tomorrow."

Still in shock, I nodded. "Okay. See you." I turned around and walked inside, holding my head. I wasn't ready to see Noah's murderer. Even if killing him had been haunting her for the past few months, and would haunt her for the rest of her life, which I couldn't be certain was happening. Even if she felt sorry. Even if she _said _sorry. I wasn't ready.

I tossed and turned all night. Technically, because I was only a mentor, I wasn't required to attend the assembly of the victor and the tributes' families. But it was Noah's siblings. And Lucas was going to be there. Adam was probably going, too, with Merle. I wouldn't be all alone if I broke down or did something drastic. So I was going, whether it was the right decision or not.

The next morning I was halfway through cooking breakfast when the doorbell rang. I walked out to the entryway with a pan in hand, flipping a pancake on the way. I opened the door slightly and peeked out, and Finnick's smiling face made me nearly drop the pan on my foot. I froze, then looked up the stairs to make sure Adam's door was still shut, and opened the door the rest of the way.

"What are you doing here?" I stepped aside to let him inside and he chuckled softly.

"Ever the good-natured neighbour, aren't we?"

"Shut up, Odair, I'm serious." we walked back to the kitchen and I flipped the pancake onto the pile of the other cooked ones. I turned to him after I'd poured another cup of batter into the pan and he held his hands up in defense.

"I didn't realize my presence was so unwanted here."

"What do you want?"

"Now that you mention it, I'd love some breakfast."

"Finnick. Stop thinking about your stomach for two seconds." I sighed, listening for Adam's door to open. It'd happen any second, and by the time he was finished his usual three-minute shower, Finnick needed to be out the door. "What'd you come for?"

"You're going to the ceremony today, right?"

"Yeah, of course," I nodded, and he took a seat at the table. He peeked into the teapot and I handed him a mug reluctantly. "Look, you need to be out of here before Adam wakes up. He hates you enough as it is."

"Seriously though, can I have some breakfast?"

"God, Finnick!" I rolled my eyes and turned back to the stove, flipping the pancake.

"Is that a yes?"

"You're infuriating." He grabbed a plate from the cupboard, winking and grinning at me, and stabbed a fork into the top two pancakes on the pile. Without another word, I passed him the butter and maple syrup. The sooner he finished eating, the sooner he'd be out of the house.

"Thanks, sweetheart."

"Don't call me that."

"What would you prefer?" He was enjoying this; I could hear the grin in his voice, although my back was turned. "Sugar plum? Cutie pie? Precious? Honey? Darling?"

"Shut up and eat, or I'm throwing you out."

"'Darling' it is." He started to eat, chuckling. I sighed, exasperated, and cooked a few more pancakes before setting the rest of the table around Finnick, then starting on the dishes already piling up. Finnick finished eating and set his plate on the counter beside me, and walked around to the other sink where I was putting the washed dishes. He grabbed a tea towel and started to dry the dishes and put them away.

"You don't have to - " I began, but he waved me off, not looking up. On the floor above us, I heard Adam's door open and close, and footsteps go into the bathroom. "Adam'll be down here soon."

"Are you really that scared of your brother knowing we're still friends?"

"No!" I said, a little too quickly. He glanced at me, an eyebrow raised incredulously, and I sighed, looking back to the soapy water. "Maybe a little."

"He isn't in charge of you. Or, he shouldn't be." We finished up the dishes and I leaned against the counter, sighing. My hair was starting to dry from my shower and the waves in it were beginning to curl around my neck. I twisted a lock of hair around my finger and looked down, feeling his gaze burn into the top of my head. Finally, Finnick sighed and backed up a step. "I'll see you at the ceremony."

"See you." My voice came out as a whisper. As the front door closed, I heard the bathroom door open again and Adam came down the stairs, swinging into the kitchen with a smile. Still thinking about what Finnick had said, I placed the plate of pancakes on the table and walked out to the living room, flopping on the couch.

"Annie, aren't you going to eat?" Adam called after me. I shrugged.

"Not really hungry." I mumbled and flipped through channels on the TV. There was nothing I felt like watching - it was all news and nothing interesting. Without another word to Adam, I walked out the door and ran down to the beach, standing on the edge of the dock with my hands clasped behind my back. I breathed in the fresh salt-water scent and shut my eyes, feeling slightly dizzy. I opened my eyes again and stepped back from the edge of the dock, suddenly worried about falling in.

"How'd I know you'd be here?"

"Because..." I sighed, looking back at him. "Where else do I ever go, Finnick?" He lifted his shoulders in a shrug and came up behind me, crossing his arms loosely over his chest.

"What's on your mind?"

"Everything." I combed my fingers through my hair and tipped my head back to pull it into a ponytail.

"I know what you mean." Finnick scratched the back of his neck, taking a deep breath.

"I haven't even spoken to Noah's family. His brother and sister, I mean." I admitted in a low voice, my hands in the pockets of my dress.

"I guess you'll talk to them today."

"I guess so," I agreed, looking at my feet. "Why are you going, anyway? You don't have to."

"I like to meet the victors every year. Or at least see what they're like."

"You're quite the social butterfly," I joked, but he just nodded, looking out at the water silently. I looked over at him after a moment of quiet. "What's on _your _mind?"

"Everything." He smiled slightly.

"Such as?"

"Just...everything." He shrugged, sitting down cross-legged on the dock. I sat down beside him and hugged my knees, watching a fish swim past in the water.

"How's your brother?" I traced circles on the dock with my fingertip absently, not looking at him. My fingernails were chipped and bitten as usual, and I figured I could probably paint them at some point, but I sucked at painting my own nails. What I needed was a girl friend to help, to hang out with me and have sleepovers with and talk about girl stuff with. We could paint each others nails and go to the beach and talk about boys and -

"Annie?"

"Huh?" I snapped my head up to look at him, my hand freezing.

"You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?" I looked away, blushing, and shook my head slightly. Finnick laughed. "You know, generally when people ask questions, they listen to the answer. Just a tip, for future reference." I giggled softly and pushed a lock of hair from my forehead behind my ear. "So," he drawled, smiling a little and scooped up a handful of water, throwing it at me. "A little birdie told me that you used to hate me. What happened to that, hm?"

I looked at him, shaking my head slightly. "You're not a very easy guy to hate, you know."

"Interesting." He cocked an eyebrow at me and I rolled my eyes, looking away. He chuckled and bumped his shoulder against mine and I bumped him back, laughing. He bumped mine back again and I stuck my tongue out at him and pushed his arm, grinning. When he pushed me again, I was ready and I tensed up so I hardly budged, and as soon as he was relaxed I threw my whole weight against him and he toppled over sideways, laughing. I fell backward on the dock, laying on my back to look at the sky. When he sat up again he was giving me a dangerously mischievous look, and like an idiot, I ignored it.

It was only another half-second before he started tickling me. I squeaked and scrambled away, but he caught me around the waist and pulled me back, holding me captive in his lap and attacking my sides and armpits and stomach and ribcage in tickles. I pounded weak punches into his chest, giggling despite myself.

"Stop!" I sighed breathlessly, still giggling.

"Why?" Finnick grinned, pausing for a moment to let me have my say.

"Because I don't like it." I replied, knowing that it was a sub-par answer and he'd never take it.

"You _seem _to like it just fine, you're _laughing_." He tapped his chin in mock thought, looking innocently confused.

Luckily, before he could continue, a voice came from behind us and he jumped a mile, throwing me out of his lap. I laughed at his momentary hysteria and he shot me a quick glare, turning around to see who it was.

"You guys are _adorable_."

"Shut up, Lucas." I rolled my eyes at him, trying the act of indifference again, but I knew my face was flaming red. Even Finnick's cheeks were an uncharacteristic shade of pink, quite obvious even through his tan.

"Ceremony's starting in a couple minutes. People were getting suspicious that neither of you were there when you said you would be," he raised an eyebrow suggestively and I stifled a giggle. "and so you're lucky that it was me who came to find you and not someone much more gossipy." I stood up and hugged him.

"Stretch the truth to anyone and you're dead." I mumbled in his ear, then smiled at him sweetly.

_A/N: Oh man, I had a hard time figuring out a place to end this monster chapter. (well, monster by my standards...)_


	22. Chapter 22

_When it feels like life's wastin' away,_  
_ I can say: that when there's_  
_Something on my mind,_  
_ It takes my concentration.  
_

_**-Something On My Mind**  
_

I stood with Finnick at the back of the small crowd, my hands folded in front of me. Adam was on my other side and I felt like he was judging me for standing with Finnick, even though I hardly had a choice. We were the mentors, neither of us were family, it was expected we'd stand together. Johanna Mason was on the stage with our mayor, who was saying a few words, and I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

As the ceremony began to close, Johanna finally looked up, holding a bouquet of blue and green flowers and fiddling with the necklace of seashells the families had given her. "Can I say something?" She asked quietly, then without waiting for an answer, stepped up to the mic. I didn't expect a big speech, since she had to be back in the Justice Building in a few moments, and she didn't give one. The only thing she said, hardly audible even with the mic, was:

"I'm sorry that life is bullshit nowadays."

I hadn't been expecting that. No-one had. I thought for a split second I heard Finnick chuckle, but when I shot a glance at him, he looked solemn. She still didn't look at me. As the Peacekeepers started to usher her off the stage, I ran forward, jumping over the ropes that blocked the stage and launched myself up. She looked at me with wide eyes, straining at the Peacekeepers' strength to get back to me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jerked away, taking another step. The stage shifted slightly when Finnick hopped up beside me and grabbed my arm. I'd have to be quick.

But our exchange had no words. One look from her and I knew I was forgiven. I tried my best to reciprocate that expression right back at her, and by her tiny smile, I knew I'd done well enough. And then the Justice Building doors slammed shut and Finnick pulled me off the stage.

The way Adam looked at me, I guess it was a pretty stupid act. But it was satisfying, and that's what I'd wanted. I was fired up. I was ready to face anything. I was feeling the kind of burning pride I hadn't felt since before my Games.

"They aren't going to like you a whole lot for that," Finnick told me quietly, and I thought he was going to give me a lecture on how dumb I'd been and how that wasn't the way to deal with my problems. Instead, he said, "Good job, Ann." I looked at him, a grin lighting up my face, and he smiled back, squeezing my shoulder.

Adam had gone off with Merle already and Lucas was heading down to the beach, piggybacking Trent, so Finnick pulled me along, but instead of going to the beach, he brought me to the Victor's Village.

"What?" I asked, an eyebrow raised. "Trying to take me home with you?"

He laughed, tipping his head back to look at the sky. "No, I was actually hoping you'd do that for me."

"What?" I felt myself blush and looked at him. "Why would I do something like that?" We were already walking to my house, so there really wasn't much point in the question, and he didn't reply, anyway. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he had something in mind, but as I'm not telepathic, nor do I understand boys, I had no idea exactly what.

Dad was in the kitchen when we came in. He winked at me from the island, where he was cutting up a watermelon, and I stuck out my tongue back at him. He chuckled and Finnick turned to me, smiling slightly. "Where's your piano?"

"So _that's _what this is about, hm?" I laughed, taking his hand and leading him into my music room. "You want to show off your musical skills, or something?"

"No," he grinned, sliding onto the bench. "Teach me something?" I smiled at the thought of teaching him. As if that would be fun, or something. It'd be a hassle, if anything. Nonetheless, I sat on the bench beside him and showed him where to put his fingers on the keys, and what note each key was.

"Just try to play." I shrugged, and he tapped out a few notes. I giggled a little, bumping my shoulder against his when he started playing a side-by-side flat and natural together, sounding atrocious. He bumped me back, chuckling softly.

"_You_ play something, then."

"This is a lesson. You won't get better if you just watch me play." Actually, I just didn't want to play for him. What if I screwed up? What if I froze up again? I'd just be embarrassing myself. It was too risky, all of it. Better to just teach him. Or, try to. So I took out one of my first piano books and set it up on the stand, letting him read through the explanations, and looked through the bookshelves lining the walls. While he started to play, I picked up an old book I loved about a boy who learned he was the son of this ancient sea god and went on this crazy quest. Unfortunately I only had the first book in the series, and I hadn't been able to find the others anywhere. Then I sat back on the bench backwards, leaning against Finnick's side and started to reread the book.

At least an hour we sat like that, his muscles tensing every time he got a wrong note. Every time I'd turn around and help him. And every time I giggled from a joke in my book, he'd turn around and read over my shoulder, or tell me to read the passage out loud. None of the jokes ever made sense to him since he hadn't read the whole book, and he'd give me a strange look and tell me that it wasn't actually very funny, and then I'd just laugh more and try to explain. And then I'd stop laughing and sober up and tell him very seriously to read the book.

"Listen to this one!" I exclaimed through giggles, and when he turned from the piano, he gaped.

"You're nearly finished!"

"Well, yeah, I'm a quick reader." I shrugged. "Listen. It's funny, I swear. So there's this security guard of the Underworld guy, Charon, and the main character, Percy, and his friends are there because...well, if you want to know, you'll have to read it - "

"Get to the point." Finnick chuckled, hanging over my shoulder.

"So Charon asks how they died, and Grover - he's the satyr - "

"The hell's that?"

"Read the book. Grover's like, 'We drowned...in the bathtub' and Charon's like, 'All of you?' since it seems so preposterous, and they all nod and Charon's just like, 'Big bathtub'. As if that isn't the weirdest thing ever!" I was almost laughing too hard to get the last bit out. Finnick did his regular eyebrow-raising and turned back to the piano. After a moment, I bumped his shoulder. "Just read the book. It's good!"

"Sounds weird to me."

"It is! But it's _awesome._" Finnick laughed and took out another old piano book of mine. I sighed and got back to my book, leaving him to the piano once again. I laid my head on his shoulder and kept reading, turning page after page.

"What's that book called? The series?"

"Oh, um..." I looked at the spine of the paperback, where the series name was hardly legible. "_Percy Jackson and the Olympians._ Why?"

"I think Mags has a couple of those books."

"Really?" I asked excitedly and hopped up, throwing the book on the couch. "Can we go see her? Please, please, _please_?" Finnick chuckled and stood up, nodding.

"I guess that marks the end of this lesson?"

"Oh...sorry..." I ran my hand through my hair, looking down. "I guess...we can go another time..."

"Nah," Finnick shook his head and smiled. "It's fine. My eyes hurt from staring at music, anyway."

"Great!" I exclaimed, and he grinned. "I mean, great that we can go, not great that - "

"I know, Annie." He laughed and slipped his hands into his back pockets, letting me lead the way back out to the main room.

"Where are you kids headed?" Dad asked from the kitchen, where he was now looking through an old photo album. I grabbed a piece of watermelon on my way past the counter. Finnick did the same.

"Just Mags's." I replied, and Dad nodded.

"You'll be home for dinner?"

"Unless Mags turns out to be a crazy kidnapper and lures us into her candy house, then fattens us up and tries to cook us for her dinner."

There was silence and I blushed.

"Sorry," I cleared my throat, hurrying to the door. "I read too much. Yes, I'll be home for dinner." Finnick and I left the house and he burst out laughing. "Shut up." I mumbled, looking down in a sad attempt to hide my blush. When he finally stopped laughing, he started to say something, but I held up a hand. "If you're going to make a smartass comment, I don't want to hear it."

"I wasn't," he replied defensively. It was another a minute before he continued. We were at Mags's door before he said anything. "_Hansel and Gretel_, isn't it?"

I looked at him, surprised. "You know that story?"

"Believe it or not, I had a half-decent childhood. My mother got me old fairy-tale books from her own grandmother all the time."

"I didn't know you could read." I mumbled, nearly inaudibly. He snorted and knocked on Mags's door, rolling his eyes at me.

"I was reading that book over your shoulder, wasn't I?" I didn't get the chance to say anything else because the door swung open and Mags's smiling face greeted us.

"Wonderful!" She clapped her hand together a few times. She babbled something else that I couldn't quite decipher, but Finnick seemed to understand just fine and pulled me inside, following Mags to the kitchen where there were fresh-baked cookies on the counter. Finnick and I looked at each other and he mouthed, _Fattening us up? _and I stifled a giggle, taking a cookie.


	23. Chapter 23

_Everything will change_  
_ Nothing stays the same_  
_ Nobody is perfect_  
_ Oh, but everyone is to blame_

_**-In My Veins**  
_

Finnick was taking his sweet time asking Mags about the books. I, of course, had wanted to ask as soon as we set foot in the house, but he adored Mags so much that I couldn't bring myself to be rude about it. I tapped my fingertips on the counter impatiently and looked at him every few moments, but he was in a deep, animated conversation with the old woman. Every time I was about to speak up, Mags shoved the plate of cookies at me, telling me to take another, insisting that I was much too skinny to be healthy. Finnick gave me a shrug every time and took another cookie for himself.

Finally, though, he seemed to notice how spacey I was during their conversation, and he nudged my shoulder lightly. "Mags, do you think Annie could check out your library?"_ Library? _I thought. How many books did she own?

Mags babbled something I couldn't understand back, but by the way her eyes lit up, I could tell it was a positive answer. She stood up, grabbed my hand and led me in the door to the side of her bathroom. Finnick brought up the rear, his hands in his back pockets. Mags went in first, and Finnick clapped his hands over my eyes just a moment before the door opened. I let them bring me in and waited for him to take his hands away.

And when he did, I couldn't have been more mesmerized. Books were everywhere. Not just on the shelves. They were stacked in front of the shelves, on the coffee table, on the couch, in boxes. Every book imaginable was there. I gasped quietly, and broke into a grin, taking everything in. The skylight made the room bright, as it was getting to be late afternoon, and the sunlight shone off the spines of the books.

"Where did you get them all?" I whispered, standing still as a statue.

When she replied, Finnick translated her babbles for me. "She says she already had most of them as a very young girl, before the Games started. They hid them away in their old house from Peacekeepers, and when she moved in here after her Games they transferred them all."

"It's_ beautiful_." I finally rushed to one of the shelves, running my fingers over the spines. There was a section of what looked like romances for teenagers, all by the same author. On the shelf below was a series of seven books, the last four massive, at least five-hundred pages each, I'd say. In front of that shelf was a stack of nine books, all in one series, too.

I turned back to Mags and Finnick. "Can I just _live _in here?" I asked. I was sure I was grinning from ear to ear, and Mags smiled excitedly, nodding.

"You can come over anytime and borrow books." She told me, clear enough so I could understand.

"Thank you." I smiled and rushed over to hug her. She laughed and threw her arms around me. Finnick smiled and walked over to the shelves, scanning the series of seven.

"Were these any good?" He asked Mags without turning to look at us, taking out the first one and began to flip through it.

"Wonderful." Mags replied, and Finnick slipped the book back into its place, leaving it slightly pulled out to keep track of where it was. I walked back over to join him and he handed me a stack of three books.

"What's - " I started to ask, but I didn't get to finish. On the edge of the top book was the series name. _Percy Jackson and the Olympians._ I guessed the series was four books in total. Or, at least, I hoped so, because even Mags didn't seem to have a fifth book. I smiled and hugged him. "Mags? Can I borrow these ones for awhile?" She craned her neck to see them and nodded curtly, smiling warmly. "Thanks so much." I hugged her again and set the books down in their stack by the door, continuing to look around.

We stayed for another few hours before I decided it was time for me to go home for dinner. I thanked Mags again and gave her another hug, and then Finnick walked me back to my house, the first of the series of seven in his hand. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?" He asked with a smile.

"Sure. The beach?" I replied, knowing his answer even before he nodded. Had it ever been a question with the two of us? No. The beach was the place we both loved to go. Even if I hadn't asked him, I know we both would've gone there.

I walked inside and found Dad sitting on the staircase, a few steps up. In his lap was another photo album. He seemed to be doing a lot of reminiscing of the late. When I started to step around him, he grabbed my leg and without words I sat next to him, leaning on his side. We looked through the photos, the smiling face of my mother with baby Adam, my dad grinning with four-year-old Adam and newborn me at the park on the edge of the district, playing kickball. Mom had probably wanted to kill him later for bringing a baby on such a dangerous endeavour. Picture after picture of Adam and me, Noah and me, the three of us hanging out.

What surprised me, though, was the single picture on the last page of a sixteen-year-old version of Adam, and two others. One was a girl who looked a bit younger, a familiar smile on her lips. And on the other side of her was a sixteen-year-old Finnick.

"What's - "

"He and Adam were friends," Dad said quietly, taking the picture out of the plastic sleeve. I took it into my hands, looking at it for a moment before looking to Dad for more information. "This was a while before Lucy was killed. He..." he seemed to choke up a bit. "Their moms were friends, and Adam and Finnick were on the school's kickball team together. Best of friends, really."

"What happened?" I whispered, unsure if I really wanted to know the truth or not.

"A bunch of stuff. Finnick...he was sixteen, he was a victor. He started going to the Capitol for his...visits. You know what I mean by that?" I nodded quickly, feeling my heart sink. I hated to think that he was even a year younger than I was now when he was taken from himself, when Snow began acting as if Finnick were property. "Well, Finnick asked Adam to watch out for Lucy whenever he was away. They had a special friendship, he was almost like a guardian to her. But then..." he sighed, mussing his hair. "It became more than a friendship."

"Oh my _God._" I whispered into my hands, running my hand through my hair.

"Finnick found out. And...well, he was pissed. Can you blame him?" I shook my head, still trying to take in the previous information. "The next time he was supposed to go to the Capitol, he refused. He said it was Lucy's birthday, when really it was just that he didn't want to leave her home with Adam around. He didn't trust him anymore. But our dear president didn't appreciate that, and he had Lucy killed. Finnick blamed himself, of course, saying he had been too protective, too careful. He just hadn't wanted his sister to get into trouble."

"But it wasn't his fault." I replied flatly, not looking up from the photo. I wanted to say, _He was just trying to keep his sister safe from my bastard of a brother,_ but somehow I didn't think Dad would accept me saying things like that.

"How did I never _know?"_ I asked, sighing.

"We kept it from you. You were only twelve, you were spacey. In your own little world half the time."

"No, I mean...how did I not know they were _friends?" _Dad only shrugged. One thing still didn't make sense, though. "If Adam got with Lucy," I began harshly. "then how come it's _Adam _that doesn't trust _Finnick_? Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"Your brother's paranoid. Especially since you've been hanging out with Finnick now."

"I'm not following." I mumbled, tapping my fingertips on my knees.

"He thinks Finnick is going to try something with you."

"Because _obviously _that's the kind of person he is." I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. He's being stupid. I don't even like Finnick."

"Don't you?" Dad asked, looking surprised. I looked at him, my eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. "The way you two were acting today, with the music and the reading and whatnot, anyone'd think you were madly in love with him, and him you." He gave me a slight smile, but I knew he was dead serious about the whole thing.

I shook my head. "We...we're not."

"Not yet." Dad winked at me and shut the photo album, leaving me on the staircase with the photo in my hand. I looked at it again, studying the younger Finnick. He had masses of pimples all across his hairline, an extremely goofy and carefree grin that I rarely saw on him anymore, a birthmark on his right shoulder and a small worded tattoo on the base of his neck, left side, just under where his collarbone jutted out. I'd never noticed it before, not even on beach days or any other time I'd ever seen him shirtless, which was, to put it lightly, a lot of times.

I heard the door open and close and in a moment of haste I shoved the photo down the top of my dress. Adam came into view a moment later and gave me a funny look. "What are you doing?"

For a moment, I thought to confront him. I stayed silent, staring at him for a few seconds before shaking my head, and standing up. "Nothing, just...thinking." I sighed and turned to go up the stairs. I could hardly bear to look at him, after what Dad had just told me. Maybe that feeling of disgust toward him could go away with time, or maybe not, but right now, I didn't want to be in his presence.

"Thinking about what?"

_You. Lucy. Finnick. Your betrayal. How I can ever forgive you. How I can tell you I know. If I should even tell you I know._ "It's nothing. Really." I sighed and hurried up the stairs, digging the photo out of my dress and threw it on my desk, sitting on the edge of my bed. Still in deep thought about everything.


	24. Chapter 24

_Tell me what you want to hear  
Something that were like those years  
I'm sick of all the insincere  
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

_**-Secrets**  
_

Secrets suck.

I've always been known to be able to keep secrets very well. But that was back when I had no-one to tell said secrets to. I was beginning to know what it felt like to be a regular teenage girl. And I hated it.

I couldn't talk, I couldn't meet anyone's eyes, for fear of blurting something out. Every time Adam tried to talk to me, I shut him out and tried to busy myself with something or other so that he wouldn't press. And as soon as I could, I ran to the beach. I stopped at the top of the hill leading down to the water when I realized Finnick wasn't there. I don't know why I did. I just didn't see a point in going if he wasn't there. Maybe it was because I liked his company more than being alone. But more likely, it was because I needed to tell him I knew. So I went to his house.

When I knocked, there was no answer. I rang the doorbell. No answer. But I heard footsteps inside. So I knocked one more time. This time someone opened the door. But it wasn't Finnick.

It was his mother.

"Oh..." I stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finnick's brother Jordie came around the corner with baking flour on his cheeks and clothes and a big mixing bowl in his arms. "Finnick isn't home?" I asked dumbly.

"No, sweetheart, sorry. He's not," his mother stepped aside from the door. "Do you still want to come inside?" I nodded with a small smile and walked in. She fussed over Jordie's messy face and took the bowl from him, leading us both back into the kitchen.

"What'd you want Finnick for?" Jordie asked, sitting at the kitchen table with me.

"I just...wanted to talk to him." I shrugged, and Jordie gave me a gap-toothed smile.

"Do you like him?"

I wanted to say, _why does everyone think that? _but decided against it and said, "No," with a light giggle. "We're just friends." Jordie was quickly distracted with the bowl of cookie dough his mother placed on the table with a cookie sheet.

"Not too big, remember." She patted his head and he grinned, taking a handful of dough out of the bowl, rolling it into a ball, and plopped it on the pan. "You're Annie Cresta, right?" She stuck out a hand after wiping it on her apron. "Call me Tess."

"Is that short for something?" I asked, and Jordie busted out laughing. Tess shushed him, laughing herself, and nodded to me.

"It's short for Tessamine. Awful, isn't it? Like Jessamine, only with a T." She paused, laughing softly. "What were my parents thinking?" I giggled softly, ducking my head.

"Mine's Annalise. I hate it." I offered, and Tess smiled.

"At least it's pretty." She started rolling up cookie dough, too, and pushed the bowl toward me. "Want to help?" I nodded, taking a ball of dough. "So, what'd you want to talk to Finnick about?"

"Just...stuff." I felt myself blush. She raised an eyebrow at me and I blushed more. Tess laughed and picked up the full tray, popping it into the oven, and came back with another cookie sheet.

"I hear you're teaching him piano." Tess murmured offhandedly after a moment of silence.

"Yeah. A bit. He's pretty good." I nodded, rolling up another piece of dough. "He's been very kind to me, after mentoring this year."

Tess seemed hesitant to reply. I understood why when she said it. "He knows what it's like to lose someone you love."

_I know._ I thought, but out loud I said, "I'm sorry about her. Um, Lucy." Tess smiled slightly.

"Did he tell you about her?" I nodded and she smiled a little wider, looking down. "She was such a lovely girl."

I nodded. "I've never seen a guy so attached to his family, to be honest. He adores you two. Always talking about little Jordie." I smiled and poked Jordie's nose. "I don't know what it is. He's just..." I paused, unsure if I wanted to finish. Would it be embarrassing? Probably. Would they tell him? Maybe. I decided to say it. "just entirely too wonderful for his own good." Tess smiled at me and then turned to Jordie.

"Jord, will you finish this tray for me? I'd like to talk to Annie in private." I stood up as Jordie nodded and followed Tess out to the main room. She leaned against the closed kitchen door. "You like him. I can tell."

"Maybe...a little." I sighed, looking away. "He's just such a good person. And so much bad has happened to him." Tess nodded in agreement. "It's kind of hard not to like him." I pushed my hand through my hair. "He shows me all these things and takes me out on not-really-dates."

"Oh, the not-really dates." Tess sighed, smiling. "That's what he loves. Making a girl so unsure of whether or not she should consider it a date. Here's a tip. With Finnick, regardless of whether it's a friendly outing to the beach, lunch together, or even if you just stumbled across each other on the boardwalk and decided to hang out, it's _always _a date." She winked at me. I felt my face grow warm. Finnick and I had apparently been on many dates without my notice.

I sighed. "And then I find out all these things about him, and I can't help but feel sorry for him."

She paused. "You found out why Lucy died, didn't you?"

"It wasn't his fault."

"I know that. Jordie knows that. Everyone knows that except for him." We stayed silent for another few minutes. Jordie poked his head out of the kitchen and let Tess know that the cookie dough was all on the pans and she told him she'd just be another minute. "He gets back next week." She told me when Jordie had disappeared into the kitchen again. "Problem is, I mean, with him thinking it's his fault...he doesn't tell anyone when he's thinking about it. He doesn't like to tell anyone how he's feeling. He always says he's fine when people ask if he's okay. I've come to accept that he's just going to tell me he's okay, and I just have to assume that he isn't, but there isn't anything I can do about it."

"Is it...a trust thing?" I asked curiously. I knew that I didn't like telling just anyone how I was feeling. It took a very special person.

"I don't know. He's just...never really been the same. Since Lucy died. She was the only one he ever confided in."

I stayed silent for a moment, taking that in, before asking, "Should I tell him I know? I mean, with Adam being my brother, I...can't really tell_ him_ I know, he's my _brother, _I have to see him every day. I just can't. I _thought_ I could trust him."

"Don't hold it against him," she insisted. "He was young then. Besides, you can bet that Lucy wasn't completely innocent in it, either."

"He's my _brother._"

"She was his sister. My daughter." Tess shrugged. I didn't know what else to say, so I said nothing. After a few more moments, she said, "I'll bring cookies to your house when they're finished, if you want to go home."

"Oh, you don't have to - "

"I want to. As if Jordie and I can eat all those." She laughed and I smiled.

"All right. I...guess I'll see you in a bit, then." I turned to the door, and Tess waved and disappeared back into the kitchen.

_A/N: Agh. Another atrociously short chapter. I'll try to have the next up tomorrow.  
_


	25. Chapter 25

_Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight_  
_Just a touch of the fire burning so bright_  
_ No, I don't want to mess this thing up  
**-Just a Kiss**  
_

I looked at the necklace charm in my hand, the tiny, detailed pattern. I ran my thumb over it again, then held one end of the chain in each hand, clipping it on around my neck. It fell just above the top hem of my dress and I dropped my hands to the sand, sighing.

It had to be at least one in the morning. I hadn't been able to sleep, so I'd come out to the beach. I'd tried reading for awhile, but even that had gotten boring. I was finished the second _Percy Jackson _book and I was about half-way through the third one, but I just hadn't been in the mood for reading. I couldn't have played piano, either, since it was late and Dad and Adam were both sleeping, or trying to. I'd brought a few of Tess's cookies with me, but I'd eaten them as soon as I'd sat down around an hour ago.

"Hey." I jumped. I hadn't expected anyone to be out this late. But I guess I should've guessed none other than Finnick would be. He slid down into the sand beside me, a blue hoodie hanging off his shoulders.

"You're back." I murmured, digging my fingers into the near-frozen sand. We were getting into December, and the ocean was starting to freeze over slightly, although our warm, humid temperatures never allowed for much snow or ice.

"I'm back." He confirmed, looking at me. "Aren't you cold?" I looked down at myself, remembering that I was wearing only my dress and a thin cardigan over top, but still I shook my head. My bare legs had goosebumps, but I hardly noticed. I was kind of used to it. He started to slip his arms out of his hoodie, but I stopped him quickly.

"I'm fine. You shouldn't be cold, either, you know."

"Just trying to be a gentleman."

"Well, I appreciate that, but I won't appreciate it much if you freeze to death." I scooted closer to his side and leaned into him a little, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugged them. He wrapped an arm around me lightly; his warmth radiated from his body and I realized that I was a little cold, compared to him, and leaned into him just a little bit more. "Did you just get in?"

Finnick nodded. "Why aren't you at home? It's late."

"Couldn't sleep." I mumbled, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Nightmares?"

"No, I mean...I just couldn't even fall asleep." Finnick rested his cheek on my head and I felt my cheeks flush slightly. The last few months, all I'd been trying to do was convince people that I didn't like Finnick. And here I was now, snuggled up close to him. At least nobody was around to see us.

For a few minutes, we were both silent, looking at the water. I hadn't realized he had a cooler in one hand until he took a sip, causing his arms to shift slightly. I stared at it for a moment before he held it to me. "Sip?"

"No thanks, I...don't really drink." I said lamely, shaking my head quickly.

"It's hardly a drink." He shrugged, placing the bottle in front of me. The paper on the side showed a peach. I _loved _peach. I took it cautiously, taking a sip slowly. It actually was remarkably good. Didn't taste like beer at all. I must've smiled, or something, because he chuckled and took it back. "Good?"

"Yeah." I nodded, and he took another sip, putting the bottle down in the sand on his other side when it was empty. "Um...I learned something." I began quietly, and he looked at me, so our noses were just an inch away from touching. He met my eyes, looking curious.

"What'd you learn?"

"I heard about what happened...why you and Adam stopped being friends." I averted my gaze as he sighed, but when I wasn't looking, he rested his forehead against mine, his eyes shut.

"Do we have to talk about this?" He asked quietly, without opening his eyes.

"No," I said quickly. "Not if you don't want to."

"But you want to." He guessed, and I nodded slightly. "All right." He shook his hair out, sighing again.

"It wasn't your fault. That...she died." I said immediately, and he frowned.

"Clearly, it was. Why can't anyone see that?"

"Because...it's _you _who can't see it clearly." I replied quietly, resting my forehead against his cheek. "I...I'm sorry Adam did that."

"I forgave him a long time ago," Finnick mumbled. "I don't know what he's so worried about."

"He thinks..." I trailed off, unsure of whether or not I should say it to Finnick himself. I decided against it. Instead, I said, "You shouldn't forgive him. What he did was awful, and...completely out of line."

"I don't care." Finnick sighed, pulling away from me and pushed his hands through his hair, exasperated.

I fumbled in the pocket of my dress for the photo. "Have you seen this?" I showed it to him, and he finally smiled again.

"Where'd you get that?"

"One of my dad's photo albums." I replied, handing the photo to him. "You can have it, if you want. I'm sure it means more to you than to me."

"Thank you." He looked at me, smiling slightly. "It...does really mean a lot." He choked up a little and I wrapped my arm around his torso, resting my cheek on the side of his arm.

"Are you okay?" I asked, expecting him to give his regular answer of _I'm fine. _But surprisingly, he said,

"Yeah..." and after a moment, he added, "No. No, I don't think I am."

I looked up at him, worried. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have brought it up..."

"No," he shook his head. "_That's_ okay. _I'm_ just...not."

"Is there anything I can do?"

He seemed to consider this. "Yeah, actually. There is something." He nodded. But before I could ask what, he turned his head toward me and tipped my chin up slightly; his touch seemed to be electric. I shivered when he placed his other hand on my cheek. And then, under the stars and the moon, with nobody else in the world watching, he kissed me. His lips still tasted like the peach cooler and I could assume that mine did, too. Millions of thoughts fired through my brain in those few short seconds that his lips were pressed against mine: _why's he doing this? Is it real, or just payback to Adam? Is he just teasing me? Did he know how much I wanted this? Does he really want this? Is this okay? Should I even be letting him do this? How long has this been going on for? Is this really making him feel better? How is kissing a spacey, weird girl at all supplementary to his sister dying?  
_

And finally, of course, the one obvious question, and the only one that I really had an answer to when he pulled away: _Did I want him kissing me?_

I did.

_A/N: Damn these short chapters. But I really didn't have much more to add to this one. Hope you liked :)_


	26. Chapter 26

_At least I'm not as sad as I used to be.  
- **At Least I'm Not As Sad (As I Used To Be)**  
_

"So, like this?" I strummed the guitar and Finnick cringed beside me. I glared at him. "Fine. You try it, then." He took the guitar and played the chord easily, then gave me a smug grin and the Ponytail Guy who I had recently dubbed Jerome chuckled softly.

"Help her with it, Odair. Don't poke fun of the poor girl." He was busy restringing a different guitar, so I felt bad asking him to help instead. Finnick chewed his lip, as if considering whether he actually wanted to help me learn or not, and eventually nodded, putting the guitar back into my lap. I sighed and pressed the strings down again, my fingertips callused and hurting.

"You aren't pressing enough." He told me, and helped me press the strings down, then nodded to me. "Try it now." I strummed, and Jerome grinned.

"Much better, Annie!" He exclaimed.

"It's useless," I sighed, looking at Finnick. "Without help, I suck."

"Maybe so," Finnick commented dryly. "But everyone has to start somewhere, right?" I sighed again and nodded. "You just need more practice, that's all."

"But I can't practice at home. Adam's got a guitar, but he's, like...really protective over it. I think he loves it more than he loves me." Finnick smiled and chewed his lip again.

"You can always borrow mine."

"I couldn't. You love your guitar." I shook my head quickly. He just made a face.

"You aren't going to get better if you don't practice."

"And I'm not going to get worse if I only practice occasionally, will I?" Jerome shrugged, still bent over the guitar.

"Well, next time I leave for the Capitol, then." Finnick offered. Or, maybe it wasn't an offer. It was an order. "Next time I'm away, I'll let you borrow it. And you're going to practice every day I'm gone so you can show me your awesome skills when I get back."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Sure. Whatever."

"You will." He insisted, and I finally nodded. "Good. But anyway, as it's nearly six o' clock, I think I owe you a dinner for all the grief I've given you." I smiled and we stood up, giving Jerome the guitar back.

"When will you come again?" Jerome asked, looking up from the now-stringed guitar.

"Sometime," Finnick shrugged. "Maybe even tomorrow, if she's up for it." I nodded and dropped a couple coins into the jar.

"Thanks for the lesson." I waved as we walked off.

A week after we kissed on the beach, and neither Finnick nor I had mentioned it. I wondered if I should take that as a good or bad sign. Had he felt the same feeling I'd felt, or not? Maybe he hadn't mentioned it because it _had_ only been to spite Adam. But I didn't want to think like that, if only because I didn't want to accept that it was entirely possible.

I hadn't told anyone except Lucas, and I'd only told him because he'd guessed. Apparently I was really easy to read, because he took one look at me the morning after when he found me sitting on the boardwalk, spaced out thinking, and knew what had happened. I'd almost been able to forget that Lucas liked me, too, until I saw the look in his eyes when I confirmed his suspicions. It had only been a second; a moment of a sort of envy, or longing, maybe. And then it was gone, and a smile replaced his frown. He asked if I wanted to talk about it, and we'd had an hour-long discussion on the matter. I'd gone to his house for lunch afterward and we talked more, not about Finnick, but about everything else that was on either of our minds.

Arriving at the beach pulled me out of my reverie. "What are we doing here? We can't swim." The first twenty or so feet out on the water - now ice - was roped in for skating. I'd never even tried skating before; even if it was perfectly safe on the approved ice, I'd always been too scared. Finnick didn't answer me. He led me down to the ice and took my hand, stepping onto the frozen surface. I stayed on the frosty sand, both of our arms fully extended.

He tugged on my hand. "Come on, Ann. It's no big deal. Just skating. It's fun." He released my hand when I still didn't budge, sliding around on the ice in his sneakers. I crossed my arms, a little cold, and shook my head.

"What if I fall?" I asked, and he smiled.

"You get back up again?"

"I'm serious. I've never skated before." He raised an eyebrow and took my hand again, and then without warning, pulled me onto the ice. I squeaked and fell into him, my feet slipping around when I tried to regain my footing.

"How can you be seventeen years old and never ice-skated?" He asked me, unbelieving. "I thought it was one of those childhood things that everyone did."

"Not me." I shrugged and he helped me steady myself. When I was upright again, he raised my hand over my head, spinning me on the ice. I rolled my eyes at him, by some miracle managing to stay standing, and took his other hand, swinging our arms. He raised an eyebrow, half-smiling. "What?" I asked through soft giggles, ducking my head.

"Nothing." Finnick chuckled and pushed my arm lightly. However lightly he may have pushed me, though, it didn't stop me from losing my balance and falling to the ice, still holding his hand and pulling him down with me. We hit the ice, me on my backside and him on his stomach, both of us breathless with laughter. I leaned back on my hands, pulling my hoodie sleeves over my hands to keep them from freezing, and he propped himself up on his elbows, his expression alight with a grin.

"Ow." I put my hand to my lower back, squeezing my eyes shut. I was still giggling slightly, too, which didn't help matters, because it made it seem like I wasn't in as much pain as I was, and he stood up, yanking me to my feet. I winced and leaned into him, my arms wrapped around his torso.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking worried when I glanced up at him.

"Nothing, just - " A stab of pain to my tailbone made me stop and I pulled my hand away from it, wincing. "Probably just bruised it, or something." I sighed, standing up straight again.

"You okay?" He frowned.

"I'm fine. Just..." I puffed my cheeks out, shutting my eyes again. "Yeah. I'll be fine." I took his hand again. "You said something about getting dinner?"

"Oh. Right." Finnick nodded. "Of course. Do you want to go to that cafe again?"

"No," I smiled at him, walking back up the sand. "We'll make something at your house." He smiled and nodded.

"Fair warning. I can't cook."

"I can. We'll make something together." I laughed, and we walked back to his house, going into the kitchen. On the counter were a few of Tess's cookies still left over and I took one, biting into it with a grin. Finnick chuckled and took one himself, eating it in one bite. I laughed and smacked his stomach lightly. "Fatty." I teased, and he took three more of the leftover cookies, shoving them all into his mouth at once, then grinned at me. I couldn't help but laugh. He swallowed the cookies and then laughed, pouring himself a glass of water. "You're so gross." I bumped him with my hip and another jolt of pain told me that that hadn't been the greatest idea.

"Here, sit." Finnick pulled out a chair for me and I sat, but that only made it worse, and I quickly stood up again, shaking my head. He sighed and pulled me over to a small closet, leafing through its contents.

"What are you looking for?" I murmured, still wincing.

"Doughnut pillow."

"A pastry pillow? Did you get it in the Capitol, or something? They even make those?"

He laughed and shook his head, taking out a small, ring-shaped pillow. "This is a doughnut pillow. Used it last time Trent bruised his tailbone playing soccer in the rain. Said it worked nice." I took the pillow and placed it on the chair, noticing that the chair I was sitting in was the only one actually at the table.

"You only have one chair? What about when you have company?"

"Hardly ever have company for meals." He shrugged and opened the cupboard underneath his staircase, pulling another chair out. "But this is where the extras are, Miss Curiosity." He pushed the other chair in by the table and went to work, looking through the few cookbooks he had in the bookshelf atop the oven.

The doughnut pillow _did _feel nice, though. Much better than the plain chair had. I hunched forward, trying to take extra weight off of my tailbone and sighed, relieved when the pain lessened slightly.

"How's spaghetti sound?" Finnick asked, having abandoned the cookbooks and was now looking through his cupboards for what food supplies he actually had.

"Sounds lovely." I smiled and stood up slowly, joining him at the counter. I took out a large pot and filled it up with water, placing it on the stove and turned the heat up to high, letting it start to boil. Finnick hopped up onto the counter, taking a raw noodle out of the box and poked me with it. I narrowed my gaze in confusion at him, and he smiled innocently, chewing the raw noodle. I took it from him and put the box on the other side of the stove, rolling my eyes.

"Annie!" He whined, pushing my shoulder. "Meanie." I looked at him, an eyebrow raised.

"You're such a child." I smiled, shaking my head at him. He smiled back, patting the counter beside him. I shook my head, thinking of my tailbone, and walked to stand in front of him, looking up at him with a small frown. "So - " I was cut off by what looked like a mouse with wings fluttering into the kitchen, perching on Finnick's shoulder. "What's _that_?" I asked, staring at it.

"Oh," he grinned, picking the little guy up off his shoulder. It was smaller than the palm of Finnick's hand, even with its wings outstretched. "This is Moku. He's a bat."

"A bat." I repeated, still staring. "You have a pet bat."

"What's wrong with that? He's adorable." Finnick held Moku up to his face, wrinkling his nose at the tiny creature. "Aren't you?" He said in a baby-talk voice, then looked at me again.

"Where'd you get a pet bat?" I asked, completely weirded out.

"Oh, he was living on the edge of that cliff I took you to a couple years back. Had a broken wing. I brought him to my mom and she fixed his wing and she tried to set him back into the wild, but he flew to my house and he's lived here ever since."

"Oh." I nodded slightly, my eyes wide. "That...just makes total sense." Finnick laughed and let go of Moku, letting him fly back out into the other room.

"I think you hurt his feelings. He usually likes new people."

"I think you're on something." I mumbled back, and Finnick laughed.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

Once the spaghetti was cooked, Finnick served up two plates, pouring sauce onto the noodles and placed one in front of me with a mug of tea. He sat down across from me, pushing his food around the plate to mix the sauce in. "I...kind of feel like we should talk." He tapped his fingertips on the table, glancing at me.

"Okay," I nodded noncommittally, taking a a bite. "About what?"

"You know what I'm talking about." He sighed, and I nodded again, looking down. I did know, perfectly well. "I...I'm sorry I did that. It was stupid, and impulsive, and selfish." I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, staying silent. By what he'd said, I couldn't tell if he meant he really regretted it. When he didn't say anything else, I felt a sinking in my chest, and spoke up.

"Don't be sorry," I mumbled. "It...it didn't...um..." I felt myself blush and I looked down, embarrassed.

"Sorry," I kicked his shin under the table and took another bite. "No, I mean it. I shouldn't have done it." Once again, I didn't say anything. What could I say? "I've made things awkward between us, and..." he trailed off, neither of us saying another word until we were finished eating. Outside the kitchen window, tiny snowflakes were beginning to fall. They melted as soon as they touched the ground, but it was a start. Maybe in the next week we'd have enough snow to celebrate a white Christmas time.

I started on the dishes, Finnick grabbing a towel and drying. He started to rant again and I splashed him with water from the sink, smiling a little.

"What was that for?" He asked, glaring. I splashed him again.

"Shut _up_ about that kiss. If it meant nothing to you, then it meant nothing to me, and we can just...move on."

"But it _did _mean something to me." I was really afraid he was going to start ranting again, so I splashed him one more time, smiling to myself. "Oh," he chuckled, dropping the towel to the floor and smiling mischievously. "It is _on, _Cresta." He grabbed the nozzle from the sink, squeezing the trigger. Nothing happened, because the water wasn't on, though, and I laughed, sticking my tongue out at him. Quickly, before I could stop him, he flipped up the faucet handle, pointing the nozzle at me again.

"Don't you _dare_ - " I didn't get to finish before he squeezed the trigger again, and I flinched away, ducking under the spray of water. He followed me with the nozzle and I screamed, still laughing, and crawled away, then hopped to my feet. My tailbone was killing me, of course, but I hardly noticed, picking up the pot of cooled water we'd used for boiling the noodles, shoving my hair out of my face. He let go of the trigger, his eyes wide, and he cursed loudly. Ignoring his protests, I tipped the pot over at about mid-torso level on him and the water splashed out of the pot, most of it, surprisingly, splashing him instead of the floor.

He glared at me. Both of us were still laughing, though. Then, he grinned and yelled, "You asked for it." He stooped over and wrapped his arms around my waist, throwing me over his shoulder.

"What are you_ doing_?" I yelled at him, giggling uncontrollably. He never did answer. He carried me into his bathroom, turning the knobs on his shower and shoved me into the tub as the water started up. I pulled him in after me, the water now blasting from the shower. He used me as a shield so I got the worst of the water, but I guess I couldn't really complain, because spaghetti water had to be soaked into his underwear by now.

He was just laughing, now, standing up straight. The water was still spraying but neither of us could possibly be more soaked, so we hardly noticed. I squirmed in my wet clothes as I climbed out of the tub again, and he followed me out, the floor of his bathroom flooded. He turned off the water, pushing his hands through his hair, and we walked back out to the kitchen, which was pretty much soaked, too.

I glanced back at him, grinning, and he sighed, shaking his head with a smile. "I'm gonna go change."

"Not fair. This is uncomfortable, too." I pointed to my clothes.

"You should've thought of that before initiating a water fight." He grinned, and I huffed, crossing my arms. "I'm joking. Some of my mom's clothes are in the closet over there," he pointed to the closet underneath the stairs. "If you're so desperate, go into there and find something."

I sighed gratefully. "Thank you." I walked to the closet, searching through a few boxes and trying to look around the extra chairs. All I could really find that I thought would fit me was a pair of jeans, no shirts or clean underclothes. There were a few, of course, but all too big or too small. I bit my lip, taking out one last box, the label to which, to my surprise, read, _Lucy. _I opened it up, curious, and found dozens of shirts and pants and skirts inside, underclothes squished into the side, and on the very top, an old-looking, worn sock monkey. On the sock monkey's left side was a stitched-on heart that had the words _best sister ever _etched in. I was still staring at it when Finnick came pounding back down the stairs, his wet clothes draped over his forearm.

"Do you want me to - " he stopped when he saw what I was looking at. "Oh. You...found that, I guess..." I nodded, looking up at him.

"Did...you give her this?" I asked, holding out the monkey to him. He nodded his head, biting his lip, and took the toy, staring at it. Moku fluttered into the hallway, landing on the top of his head, and he sighed, ducking his head to hide the tears rimming his eyes. I quickly took a few clothing articles out of the box and shut it, pushing it back into the closet, and disappeared into the bathroom to change. Everything fit well enough, thankfully. I could hear him outside still, taking shaky breaths, until I came back out with my clothes bunched up in my arms. The bat was flying in circles above his head now.

"Do you want me to throw those in the washer with these?" He asked, holding up his own clothes, and I nodded, following him to the washer. He dropped his bundle of clothes in and I dropped mine, pouring detergent in with them. Before I even turned back to him, he was hugging me, taking short, quick breaths. I looked up at him, cupping his cheeks in my hands gently.

"Finnick," I sighed, meeting his eyes carefully. "It's...um, it's okay..." I hugged him back, then, and there's no saying how long we stayed like that for. His tears were soaking into the shirt I was wearing and I pulled away slightly, smiling at him. "I _just _changed clothes, Finnick." He chuckled weakly, rubbing his eyes. In his hand, still, was the sock monkey. I led him back to the couch and sat with him, pulling my knees up to my chest. "It's okay." I whispered, combing through his hair with my fingers. "It's alright. Promise." I sighed, blinked, and met his eyes. Then I scooted closer to him, leaning into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me, his breaths slowly becoming calm again. I rested my head against his chest, listening to his heart beat.

"God, I miss her..." he finally whispered, his voice breaking.

"I know." I started to trace circles on his collarbone absently, my forehead brushing his jawline.

He sighed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make such a scene. 'Magine if those lady friends in the Capitol saw me like this, huh?" I laughed softly and continued to trace circles, still listening to his heartbeat. It was starting to slow down a little now. "Annie?"

"Yeah?"

"Did..." he blushed slightly. "Did that kiss mean anything to you?" I looked up at him, nodding slowly.

"It...yeah. It did." I nodded again, and he half-smiled. Suddenly, I was curious about something. "Do you really have a tattoo?"

"What?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.

"I mean, not to be off-topic...but that picture of you, Lucy, and Adam. You have a tattoo in it. Right," I pointed to the place under his collarbone on his left side. "here." He nodded and pulled the collar of his shirt down slightly so I could see it. There, on his skin, were the words _be strong _etched in a shadowy grey colour. Carefully, I ran my fingers across the ink, tracing each letter. He watched me silently, meeting my eyes when I looked back up. "Um..." I blushed. "I should probably...get home..." I started to scramble away, half-way to the door before he caught my arm.

"Not before you help me clean up." He grinned and grabbed a mop from the closet, handing it to me. I laughed, nodding, and followed him back out to the kitchen.

_A/N: There's the long chapter we've been holding out for since the last two!_


	27. Chapter 27

_Even though I was blind before_  
_I've realized there is so much more_  
_And it was always deep down in the core of me_  
_I know it now  
Even though it seems too much to take__  
There's a feeling I can't seem to shake_  
_**- Even Though**_

"Are you sure about this?" I whispered to Lucas as we climbed up the hill. Lucas just shrugged. Christmas Eve, and the ground was covered in a foot of snow, which had surprised and pleased everyone. Kids were out making snowmen, older adults were busying themselves clearing the roads and paths, which left teenagers and childish adults like Finnick to do whatever they wanted.

"If he's sure, it must be okay." He nodded to Finnick, who was at least ten feet ahead of us, and completely absorbed in telling us about different times he'd done this exact thing, but on bigger hills, and how it was mostly safe and how he'd only broken his arm once. But even his reassurance wouldn't convince me until I was okay and at the bottom of the hill. It was like cliff jumping that way. Only, I hadn't jumped, I'd been too scared. Sledding was a new kind of scary, but at least it seemed relatively unharmful. Sort of.

When we reached the top of the hill, Finnick handed us each a large, flat piece of cardboard that he said would work nicely as sleds, and asked which one of us wanted to go first. Lucas and I each pointed to each other. He looked back and forth from Lucas to me and back with an unimpressed look. "Fine. I'll go. But then it's your turn," he pointed at Lucas. "then you, Ann." He looked at me and nodded, setting his cardboard down on the ground and sat on his knees on it, inching forward to the edge of the hill.

I was about to ask him about the bushes and trees in the path, what-if-you-sled-right-into-one, but a second later he was flying down the path at full speed, holding the two front corners of the cardboard for steering. Lucas walked to the edge of the hill next, doing just what Finnick had, putting the cardboard down and sat on it, grabbing the corners. He took a deep breath, his eyes shut, and I came up behind him.

"Want a push?" I asked him, crouching at his side, and he nodded slightly. I gave him the smallest, slightest shove, and he went zooming down, hunching over a little to steady for steering himself. As he disappeared from sight, I sat on my own piece of cardboard, waiting about as long as Lucas had, and then pulled myself forward.

The drop happened a lot sooner than I'd expected, and I completely forgot about the steering corners, only shifting my weight every time I needed to turn away from bushes and twigs. The wind was rushing through my hair, pieces of snow flying up and stabbing my face, my eyes wide. The worst part, though, was that it was _fun_. It really was like flying, in a way. It was simple, and safe, and fun, and -

And I was right, about the danger of trees and bushes.

One bush had been completely covered in snow, with only a few leaves sticking out, and it had been molded into a sort of ramp. So of course I hit it, and went flying. Maybe real flying wasn't so much fun, at least when gravity was involved. I landed in a snowbank, buried in the fluffy, cold mound in seconds. Luckily, I'd been near the bottom of the hill, so Lucas and Finnick were right there to help me out.

"Annie?" Lucas tugged on my hand, trying to get me to come to my senses and get out, but I wouldn't budge. The air had been knocked out of me in my fall, and I was having enough trouble breathing, not to mention_ thinking_ about replying. Before I could stop him, though, Finnick had his arm around my waist and was lifting me out of the snow, Lucas in front of me, patting my cheeks lightly.

When I was breathing normally again, I started to laugh, and Finnick, surprised, dropped me back to the ground. I landed on my hands and knees then dropped to my stomach, still giggling. Lucas and Finnick crouched down beside me, both equally confused. "I think she's delirious." Lucas whispered to Finnick, an eyebrow raised. Finnick chuckled and looked at me, turning my head to see him.

"Annie," he was grinning, now, and I kept laughing, now face-down in the snow. "Was that fun?" He asked me, tickling under my chin to get me to look up. I sat up and hugged him, biting my lip to keep from giggling more.

"Let's do that _again_." I giggled into his jacket, hiding my face from either of them.

"Oooo-kay!" Finnick smiled, and I thought he was agreeing to sled again, but he stood up, threw me over his shoulder, and started walking away from the hill, Lucas by his side. "We'll go to my place. Get some tea. Wait for this crazy to calm down a little." I kept on laughing, unsure of what I was laughing at anymore, and pounded my fists into his back.

"C'mon, lemme down." I sighed finally as we reached his house, my giggles finally subsided. He walked inside and set me down on the couch. Lucas sat in the armchair, and Finnick disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with three mugs and a teapot.

"Coasters on the side there." He pointed to the pile of coasters and gave us each a mug. I took a coaster, wrapping up in a throw blanket from the side of the couch, and poured myself some tea, warming my hands on the mug. "Cold?" Finnick looked over at me as Lucas poured his tea, and I nodded, shivering. Finnick stood, walking to the thermostat, and tapped the up arrow a couple times.

"What was with that laugh attack, anyway?" Lucas asked me, hiding his smile in his tea mug. I bit my lip and smiled, looking down. A blush crept onto my cheeks.

"I...don't really know." I shrugged, still looking down. Finnick sat on the couch beside me again and took a sip of tea, a smile on his lips.

"It was really funny." He offered, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Shut up." I giggled softly, nudging his leg with my foot.

"Don't start laughing again." He mumbled, grinning at me.

"Don't make me pour spaghetti water on you again." I mumbled back, hoping that Lucas wouldn't hear. We hadn't told anyone about the water fight, and we didn't plan to. Unfortunately, my comment brought rising curiosity.

"What?" Lucas asked, and despite my protests, Finnick launched into the full story in his usual animated way, using huge arm motions. His grin never left his expression. He looked at me every so often for my input, too, to make sure he had the story right, and by the end, Lucas was laughing too hard to speak. A smile had even found its way to me, a light blush topping my cheeks. I pulled my knees up onto the couch with me, hugging them close to the rest of me. The blanket started to slip off my shoulders and Finnick caught it, tucking it under my chin and around my shoulders again. A girly _aww _came from Lucas, and I rolled my eyes at him. But when Finnick's fingers brushed my cheek in the process of fixing the blanket, Lucas spotted my blush and chuckled.

"Do you guys want something to eat?" Finnick asked after the blanket was around my shoulders again.

"What have you got?" Lucas asked, and Finnick rattled off a list of instant meals, fruit, and microwavable food. Lucas asked for some kind of instant noodles and I shrugged, telling him to surprise me. When he was gone again, I walked over to where his guitar was leaned against the wall, picking it up and bringing it back with me to the couch. I'd already noticed a few handwritten sheets on the coffee table with chords written in, and I decided to try them out. I was getting much better. I could play all of the beginner chords and even some of the more advanced ones, and I was learning more every day.

I tried playing each chord in order, and suddenly it wasn't just a mess of chords anymore. It was a tune, a song; one that I recognized, at that. Finnick stuck his head back into the living room. "You found that, did you?"

"How do you know this song?" I asked him, surprised. He came back in with a bowl of soup for Lucas and a fruit platter for the three of us to share.

"My mom used to sing it to my brother, sister and me when we had bad dreams." He shrugged, sitting down again. "Why? Do you know it?"

I nodded. "My mom used to sing it to me, too, before..." I stopped myself. There just was no nice way of saying _before she died. _"When I had bad dreams, too." Finnick smiled slightly and took the guitar from me, playing the tune at just the right tempo. "How do you remember it so exactly?"

"I heard it a lot of times." He replied, and set the guitar down beside the couch, taking a piece of an apple from the platter. I bit my lip.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to...bring up bad memories." He looked at me, shaking his head.

"That's okay, Ann." I held his gaze for a few moments before Lucas cleared his throat loudly, holding his soup bowl up close. When we looked at him, he just shrugged.

"Don't mind me. Just choked on a noodle. Continue to forget I exist."

"Sorry." We mumbled at once, and Lucas smiled a little.

"Can you guys just date already?"

I blushed like mad, ducking my head, and Finnick smiled, his ears turning pink. I looked over at him and he popped an orange slice into his mouth, not saying a word. I looked back to Lucas. "My dad would never allow me, anyway. Even if..." I looked at Finnick. "Um...even if you wanted to." I looked down again, knowing that he'd probably laugh. They both probably would.

"Hey," Finnick said softly, tipping my chin up. I looked at him again, cautious. He smiled the tiniest bit. "What did you _think _I kissed you for?" I blushed again and looked away from both of them. Why couldn't I have girl friends to talk about this with?

"But that's just it," I replied finally, taking a sip of tea. "I didn't know why."

"Well, now you do."

"Like I said. My dad won't let me anyway."

"Then we'll convince him."

I narrowed my gaze at him. "What does it matter to you? Why do you want this so badly? I don't understand." Lucas sat by on the chair, looking from Finnick to me and back, his eyes wide.

"Why do you think?"

I bit my lip. I couldn't make myself say it. Finnick wasn't like that, he was more than that, he was better than that -

"Annie," He lowered his voice, cupping my cheeks in his hands. "Ann, come on. It's because I like you. A lot." I stared at him, my breaths becoming quicker by the second. "Oh, God..." he sighed, pulling me into a hug. "Don't cry, Annie, it's...it's okay..." He rubbed my shoulder blades, his lips pressed against the side of my head.

"I'll just," Lucas stood, heading for the kitchen. "Make some more tea. Leave you two alone." He picked up the teapot and hurried out to the kitchen, leaving the room silent. I looked at Finnick, tears rimming my eyes.

"Why?" I whispered, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. "What's so special about me?"

"I haven't decided yet," he replied quietly, resting his forehead against mine. "But I'd like to find out." I half-smiled and he smiled back, ruffling my hair.

"Lucas's family is coming over for Christmas dinner tomorrow," I stated. "Maybe you and Jordie and your mother can come over too. You can show my dad and Adam what a gentleman you are. Maybe they'll let up a bit."

"It's a deal." He bumped his nose up to mine and smiled. "But for now, I think we should go help Lucas with tea before he screws it up somehow."

I giggled and nodded, standing up with him. "Deal."


	28. Chapter 28

_You don't need a vacation when there's nothing to escape from.  
**-Everything is Sound**  
_

Lucas's family arrived a few hours after lunch. Merle hugged Adam and Lucas came in with Trent in the wagon that was rolling behind him, but I could barely make out the small boy over the pile of gifts in front of him.

"Wow." I said, staring at the presents. "You guys didn't have to - "

Mrs. Emsing cut me off, smiling. "You were so kind to invite us for dinner. We felt we should give back. It is Christmas, afterall." I smiled and helped Lucas bring the wagon inside and Trent ran off after his mother. I nodded approvingly at Lucas's dress shirt and tie.

"Very classy." I teased him, and he chuckled, straightening his tie.

"Did you tell your dad that the Odairs are coming?" He asked in a low voice, and I nodded. "What about Adam?" I looked down and shook my head. Lucas chuckled again. "This'll be a fun dinner, won't it?" I giggled and nodded again, helping him unload the presents from the wagon to put them under our smallish Christmas tree.

"Where's your dad, anyway?" I asked him curiously as we walked into the dining room. I could hear Dad in the kitchen, talking to Lucas's mom, but there was no sign of his father.

"He had to work late, so he can't make it." Lucas replied, looking out the window. "I can't believe how much it's snowed this year. Mom says there hasn't been this much since she was a kid." I nodded.

"Dad said the same thing." I paused. "I hope it melts right away, though, so we can have an early spring."

"You miss swimming?"

"Yeah." I confirmed. I wiggled in my dress uncomfortably, curling a lock of my hair around my finger nervously.

"You okay?" Lucas crossed his arms loosely over his chest and looked at me, concerned. When I didn't answer, he said, "Look. Everything is going to go just fine this evening. Your dad will see how happy you are with Finnick, and he'll have to let you guys try a hand at dating."

"What if he doesn't? Or what if he says it's okay, and then Adam argues and Dad goes with whatever he says?" Lucas squeezed my arm gently, smiling.

"It'll be fine."

"But - "

"Shh," Lucas covered my mouth with his hand. "You like him, don't you?" I nodded silently. "And you want to go out with him?" Another nod. "So what's the problem? If you like him enough, it won't matter what your dad thinks, or what Adam says. You'll do whatever it takes, even if that means disobeying them." I sighed and hugged him, still silent.

"Lucas?" Merle poked her head into the dining room. "Can I talk to you a second?" Lucas nodded, and I stepped away from him. We both faced Merle and she took a step toward us, her gaze shifting to me. I took the hint and cleared out, walking back to the entry way where the door was still hanging open. I pushed the empty wagon back onto the porch and sat down on the front step, rubbing my hands together for warmth. There was a sudden gust of wind and the door swung shut. I shivered and stood up, heading back for the door, before I heard my name called and turned around again.

"Annie!" Little Jordie was running across the way, and I opened my arms just in time for him to jump into them, attacking me in a bear hug. Finnick and Tess were trailing behind at a slower pace, and I grinned at Jordie, hugging him tight, then set him back on the ground, wrapping my arm around his little shoulders. When Tess and Finnick caught up, Jordie and I were already heading for the door.

"Thank you for inviting us, Annie." Tess bowed her head slightly, blinking softly. I nodded my head once and opened the door, leading them inside. Adam poked his head out of the kitchen and narrowed his gaze a little before Dad pulled him back in and stepped out himself, giving them a small wave.

"Good to see you could all make it." He hugged Tess and high-fived Jordie, and gave Finnick one, approving nod of his head. He brought Jordie and Tess into the kitchen with him, and I couldn't help but wonder how crowded it was in there. Finnick smiled at me, cracking his knuckles nervously.

"Stop it." I took his hands, lowering them to his sides, and hugged him quickly. "There's nothing to be worried about. Dad was even excited when I told him you guys were coming over." He sighed and shut his eyes momentarily, puffing out his cheeks. With a smile, I added, "Like your outfit, by the way." He was wearing grey, long-sleeved, cozy-looking sweater with a white collared shirt underneath. "Very...you."

"Very me?" He asked, bemused, and I nodded. "Nice dress."

"I hate it," I sighed. "It's too small."

"Then why'd you wear it?" He chuckled, rolling his eyes at me.

"Because it was the only one that wasn't a sundress. It's the one I wear for all the winter stuff, because it's a little warmer, but it's so..." I squirmed, shuddering. "I've had it since I was fourteen. I've grown just a little since then." He chuckled again and for the first time, I noticed the large box he was carrying under his arm. "What's that?" I asked, pointing.

"You'll see." He handed it to me and I put it under the tree.

"You didn't have to get me anything." I told him, turning to him again after putting the box down.

"I wanted to."

"But I didn't get you anything, and now I feel bad." I sighed, ducking my head, and he hugged me, chuckling.

"I don't mind," he released me from the hug again. "But now we should join everyone else in the kitchen, I think." I nodded in agreement and we walked to the kitchen door. As soon as it was open, Adam rushed to me, blocking the door.

"Annie, do you have a sec?" He pushed me out the door, not giving me a chance to reply, and I waved to Finnick, mouthing, _be right back. _The door clicked shut and Adam glared at me. "The hell are they doing here?" He muttered lowly.

"Same thing that Merle's family are doing here. Staying for dinner." I tried to stand my ground, but my voice shook slightly. He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes for a moment. "Dad told me since you were inviting a family, I could, too."

"And you chose _them_?"

"Obviously. Who else has been at all friendly to me since the Games?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest. When he said nothing, I answered for him. "Exactly! Nobody." He was about to say something when I cut him off. "No! Don't even! You don't understand what kind of crap I've been through in the past year and a half. The only one who really understood was Noah, and now he's gone, too. You don't have to be the one who went out of her mind, who wanted to kill herself, who had to murder someone! I thought you cared about me more than that, and now you're trying to cut my ties, not even let me make them in the first place. And that you'd blame everything - and I mean _everything _- on other people! I heard you just after I came back, saying how it was completely _his _fault that I was the way I was, when _that wasn't true_! Because guess what? He's the only reason I'm alive right now, and you need to get over your damn ego and admit that!" I took a deep breath, which gave him his opening to say something.

"You don't know jack about what he's like."

"I know perfectly well. And I know what _you're _like, too, Adam. I know exactly what you're like."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means..." I hesitated, then frowned, glaring at him. "It means that I know your _secret_, what you and Dad and everyone else in this damn district, it seems, has been keeping from me!" He stared, his eyes wide.

"Annie - "

"Don't," I blinked, trying to keep tears at bay. "Just don't." I walked outside again, plopping down on the porch, and held my head in my hands. When I heard the door open, and then close, I was expecting Adam, or Lucas, or even Finnick, but it wasn't any of them. It was Trent. He settled down beside me, looping his arm into mine just as he had on the beach that day, and leaned into my side, not saying a word. And even though he didn't say anything, his company was enough. He had this sort of calming aura, almost, that helped my breathing slow down, my eyes dry, and my mind relax. And right now, that was exactly what I'd needed.


	29. Chapter 29

_'Cause I'm no superman _  
_I hope you like me as I am_  
**_-Superman_**

I think everyone was thankful that Tess and Dad hadn't spoken in such a long while, because they kept up the chatter through most of the meal. They tried to incorporate the rest of us, each telling stories, but eventually we all gave up trying to talk and just let them chat. Lucas's mother, Kara, talked Trent into trying every kind of food laid out, and Jordie saw what he was eating and tried it himself. Both of them together probably ate more than anyone else at the table combined. Adam and Merle were in their own conversation, and Lucas and Finnick were talking about something, too, so I was kind of left out of everything, catching snippets of sentences here and there. I didn't mind, though. It left me to eat. I was quite a slow eater as it was, but if I had to be replying to someone every other few seconds, it was even more slow-going.

Suddenly, everyone stopped talking. Everyone was staring at Adam. He was looking around, from face to face, and honestly, I was doing the same. I hadn't the slightest what had happened; I'd been too lost in my own thoughts.

I looked at Merle, who was the only one who'd stopped staring at him. She was looking down at her plate, pushing her food around on it with her fork. I looked to her left, where Jordie sat, craning his neck to see around Merle. His eyes were wide and tear-rimmed. Beside him was Trent, who was craning his neck even more than Jordie, the front of his shirt dipped in gravy. He was gaping ever-so-slightly. Kara and Lucas were next, on my side of the table, their eyes in the same way narrowed. Beside me was Finnick, glaring daggers, and on my other side was my dad, who just looked shocked, and Tess, looking heartbroken. Not knowing what else to do, I nudged Finnick, but he didn't look at me.

You could practically feel the awkward, as if it were a tangible thing. The tension in the room was slowly rising. And so, doing what I do best, I broke the ice in the easiest way I thought possible, in my current state of mind. I picked up a spoonful of peas and turned my spoon around so the rounded part was toward me, then held it back with my other hand, building the pressure slowly. And then, I shot the peas at my brother.

They hit his forehead - all of them - and suddenly, everyone was staring at me. I looked around at the faces, at last settling for Finnick and Lucas, and we started laughing, all at once. And we kept laughing until a spoon of peas was shot at me, all pelting the side of my face. I looked back at Adam, who looked so innocent that I was suspicious.

"It's on." I muttered, and picked up a handful of mashed potatoes, tossing it at him. This time, though, my aim wasn't nearly as perfect, and the potatoes splatted onto Merle's cheek. She glared for a moment before a grin came onto her face and she tossed a handful of cranberry sauce at me. It ended up hitting Dad, and he immediately fired a few stalks of asparagus at her. Only one hit her; the other two hit Trent and Jordie, and the two boys went crazy, throwing their food. I hopped up and shoved a handful of stuffing in Lucas's face and he launched another spoonful of peas at me while Finnick tossed a turkey leg at nobody in particular (the target ended up being Adam, no surprise there). Even Kara and Tess joined in, their evening dresses drenched in cranberry sauce and gravy in moments. I finally ducked under the table, where I found Finnick shoving mashed potatoes into peoples' socks.

I crawled over to him and he held up an empty platter in defense. "It's okay," I whispered, and he lowered the platter cautiously. "I just have a question."

"Really," he nodded, taking a deep breath. "Me too. Why'd you start a food fight when we're supposed to be _impressing _your dad and brother?"

"Me first," I said quickly, not wanting to answer his question. "How exactly does one _win _a food fight?"

"No winners. You go till you run out of food." He sighed, and at that moment, Lucas lifted up the edge of the table cloth, tumbling underneath. When he saw us, he grinned.

"And what would you two be doing under a table? All alone?" He teased, and I scraped a handful of potatoes out of my hair, shoving it in his face. "Hey!" He yelled, and Jordie and Trent lifted the tablecloth at once, yelling,

"They're under here!"

And we were instantly attacked in a bowl of gravy, a plate of leftover turkey, and the last of the mashed potatoes.

When we crawled out, the fight was just about done. Everyone was covered from head to toe in food, and grins lit up every face. Even Tess and Kara were grinning, as if this was the best day ever. I looked down at my dress, realizing that there was no saving it, and Finnick nudged my arm and laughed. "This was your plan all along, wasn't it? Ruin the dress so you have an excuse to get a new one?"

"Maybe." I mumbled, grinning up at him. He laughed and picked a few peas out of my hair, wrinkling his nose. Tess and Kara picked up the younger boys, who were both still stuck in military mode.

"We'll be back," Tess promised. "We'll get some clean clothes." Dad nodded, looking around the room.

"I guess we should clean up." He chuckled, scraping mashed potatoes off the wall. I burst into giggles and Finnick sighed.

"Oh, no," Lucas looked at me. "Not this again." I kept giggling, insisting I was okay, and that I would stop, but then I'd remember Adam's face after that first spoon of peas and start to laugh again.

"Okay," Finnick chuckled, pushing me up the stairs. "Up to your room. Find some clean clothes, take a shower, stop giggling. All that jazz." The term 'all that jazz' made me laugh more.

"Who says _that _anymore?" I asked him, still giggling.

"How come every time you have a laugh attack," he began, looking seriously confused, "you act like you're drunk?" I laughed and fell into him, face-first into a pile of mashed potatoes on his chest.

"Oh," I sighed, more serious this time. "Your poor clothes. I actually did like them, you know. You looked cute." He raised an eyebrow and pushed me into my room, waiting for me to find clothes, and then shoved me into the bathroom beside my room. I stumbled in and took a quick shower, finally calming down a little when I finished. Maybe it was the cold weather making me giggly, or maybe it was just the lack of swimming and the extra energy, but Finnick was right: I was acting _drunk_, somehow. Drunk on life.

When I came back down the stairs, Adam had taken a shower in the downstairs bathroom and Dad was in the process of doing the same. Finnick, Merle, and Lucas were still covered in food. Tess, Kara, Jordie, and Trent were all back, too, and clean. The rest of them had piles of their clothes off to the side and as soon as Lucas saw me, he ran to his pile, scooped up the clothes, and dashed up the stairs to the bathroom. Merle sighed, grumbling about how she'd called the bathroom next.

Surprisingly, the dining room had cleaned up nice. The table was still a mess, but the floors and walls were scrubbed clean. After our guests left later that evening, I knew Dad would demand that Adam and I help clean, but for now, it was friends-and-family gathering time.

Once everyone was showered and dressed in clean clothes, we gathered in the living room for visiting and opening the last of the presents. There were many more, mostly from the Emsings, but when it came to the last one, the big box from Finnick, I started to get nervous. He passed the box up to me and I carefully unwrapped it. He was sitting on my left, while Lucas took my right, and I could feel the muscles in each of their arms tensing as I ripped the last piece of tape off the box, opening the top.

Inside was a guitar case. I gasped quietly, lifting it out, and Trent took the box away, letting me set the case in my lap. I unlatched the locks on it, opening the top of the case, and smiled widely. It was a beautiful guitar, pristine and shiny. The front was white, while the back, sides, and neck were all black. "It's _gorgeous,_" I whispered, looking back at him finally. "Thank you...so much."

Finnick only smiled and nodded. "You're very welcome." I smiled back, closing the case again and gave him a one-armed hug. "Just a hug?" He asked under his breath, and I smacked his arm lightly, shaking my head at him. He grinned.

By eleven o' clock, only Finnick, Merle, and Lucas were still over. Tess had taken Jordie home for sleep, and Kara had done the same for Trent. Dad was in the dining room, cleaning, and Adam was helping him, so it was just me with the guys and Merle in the living room.

"I think," Merle began, looking from Finnick to me. "that you two are absolutely adorable." I was about to disagree, too, but I realized it would be pointless to say we weren't together. My head was resting on his shoulder, his arm was wrapped around me, my legs were pulled up onto the couch and my feet were tucked under his leg, keeping warm. If this was what friends did all the time, then Lucas was some weird cross between a lion and a turtle. I still blushed, though, especially when Lucas added,

"That's _exactly_ what I've been trying to tell them! _See_?" He looked at me. "_I'm not crazy_!" I was about to tell him he had a pretty wacky look in his eyes, but Finnick turned his head toward me, kissing the side of my head. I looked back at him, surprised. He chuckled.

"I don't suppose we made the best impression, did we?" I asked him.

"I think we did wonderfully." He countered playfully, still chuckling. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder again. Merle watched us with a grin and wide eyes, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hands, staring at us. When we looked at her, both of us a bit uncomfortable, she waved her hands dismissively.

"Oh, don't mind me," she insisted. "Please, continue to be a spitting image of the cute main couple in any chick flick." Lucas laughed beside her and nodded in agreement. The phone rang, but none of us moved to pick it up. After two rings, it stopped, so someone else had to have answered it.

"Shut up, Lucas." I smiled, blushing. He started to argue that he hadn't said anything when Adam poked his head into the living room, his gaze flicking to Finnick and me quickly before turning back to Merle.

"Mer, your mother's on the phone." Merle took the phone from him and walked out into the hallway to talk, leaving Lucas on the couch by himself. He looked like he wanted to get up and join us on our couch, but thought better of it at the last second, as if realizing he'd look more awkward beside Finnick and me than he would by himself.

"So, Annie," he said after a moment. "Are you gonna try out that guitar?" I smiled and nodded, wiggling away from Finnick and picked up the guitar from its case, settling it into my lap.

"Think you can do it without help?" Finnick asked in a low voice, teasing me.

"Yes," I replied sharply, and smiled at him smugly as I played one of the more difficult chords he'd taught me recently. "Think you can play that song I've been teaching you on piano well enough to do a duet?" He cocked an eyebrow, grinning. I grinned back.

"I'd love to listen," Merle said from behind the couch, grabbing Lucas's arm, "but Luc and I really should be going. It's late."

"Right," Finnick nodded, glancing at the clock. "I...should probably be going, too. I don't want to keep you up too late."

I smiled at him sweetly. "It's because you can't play the song, isn't it?"

"Maybe!" He grinned and stood up. I set the guitar back into its case and closed it up, following them out onto the porch. Merle hugged Adam and kissed his cheek and I hugged Lucas before they left, but Finnick and I stayed out on the porch for a few minutes after.

"Thanks for coming." I squeezed his hand lightly and smiled, wrapping my arms around his torso. His lips found the top of my head and I hugged him a little tighter, hiding my blush in his shirt.

"Thanks for inviting me." He whispered into my hair, and I looked up at him, kissing his cheek lightly.

"And thanks for the guitar." I added, smiling at him.

"You're welcome."

"You're welcome, too."

"I, uh..." He sighed. "I should go. Before your brother chases me away." I giggled softly and squeezed his hand again.

"Okay. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"I guess so." He smiled and turned away, trudging through the snow back to his house.


	30. Chapter 30

_Keep the earth below my feet_  
_ For all my sweat, my blood runs weak_  
_ Let me learn from where I have been_  
_Keep my eyes to serve and hands to learn_  
**_-Below My Feet_**

But I didn't see him the next day. Or the day after that, or the next twelve days, either. Tess told me he was back in the Capitol, short notice, so I was hanging out with Lucas again.

"It's not that big of a deal," Lucas tried with success to convince me. "He would've let you know if he'd had any prior knowledge, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded, throwing a snowball at him. It smacked into his chest and he grinned at me, throwing one back. I threw another at him and he balled up a handful of snow, but just before he threw it, he spotted something over my shoulder.

"What's that?" He asked, pointing. I turned and spotted some kind of animal, hiding in the branches of a leafless bush. As I came closer, it hunched down into the snow, a low growl emitted from the creature and my jaw dropped.

It was the cat. The one that always came to my house for table scraps. Only she wasn't pregnant anymore - she was guarding a single kitten with her paw, hugging the tiny version of herself into the curve of her belly. "It's a cat." I replied quietly, digging into the pocket of my jacket for the animal crackers I'd been eating earlier, and dumped them in front of her. She gave them a cautious sniff before gobbling them up, picking up her kitten by the scruff of its neck, and crawling out from the bush. She placed her kitten down in front of me and I pet its head with one finger, gently as I possibly could.

"You know this cat?" Lucas asked, crouching down beside us. The mother cat rubbed her face against his knee and he stroked her head, smiling.

"Kind of," I replied. The kitten had crawled its way into my lap now and was licking my hand, its sandpaper-like tongue scratching across my palm. "I fed her for a couple years, she'd come to my backyard and I gave her table scraps. But she hasn't come lately. I guess because of this little guy." I held up the kitten and he squirmed in my hands, tiny _mew_'s coming from him. I gave him back to his mother and the cat nuzzled into my arm, her kitten crawling under her.

"Well," Lucas murmured. "You aren't just gonna leave her out here, are you? She must've had other kittens, what happened to them?" I looked at him, horrified he'd even suggest it, but with regret, I realized he was probably right.

"I can't take them. Adam's allergic."

"So's Trent."

I bit my lip, watching the cat with her kitten, so protective and worried. "Maybe Tess will take them?" I wondered aloud, and Lucas shrugged.

"It's worth a shot."

So we carried the cat and her kitten, very carefully, to the Victor's Village and knocked on Finnick's door, hoping that Tess and Jordie were staying there like they always did while he was away. Luckily, they were, and Tess ushered us inside with a smile. "He still isn't back; the train comes in around five." she warned me, and I nodded.

"I know. I need a favour." The cat was hidden under Lucas's jacket for extra warmth, but when he let her out, Tess put a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide.

"Of course I'll take her," Tess nodded after I told her the situation. "Your problem will be getting Finnick to keep her here. He isn't a big fan of pets."

"He has a _bat_." I argued as Moku soared through the room. Tess laughed and clicked her tongue a few times. The cat looked up, meowing, and spotted Moku, who landed on Tess's outstretched hand. She watched with interested eyes as Moku took flight again the next second, taking to the ceiling.

"We'll see what Finnick thinks," Tess shrugged. "If he doesn't want the cat, you can't exactly make him keep her. Understood?" Lucas and I nodded and we left again, petting the cat and kitten one last time and saying goodbye to Moku, Tess, and Jordie. We went to my house and hung out in the piano room for a while. I played a few tunes while Lucas tried out the guitar, but eventually gave up and looked through my books. I was finished the ones from Mags, with regret realizing that the fourth book was _not_ the end of the_ Percy Jackson_ series, and I'd been sort of turned off of reading ever since. The fourth book left off on an unkind cliff-hanger, and for the moment, as it was virtually impossible for me to find the fifth book, I was sort of a sad mess.

Without realizing it, on piano I started to play the lullaby that Finnick had worked out for the guitar. The notes came easily when I remembered the tune, and Lucas looked up from the bookshelf. "You miss him more than you're letting on." He noted, and I sighed, pausing in playing. Lucas sighed, too, and slid onto the bench beside me, throwing his arm around my shoulders. "He'll be back this evening." He reminded me, and I smiled slightly, continuing to play quietly. Along with me, Lucas keyed out chords for the bass notes that fit with the song nicely, and when we finished, I smiled at him.

"I didn't know you could play."

"Neither did I." He shrugged and stood up again. "Do you want to go out for a snack or something? I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry." I reminded him playfully, but nodded and stood up, following him out the door. We went to the same cafe Finnick and I had gone to all those months before. It was more full than it had been the other time, though, I guess because everyone was cold and they sold hot cocoa here. It was a delicacy from the Capitol, but during the winter we sent them extra resources for the price of it. Lucas and I both ordered a mug and found a table.

"So," he tapped his fingertips on the tabletop, puffing his cheeks out. "Are you mentoring again this year?" I shook my head immediately.

"I...no, I don't think so. I just..." I sighed, rubbing my cheeks, and Lucas put his hand on my arm, half-smiling.

"I understand. Anyway, that'll leave you home for my birthday." He grinned and I smiled, nodding.

"We'll throw you a big party." I told him, and he smiled. "I'll see if I can convince Finnick to stay, and get Roger to mentor this year."

"Isn't Roger, like...eighty years old?"

"So's Mags, and she's mentoring."

"But Roger is in a wheelchair. And doesn't he use one of those oxygen machines to help him breathe?"

"Oh," I looked down, nodding. "Right. I forgot about that."

"Oh well." Lucas shrugged. "It'll be a great party, anyhow." I nodded in agreement and before I could say anything else, a blonde girl brought us our hot cocoas and turned to me.

"Word on the street is you're with the hot victor."

Talk about being straightforward.

"He's got a name," I began. "And anyway, we're not actually...together." Lucas looked at me, an eyebrow raised, and I rolled my eyes at him. Neither Finnick nor I had specified that we were officially dating. We hadn't had the chance to. But I guess I could pretend as much as I wanted that we weren't; it didn't make it true. Without saying the words, we'd been dating since Christmas. "We're...thinking about it?" I added for Lucas's benefit, and he smiled, satisfied.

"So," the blonde's gaze shifted to Lucas. "What are you doing here with another guy?"

"Excuse me?" I laughed, looking at Lucas. He looked back at me, shaking his head, with an expression that said _can you believe this girl? _"Lucas," I made a point of saying his name. This girl didn't seem to use them much. "is my friend. And we're just hanging out because Finnick," I paused again, letting the name sink in. "isn't here right now. And he appreciates that I have friends who are boys. Clearly, gossipy bitches aren't as understanding as he is." Lucas laughed quietly, hiding his smile in his mug.

"Not that you have many more friends than that." She mumbled under her breath and turned on her heel, walking back to the counter. Lucas snorted, rolling his eyes. I knew I should be laughing, too, but that last comment had been a burn, and it stung.

"Annie," Lucas reached over and squeezed my shoulder. "Don't worry about what she said. She's just jealous."

"Am I gonna be, like..." I paused, looking for the right word. Ultimately failing at doing so, though, I simply said, "The number-one most hated girl in the district now?"

"Maybe," he shrugged. "But don't worry about it. Finnick's your friend. I'm your friend. And between him and me, we're not running short on friends you can meet. Think about it."

"Well..." I sighed, taking a sip of hot cocoa. "There are the girls he does swimming lessons with. And if I'm not mistaken, you're something of a ladies' man," I grinned as his ears turned pink. "aren't you?"

"You could say that." He shrugged casually, regaining his composure. I laughed and ruffled his hair. "Only, I'm really not. But like I said. Don't worry about it."

I smiled and took another sip of hot cocoa. "Thanks, Lucas. You're a little inspiring."

"Just a little?"

"_Only_ a little." I confirmed, and he chuckled. Then, glancing at the clock, he made a face and pushed his hand through his hair. "What?"

"It's almost three. I told Trent I'd help him recreate his snow fort before his buddies came over for their snow war."

"Can I come?" I asked, starting to stand up. He nodded and we left our empty mugs on the table, running out to his house.


	31. Chapter 31

_Tell me you're in_  
_ Tell me I'm home_  
_ Promise you'll stay_  
_ And don't let me go  
**-This Time**  
_

Later that afternoon, Lucas and I headed out to the train station to wait for Finnick with Tess and Jordie. We arrived just as the train was pulling in and Jordie grabbed my hand, running for the doors. I could barely keep up with him, laughing, but he pulled back when the doors slid open and I caught up, my cheeks flushed. I scooped Jordie up, even though he was much too old for me to carry him, and he clung to my neck, watching out for his brother.

The moment we saw Finnick, Jordie flew out of my arms and into his. "Hey!" Finnick grinned at his little brother, hugging him tight, and Tess and Lucas caught up with me, both smiling. He saw us, his gaze flicking from Tess to Lucas and then to me, and I gave a small wave and a half-smile. He smiled back, setting Jordie on the ground, and the rest of us attacked him in a group hug as the train pulled away. Even after Tess and Lucas pulled away, though, I held on tight until he finally lifted me off my feet, hugging me back.

"I missed you." I admitted, feeling my cheeks become warm.

"I missed you too." He half-smiled, kissing me lightly. When I was back on my feet, he took my hand and slung his backpack over one shoulder, picking Jordie up with his other arm. Tess and Lucas walked just a pace ahead of us, talking quietly about something or other. I leaned into Finnick's side slightly, bumping my shoulder into his arm. He looked down to me after a few bumps and let go of my hand, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I smiled at him and we stopped at Lucas's house to drop him off. After that, we dropped by Tess's house to let them go, and Finnick and I continued on to his house. Without words, we'd agreed that we needed to talk about everything. Most of that 'everything' could be summed up in a smaller word, 'us'.

I stopped in at my house to tell Dad that I was going to Finnick's for dinner and I'd be home before curfew, and he kissed my cheek and told me it was fine. I loved how understanding my dad was, as opposed to Adam. Which was exactly why I hadn't told him.

We had a hard time deciding what to cook. We'd learned our lesson with spaghetti already, and Finnick didn't actually have a whole lot of food supplies. Eventually, we agreed on the cut-up fish he still had in his freezer from who knows how long ago and fruit smoothies. He defrosted the fish in the microwave and I took out his blender, chopping up strawberries and bananas, dropping them in, and took out the only tub of yogurt that wasn't outdated.

"At least some use will come to it." Finnick mumbled while he threw out the five moldy yogurt tubs.

"You don't like yogurt?" I asked, pressing the button on the blender and held the lid down.

"It's really gross on its own."

I took a spoon and dipped it into the yogurt tub, taking a bite. "Tastes good to me." He walked over, taking the spoon and dipped it in, then tipped it back over the tub, watching it drip back into the container.

"See? Gross." He demonstrated again. "It's just..." he shuddered, leaving his sentence unfinished. I clicked the _stop _button on the blender and poured the smoothie out into two glasses, leaving just a little bit left. We served up and sat down, leaving the table mostly unset except for the things we needed: plates with fish, forks, smoothies. He didn't have napkins.

"So," I glanced up at him, taking a bite of food. "How's normal-people food taste after being stuck in the Capitol for two weeks?"

"Surprisingly refreshing." He replied simply, standing up again.

"Where're you headed?" I asked, and he said,

"Bathroom. Be right back." He was half-way there when I remembered something, hopped up and grabbed his arm. "What?" He asked, confused, and I pulled him back, steering him to the staircase.

"Maybe it would be better if you went to your upstairs bathroom." I suggested, and he cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Or maybe it would be better if you told me why I can't use whatever bathroom I want." Well, I couldn't exactly break it to him like this that he had a new pet cat and kitten. So I sat him down again, taking his hand.

"Okay." I sighed, and he squeezed my hand.

"Okay," he repeated me, adding, "Are you okay?"

"I just..." I sighed. "Yeah. There's just something I have to tell you." I pulled on his hand, leading him to the bathroom.

"You need to tell me this something in the _bathroom_?" He asked, utterly dumbfounded, and I nodded, leaning back on the closed door. "Annie, really. What's up?"

"It's...um...kind of hard to..." He got impatient and eased me away from the door, pushing it open and his eyes fell on the cat, his eyebrows raising. I hugged his torso from the side and he shut the door behind us, wrapping his arm around me.

"There a cat in my bathroom." He stated quietly, after a few moments.

"Long story." I sighed, my arms dropping to my sides. He shrugged and stooped down, clicking his tongue. The cat looked suspicious, but her kitten toddled right over to Finnick, his fluffy kitten tail sticking out.

"Hey, little guy," Finnick smiled softly, scooping the kitten up. He looked at me as I crawled over to mother cat, stroking her fur gently. "We'll talk when I'm over how cute he is." I smiled and the cat climbed into my lap, sniffing my face. The kitten had climbed up Finnick's shirt and was sitting on his shoulder, attacking the ends of his hair, growling a squeaky, kitten growl. Meanwhile, the kitten's mother was purring in my lap, now curled up comfortably.

"They need a home." I admitted after about five minutes. Finnick was lying on his back on the floor, the kitten sitting on his stomach, looking very proud. He tipped his head back slightly to look at me.

"And you're hoping I'll take them?"

"Hoping."

He sighed and lifted the kitten off his stomach, rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows, letting the kitten dash back to its mother. "Look, Annie, I can't - "

"Please?" I clasped my hands together, holding them under my chin, and the cat climbed off my lap to meet her kitten. "Please, please, please?" He sighed again, shoving his hand through his hair exasperatedly. "I know it's a lot to ask, and add the fact that it's a surprise - "

"I just...don't think I could take care of them properly." He held up his hands in defense.

"I'll help you!" I pleaded, looking at the cats. "I promise, I'll help in any way I can. They just need a home so they don't have to live in the snow. He's the only kitten, and when he's old enough, you could even give one or both of them away. But _please_ don't send them back out to die."

"Annie - " He bit his lip, a wrinkle appearing his his brow. I crawled over to him, wrapping my arm around his torso. He turned his head to see me and I rested my chin on his shoulder, looking at him with the best puppy-dog eyes I could muster. "It isn't that simple, Ann. Cats are a lot of work. You have to feed them at least twice a day, and - "

"How is it any different from Moku?" I asked him quietly, bumping my nose against his cheek when he looked back at the cats.

"Moku," he began. "is a skilled predator. He goes out at night and eats and comes home. He's a faithful companion and adorable, to boot."

"That's not what I meant," I sighed, taking his hand. "I mean...what you did for Moku. You saved his life by taking him in. You could do the same for these cats."

He groaned quietly, hugging me into his side. "I'll think on it. Okay? I'll try." I kissed his cheek in thanks and we stood up again, leaving the cats in the bathroom. "How do you do this?" He asked me after he'd used the bathroom and we were back at the table. I looked at him, curious, and he elaborated. "You can talk me into anything, can't you?"

I smiled. "I don't know. Can I?"

"You can." He confirmed, clearing our empty dishes. I walked with him to the sink and we started on the dishes. "No water fights this time, by the way." I held up my hands and smiled innocently.

"Of course not." He washed and I dried this time, and we were finishing up by six thirty. Once the dishes were all put away and the sink was drained, I walked to his couch, sitting on the armrest. He climbed over the back of it, flopping face-first onto the cushions. I gave him a funny look when he sat up again and he chuckled, rubbing his face tiredly. I inched over to sit beside him and he stretched out, laying his head in my lap with a yawn. I laughed. "Someone's a little sleepy." He smiled up at me, yawning again, and I yawned with him, poking his stomach. He curled up into a fetal position momentarily, sitting up again with his arms crossed over his stomach.

"That was mean."

"Is somebody ticklish?" I teased him, but he just grinned. Before I could get away, he attacked me in tickles and I collapsed back onto the cushions, laughing.

"_Somebody's_ ticklish." He agreed, grinning. I smacked his hands away with little success, my laughs subsiding into giggles, and then into pitiful squeaks.

"Stop!" I managed between squeaks and he laughed and lay down beside me on his side, his arm still draped over me. I turned my head to look at him and smiled, rubbing my cheeks, which were still flushed. He wrinkled his nose at me and I giggled softly, reaching to touch his cheek, which was covered in a layer of beard. He smiled under my fingers and took my hand, squeezing it gently. "So," I sighed finally sitting up again. "We had something to talk about?"

"Right," He sighed back, sitting up beside me. "We should probably agree that we are, in fact, dating now."

"It still seems weird to say it." I admitted, blushing slightly.

"Why's that?"

"I guess..." I thought about it. Why _did_ it seem weird? Because I was so confused about my feelings for him? Because I still didn't really understand his feelings for me? Because I didn't want to be disobeying what Adam and Dad (or maybe just Adam, I couldn't really tell how Dad felt about me and Finnick together) wanted for me? Because I didn't want to make anyone's life more complicated, including my own? "I guess, because...I don't understand what you see in me." I told him finally, unsure if it was really the answer. It seemed like a good place to start.

It took him a couple minutes to answer, which made me nervous. I was wiping my palms on my jeans when he finally said, "You're strong." At first, I didn't catch on. I looked at my thin, tiny arms and turned to him, flexing whatever muscle I had, but he just chuckled, shaking his head. "I mean this kind of strong." He pointed to the left side of his chest, just under his collarbone, and I sighed a big _oh _and nodded.

"I see." I murmured.

"What about you? What do you see in me?" He smiled, leaning back in the couch. I raised an eyebrow, wondering if this was simply a trick for him to enhance his ego, but after he encouraged me again to tell him, I shrugged.

"You're unique."

"Unique? In what way?"

"Well..." I pursed my lips, thinking. "You're a lot kinder than the other boys in the district. You didn't just...abandon me after my Games, like most people would've. I mean, when I was in the hospital." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"You know about that?"

"It seemed weird to me at first, when Noah told me. That...you'd been coming to see me on weekends. That was when my brain was still screwy, and I had short-term memory loss, the nurse told me. But Noah said I showed you this," I rolled up my sleeves, showing him the scars across my wrists. "after my relapse, and he said you kind of...freaked out. Started to come back every day instead of just weekends, and when I was better, when he told me that you were still watching out for me...that really meant a lot. That you cared so much." He nodded his head and blinked softly, pulling my wrist closer. He traced the scars lightly with his fingertips and then looked up at me, his eyes sad. "I stopped." I assured him.

"Good." He whispered, pulling me into a tight hug.

"And...on the cliff that day you brought me out there. When we spilled our guts. I guess I just felt like I needed to say it again. Like it was a part of my past, and it was never going to go away, but maybe I could keep saying it, and reminding myself of how awful everything was for me back then."

"Why do you want to remember that?" He asked quietly, and I smiled, resting my forehead against his.

"It's not that I wanted to remember it, exactly. It was that...I wanted to remind myself how far I'd come from where I was, and how far I could still go. That no matter how good I get, there's always going to be room for improvement. But I'm okay with that."

He stayed silent for a few minutes, his eyes shut, taking all of this in. Then, he opened his eyes and looked into mine, a ghost of a smile haunting him. "And you wonder why I like you so much," he smiled a little wider, bumping his nose against mine. "Listen to yourself. You're amazing." I blushed and kissed him briefly, then scooted off of his lap and sat beside him with my legs still stretched across his. He turned his head toward me, still smiling slightly. "Anything else you want to know?"

I tipped my head from side to side, weighing my options, then nodded and leaned against the side of the couch, another question ready in mind each time he answered one. We stayed like that for hours, answering each other's questions, until ten to eleven came around and the two of us were yawning, nearly nodding off each time the other was answering a question. Finally, I figured Dad was probably waiting for me to come home and decided it was time to leave. I was still putting my shoes on when I heard Finnick snoring from the couch, and I laughed softly, going back as quiet as I could and knelt down, kissing his forehead before hurrying out.


	32. Chapter 32

_Everybody wants to be understood_  
_ Well I can hear you_  
_ Everybody wants to be loved_  
_ Don't give up_  
_ Because you are loved  
**-You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)**  
_

Finnick had to leave more often than I'd ever thought. By the time the reaping came around, it was perfectly possible he'd been at home and at the Capitol about an equal amount of days, if not, then in the Capitol more. I knew it wasn't his fault - he didn't have a choice - but it was still not the most uplifting thing to never know if he'd be at home the next day.

When he was home, though, we spent a lot of time together. To put it lightly. On the morning of the reaping we went down to the beach in our ceremony clothes and sat in the sand, which was finally starting to become like sand again instead of ice. We'd had a long winter with very few warm days to melt the snow, and the sunlight now was welcomed back into our ranks. The water was still much too cold to swim, but maybe while Finnick was away mentoring we'd have a lot more warm days and it would be okay to swim once he arrived home. Hopefully.

"Hey, guys," Lucas plopped down in between us, a tray of coffees in hand. "Thought you might like an energy boost first thing in the morning." He took one for himself, then passed the tray to Finnick, who took his two-creams-and-three-sugars and passed the third - a cream and two sugars - to me. Lucas set his cup down in the sand in front of him and put an arm around each of our shoulders. I could feel him shaking from nerves. "Wish me luck today."

"For sure." Finnick nodded and took a sip of coffee. Lucas took his arms from our shoulders again and took his coffee cup, warming his hands on it.

"You'll be fine. There are a bunch of guys this year who will probably volunteer anyway." I assured him, flattening the skirt of my dress. "Besides, you can't leave, or else I'll be all alone. And then I won't be able to celebrate your birthday with you."

"Sorry I'm missing that, by the way." Finnick noted distantly, looking out at the water, as if he wasn't really listening to what he was saying, but he was saying it anyway. Lucas shrugged and nodded, then stood up.

"Well, anyway. I'll see you guys at the reaping."

"See you," I replied waving over my shoulder. He didn't look back, hurrying up the beach. After he'd gone, I leaned into Finnick's side again, sighing. "I don't want you to go."

"I know," He squeezed my hand. "I wish I could stay."

"You've had to leave so often, though."

"I wish I could stay." He repeated, scratching the traces of a beard on his face.

"You should probably shave that," I told him, smiling slightly. "You know how all your buckets of lovers think it's inhuman to have hair that grows on your face when it isn't _whiskers_." He laughed and kissed my temple, starting to stand up. I stood with him, wrapping my arm around his torso, and we walked back up the beach, taking the empty coffee cup tray with us to throw out on the way.

"You'll still go to see the cats and Moku while I'm gone, won't you? Mom and Jordie will be there, but they like you. It's better to have someone they recognize -"

"Of course." I nodded up at him, smiling. It was enough that he'd decided to keep them; the least I could do was help take care of them and Moku whenever he was gone. "Although, they love your mother and Jordie, too, with how often they've been there lately." Finnick didn't say anything, and I realized I had mentioned him being gone so much again, this time without even noticing it. I slipped my hand into his, squeezing lightly, and hoped he'd take it as an apology. He smiled softly down at me, elbowing my side. I giggled and elbowed him back, sipping my coffee.

I stood with Adam, Dad, and Merle during the reaping. Two names were called as always, thankfully, neither of them ones that I recognized. I felt Merle relax beside me as the boy went onstage and the two tributes shook hands. Valeria said her usual, perky _may the odds be _ever_ in your favour, _and the crowd began to disperse. I waved to Finnick as he followed the tributes into the Justice Building and he waved back, giving me a smile just as the doors closed, blocking our view of each other.

Lucas came to find us and Merle attacked him in a hug. "God, I was so worried." She sighed, hugging him tighter. He rolled his eyes at me over her shoulder and I giggled softly. She released him and I gave him a quick hug, then punched his arm lightly.

"_Told you_ it would be fine." He chuckled and hugged me again, then slipped his hands into his back pockets, shaking his hair out. "Come on," I laughed, waving to him to follow me. "Let's hang out."

Lucas's birthday was a week after the reaping. It was originally just going to be me and him hanging out, but he decided without telling me that this was the perfect opportunity for me to meet new friends. So he got every person he'd ever said one word to to come to the beach that afternoon. It wasn't my forte at all, talking to people, so I sat on the dock and watched people freeze themselves trying to swim, mostly, until I felt the dock unbalance and a girl sat down beside me.

She dipped her feet into the water just like I was, her tanned skin very dark against my pale, freckly complexion. She had a mass of friendship bracelets on each wrist and light blonde hair that fell just past her shoulders. "Have we met before?" I asked quietly, and she turned to me, dark blue eyes and a half-smile in her expression. She nodded, and I looked at her, trying to figure out where I'd seen her before. Chances were, the beach or school. But I'd seen her somewhere else, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

"The cafe?" She tried to jog my memory, and it worked. The blonde girl with the blonde and brunette friends, who'd interrogated me about having lunch with Finnick. She seemed to see me catch on, because she smiled wider and nodded. "I'm Phoebe. It's nice to meet you again." After she said that, I expected her to get up and leave, so I didn't reply until nearly a minute later.

"Oh. I'm Annie. It's...nice to meet you too." Phoebe smiled and tugged up the top of her dress, leaning back on her hands.

"So, you're friends with Lucas, too? How'd you manage to be friends with _all _the cute boys?" I smiled and shrugged. "Well, it's _so_ not fair." I wondered if I should tell her that Finnick and I were sort of together now. She'd probably explode.

"Maybe I can teach you." I joked, and she smiled, kicking water at some of the guys swimming. When they splashed her back she pulled her feet back onto the dock, sticking out her tongue at them.

"I love your dress," She told me after a minute of silence between us, and I looked down at it. It was nothing special, really. Just a purple sundress, lightweight and comfy. "It's super cute. Where'd you get it?"

"My mother made it for me." I replied, realizing it probably wasn't the best thing to say when Phoebe said,

"Wow! My mother makes dresses, but nothing like that. Can she make me one?"

I froze, my body rigid, and she seemed to understand she said the wrong thing. Not that it was her fault, of course - she couldn't have known. But it still hurt. "N-no." I managed, feeling tears burn the backs of my eyes.

"Oh my God," Phoebe stared at me, her eyes wide. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry..." I lost the rest of whatever she said after I put my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut. God, why couldn't Finnick be here? He knew just how to ease me away from meltdowns like this. Every word I heard past my hands, every wave of the water, every gust of wind, every shuffle of the leaves on the trees, was like a scream; a knife stabbing into my ears. Add that to the fact that voices were talking in my head again, the ones even blocking my ears couldn't stop, and I couldn't take it. I took a deep breath and felt hands take me arms gently, pulling me into a standing position, and leading me away. I felt tears escape my eyes and I leaned into whoever it was walking with me. They led me into a quiet room, and I felt their hands over mine, easing them away from my ears.

"It's okay." They whispered softly. I couldn't make out who it was. After much coaxing, I finally opened my eyes and Phoebe was standing in front of me, both of her hands cupped around one of mine. Upon seeing her, I burst into tears, and she wrapped her arms around me, shushing me quietly.

"Where are we?" I asked through sobs, rubbing my cheeks.

"My house. We aren't too far away from the beach." She murmured.

"H-how did you...stop me from...stop my memories from..."

"Schizo episodes aren't new to me."

"How did you know..."

"My sister's schizophrenic. I had to learn how to deal with it, in case my parents weren't home when she acted up. And while this wasn't strictly schizophrenia, I could tell, it was quite similar."

"Thank you." I whispered, and she smiled, running her thumb under my eyes.

"Do you want to go back out to the party?" I looked into the only mirror in the room, then shook my head after seeing my red eyes and puffy cheeks. Phoebe nodded and sat next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulders like any best friend would. I sniffled and she handed me a tissue box.

"You don't have to stay here with me." I told her, and she shrugged.

"It's okay. Um..." She paused, as if debating whether or not to say something more. "You were yelling and screaming a lot. You said...a certain name. A lot of times." I knew what name she meant before she said it. Finnick.

"Yeah," I nodded, blowing my nose. She pulled a garbage can up and I threw it in, taking another tissue from the box. "I miss him. I...wish he wasn't away so often."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Of course. But he can't help it." Phoebe considered this for a moment, braiding a piece of my hair.

"It'll be okay." She sighed finally, hugging me again. I smiled weakly and nodded.

"I know."

_A/N: I just wanted to take this time to say a huge thank you to EVERYONE, whether you're reviewing or not. I really appreciate your continued support and feedback of this story and I love you all very very dearly. If we can bump it up to 100 reviews I'll try to post another chapter before I start school on Tuesday. __dftba :)  
_


	33. Chapter 33

_All I needed was the love you gave _  
_ All I needed for another day _  
_ And all I ever knew _  
_ Only you  
**-Only You**  
_

A couple mornings later, I was still in bed when my dad knocked on my door. I buried my head in the pillows and pretended to be asleep, but when he opened the door and said, "Annie, you have visitors." it was enough to perk my curiosity and follow him down the stairs still in my pajamas.

I don't know who I was expecting. Lucas, maybe. Tess, telling me to visit the cats. But it wasn't either of them. It was Phoebe and her blonde and brunette friends, all looking pretty and clean and awake. And then there was me, my hair a mess, sporting pajamas with cartoon-y musically talented cows on them (made special, just for me by Dex), bunny slippers, and probable bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, thanks to nightmares. I looked from face to face, the two new girls looking at me, eyebrows raised. Phoebe just smiled and waved.

"Hi." I said finally, half-way through a yawn.

"Hi!" Phoebe grinned. "Annie, these are my friends, Carol and Lacey." Carol being the blonde, Lacey the brunette. "Guys, this is Annie." They still gave me the same stares, as if they were too busy judging me to say anything. "Um...anyway. We were hoping you might want to hang out today."

"Uh..." I pushed my hands through my hair. "I'm not sure. It's mandatory viewing for most of the day, so -"

"Oh, who cares?" Lacey sighed, flipping her hair. "It's not like anyone actually watches."

"It's required." I replied, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter and biting into it. "Sorry. Maybe another time."

"We could just hang out here." Phoebe suggested, and I looked down, sighing quietly. I wasn't going to get out of hanging out with them like I'd hoped.

"Okay," I shrugged. "I'm gonna go shower, though. TV's in the living room, food's in the kitchen, kindly don't go wandering." I didn't know how else to deal with girls I hardly knew. So I treated them like children. Good, I bet they appreciated that.

I went up to the bathroom, grabbing a clean dress from my room, and took a quick shower. When I walked back down the stairs with wet hair hanging around my neck and down my back, I found the girls on the couch, talking about the cute boys at school. I sat down in the armchair across from the couch and Phoebe smiled at me again. I smiled back slightly, trying to catch up with their conversation, but none of the names were familiar to me. This was why I usually didn't hang out with the girls in school. At least I'd be free of them tomorrow, but I'd also have to think of things to do on my own, since Lucas was in school, too.

"So, Annie," Carol turned to me after their conversation finished up. "Phoebe says you're _involved_ with Finnick."

"Sort of." I shrugged, studying my nails and making a point not to look at them.

"When did this happen?" Lacey asked, suddenly very interested.

"Just a little while ago." I shrugged.

"So, like, you've kissed him?"

I looked at them funny. It was my turn to raise my eyebrows at them. Who went nearly five months dating the same guy without kissing him? "Yeah." I managed finally, a smile creeping up on me. If I wasn't careful, I was going to start laughing at what a stupid question it was.

"Oh my _God, _you're, like, so lucky." Carol clasped her hands together, grinning. "What are his lips like?"

It took me awhile to answer that one. Imagine if Finnick knew I was answering questions like this. He would've started laughing a long time ago. "Um..." I also didn't really know how to compare his lips to some other guy's, because maybe I was just unobservant, but the lips of the few other guys I'd kissed in the past had all...felt the same. "Soft?" I finally said, and they all seemed to deflate.

"So he isn't a very _good _kisser?" I didn't know how Lacey had gotten that from a one-word answer, but she continued too quickly for me to correct her. "Shame. He's so hot."

"Well - " I began, but Carol cut me off.

"I know! He's like..." she sighed dreamily and I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, though. So hot he'd melt butter."

"He'd melt ice." Lacey smiled, and then she and Carol got into an argument about what he'd melt, and Phoebe turned to me, smiling sheepishly.

"They're a little brainless. But they aren't so bad." She insisted, and I nodded. "They're just really surprised. Finnick doesn't usually..."

"Date girls in the district." I finished for her.

"Well, that, and the fact that he doesn't usually stay with the same girl for very long. Two or three weeks, tops. Not that you should worry." But I did worry. Because sure, I really liked Finnick. But how long would it be until he got bored with me? How long until my 'being strong' wasn't enough? I'd have to ask him about that when he got back, but for now, unfortunately, it was time to watch the Games.

Mandatory viewing hours came and went, and the girls decided that they wanted to go to the beach. I went with them, only because Phoebe asked me to and I _was_ trying to find some girl friends. But they spent the whole time laying in the sand, working on their tans, or something, watching the guys who walked past. My skin burned so easily and quickly that it wasn't a good idea to lay in the sand for hours on end, and as I now had a boyfriend _(_which continued to sound weird every time I thought about it), and quite a good-looking one, at that, watching guys walk past wasn't the most appealing thing in the world anymore. It never had been totally appealing for me, but now it was just...not at all.

So when I saw a group of teenagers walk down the beach with surfboards, I ran to catch up with them. I felt the girls' stares on my back as I found Lucas in the crowd and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of line for a moment. "Hey! Where've you been?" He asked, grinning.

"With them." I sighed, casting a glance over my shoulder. When I looked at him again, he was looking at me incredulously. "Maybe having friends who are girls just...isn't my thing." I shrugged. He smiled.

"You should come out for the contest. You've surfed before, haven't you?"

"Hardly." I laughed. I'd surfed a grand total of two times in my entire life.

"Well, wish me luck, then." He smiled and followed the rest of the crowd into the water. It was still cold, but the past couple days had been warmer, and the weather today was warm, so the cool water was refreshing. I walked knee-deep into the water and crossed my arms, watching the crowd of surfers on their boards, waiting for a strong wave.

The surfers were out every day after that, once they'd finished school for the day, and every day I watched them, wishing I had the skills and the will and the bravery to really learn to surf. But after everything - the Games, the flood...I was still working up to being able to swim any time without freaking out. It didn't happen nearly as often anymore. In fact, it hardly ever happened. But it was still a part of my life, and always would be. Maybe with help, I could work my way around it.

So about three weeks later, well into June and after the Games were long finished (with District Three victorious), the water was where Finnick found me after his train came in. Out in the deeper parts of the water, practicing everything I'd learned as a kid. Treading water, side stroke, breast stroke, dolphin kicks, you name it. He swam out to meet me and caught me around the waist half-way through practicing a fly stroke. I jumped, not realizing it was him, thrashing around in the water until he kissed me, when I finally relaxed, smiling slightly. When he pulled away his arm was still wrapped around my waist and he was treading water to keep us up.

"You're back," I noted, and he chuckled, nodding. "What kept you?"

He sighed. "People."

"Oh." I sighed, too and squirmed away from his arm, the two of us starting to swim back to shore.

"What are you doing out here, anyway? Swimming hours ended awhile ago."

"I know." I nodded. "I snuck back out."

"Ah." He laughed as we got to where we could reach the bottom, starting to walk instead of swim.

"You wouldn't believe how boring it's been without you," I sighed when we were back at the top of the hill, starting back to the Victor's Village. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"No, I mean...I really missed you. I _needed_ you, and you weren't there, and - "

"Annie," he looked at me. "What's wrong?"

"I just...had an episode. It's not a big deal, a girl helped me out of it, but..." he cut me off with a hug, rubbing my back. "I didn't realize how much I was taking your care for granted until you'd gone."

"I'm back for awhile now." He promised, and I looked up at him.

"Really?"

"Really." He smiled. We were at my door, now, but just before I went inside he kissed my forehead and I gave him another hug. "I hope you've been practicing guitar, because I want to listen to what you've got."

I nodded, pulled away, and opened my front door. "Night, Finnick." He turned back to his house without replying and I smiled, disappearing into my house and walked up to my room, falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

But he was gone the next week again. Only for two days this time, but it was enough to upset me.

I was sitting on the beach watching the sunset when he arrived home and he sat just behind me, one leg on either side of me. He wrapped his arms around and clasped his hands in front of me, and I sighed, leaning backward into him. "What's wrong?" He asked me quietly, tipping his head down to see me. I averted my gaze from his and he bumped his nose into my forehead, repeating his question.

"I just..." I sighed, and he took my hands, squeezing them. "I don't know if it's working out the way we thought. If..._we're_ working out the way we thought."

"Annie -"

"No, just listen to me for a sec!" I turned around, my hands on his knees, and he finally noticed my blotchy cheeks and red eyes, and frowned, but stayed silent. "Just listen. I think..." I bit my lip. "I just think we jumped into this too soon."

"So you're saying we should give it a break." He muttered, looking down.

"No, I'm just saying..." I thought for a moment. What _was_ I saying? "I'm saying that...everything has happened so fast for me. Losing Noah, being friends with you and Lucas; it's been such a great help. But then I find secrets out, about Adam, about everything, really...and it's just too much for one girl to bear. Add in the fact that I still have girls giving me death glares wherever I look, and I don't have anyone to talk about it with, because I feel like I need a girl to talk to and all of them either hate me or are these scary-girly weirdos, and it's just...a lot on my mind all at once."

"I understand." He whispered, his arms still around me.

"Good," I whispered back. "Because I don't want you to think I'm breaking up. I'm _not_, I love your company, I love being with you. But...it still feels weird for me to call you my boyfriend. You're just so incredible, and every girl in Panem wants to be with you, and there's just so much pressure on me now to be perfect for you, and I'm not perfect, I'll never be perfect!" I could feel a sob building up in my throat so I hurried along with the next part. "And even though you told me why, I still don't understand why you chose me, out of all the prettier and more perfect girls in the world." He nodded, and I took a deep breath, continuing. "I used to think I hated you. I hated your ego, your charm...how _perfect_ you were. Because I was jealous. I wanted to be perfect. But then I got to know you, and I realized you weren't this perfect person I'd made you out to be. You were so much more than the cocky boy from across the street, the only other victor close to my age. You were this broken, mysterious, secretive guy that I didn't even know what to think of anymore. I didn't realize that I didn't really hate you until I saw how easily you broke down the barriers I'd built around me." I paused. "I just don't know how much longer I can do this. It seems like you're away more than you're here. It didn't used to be like this, did it?"

"No." he shook his head.

"What changed?"

He didn't hesitate to say, "You. You changed it, Snow found out about us, and he really cracked down. But I'm going to stay home more, I promise -"

"You already promised and broke it. Please don't do it again." I whispered, and he hugged me close, kissing my forehead.

"I'll always come back. You know that, don't you?"

"Maybe." I murmured, tears starting to stream down my cheeks. "But what if you don't? What if you fall in love with some girl in the Capitol and never come home?"

"I'll never do that," he paused. "That's one thing I can promise, okay? It's one thing I can promise, and I know, for a fact, that I'll never break it." He took my hand again, lacing our fingers together, and I sighed, resting my forehead against his. He smiled after a moment of silence. "Do you remember that first night on the train, before your Games?"

I smiled, giggling a little. "When you used that beyond awful pick-up line on me?" He nodded, chuckling. "Yeah. You were like, 'Hey, you look like my wife.' and winked, and I was like, 'But you've never been marri- oh...' and I was just so awkward and ran away and hid until the end of the train ride." Finnick laughed and laid back in the sand. I stretched out beside him and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, sighing.

"I wish we could stay out here all night."

"Me too, but Adam and Dad would probably murder me or something," as an afterthought, I added, "And, well...people would talk. They already talk about us, we shouldn't give them a reason to." He nodded and looked at me. I scooted a tiny bit closer, bumping my nose against his.

"I really freaked out when Snow told me he knew about me and you. I was worried he was going to hurt you, and..." he sighed. "That's _why_ I usually don't date girls here. Because he finds out in the blink of an eye. God, I wish some things could be personal, that he couldn't get into."

"I know." I nodded.

"I just...I can't let him hurt you because of something I did."

"I know," I repeated, kissing his nose. "We're going to be okay, Finnick."

"Will we?" He challenged weakly, a slight smile accompanying a scoff, and pushed his hands through his hair. "I try so hard to make everything right. But I wake up in the morning and I never feel like getting out of bed. Like, nothing's worth the effort. For the longest time, everything I'd loved was just being destroyed. Because of me."

"What was it like?" I asked him softly, tracing circles lightly on his collarbone. "Your...job. When you first started."

He laughed, looking up at the stars. "Don't get mad."

I giggled, shaking my head. "Of course I won't get mad."

"I'm just saying," he held up a hand in defense and sighed. "At first...I guess I knew it was wrong. Nothing about it felt right, you know? But it was still...kind of...in a really awful way, something the smarmy guys sort of held holy about me. And I guess that for awhile, they had me thinking that way too, that what I was doing was okay, and cool, even.

"But then Lucy died, and...everything about it changed. I realized that this wasn't something Snow was letting me do, because he thought that it was every teenage boy's dream. It was being forced, and I didn't like the idea. The feeling that I could do whatever I wanted, but it would cost me. Instead of feeling like this was a prize, now, I realized that all along_, I_ had been the prize. You don't know how stupid I felt, for falling into that trap."

"It wasn't your fault," I kissed his forehead gently. "He tricked you. He's tricked us all."

"Still." He sighed, looking away.

"I have you, and you have me. And that's never going to change, even if we aren't always...together. Because we're friends. And we'll always have Lucas, too. And I think that makes us pretty lucky."

"I think so too." He said after a moment, smiling at me.

"We've had quite the display of true feelings this evening, haven't we?" I asked him after a couple minutes of listening to each other's breathing and to the sound of the washing waves. We both sat up and he smiled a little, staring at the water. "Anything else you want to say?" He shook his head after a minute.

"I think we've said it all."


	34. Chapter 34

**Note: I got a message saying that this chapter was deleted automatically...somehow. On my manage stories page it said it was still up, but on the story itself it was gone...so I'm re-uploading, and hopefully it'll be cool this time and stay here. Sorry for any confusion!**_  
_

_You're the best thing I never knew I needed._  
-_**Never Knew I Needed**_

June finished up quietly and July rolled around, Adam's birthday on the eighteenth and Finnick's on the thirty-first, both of them turning twenty-two. August went slowly, I guess because my eighteenth birthday was on the twenty-second, fairly late into the month. Finnick and I spent a lot of late nights on the beach, talking for hours, kissing in between sentences. Inside jokes were made between the two of us, with Lucas, and with our families, too. But it was at the beginning of September that the most surprising news came to Lucas and me.

The Emsings were over for dinner and Merle and Adam wouldn't stop staring at each other, but that wasn't unusual. They were completely in love, disgustingly so. They'd stop half-way through sentences to get lost in each other's eyes for minutes a a time and then continue whatever they were saying after their 'moment' was over. Trent would pretend to puke and Lucas and I found it hilarious, how dramatic his brother was. Once, during a particularly stupid moment between our lovely siblings, he took a bite of broccoli and then pretended to choke; Lucas and I took him out into the hallway so we could laugh without being heard.

"What's their deal?" Trent sighed, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. Lucas sighed and hugged his brother into his side, shuddering.

"It's so _irritating,_" I rolled my eyes, and Lucas nodded, pressing his ear up to the door. "Can you hear anything?" I whispered, leaning close to the door myself. He shook his head and we walked back into the dining room, taking our seats again.

"So," Merle spoke up, her cheeks flushed. "Adam and I have some news." Lucas raised an eyebrow and looked at me. I shrugged, and he mouthed _pregnant? _before Merle spoke again. "The other day, we were out for a walk..." _God, _I thought._ Another of their 'exciting' stories. _I rolled my eyes at Lucas and he smiled slightly. When I finally tuned Merle back in, she was just finishing up. "And he asked me to marry him."

I choked on my drink and sputtered, "_What_?" Our parents looked surprised, too. Mr. Emsing was over for the first time, and _boy_, was he a scary guy. Not exactly the type of guy you'd want to mess with. I looked at Lucas, who seemed as surprised as I felt. Adam and Merle were the only ones at the table _not_ gaping.

"Congratulations." Kara finally managed, clearing her throat. A chorus of 'congratulations' moved around the table like a wave, stopping at Trent, Lucas and me. We were still in shock.

"How can they get _married_?" Lucas raved later, after dinner. We were up in my room and he was looking through the treasure chest I had at the foot of my bed that kept all of my personal important stuff. I was sitting on my bed, looking into the chest from the back, and sighed.

"I know! They haven't even been dating two years!" I pushed my hands through my hair. "Do me a favour and let me know if Finnick and I ever get as annoying as those two."

"Deal." We continued on like that until late, when his family finally went home. Poor Trent had been stuck in the living room with the rest of them, while Lucas and I had hidden away so we wouldn't have to hear it. Once we were finally both out of things to say on the matter, we just sat, looking through the chest. I hadn't gone through it myself in years, only put stuff in occasionally, and it was bringing back the good memories of my childhood, instead of the bad ones. The sand dollar Noah tried to convince me was an alien spaceship. Pictures of my mom and me. A lot of my old schoolwork, some of my artwork from when I was really little...everything my dad wouldn't let me throw away. Noah's last letter to me.

"I'll see you tomorrow, I guess."

"Only after school." He replied, shrugging.

"Right. That started, didn't it?" He laughed and hugged me, and they headed out quickly. I went back up to my room, but I couldn't make my mind shut up. There was too much going on, so much on my mind, that I couldn't help thinking about everything all at once. What would it be like, being in-laws with Merle and Lucas and Trent?

Finally, somewhere in between eleven and midnight, I went back downstairs, unable to sleep, and slipped my shoes on. Dad and Adam were still in the kitchen, talking, and heard me just as I was opening the front door.

"Annie, it's late. You should be in bed." Adam told me, and I shook my head.

"Can't sleep."

"So, where are you going?"

I shrugged. Where _was _I going? For a walk? "Out." I finally said, and Adam closed the door, standing in front of it.

"You aren't going to see him. You guys spend way too much time together." He meant Finnick, of course.

"Who said I was going to see him?" I asked, then thought of something else. "You're such a hypocrite."

"_I'm_ a hypocrite?"

"Yes!" I crossed my arms. "You spend all your free time with Merle, and you're telling _me _I spend too much time with Finnick?"

"Merle," he seethed, clenching and unclenching his fists. "is my _fiancee, _and I'll spend as much time around her as I like."

"Yeah, well, Finnick's my boyfriend, and I'll hang out with him all I like. He's hardly ever home anyway," I shot back. "You aren't in charge of me, Adam, you won't tell me what to do anymore. I'm eighteen years old, I know how to handle myself." Adam looked to Dad for help, but he just held his hands up in a way that said _keep me out of this. _Figures he wouldn't want to take sides.

"He's not a good guy, Ann! He's just like all those playing guys you always hated in school; he's going to make you fall for him, get you pregnant, and leave you. Remember when you used to tell me about those kinds of guys? That's what he's like!"

"He is _not_!" I yelled back, and Adam scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"You don't know what love is, Annie!" Adam leaned back against the door.

"I didn't say I did!" I threw my hands up in the air, clenching my jaw. Adam rolled his eyes and pulled the door open.

"Fine. Go, then. See if I care."

"I will." I hissed and stomped out the door, running across the way and knocking on Finnick's door. It hadn't been what I'd been planning to do, anyway. A walk is all I'd originally thought. But if Adam wanted to fight, then I'd fight. I wasn't a helpless little girl anymore, and I wasn't his obedient little baby sister, either. I'd do whatever I wanted to.

But I still felt bad when Finnick came to the door in pajamas, his hair sticking up on one side where he'd already been sleeping on it. He looked surprised to see me. "Hey." He leaned against the door jamb, his head resting on it.

"Hi." I looked down, scuffing the toes of my shoes on the porch.

"Can I help you with something?" He asked, half-way through a yawn.

"Sorry, I know it's late." I looked up again, and this time he looked genuinely worried. Without waiting for me to say more, he took my arm and pulled me inside, sitting me down on the couch. He left me there, disappearing into the kitchen for five minutes, and came back with two mugs of tea, handing one to me.

"What's up?" He asked, yawning again, and sipped his tea. I didn't reply. "Annie, come on. Clearly you came here for something."

"Adam and I just got in an argument," I sighed, leaning into his chest. "It's no big deal, it's just - "

"Do you need a place to stay?" I was surprised by the question, but as soon as he asked it, I found myself nodding. I didn't want to go back home. Not tonight, not ever, really, but I'd have to eventually. Just not yet. "Alright," he stood up, pulling me with him. "Guest room good for you?" I nodded again and followed him up the stairs to the room next to his own. "Bathroom's there," he pointed to a door. "Moku might fly in at some point, just go with it. Cats are downstairs so you don't need to worry about them, uh..." he rubbed his forehead, thinking. "Oh. Hold on." He disappeared into his room for a minute and came back out with a small stuffed tiger. "Girls like this kind of thing, right?" I rolled my eyes at him with a smile, but took the tiger and kissed him briefly.

"Thank you," I sighed, leaning on the door to the guest room. "It...I really appreciate it. Everything."

"Anytime," he smiled tiredly. "Have a good rest."

"You too. And sorry for waking you up before."

"No problem." We went into our rooms and I spent a few minutes setting up the blankets and pillows in a familiar way to the way I had them at home and quickly fell asleep, suddenly very tired.

But I didn't have a good rest. I was plagued by nightmares, one after another, until finally I was jarred from my sleep, still screaming into the pillows when I came to. The door creaked open and Finnick poked his head in.

"You okay?" He asked, walking in quietly. I sniffled and nodded, hiding my face into the pillow. It smelled like the rest of his house - detergent-y and ocean-like. He crossed his arms loosely over his chest and sat on the edge of the bed, easing the pillow from my face. I rubbed my red eyes, holding my head in my hands. "Got a headache?" He asked, and I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut. He pulled on my elbows until I was sitting up and kissed my temple softly, rocking us back and forth slowly. After awhile, I finally managed to calm down, my arms loosening around his torso. "What did you and your brother fight about?" He whispered, his lips still pressed against my temple.

"He's getting married." I replied, not exactly in answer to the question, because the fight hadn't been about that, but on my part, it's what had fueled my need to yell at him.

"Really." Finnick sighed, running his hands through my hair. I nodded silently, looking up to meet his eyes. He looked back at me and kissed my nose, letting me lay down again. "Want to talk about anything?" He asked. I shook my head and he started to stand up, but I held tight to his hand.

"Please don't go." I whispered, laying on my back. He met my eyes with a sigh and nodded, crawling onto the bed beside me.

"Your brother won't be happy if he finds out we slept in the same bed." Finnick chuckled softly, and I rolled onto my side, my back facing him. He draped his arm over me and pulled me in close, stretching his other arm over our heads.

"Honestly, I don't care what Adam thinks anymore." I murmured, smiling softly to myself.

"Why's that?" Finnick whispered, his lips pressed against the back of my head.

"Because you're wonderful." I replied quietly, and he chuckled.

"Even when I'm not here for half of the year?"

"Even then." I nodded slightly, laughing a little.

"Good. I like being wonderful." But I didn't get the chance to reply, because I dropped off into sleep.

The next morning came far too quickly. I woke surrounded in Finnick's nice ocean smell and glanced at the clock. 7_:32AM. _Maybe if I hurried, I could make it home before Adam woke up and he'd think I'd came back late the night before. In any case, I eased myself away from Finnick's arms, kissed his cheek, and left a note saying thank you on the bedside table. Then I hurried back home, throwing my hair into a ponytail on the way.

I opened the door only slightly to avoid letting it squeak, tip-toeing through the entry-way and to the stairs before I realized Dad was watching me from the door to the kitchen, a mug of coffee in hand.

"Nice to see you again, Annie."

"Hi, Daddy." I sighed, walking back to him, expecting him to ground me. Instead, he brought me into the kitchen, offering a mug of coffee. I took it and warmed my hands.

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking." Dad told me pointedly. I looked at him, confused, and he added, "I have no reason to be."

"But..." I raised an eyebrow. He had plenty of reasons to be mad. I stayed out all night, I'd slept at my boyfriend's house, I'd been yelling at them the night before...

"It isn't like you just disappeared," Dad explained softly. "You told us where you were going."

I considered this and realized he was right. "Okay." I shrugged. I wasn't going to _tell_ him he should ground me.

"Your brother might be mad at you. But you have my defense."

"Thanks." I smiled at him and took a sip of coffee. "I finished another net yesterday, by the way."

"Oh, good." Dad smiled back. Then, almost as an afterthought, he said, "You really have got your mother's talent for it." I nodded, having heard the compliment many times before, and he smiled again, leaning back against the cupboards.

"What do you think about Adam and Merle getting married?" I asked him after a minute, curious.

He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I feel like I don't know her well enough to really decide if she's right for him. But if they fell in love so quickly, they must be." I nodded.

"I guess so."

"You don't like the idea?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I've got a lot on my mind right now, to be honest."

"I understand." Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "What do you say we play some piano? Just me and you?"

"Sounds like a plan." I grinned at him and finished up my coffee, and we walked into my piano room, starting to play, not caring that Adam was still asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

_And if you wait for someone else's hand_  
_And you will surely fall down_  
**_-Turn to Stone_**

The wedding was planned for January. By November, Lucas and I had come to accept that they were really going through with it and we decided it was time to pick out our outfits. We started at my house, going through my dresses, and finally decided on a sleeved grey dress that would work nicely for the winter. Finding Lucas's clothes proved to be much more difficult.

He didn't have much more than flannels and jeans, which Merle had absolutely forbade him from wearing, and he hadn't bought any dress clothes since before his last growth spurt. So it was shopping time.

The only clothes store in the district was down by the beach. It was small and everything was handmade, but at least it was nice stuff. I dragged Lucas to the boys' dress clothes section and held up shirt after shirt to him, hoping that at least something would work, but nothing he tried on was quite right. "Who knew shopping for boys was so difficult?" I sighed, shoving another shirt into his hands. "Try that one." He did, and once again, it was a fail.

After another hour of searching, I gave up, and while he kept trying things on, I talked to him. "What's with them, having a wedding in the winter? Seriously, it's such a bad idea. The dress will be covered in snow. Or slush. More likely slush, because not all winters are like last winter. And slush is even worse than snow! God, they couldn't have waited until the summer, when everything would be so beautiful and perfect?" He came out of the changing room in another shirt. "Wait. Turn." He faced away from me and I shook my head at him in the mirror. "Not quite. But, I mean, we still have the maybes! Let's go through them again with lower expectations." Lucas sighed, but nodded, picking up the first shirt from the pile, disappearing into the change room again.

He came back out in a minute, squirming. "I remember why I didn't like this one. It feels like sandpaper. You know," he sighed, pushing his hands through his hair. "At this point, I don't care. I'll go to the wedding in a_ garbage bag_."

"Try this one again." I tossed him another shirt. "That one was my favourite of the maybe pile." He nodded, muttering an _okay, _and shut the door behind him again.

"Do you guys need some help?" I jumped, whipping around. I hadn't realized anyone else was there, except the employee, who'd been in back the whole time Lucas and I had been there.

"Phoebe," I nearly yelled, my hand over my heart. "You scared me."

"Sorry!" She fixed her ponytail and crossed her arms, smiling. "How long have you guys been here?"

"A while." I replied shortly, standing up again to face her.

"Sorry about that. You should've rang the bell. I was doing inventory."

I shrugged. "Whatever. We haven't had much luck." Just then, Lucas opened the door again, and Phoebe glanced over my shoulder at him.

"Looks like you're doing just fine to me." I turned and realized she was right. Maybe it was the lowered expectations, or maybe it was just that I hadn't been paying attention earlier, but the shirt he'd just tried on fit him perfectly, looked nice, and was dressy-but-not-too-dressy. Just what Merle had wanted. Phoebe gave Lucas a smile. "Hey, cutie."

He raised an eyebrow and then laughed. "Hey, Phoebe." Then he looked at me. "So this one's a 'yes', then?" I nodded and Phoebe grinned, helping us match the shirt to dress pants after he'd changed back into his own shirt again, and brought us to the till to pay.

"I didn't know you worked here." I said I handed her a couple coins. She nodded quickly.

"My parents own this place. Mom makes the clothes."

"Wow," I smiled and took the bag from her, handing it to Lucas. Lucas started to leave, but I stayed at the till, still talking to Phoebe. "Are you gonna take over someday?"

"Probably." She nodded again. "I'll never be as awesome as Mom, though."

"Annie? You coming?" Lucas asked from the doorway.

"You go on ahead. I'll catch up with you later." I replied, and heard the door close. Phoebe smiled, pulling a stool up to the counter for me to sit on.

"Sorry about how Lacey and Carol treated you before." She said, and I shrugged.

"That was months ago. It's no big deal."

"I _would_ like to be your friend."

"Really?" I asked, and she nodded. "Okay. Sure." She giggled and I smiled, leaning my elbows on the counter. "Yeah, um...Lacey and Carol. Not exactly my best friends ever, I guess?"

"I guess not." She shook her head with a frown. "They keep talking about you. Not...in nice ways. I try to get them to stop, but - "

"I don't want to know." I looked down, dropping my arms to my sides again. "I mean...I guess I don't really care, either. I don't listen to what people have to say about me because I don't want to be another one of those self-conscious, obsessive, crazed girls who change themselves so people will like them. I just want to be myself."

"And that's why I really, really envy you. I wish I had that kind of self-confidence."

"Oh," I shook my head. "I'm not confident. Not at all. I'm just..." I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. "Strong?"

"Strong," she repeated, and then nodded. "Everyone knows that. How you handled yourself in your Games - "

"I went crazy, ran off and hid, and then I swam. And then kicked a kid in the stomach, accidentally and completely indirectly killed him. It wasn't that impressive."

"And you're modest!"

"I'm not modest, I'm_ honest!_" I argued lightly. "I just...don't see what was so amazing about what I did in that arena."

"It wasn't what you did, it's what you've done since then." She admitted. "You've accomplished so much from where you were. And now you're dating the hottest guy in_ Panem_, for God's sake! You have to admit, that's pretty amazing."

"I'm lucky, then." I shrugged.

"Whatever, Cresta." Phoebe laughed and walked to the back of the shop. "You want coffee?"

"Sure." I nodded and she beckoned me to follow.

"So," Phoebe drawled, half-way through pouring a cup of coffee. "Do you mind if I ask Lucas out?"

"Why would I mind?" I asked, confused.

"He's your best friend?"

"So? I have a boyfriend."

"So," she sighed, exasperated. "It's kind of the law of girls."

"I'm not...familiar with it." I admitted with a smile, looking into my mug. Phoebe giggled and shrugged, walking back to the counter. "So...you want to ask Lucas out?"

"Yes," Phoebe blushed and batted her eyelashes, sighing. "He's so cute, and so nice, and he's just the funniest guy!"

"If you think he's funny," I began, smiling. "then you don't know him. He _thinks_ he's funny." Phoebe laughed and set her coffee down on the counter, hooking her thumbs in her pockets. "But I think you should go for it."

"Really?" She smiled and hugged me quickly. "Thank you! Lacey and Carol think I'm stupid to even try it, but I'm hoping, just _hoping _he'll at least consider. For our last year of school and all." I nodded, still a bit fazed from the hug. She sighed suddenly. "But what if I'm, like...too girly for him or something? Because I know he liked you for awhile, and you're pretty much the most tomboy a girl around here can get."

"If he doesn't like you for you, then don't harp on it." I shrugged dismissively. "You shouldn't change who you are to fit some guy's standards. Even if that guy is my best friend."

She paused for a moment, taking this in. "How are you so wise?" I laughed, not realizing she was serious. But I didn't know how to answer, so I just stayed silent. She kept staring at me, waiting for an answer, until I said,

"Anyway...I should go. Catch up with Lucas, you know?" She nodded, looking down. "Thanks for the coffee. And the help with the clothes, too. And...everything."

"Thank _you_ for everything, Annie." Phoebe smiled and I hurried out, waving over my shoulder.


	36. Chapter 36

_Here's your chance to make it_  
_ So take it like a man.  
**-Take it Like a Man**  
_

"Annie. I need you." Lucas practically fell down into the sand beside Finnick and me. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes wide, and I could only guess that Phoebe had asked him out.

"We're busy." Finnick replied with a raised eyebrow. I looked at him, surprised.

"Are we?"

"We are." He tipped my chin up and kissed me, and I couldn't help but blush, what with Lucas being right there and all. I knew he was just doing it to bug Lucas, of course, because the poor guy always got so squirmy watching us kiss, and I couldn't blame him. Plus, though, it helped that Lucas is impatient when he needs to talk and always hates it when we put our relationship before him. I couldn't blame him for that, either, because we _are_ his best friends. After a moment he poked my shoulder and I laughed into the kiss, pulling away.

"I need girl talk." Lucas told me pointedly, and I sighed, looking at him.

"So you came to_ me_?" Finnick laughed beside me and I looked at him, sticking out my tongue. He held up his hands in defense and gave me a look that said, _hey, you said it, not me. _But when I looked at Lucas again, he had his pleading eyes, and I couldn't make myself say no to that. So I nodded. "Alright. What's up?" Finnick tickled my side lightly and I put my hand over his, elbowing him, then looked back at him. "Our friend is trying to speak, Mr. Odair. Be polite. Sorry, Lucas, go on."

"I'm all confused and stuff," he sighed, laying back in the sand. "Because there's this girl, right? And I've known her forever. And suddenly, out of the blue, she asks me out. Just like that." Finnick nodded slowly.

"So...what'd you say?"

"I didn't say anything!" Finnick and I groaned in unison and Lucas sat up, his hair sticking up in all different directions.

"What _did _you do?" I asked, worried.

"I ran away to ask you what I should do."

I held up my hands in defense. "I have no opinion in this. It's your choice. Haven't you ever been asked out before?"

"No," he picked up a shell from the sand and held it at arm's length straight up, studying it. "I've only ever dated one girl, and I asked her out. And it lasted for, like, two days."

"Wow." Finnick noted, a teasing smile on his lips.

Lucas glared at him. "I don't get out much."

"I can tell."

"Finnick," I sighed, shaking my head at him. "Don't be mean. Anyway, Luc, just say no, then. She won't hate you."

"But I don't _want_ to say no."

"Then say yes," Finnick sighed, exasperated. "You make this more difficult than it has to be, man."

"But what if I end up like Merle and Adam?" He threw the shell away, and I understood, nodding finally.

"So _that's _what this is about." I wiggled away from Finnick's arms and crawled over to sit beside him. He nodded up at me, his jaw loose and his eyes tired. "You won't be like them, Luc, so far this is one date, remember?"

"I don't want to be crazy!" As soon as he said it, he seemed to realize that this was not the best thing to say to me. I looked away from him, blocking out his and Finnick's voices with my hands.

"Neither do I." I whispered, standing up, and walked down to the water, slowly uncovering my ears. Behind me, I could hear Finnick advising Lucas to go with what felt right, and pretty soon Lucas was gone and Finnick was at my side. Tears were already rolling down my cheeks and I stared at the moon, rubbing at my eyes. "Sorry," I sighed, running a hand through my hair."I didn't mean to...freak out like that. It just..." I shook my head. "it just happens sometimes. I can't control it." He hugged me from behind and kissed the side of my head, shushing me. I turned my head to look at him and pressed my lips against his in a much-needed kiss, still sniffling when we pulled away.

"It's okay." He whispered, cupping my cheek with his hand.

"I thought you didn't like telling people that it's okay." I sighed, remembering that night on the cliff, he'd said it himself.

"I don't like telling people it'll be okay when I know it won't be," he corrected softly, kissing me again. "but I know this _will_ be." I smiled slightly and bumped my nose against his. "My mom asked me how we bonded so quickly." He told me quietly.

"What did you tell her?" I asked in the same tone, our foreheads colliding with a _bump. _

"I told her that we didn't. That it took a long time of being strangers, then acquaintances, then frenemies, then friends...to what we are now."

"And what are we?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He answered in a quick kiss, then smiled at me. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my forehead against his collarbone. He raised his arms slightly, encircling my torso, and I smiled.

"We are almost a year now." He murmured, and I nodded. I didn't realize he was telling me what we 'were' until he continued. "We are two halves of one very beautiful whole. We are two incredible people with dark stories to tell. We are victors, we are broken, we are pawns. We are - "

"We are Annie Cresta and Finnick Odair." I added. "We are _together._"

"And hopefully," he smiled, his arms tightening around me. "we always will be. Together." That surprised me. I knew that Finnick usually didn't stay with the same girl for long - of course I knew that. I knew that I'd originally thought he was playing me, just like any other girl he'd ever dated in the history of him dating. I knew he was a confusing, odd, dark, mysterious, lovely guy. I knew that I wanted to stay with him for as long as he'd allow. But it was still surprising to hear him say it.

"You really mean that?" I whispered into his shirt, and he nodded.

"Yeah. I do." I smiled and rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. The steady bumps were hauntingly calming, and I wouldn't have minded if I could listen to it forever, but we did both have to go home at some point.

"How are the cats? Have you finally named them?"

"They're pretty good. And I named the younger a long time ago, remember?"

"Jeremy is not a cat name." I argued.

"My pets, my rules." He grinned and chuckled, and I rolled my eyes at him. "So he's Jeremy. I still haven't found one that's stuck for Momma, though." I nodded silently, looking up at him.

"Change of subject," I stated, then continued. "Dad said I could bring a date to the wedding. Want to come and help me keep my sanity?"

"Sure," he nodded, then smiled. "Though I can't see Adam being happy with me being there."

"Whatever." I shrugged and pressed up onto my tip-toes, kissing his chin. He smiled.

"You missed."

"You're too tall." I replied and he laughed, kissing my forehead.

The tide was starting to come in, and the water washed over our feet and pretty soon our ankles were submerged, too. "We should get going." Finnick sighed, his forehead rested against mine. I looked up, meeting his eyes, my lower lip sticking out.

"I don't wanna leave." I raised my chin slightly and our noses touched, our breaths combining.

"I know." He pulled away from the embrace, still holding my hand, and started to walk up the beach, pulling me along firmly. I caught up with him quickly, letting go of his hand to wiggle under his arm and lean into his side. He smiled down at me and took my other hand, and I smiled up at him and wrapped my arm around his waist, then took his hand again with my other hand.

"Guys!" Lucas poked us in the backs and walked around us, then started walking backward in front of us to talk.

"Did you tell her yes?" I asked, smiling a little at him.

"Yeah! And she was like, 'So, Friday?' and I was like, 'Sure, sounds good to me.' and she was like, 'Cool.'"

He seemed extremely proud of this.

"Um...awesome!" I let go of Finnick's hand momentarily to high-five him and he grinned, then glanced at the clock on the Justice Building, not far from where we were now.

"I gotta get home. See you guys tomorrow!"

"See you!" I called, and Finnick and I kept walking, laughing a little. "He's quite the character, isn't he?" I noted, smiling.

"He is. But we love him for it."

"We do." I agreed, a smile still on my lips all the way back to the Victor's Village. We came there far too quickly, it seemed, but in reality, it was just in time, because rain was beginning to fall. Finnick pulled his jacket up over our heads as it began to pour and we ran to my house, laughing. "See you tomorrow." I pecked his cheek and pushed him back off the porch, telling him to run before the rain got worse.

"Oh, wait," he jumped back onto the porch, pulling me into a kiss, our wet clothes and skin colliding and then sticking together. He pulled away first, his fingers tangled into the ends of my hair. "I'm gone tomorrow."

"For how long?" I bit my lip, frowning.

"Just tomorrow." He hugged me tightly. "And if it's more, I'll phone to let you know."

"They tap into your phone calls." I reminded him, and he shrugged.

"I'll figure something out if it's more than tomorrow. I doubt it will be."

"Okay. Thanks for telling me." I nodded in agreement, smiling at him. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." He pulled away from the hug just as a clap of thunder boomed through the sky and a shock of lightning crackled down through the clouds. "I'd better hurry before the storm gets any worse. Moku will be freaking out." I nodded again and hugged him once more, quickly, and then he was gone.


	37. Chapter 37

The next day, my morning was quiet. I went to Mags's to return the latest stack of books I'd borrowed, practiced a couple songs on guitar, and played through a few tunes on piano. With Finnick gone, I'd usually be hanging out with Lucas, but I'd phoned his house and he'd reminded me of his date with Phoebe. Dad was working the stand and Adam was with Merle, planning the wedding. So I was home alone.

The house was too quiet for me to sit still, so I went for a walk. I brought a bag along, water and a book stashed inside, and a bit of change in my pocket in case I needed it. Instead of heading straight out, I stopped by Finnick's house to see the cats, but the door was locked. I gave the door a few sharp knocks, in case Tess and Jordie were there. But there was no answer.

As I was walking away from his house, I heard flapping sound behind me and turned. Moku had flown out the open window on the top floor of the house and was now fluttering to land on my shoulder.

"Hey, Moku," I smiled and reached my hand up. He caught my finger with his thumb in a modified handshake, making squeaking sounds. "I don't speak bat." I told him pointedly, and he dropped off my shoulder, turning around to face me about three feet away, eye-level. "Do you want me to follow?" I asked, and he squeaked, starting to fly slowly in the opposite direction that I'd been going - toward the rest of the houses in the Victors' Village. Confused, I walked behind him, my hands in the pockets of my jeans. When we reached the furthest-away house, he flew around the front of the building, over the picket fence. I hopped the fence and hurried after him.

We were into the outskirts now. The Victor's Villlage was right near the edge of the district, so naturally, going further than that would bring us to the cliffs that keep us contained. But clearly Moku wanted to show me more than the cliffs, so I kept following. He made another squeaking sound as we came into a clearing, and flew back to me, tugging on the collar of my hoodie.

"Okay!" I exclaimed, catching him and pulling him away before letting him fly again. "I'm coming, don't rush me." He made a low, guttural squeak that could've been something like a sigh and I started to jog. "Happy now?" I asked him, smiling.

He led me down a narrow path that led to a graveyard of sorts and I got the shivers, looking at him.

"Why are we here, Moku?" The last time I'd been here was just after my mother died, we'd come to lay flowers on her grave. But why would a bat lead me here, on such a random day? He squeaked again and landed on my shoulder and I looked at him. "Don't most bats sleep during the day?" He flapped his wing against my head and I gaped at him. "Did you just slap me?" He made a bunch of repeated squeaks that I could only assume was laughter. "Weirdo." I laughed and realized that my feet had carried me to the Cresta family tomb. I walked inside, reading the plaques, finding my mother's near the end of the line on the right side. _Amelia Peyton Eberhart-Cresta. _Underneath the name were a few engraved words that my dad had told them to write, a few symbols, and on the top of the grave itself, the overgrown grass around it, was a bundle of yellow roses, still fresh and new and alive. Dad must've come not long ago.

I looked back up at her plaque, wiping tears from my eyes, and traced the engraved letters with my pinkie finger, feeling Moku shift on my shoulder. "What is it?" I turned my head to look at him, jumping out of my skin when I saw someone at the entrance to the tomb.

"Annie? What are you doing here?" Finnick asked in a quick tone, his voice breaking.

"What are _you _doing here?" I shot back, more surprised than anything. "I thought you were going to the Capitol today."

"I cancelled." It was an obvious lie, but I didn't call him on it. I crossed my arms and walked up to him, feeling Moku dig his little claws into my shoulder. "Now answer me."

"Moku led me here. And why shouldn't I be here?" I asked him, motioning to my mother's grave.

"Right. Sorry." He sighed, and coming closer, I realized that there were tears rimming his eyes. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my forehead on his chin, and Moku dropped off my shoulder and started to fly over our heads in circles.

"What's wrong?" I asked him quietly, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, turning his head down slightly to kiss the top of my head.

"I was just...visiting."

"Oh," I looked up at him and he looked away, blinking his tears away. "It's okay." I kissed his jaw and he shut his eyes, tears still seeping out every so often. "Why'd you lie?" I asked after a few minutes, and he turned his head back to look at me.

"I didn't."

"You said - "

"I said I wouldn't be home to hang out."

"You said you were _gone _today. Why didn't you just tell me you were coming here?"

"Because you'd come looking for me, and...I kind of wanted to be alone."

"Oh. Sorry." I looked down and he shrugged. "Moku led me here, anyway. Wasn't my fault." I smiled at him and he chuckled, but it sounded strangled, like he was still on the verge of tears. Which he might have been, I guess.

"S'okay, I'm not...mad." He shrugged again and took my hand, walking with me out of the tomb. "Not like I own the place. You have just as much right as I do to be here."

"I feel like I'm intruding." I laced my fingers with his, and it took me a second to realize we weren't walking to the exit, but farther into the graveyard. The tombs are alphabetical, and we were near the middle, so I should've guessed before I read the name _Odair _over the doorway where we were going.

"You aren't," he finally said, and I stepped into the tomb behind him, following him past the graves to the ones near the end. "Intruding, I mean." I shrugged in compliance and wrapped my arm around his waist, hooking my thumb in the jeans pocket on his other side.

The plaque of the tomb we'd stopped at was Lucy's._ Lucy Arielle Odair. _Underneath read: _Beloved daughter, sister, friend, cousin. _Finnick sighed beside me, the muscles in his arm tensing as I ran my fingers over the name and other words.

"She'd be twenty today." He noted quietly, and I looked at him.

"It's her birthday?"

He nodded, casting his gaze down. Moku landed in Finnick's mess of hair, making tiny squeaking sounds that I decided would be comforting words, if Moku could talk. "God, I'm an awful brother."

"No," I sighed, tucking my head under his arm. "No, you're not. You made a mistake, that's all."

"A mistake that resulted in my sister's death." He muttered, and I shook my head.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Whatever." He sighed, as if trying to act moody, but his heart wasn't in it. I wiggled away from his arm, crossing my arms, and started to walk back to the entrance, wrapping my hoodie closer around me.

And then something odd happened. It was almost as if there was a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back. I reached up, smacking at the hand, even muttering a, "Finnick, stop." but when I should've hit the hand, I hit my shoulder. When I looked back, Finnick was still back by the grave, at least ten feet away, looking up at me.

"Stop what?" he asked, and I ran back to him, throwing my arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. "What?" He lost his footing for a split second before catching himself, managing not to fall.

"The hell was that?" I swallowed and gripped the back of his shirt, breathing deeply.

"What was it?" He asked me after my breathing slowed down again.

"It was like..." I shut my eyes, my breaths shaky. "A hand. On my shoulder, I swear, I'm not lying."

"I didn't say you were." He shrugged and pulled me off of him gently, kneeling down to my height. I looked at him, my eyes still wide.

"That was scary," I whispered, and he nodded, hugging me again. "Can we get out of here?" I shut my eyes, still scared out of my wits, and he must've nodded, or maybe even said something, but if he did, I didn't see or hear it. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and led me out of the tomb, and the next time I opened my eyes, we were back at his house. Finnick was nowhere in sight, but beside me on the coffee table was a mug of tea, a plate of two chocolate chip cookies and two brownies. A blanket was wrapped around my shoulders and the stuffed tiger he'd let me sleep with that night I'd stayed over was beside me, and finally, on the other couch cushion was a set of cozy-looking pajamas, folded neatly. I took them immediately, running to the bathroom, and nearly tripping over Momma Cat on the way.

When I came back from the bathroom, my own clothes in my arms and the pajamas hanging off of me, Finnick was back, reclined in the armchair. He looked up when I sat down again. "You really know how to comfort a girl." I stated. "I have to say, I'm impressed."

He grinned and sat up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," I laughed and wrapped the blanket around me again, taking the teacup into my hands and took a sip. "Are these yours?" I shrugged my shoulders and squirmed around a little, hoping he'd understand I meant the pajamas.

"Yup." He nodded, smiling slightly. "They shrunk in the wash, don't fit me. It was a shame, they were nearly new."

"They're really comfy." I smiled and picked up a cookie from the plate, then pushed the plate closer to him. "I really hope you were planning on sharing these with me. It's too early to have all this to myself."

"It's actually...late afternoon." He corrected me, and I gaped.

"What?"

"You were out for awhile. Dead to the world."

"I wasn't even sleeping!"

"Uh..." he raised an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, you were."

"I was?"

"You were."

"Wow. I didn't even have any nightmares or anything." I leaned back into the couch, letting myself sink into it, and he took a brownie from the plate, staring at me. "What?" I looked back at him and he smiled, shaking his head, and looked away. "What is it?" I pressed, sitting up.

"You just look cute in my clothes." I rolled my eyes. "What? You do." He grinned and I laughed, then waved him over. He stood and walked over to the couch, sitting next to me. I smiled and leaned into his side. "What do you want to do now?" He murmured, his lips against my temple. I shrugged and looked at him, lifting my hand to his cheek. He put his hand over mine and smiled at me, wrinkling his nose. I giggled and poked his nose, then met his gaze, still smiling.

"You know," I sighed after a minute, my smile still present. "You're too wonderful for your own good. Someday, somebody's just gonna hate you for it."

"As long as that somebody isn't you." He chuckled softly and kissed my forehead, and I wiggled off the couch, picking up his guitar from the corner of the room.

"We should play for a bit. Maybe you can sing along!" I joked, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't want to shatter your eardrums."

"Surely you aren't that bad." I sat next to him again, and he shrugged, taking the guitar from me.

"You sing, I'll play."

"What do I sing?" I asked, laughing.

"Anything."

And so I did. "Happy birthday to - " I stopped myself when I saw his eyes darken, and I suddenly remembered what day it was. I cursed quietly to myself and sighed. "Sorry, I forgot - "

"It's fine. Don't feel bad." He sighed and gave the guitar back to me. I played out a couple chords, feeling bad anyway. He was still looking down and I tipped his chin up, kissing him softly. He kissed me back, his lips curving into a smile, and I smiled, too, giggling a little into the kiss. He pulled away after a moment, still smiling. "What's funny?"

"Nothing." I shook my head, smiling back. Then, I thought of something. "I wonder how Lucas's date went."

"I wonder." Finnick chuckled and took a cookie from the plate. I took my brownie and bunched up, snuggling into Finnick's side.

"You're warm." I told him, and he smiled, wrapping his arm around me.

"Are you staying over?" He asked, and I started to nod, and then shook my head.

"I'd like to, but I can't. It's too risky, with Adam already so...up in my business about absolutely everything. I should probably change again and head home."

"Okay," Finnick shrugged and kissed my forehead, then stood up. "You can keep those pajamas, if you want."

I smiled and nodded. "I will. Thanks."


	38. Chapter 38

_You don't need me but you won't leave me_  
**_-Sort Of_**

"I hate the cold." Phoebe grumbled beside me, her teeth chattering. It was early December - two weeks in - and by the temperature, you could tell. The snow, however, had apparently all been used up the year prior, and was now holding up.

Lucas, Phoebe and I were at the cafe, which was a popular place for the day. Every seat was being occupied, and there were people leaned against the walls, sitting on the floor, sharing chairs with people - every where. The three of us had been lucky enough to grab seats before the crowd arrived. Hot cocoa, coffee, tea, and cookies were being ordered by the moment, and it was getting so full that if you weren't drinking, eating, or waiting for food, you had to leave. There was no loitering whatsoever today, but most people took the most obvious loophole - keep ordering food or drinks. I'd had four cocoas and three cookies, myself. Lucas held our record of seven cocoas, three teas, a coffee, and eight cookies. It wasn't really his fault - he was cold, Phoebe had his coat, and he was a hungry guy. The workers probably were tired of making him drinks, though.

"It's almost your one-year, isn't it?"

I looked up, pulled from my thoughts, and looked from Lucas to Phoebe. "Huh?"

"You and Finnick. You're almost at a year." Phoebe said, folding her hands on the table. I sighed, nodding slightly, and looked down again. She had to remind me?

"What's wrong?" Phoebe asked, concerned.

"He's not gonna be home." Lucas explained to her, under his breath. She gasped quietly, covering her mouth.

"Oh, Annie, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to - "

"It's fine," I replied loudly, talking over her. "I don't even care." And I didn't. The fact was that Finnick had no choice, he had to leave sometimes. And sure, that was an obstacle for the two of us. But it wasn't the biggest obstacle we'd faced, and we'd face worse in the future. Besides, he was gone for two more weeks, arriving home on the twenty-eighth, only three days after our one-year, and he was going to be home for Adam's wedding. Anniversaries came every year. Adam's wedding was one day, and I needed Finnick there to keep me sane.

"Of course you care!" Phoebe gasped, frantic. "One year is a big deal!"

"I don't care." I repeated, stirring my hot cocoa.

"Did he tell you to say that?" I smiled into my cocoa mug and didn't answer. She took that as a yes, shooting out of her seat. "I knew it! Come on, we're marching_ straight_ to his house right now and slapping some sense into that boy!"

I laughed, shaking my head. "No need. It's fine." Lucas pulled her back down to sit again and she huffed, a lock of her hair flying out of her eyes. "Besides, he left this morning."

"It's still not cool. You poor thing," She reached across the table and took my hand, her eyes wide with worry. "If you need company, you need only call."

"Same goes for me." Lucas nodded at me, smiling.

"Guys," I shook my head, laughing. "You're acting like this is a horrible thing. I'm not even upset." If anything, they were more upset than I was. I mean, maybe I was a little disappointed, but it wasn't like over the past year Finnick had become my life. He was a very big part of my life, yes, but I had a life outside being so deep in like with him.

Phoebe shrugged. "We're your friends. It's our job to be supportive." I shrugged, taking a bite of my cookie.

"Whatever." I shrugged and we finally left soon after, freeing our table for someone else to take. "Where should we go now?" I asked them, slipping my hands into the pockets of my jacket. Lucas shrugged and looked at Phoebe. She shrugged, too, and slipped Lucas's jacket off, giving it back to him when she saw him shivering. He didn't hesitate to pull it on.

The next few days were quiet. I mostly stayed home and read, and helped Adam and Merle work out the last few bugs in their wedding planning. The wedding was coming up so quickly, it scared me. With Adam moving out, maybe I'd have more freedom. But did I really want that? For the last couple years it had been his restrictions that had kept me from going completely over the edge. Then again, lately, it had been those restrictions that were driving me crazy. So we'd just have to wait and see how everything worked out.

By the time Christmas rolled around, there was still no snow and the water was just barely freezing over. After dinner I walked down to the beach and sat on the dock, hugging my knees close to me. The wedding was in another week. Finnick got back in three days. We still needed to make sure he had something to wear.

I was so lost in my thoughts, staring at something out on the water, that I didn't realize I was staring at anything until I came to again, who knows how much later. "What is that?" I thought outloud, looking around to see if anyone was about. Nobody was. Slowly easing myself into the water, instantly freezing, I pushed away from the dock and as I came closer, I realized it was a glass bottle, floating in the water. I picked it out of the water, surprised when I saw a rolled-up piece of paper inside.

I swam back to the dock, pulled myself up, shivering, and ran home, hoping Dad and Adam wouldn't be downstairs to see me, because they'd want to know I was going for a swim at this time of the year. Neither of them were there when I came inside and I checked the clock - _1:31AM. _I'd been out quite a while, then. I hurried up to my room, throwing the bottle on the bed, and quickly changed into pajamas, then sat on my bed and turned the bottle upside down. The paper dropped out and I picked up back up, abandoning the bottle to unroll the paper.

Just as I'd suspected, it was a note from Finnick, sent to me in the same way he'd done when I was in the arena.

_Annie,_

_I can't even express how sorry I am that I'm not home. This year with you has been incredible. I never imagined I'd end up with someone as lovely and caring as you, and I can only hope you feel the same way, because honestly, I don't think I can give you up now. I'm sorry for all the things I've done that made you mad, or upset, or sad. You deserve happiness, and I want to give it to you in any way I can. If I could spend the rest of my life with anyone, I'd want it to be you,because you make me happy, and if I can make you happy, then with you is where I belong. I have to go now, though, because this little piece of paper isn't big enough to write anymore. I'll see you when I get home, little Annie.  
_

_With love,  
Finnick  
_

I was smiling like an idiot by the time I finished reading it. Tears were rimming my eyes, too, and I felt a pang of loneliness in me, wishing he were here. I hadn't really missed him until now, when I realized how much he missed me, too. I mean, sure, over the year I'd come to understand that he was staying with me because he wanted to, not because of some stupid past thing, and whenever he came home he told me he'd missed me, but it didn't ever seem real until now, reading the note.

I folded up the paper again and walked to the foot of my bed, opening the treasure chest on the floor, and dropped the note in, closing the lid again. Then I went through my drawers, found the pajamas Finnick had let me keep, and changed into them instead, snuggling into bed. The pillows, the mattress, the warm pajamas, the blankets and sheets - everything felt so welcomed to my still-wet hair and cold body. I pulled the collar hem of the pajama shirt up over my nose, shivering, and took in a deep breath, smiling softly at the scent of the shirt.

I fell asleep eventually, and when I woke up in the morning, I'd had no nightmares.

_A/N: Meh. Sorry for the shortie here._


	39. Chapter 39

_When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears,  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears**.  
****-My Immortal**_

I heard the door close and I jumped, looking over my shoulder from the couch. I flicked the TV off and stood, my hands in my back pockets, and walked to the doorway, finding Finnick still crouched down, head bent, unlacing his boots. I smiled and tiptoed up to him, kissing the top of his head. He jumped out of his skin and looked up, then his face broke into a grin and he straightened up, holding out his arms for a hug.

"Hey," he choked out as I squeezed the life out of him, a small smile on my lips. When I let go, he kept his arms around my torso, smiling. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to be here when you got home," I replied quietly, resting my head against his chest. "I didn't realize how much I missed you until I read that note."

"You got it?" He asked excitedly, and I nodded, laughing as he lifted me off my feet, kissing me. He leaned back against the door when he pulled away and set me down, smiling at me. I stepped on the steel-toes of his boots, which he'd forgotten about taking off. "God, I missed you." He pulled me into another hug and I lost my balance, falling into him. He smiled and scooped me up, stepping out of his boots, and carried me to the couch, depositing me there before sitting down next to me. In a matter of moments, our legs were tangled together and we were nose-to-nose, smiling at each other.

"We're such dorks," I sighed, and he grinned and pressed his lips to mine momentarily, wrinkling his nose. I giggled. "You're cute."

"_I'm_ cute?" He raised an eyebrow, surprised.

"You act like you've never heard that before."

"You just don't usually compliment me."

"I compliment you all the time, you ass." I stuck my tongue out at him and he grinned, laughing.

"See what I mean?"

"Shut up." I smacked his arm lightly, grinning back. He stood up, pulling me with him, and led me up the stairs, walking into his room. "Are you trying to hint at something?" I murmured to him, and he laughed.

"Not at all," when I looked at him, questioning, he said, "You told me that we need to find something for me to wear. For the wedding."

"Right," I nodded, sitting on the edge of his bed. "So impress me with your nicest, classiest clothes." He dug around in his closet for a couple minutes, a determined wrinkle in his brow. He eventually came up with a light green shirt and dark dress pants, and way in the back, by some miracle, a tie that matched. "Try it on. I won't look." I turned around while he changed, trying to ignore his complaints about the dress pants being uncomfortable and the shirt being scratchy. When I couldn't take his whining anymore, I turned around, walking over to him. He sighed and let me flatten the wrinkles in the fabric. I buttoned the shirt for him and tied the tie, flipping the collar down.

"I don't like fancy." He complained, and I rolled my eyes and kissed his cheek.

"The shirt matches your eyes." I told him pointedly, my hand still trailing down his chest. He smiled mockingly and pulled on the tie incessantly.

"Can I change back?"

"Fine." I smiled and he pulled the tie off over his head, pulling on the two sides of the collar of the shirt to unbutton all the buttons one after another. I sat on his bed again, distracting myself with looking at my toenails, which still needed badly to be painted. He came and sat beside me, still pulling a shirt on, and I looked at him, blinking softly.

"Are you okay?" He asked after a moment, and I tore my gaze from his, nodding.

"Yeah. I'm fine." He reached over and took my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles, and I looked up at him again, and then he was kissing me and I forgot everything. All my worries, all my fears.

It's odd how quickly you can change - or another person change you. A few short years ago, the thought of kissing Finnick would've been unthinkable. Undesirable, too, but above all else, it would've seemed unachievable. He was probably the most popular guy in all of Panem - and what was I? Before my Games, I was a net-making girl from Four, blending in with the crowd. Now all the Capitol and the rest of the country would ever see me as was the poor, mad girl, losing everyone important to her. Nothing about me was terribly fetching, and that was just the reason they left me alone. But now Snow knew about Finnick and me. How long would he keep that a secret? How long would it last until the Capitol citizens were begging to know my secret, how I'd attracted the famous and beautiful Finnick Odair, when honestly, I didn't know.

I didn't know what Finnick was thinking, but I supposed he'd be unimpressed if he'd known I was thinking all of that while we kissed. It just happened, though, I'd get completely lost in my own thoughts. It couldn't help it.

Meanwhile, he had pulled me into his lap, his hands wandering over my body, running up my back and down my arms. When we finally ran out of breath, he ended the kiss, still in our close embrace. I half-smiled, our breaths combining. When I finally got my breath back, I climbed off of his lap and stood, running my hands through my hair, and sighed.

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked softly, standing up to join me. I shook my head and let him hug me, resting my forehead against his chest. "Oh, Ann..." he sighed, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and started to lead me back down the stairs. "Let's go make tea."

"Is tea your solution for everything?" I asked with a slight smile, still fighting tears.

"Pretty much," He smiled and pulled out the single chair at the table for me, then walked to his tea cupboard, which was full to the point of bursting with different types of tea. "Berry, peppermint, or jasmine?" He inquired, though I couldn't tell if it was to me or to himself, so I didn't answer. He eventually took out the berry tea and I smiled, nodding approvingly to him when he turned to me with the boiled water in the teapot in one hand and the teabags in the other. He placed both on the table in front of me and told me to prepare it while he got the sugar cubes and mugs out. I dipped the teabags into the water, leaving the tabs out, and when he came back he took them out, throwing them in the garbage, and filled up two mugs, plunking three sugar cubes into his own mug. I stood up to let him take the chair, but he just shook his head and went to the closet to grab another one.

"Tell the truth," he began, sitting down across from me. "Is everything all right?" I was about to nod when I met his eyes, and without meaning to, I found myself shaking my head. "What's up?" He asked before I could correct myself, and I sighed, taking a sip of tea.

"It's just...crazy right now. Wedding planning. I wanted to get out of the house." Finnick nodded silently, warming his hands on his tea mug. "So...do you mind if I stay here tonight?" I added after a moment, looking down. My cheeks were flushed, I knew that, but it still didn't mean I had to let him know.

"You're welcome to stay any time," I told me with a shrug. "Honestly, I don't see why you feel the need to ask."

"I guess I figured you'd feel weird if you thought I was going home and then you found me in your bed." I muttered with a smile and he laughed, choking on tea. After he'd coughed a couple times, getting over his momentary impending death, he finally replied.

"That'd be a pleasant surprise." I laughed and shook my head at him. "Anyway, then, do you need to go back to your place for pajamas or anything?" When I didn't answer, he said, with a melodramatic sigh, "_Or_ you could borrow something of mine."

"If you don't want me to - "

He laughed. "I'm joking. It's fine." I smiled and finished my tea, taking my mug to the sink. He came up behind me and hugged around my waist after setting his mug on the counter. I didn't look back, busying myself with cleaning our dishes, and he chuckled, leaning around me to kiss the side of my head.

"Finnick." I couldn't hide my smile.

"Hm?" He mumbled into my hair, pressing kisses behind my ear. I sighed and leaned back into him, and he reached out a hand, grabbing onto my wrist, stopping my hand from drying the mug I was finished washing. I set the mug and towel down and he pulled me away from the sink, spinning me around so I was facing him, and lifted me off my feet, twirling us both around. I smiled and ruffled his hair and he set me down again, combing his fingers through my hair. I yawned, covering my mouth with my hand, and he kissed my forehead gently. "Come on." He took my hand and we walked up the stairs again, back into his room.

"Thanks for letting me stay." I ran my hand through my hair as he went through his drawers for something that would fit me. He glanced over his shoulder at me with a smile and nodded, then looked back at the drawer, finally coming up with an old T-shirt.

"That'll fit like a dress on you." He tossed it to me and it hit my face, dropping into my lap. I quickly changed into it while his back was still turned and left my clothes folded on the floor by the door, feeling exposed just wearing a shirt and underclothes. The shirt came down to my knees, but I still felt under dressed. I walked up behind Finnick at his drawers, wrapping my arm around his waist, and he looked at me. "You need something else?" He rested his elbow on my shoulder, his arm wrapped around behind my head. I looked up at him, shrugging, and he kissed my forehead and smiled. I crossed my eyes upward, trying to see him, and he chuckled, steering me back to the bed. I glanced behind me, smiling, and he threw a pair of shorts at me, grinning back. I pulled the shorts on and crawled onto the side of the bed closer to the wall, laying on my back. He changed into pajama pants and a thin hoodie, then walked over to the bed, laying beside me.

I turned my head to look at him and reached up a hand to poke his nose. He caught my hand and kissed it, then pulled me in close, letting me rest my head on his chest. I fell asleep quickly, surrounded in his scent, but what seemed like only seconds later, I was jerked awake, broken sentences and curses meeting my ears. I hid my head under the pillow, hoping to block out the noise, but when I had no luck, I sat up, yawning. Finnick looked at me, his eyes wide.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He sighed, and I shook my head, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I murmured, and he nodded slightly, his eyes shut, shoving his hands through his hair. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, resting my cheek against his arm. "Are you okay?" I added after a moment, and he nodded again, looking at me.

"You don't have to stay up. I'll calm down eventually." He told me, but I just shrugged. He kept nagging me to get sleep, though, and I eventually obliged, laying down on my stomach, falling asleep soon after.

This sleep wasn't peaceful, though. As soon as I dropped from consciousness, images flashed through my mind, memories played as if they were videos, every word and every feeling clear as day. I thought it had to be hours later that I finally woke, sitting bolt upright. Finnick was still awake, though, so it couldn't have been a terribly long time. He jumped when I shot up and turned to me, trying to stop my screams. They eventually downplayed to whimpers and I crawled into his lap, hiding my face away in his neck.

"Shh," he sighed, his hands behind my head, his fingers tangled in my mess of hair. "It's okay. It was only a dream."

"No, it was real. It's always real..." I clutched my hair, and I guess he was worried I'd rip it out by the roots, because he shook his head slightly, whispering soothing words as he pried my hands from my hair. Just as I thought I was starting to calm down, I shut my eyes for a second, blinking, and I saw Hector, his decapitated body sinking into the water where that boy had kicked it, my cries of horror ringing through my ears and I clapped my hands to them, wailing shrilly.

"Annie!" Finnick scooped me up, standing, and I locked my arms around his neck, burying my face in his hair. He walked to the window, setting me down again, and we looked out, but the view wasn't the same as the one from my own window, and we only saw the Justice Building. He opened the window and I stuck my head out, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. Finnick wrapped an arm around my waist from behind, his hand resting just under my belly button, and I sighed, already feeling him shiver from the cold air coming in. I pulled my head back inside and shut the window, turned to him, and hugged him.

"I'm sorry I'm such a pain." I murmured into his chest, and he tipped my chin up, an eyebrow raised. "I mean...when you had a nightmare, you didn't need me to calm you down. But I needed you...so much, and you were just there, without questioning, without my asking."

He kissed my forehead gently. "I don't care. I do this for you because I know I can help you, and I'd feel guilty if I didn't."

"It was awful." I whispered after a minute of complete silence, tugging on the drawstring of his hoodie lightly.

"I know. But it's over now. It isn't gonna happen again." We walked back to bed, laying down again. He propped himself up on his elbows, laying on his stomach, and I looped my arm around one of his, smiling slightly. "You're beautiful." He whispered, smiling down at me. I blushed, shaking my head.

"When did I turn into a mirror?" I asked him quietly, and he raised an eyebrow, confused. "Well," I began, smiling. "You looked at me and said, 'you're beautiful.' But you're the only beautiful person here, so I must be a mirror, so you're talking to yourself." It didn't sound as clever, explaining it, but cut me some slack, I was tired.

He just smiled. "I'm not _that _narcissistic. Besides," he added, smiling. "You_ are_ beautiful." I shrugged, smiling a little, and sunk into the pillows, relaxing. He leaned down and kissed my forehead and I smiled a little more, taking his hand.

"Sing," I murmured, and he chuckled, shaking his head. "Come on, please?"

"You've had enough nightmares for one night. I don't want to give you more."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"I'm not gonna sleep until you do." He rolled his eyes, smacking my forehead with the palm of his hand, and I laughed, sticking out my lower lip.

"Fine," he sighed, nodding. "What should I sing?"

"A lullaby." I smiled, and he shut his eyes, shaking his head, and laughed.

"Sleep now, little Annie," he sang softly, so I could hardly hear it. "throw your fears away," he continued, and I had a feeling he was making this up on the spot. "I'll always be here for you," he bit his lip, thinking, then finished, "I am here to stay." I smiled and he leaned down, kissing me softly, then settled down beside me on his stomach, his arm draped over me.

"You don't give yourself nearly enough credit." I told him, still smiling. He turned his head, looking at me, and smiled back. I fell asleep still facing him, a smile still on my lips.

_A/N: Revieeewws are loverly and so are reviewers. If I had some virtual cookies I'd send them your way._


	40. Chapter 40

_What a night it is, when you live like this_  
_ And you're coming up beneath the clouds,_  
_ Don't let me down  
**-Stay**  
_

Until the day of the wedding, I spent day times at home and night times at Finnick's. Dad didn't care - as soon as I told him my nightmares got better when I had someone sleeping beside me, he was all for it. He had a chat with me about 'appropriate behaviours' and I pretended to listen, because really, it would've been awkward enough having that talk with my mom.

But finally the wedding came, and it was _crazy_. There wasn't a big crowd, just family and friends, mostly, but Adam and Merle, I guess, had a lot of friends. Or maybe just a couple of really insane friends that knew how to party, which wasn't exactly in my forte. All through the ceremony, I kept looking across the aisle to Lucas, who'd make a weird face or roll his eyes and make me laugh and get an elbow in the side from Phoebe, and then Finnick would have to elbow me and get me to stop laughing because a wedding wasn't a place to be giggling. The old people frowned upon it, or something.

They went through the traditional stuff - the grass-weaved net (which I'd made, thanks very much) covering the two as they said their vows, the spreading of the ocean water on each other's lips - all the stuff that seemed to make every girl but me swoon. I'd never really wanted a traditional wedding like this. It was too fancy, I guess, or maybe just too somber, or too regulated. Confined by so many rules; you have to do this, you have to do that. Not that Finnick and I would be able to marry. We'd discussed the matter, but it was too risky, with his position in the Capitol. I didn't mind, though. As long as we stayed together, I didn't care if we never were allowed to make such a commitment.

The ceremony ended with the couple's kiss, sealing the marriage, and I looked across the aisle to Kara, who had tears in her eyes. Merle's dad, too, was beaming, his hands folded in front of him. As Adam and Merle walked back down the aisle together, there were claps and cheers and whistles. Merle was having troubles with her dress - the skirt was just a little too long and kept catching on the frozen grass until finally Adam picked her up, carrying her back to our house for the reception. Or, I guess, it was just Dad's and my house now. Adam would be moving out to his new house he and Merle had bought. I still didn't know how I felt about that, the new found freedom. Would Dad crack down more, or would he stay the same?

Back at the house, Phoebe, Lucas, Finnick, and I managed to snag seats on the couch. Almost everyone was in the basement, where the dance and things were going to be taking place, probably because there was food down there. Everyone was just eating and hanging out for now, though, so we had time to rest our feet and relax.

"My God." I sighed finally, slipping my hand into Finnick's.

"What's up?" Finnick asked, pressing his lips to my temple.

"Just...a whirlwind of emotions." I shrugged. "Way too much to handle." Before I knew what I was doing, or even given it any thought, I was standing again and walking to my piano room, hoping for some consolation from the calamity of real life in the soft notes. I didn't realize the others were right behind me until I sat down and Finnick sat beside me, Phoebe and Lucas hovering behind us. I started to play a simple song, calming my nerves, and then launched into a complex and ancient sonata I was still having trouble with, leaving Finnick behind in the dust, music-wise. Finally, Finnick put his hands over mine, chuckling softly. I looked at him, confused. "What?"

"You're making me feel terribly untalented." He chuckled. I laughed and started to play another song, this one slightly more simple, but trailed off when I saw people by the door of the room, listening.

"Hi." I deadpanned, and Finnick wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"It's okay," he murmured. "They just want to hear you play. You're pretty much amazing." My gaze shifted from them to him and I smiled, wrinkling my nose at him, then placed my fingers on the keys again, playing a very simple tune. "Come on." He kissed my temple, whispering in my ear. "Show them how talented you are." I blushed and stared at the keys, then started to play a song I'd learned for a ceremony at school when I was twelve. It wasn't really difficult, but it was pretty and it had been quite the accomplishment at the time for me, to learn it. By the time I was finished, a crowd had accumulated by the door. I took my fingers off the keys and stood up, and they clapped, then slowly dispersed.

I smiled a little to myself, walking over to my bookshelves. "I didn't know you could play like that!" Phoebe exclaimed, joining me at the shelves. "That was incredible, Annie."

"Thanks, but my dad's better." I shrugged, running my fingers over the spines of the books. Lucas took out a book and smacked the back of my head with it.

"Don't be so modest." I shrugged again and looked out the door of the room, noticing that nobody else was still upstairs, and waved the others along.

"We should get downstairs." They nodded and followed me down, sneaking into the crowd. The speeches had already started, and thankfully, Kara had a lot to say, because I was supposed to go second. I hadn't planned anything extra special to say because I thought it would seem too scripted; I just wanted to go up and say what I wanted to say and then listen to the rest of the speakers.

So when I pushed to the front of the crowd and stood in the middle of the ring of people, looking around at each of the faces, I said, "I...don't even know what to say. I'm so, so happy for you two." I paused, thinking. "When I first found out about your engagement, I was...shocked. Really surprised, and unhappy. But the idea has worked its way into my heart, and it'll take permanent rest there eventually, I'm sure." As it was quite a short speech, I continued. "Um...Adam...you've been the best brother I could ever ask for, the past few years. After my Games, especially, you were exactly what I needed. That small light in the dark that kept me going. You helped me in every way you could and I can't imagine where I'd be without you." I looked to Merle. "I don't know you well, Merle, but I just have to say...you and your family have helped me through so much, too. You've all been much too kind to me, and for that, I thank you. And...I wish you both a long and happy marriage." I stood there for another few seconds before nodding and slipping back through the crowd to find Finnick again, but when I got back to our spots, I heard his voice behind me.

I turned around quickly, still backing up, and stared, wondering why on earth he was making a speech, too.

"I just wanted to say a few words," he stated, swallowing. Everyone was silent. He looked at Adam, a small smile coming onto his lips. "Look, man...I know we don't have the best past. Now isn't the time to discuss that, but I just wanted to say, I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you stop trusting me. This is kind of personal stuff, so I'll keep it that way, but I also just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you guys. You completely deserve this, both of you, and I wanted to let you know that I think you're incredible together." He folded his hands in front of him, smiling, and people held up their glasses, toasting. Finnick grinned. "To Adam and Merle." The group repeated it, and he nodded, still smiling, and came back to join me.

I smiled and took his hand, pulling him back beside me. "Thanks." I murmured as the next person stood up to speak, and he smiled, kissing the top of my head. My dad stood up and said his speech and then the dances started, first just the new couple, and then everyone. Finnick pulled me onto the floor, ignoring my protests, and put one hand on his shoulder, placing the other in his hand. He smiled and wrapped arm around my waist, leading me in a simple dance. "I suck at dancing." I laughed after stumbling over my own feet. He chuckled and lifted my hand over my head, spinning me. I giggled, tipping my head back. He laughed and dipped down, and I squeaked, laughing.

"Scared?" He grinned.

"My life flashed before my eyes!" I exaggerated, and he laughed, spinning me again. The song ended and Phoebe and Lucas found us, switching dance partners for the next one. Finnick looked at Lucas pointedly with a raised eyebrow and Lucas looked back at him with the same expression and I could only guess that without words they were both saying _You be good to her. _Phoebe and I rolled eyes at each other and shared a grin, and then the song had started and we were separated, being pulled in different directions by our dance partners.

The dance was over all too soon and everyone gathered again. The cake was cut and served and Finnick sought me out, a plate and fork in hand. I leaned against the wall and he offered a bite of cake to me. I shook my head, and he narrowed his gaze, holding the fork out closer to me. "No thanks." I murmured, and he raised an eyebrow.

"If you don't accept it, I'll smush it in your face."

"You're such a nice boyfriend." I rolled my eyes.

"The nicest!" He agreed with a grin and I couldn't help but smile. He moved the fork closer to me again and I finally took it, eating the piece of cake. I swallowed and stuck my tongue out at him.

The reception finished with a speech from Adam and Merle, thanking everyone for the gifts and for attending, and the crowd began to part, the new couple walking to their new house together. By the time one AM rolled around, Lucas, Phoebe, and Finnick were still at my house, hanging out with me in the living room. I kept drifting off on Finnick's shoulder, aching everywhere from standing and dancing all day. He'd continue to wake me up and I'd continue to complain to him that I was too tired to keep talking and eventually they all let up, agreeing to go home.

"Are you staying over tonight?" Finnick knelt down beside the couch, combing my hair away from my face. I groaned and hit him with a throw pillow then buried my face in it. "Okay. That's a no." He chuckled and pulled the pillow away, kissing my forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"No," I frowned, catching his hand before he could get too far away. He looked at me, an eyebrow raised, and I pulled him back. "Stay here. Please?" He sighed, but nodded and sat down on the couch beside me, laying down on his side in between me and the back of the couch. I looked at him over my shoulder, smiling, and he smiled back, his eyelids slowly closing. I flipped onto my back momentarily and he opened his eyes again, looking at me questioningly. I leaned close and kissed the corner of his lips, then turned back onto my side. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and I smiled softly, snuggling into the curve of his body.

I felt him smile against the back of my head and he leaned his head up, kissing my temple. "Night, Annie."

"Night." I whispered, and in the next few moments, I was asleep.


	41. Chapter 41

_And come fly away_  
_ Let go of all your pain, _  
_ and hear these words and say_  
_ it's over.  
**-Fly Away**  
_

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee. Finnick was still asleep beside me, snoring softly in my ear, and I smiled, closing my eyes again. I couldn't sleep, though, it was too bright, too bustling. I was trapped in Finnick's arms and couldn't move, so I was forced to lie there, basking in my boredom, until my dad walked into the living room with a tray of fruit and two coffee cups.

"Good rest?" He asked, looking down at the tray as he set it on the coffee table, but I could see him trying to conceal his smile.

"Very," I replied as Dad walked back to the kitchen. Finnick stirred awake soon after and I squirmed away from his arms, sitting up. He pushed a hand through his hair tiredly and sat up, too, his arm around my waist. "You look sleepy." I told him, ruffling his hair. He chuckled and ducked away, reaching for a coffee mug. I took my coffee, warming my hands on the mug before taking a sip.

"You look sleepy, too." He told me after a minute, as if his brain had only just barely registered what I'd said.

"I am," I set my coffee down and rubbed my face, yawning. "Are you showering here today?" I asked him, as I usually took showers at his house first thing before coming home.

"Nah," he shook his head, looking at his clothes. "I'm gonna go home for better clothes." He was still dressed in his clothes from the wedding, as was I, and because my dress was at least semi-comfortable, I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable he must've been. "I should check up on the cats, too, and Moku."

"Are we hanging out?" I questioned, mostly for the benefit of deciding early on between wearing something nice, or wearing sweatpants and a big hoodie. "We could play piano here, if you wanted." I offered, and he nodded in response. In that case, I was dressing comfy instead of nice, because he'd seen me a whole lot worse than oversized clothes and if we were staying at my house - my cold house - I didn't see the point in worrying about looking socially acceptable.

We finished up breakfast quickly and he hurried back across the way to his house, and I hopped in the shower. As usual, I used cold water. No matter what time of year it is, I prefer cold showers over warm showers. I always have. People think I'm weird for it, but they also think I'm weird for a lot of other reasons, so I don't take it to heart. The good thing about taking cold showers is that I don't want to stay in for very long, either, so I don't usually ever take long showers, which my dad appreciates a lot, I think.

Still, when I came back downstairs in a zip-up hoodie and sweats, Finnick was already back, helping my dad with dishes. I hid around the corner when I heard them talking, and even though I felt bad for eavesdropping, it isn't easy not to when you hear your name in a conversation. So I pressed my back as close to the wall as possible and strained my ears to listen.

"You make her really happy," Dad's voice. "I appreciate it."

"I'm happy, too," I could hear the smile in Finnick's voice. "I don't know. There's something really different about her that I can't ignore." I assumed I could take that one as a compliment.

"Adam's only worried about her," Dad insisted, and Finnick murmured some kind of agreement. "He thinks you're going to hurt her. Break her heart." I swallowed my pride and held my tongue.

"Do you think that?" Finnick asked quietly, so I could barely make out the words. Dad must've shrugged, or nodded, or shook his head, because he didn't say anything. "I'm not going to," Finnick continued indignantly. Still Dad stayed silent. "Mr. Cresta - "

"Just call me Ben." Dad murmured.

"Ben," Finnick repeated, then he paused, as if he was pushing his hand through his hair. "I'm not going to hurt her, I'd never hurt her," he paused again and took a deep breath, then added, "I'm in love with her."

I froze, feeling every muscle in my body tense, almost individually. He loved me. Finnick Odair was in love with me. I had to be dreaming; why would he love _me? _It was ridiculous. What was there about me to love? But if he was lying to Dad to make him feel better about our relationship, then why bother staying with me?

_What?_

I heard Dad start to drain the sink and I was snapped back into reality. I crossed the hall and slipped into my piano room, sliding onto the bench just before Finnick entered the room. I knew my face was probably flushed and my breaths were quick and sharp, but I shut my eyes as he sat down next to me and I played out a short melody, my hands shaking.

"You okay?" Finnick elbowed my side with a smile in his voice, and I forced a smile onto my lips, nodding. I opened my eyes again, and out of my peripheral vision, I could see him now frowning at me. I continued to play, my fingers stumbling over keys when he kissed the side of my head. "Sorry," his lips curled into a smile against my cheek. "What are you playing?"

"Just a tune. I learned it when I was little." I replied, trying to get back into the feel of the music, but I couldn't, and after a minute gave up, turning to him with a joking glare. He chuckled, closing the distance between us to press his lips to mine. "Hey," I pulled back, and he smiled, catching my hands to pull me closer. "How am I supposed to be mad at you if you're being this cute?" I asked him quietly, and he grinned.

"You're mad at me?"

"No," I giggled and kissed his cheek, and he smiled, then turned back to the piano. "Have you been practicing, Mr. Odair?" I snuggled up under his arm and he chuckled and kissed my temple.

"How am I supposed to practice when the piano's here?" He grinned, and I shrugged, laughing.

"Maybe you could be a better boyfriend and visit more." We both laughed at that. As if he didn't spend enough time with me.

"I _do_ want to be a better boyfriend..." Finnick grinned, tapping his chin in mock thought. "I'll pack my bags tonight and move in tomorrow." He joked, and I laughed, kissing him lightly. He grinned and pecked my lips back, and I did the same again and we continued in that pattern until we must've looked like chickens that found some sort of grain on the ground, which is a weird comparison, I guess, but appropriate.

"When do you have to go to the Capitol again?" I asked him quietly. I knew he didn't like talking about it, and I couldn't blame him, but I also didn't like not knowing when he was going to be gone.

"As far as I know, not for awhile. I just got back." He bumped his nose against mine and I followed his lips as he turned his head away, cupping his cheek with my hand to turn his head back toward me. He met my eyes, our near-matching shades of green colliding. We just stared for another minute, completely lost in each others' eyes, until he leaned in, his lips about a centimeter from mine when a voice came from the door.

"Can you _please _refrain from sucking face until I leave again?" Adam asked, and I was about to shoot back a stinging retort when I realized he was smiling. He crossed his arms and walked into the room, pushing a hand through his hair. I turned around on the bench to face him, and he sat on the couch, his hands folded in his lap.

"Coming to pick up some stuff?" I inquired, and he nodded, then looked at Finnick.

"I just wanted to thank you," he began, twiddling his thumbs. "For your support yesterday. It really meant a lot."

Finnick nodded. "No big deal. It's what friends do, right?"

"Right." Adam smiled and stood up, sticking his hand out for a handshake. Finnick smiled and stood up, too, and being the proper gentleman he is, took my brother's hand and pulled him into a hug, clapping his hand over Adam's shoulder. Adam chuckled and broke the embrace after a moment, grinning.

"We are friends, right?"

Adam laughed as he turned back to the door way, grabbing a book from the bookshelf that I'd never read but he loved on the way out. "What do you think?" Then he left the room, and we heard his footsteps walking up the stairs to his bedroom. I smiled, still sitting down, and reached out a hand, holding onto Finnick's index finger. He looked back at me and I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. He stroked my hair gently and hugged my head into his stomach, his hands tangling into my hair. I shivered at his touch, his fingers tickling the back of my neck, and pulled him closer still, burying my nose in his shirt.

"Do I still smell nice?" He teased me, and I looked up at him, sticking my tongue out at him. He stuck his tongue out back and laughed, leaning down to kiss my forehead. When he started to straighten up again, I wrapped my arms around his neck, standing up with him; he quickly enveloped my waist in his arms, lifting me right off the ground as he stood up. I rested my forehead against his; our noses just barely touched. I tipped my chin up slightly and shivered as our lips brushed, but we were soon forced out of our reverie, hearing Adam coming back down the stairs. I removed my arms from around his neck and dropped them back to my sides. He set me down gently and ran his hand through my hair, his arm falling around my shoulders as we sat down at the piano bench again.


	42. Chapter 42

Snow finally covered the grounds completely in late February, but in the next few weeks, we were having nice warm weather again; if it kept up like this, it would be no time at all until we could swim again.

Phoebe's birthday was the first of April, and although for the day, she'd been hanging out with most of her friends, plus Lucas, and I'd stayed home, she decided it was long overdue for her and me to have a slumber party. I'd been uncertain at first, warning her of my nightmares and how I usually woke up screaming, but Finnick and Lucas managed to convince me that I needed this - it was something every girl needed to do at least once in her life, or something. Plus, Finnick had to leave early the next morning, so there wasn't much point in me sleeping over there anyway. So I walked to Phoebe's house - or clothing shop, rather - at eight o' clock that night, fully expecting the worst.

Her little sister answered the door to the shop. She looked at me with wide, distracted eyes, and opened the door more to let me inside. Phoebe came down the stairs, smiling. "Hey, Annie. This is my sister, Lin."

"Hi." I smiled, and Lin stared back at me, a dead look in her eyes, dark circles underneath them.

"Lin," Phoebe said sternly, but when the younger girl didn't react, she just sighed, dismissing her. "Sorry about her," Phoebe continued as Lin started to leave. "She had a sort of...rough night." Lin scoffed and crossed her arms as she slammed the door to the stairwell behind her. Phoebe sighed, then smiled, turning to me. "Let's go up to my room." I didn't argue, following her up the stairs the way Lin had taken. They brought us to the top floor, which was also their house. Phoebe's mother was at the table with Lin, a plate of chocolate chip cookies between them. She glanced up as we walked through, smiling, and Phoebe led me down the hallway to one of the shut doors.

"Just a warning, it's super messy." She said, then turned the doorknob and led me inside. Her bedroom wasn't even all that messy - messier than mine, but not messy - with only a few things on the floor and a basket of laundry that hadn't been put away yet. I set my bag of overnight stuff on the floor beside her bed and sat on the edge of the mattress, tapping my fingertips against the duvet nervously. "What's wrong?" Phoebe asked me, sitting down beside me.

"I'm just worried about being away from home." I answered honestly, and she giggled a bit. "What?" I felt my cheeks grow warm.

"You're acting like this is an awful thing, but it's not. One night away from home isn't gonna kill you. Besides, you've spent most of the last few weeks away from home at night." She winked at me, and I rolled my eyes, a smile playing my lips.

"That's different." I argued weakly, and she wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"How is it different?" She asked quietly, and I sighed, rubbing my face distractedly. "Annie, how is it different?" Phoebe repeated after a moment, squeezing my shoulder gently.

"The only people who have ever been able to calm me down after a nightmare are Noah, Dad, and Finnick, and none of them are here." I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. "I just don't want to throw that on you, if I do have a nightmare."

"I'll be fine," she shrugged, standing up again. "And if it's really such a problem, we can always phone your dad. Or Finnick."

"I guess." I mumbled, and she smiled.

"Great!" Grabbing my hand, Phoebe pulled me back out of the room. "Do you want to watch a video or something?"

"Sure." I nodded, following her back through the house to the living room. We were half-way through watching a chick flick that Phoebe said she loved (but really, I think it was just the only one the Peacekeepers let them have, because it was really cheesy and lame) when Lin walked into the room, sniffling. Phoebe paused the movie and beckoned her over, a little frown on her lips.

"Do you want to watch with us, sweetie?" She asked, and Lin nodded, snuggling into the couch between us. Phoebe played the movie again and we kept watching. Phoebe wrapped her arm around Lin and pulled her in close, hugging her tightly as if to apologize for everything she'd ever done. How come _everyone _but me had little siblings they could hug like that?

The movie ended an hour later and Lin had long since fallen asleep on the couch. Her cheeks were blotchy from crying earlier, but her seemingly ever-present frown was replaced with a nearly-nonexistent smile. Phoebe very carefully eased her arms away from her sister and stood up, repositioning Lin on the couch so a pillow was under her head. Then I threw a blanket over her and we left, going back to Phoebe's room.

"I wish I had a little sister." I sighed after falling back onto her bed.

"Lin's all right," Phoebe shrugged. "Annoys the hell out of me sometimes. But she's mostly really sweet." I smiled, standing up again, and walked over to the window. The view of the ocean from her bedroom was perfect; with the sun set, the water looked like black oil, but it was kind of beautiful, in an odd sort of way - the slight breeze pushing the water around. "How's Finnick?" Phoebe asked after a moment, joining me at the window.

"He's great," I smiled, leaning on the window sill. The wind blew in and danced through my hair, and I squinted a little, the air cold on my face. "Yeah, uh...he's really good. How's Lucas?"

"He's..." she sighed, leaning against the wall. "I might break up with him, I don't know."

"What? Why?" I asked, shutting the window again. We walked back to her bed and she picked up a pillow, hugging it with a frown. "He really likes you." I told her, my voice softer.

"I know. And I really like him," she looked down, biting her lip. "But I can't decide if I liked it better when he and I were just friends."

"Well," I sighed, twiddling my thumbs. "Listen to your heart." I shrugged lamely, not really knowing why I said it. My mom had said it to me once, when she came to say goodbye to me before I left for my Games. It's like she knew ahead of time that the Games would make the huge impact they made on me. Make me as broken as I am. Cause me to fall for the one boy I thought I hated more than anything.

"Thanks," Phoebe said, as if relieved. "I told Lacey and Carol that, and they _freaked_ on me. Told me to come to my senses, that Lucas was one of the cutest boys in the district and I was just going to go and _dump_ him right after we got together." She sighed, dropping her head into her hands. I scooted up beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and she gave me the tiniest little smile, tears rimming her eyes. "It's so much to deal with right now, with Lin acting up, and - "

"Shh," I sighed, picking up the telephone from beside her bed. "Do you want to talk to Finnick? He's really good at comforting." Her cheeks turned pink and she shook her head quickly.

"I can hardly talk when he's around anyway. Talking one-on-one with him would be a disaster." I smiled, hanging the phone up again, and swung a pillow at her. It smacked into her side and she looked at me, surprised, and then narrowed her gaze, swinging the pillow she had been hugging. It hit my face and I fell back, hitting her with my pillow again. We continued the pillow fight until our arms were too tired to swing pillows anymore and collapsed onto her bed, laughing. "I haven't done that in_ forever_."

"Neither have I." I agreed, completely honest. Never having a slumber party had kind of taken away my childhood experience, apparently.

"Are you tired?" Phoebe sighed, and I shrugged.

"I'm always tired."

"Good, because I'm exhausted," She sunk into her pillows, pulling her blanket up over her. "We can share the bed, or you can take that couch," she nodded to the couch against the wall. "You decide. I don't care." In the few moments it took me to change into pajamas, brush my teeth, and come back to the bed, she was already asleep. I crawled under the blanket and settled into the bed, wishing the person beside me was Finnick. After maybe an hour of trying to shut my mind up, I finally drifted off.

Nightmares attacked me the moment I fell asleep. Hector trying to catch up to me on his bad leg, me encouraging him from the platform quite far from the edge of the water. As the boy behind him neared, Hector's face morphed into one of someone else - the face of the boy I'd learned could be stupid and brilliant, sweet and a jerk, cocky and modest; none other than Finnick. I felt myself scream, though no sound came out, and the tip of a sword pushed through the front of his neck, blood spurting from the cut, his eyes rolling back in his head. He went limp and the boy who'd killed him sliced through each side of his neck with a jerk each way, kicking his lifeless body into the water. I was still soundlessly screaming, and as the killer boy walked away, I dove into the water, trying to catch the body, though deep down, I knew I never would. The water around me was stained red and I could see anything; I pushed my arms through the water and swam back to the surface, blinking a few times, just in the right moment to see Johanna Mason, her axe positioned high above her head, the same expression she'd given Noah before she killed him on her face.

I woke up just before the metal of the axe made contact with the top of my head.

"Annie," Phoebe patted my cheek, snapping me back to reality. "Annie, it's okay, it was only a dream."

"It was real." I whispered, shaking my head at her. "Don't even say it wasn't. It _was_. Hector died, and I could've saved him, but I didn't."

"Annie." Phoebe wrapped her arms around me, patting my back. I sighed, picking up the phone from beside her bed and punched in the familiar number without thinking about how late it was. Unsurprisingly, it went to the machine, and I hung up, rubbing my eyes.

I didn't realize Lin was by the door until she spoke. "You have nightmares, just like I do," I looked at her and nodded. "Do you hear them, too? The voices?" Once again, I found myself nodding, and she climbed onto the bed, crawled over to me, and hugged me. Despite only being about five years younger than me, give or take, Lin was tiny, and hugging her was somehow very comforting, how she fit right in my arms. Like how sisters would hug. I stroked her hair, her arms like steel around my torso. When she started to fall asleep, Phoebe brought her back to her own room, then came back in, looking rueful.

"I'm so sorry," she sighed, sitting down beside me again. "For everything, for making you agree to have a sleepover, for - "

"It's fine," I cut her off quickly. When she started to say something else, I shook my head. "I'm serious, it's fine. I needed to have a slumber party sometime, right?"

"But, your nightmares - "

"Weren't any worse than any other night." I finished for her, laying down again. "But I'm still tired, so I'm gonna try to get some more sleep. You should, too." She nodded and relaxed back into the pillows, shutting her eyes. I closed my eyes and sleep took me again, this time my nightmares staying at bay.


	43. Chapter 43

"Hey, Lucas!" I called from the dock, waving at him. He was out farther in the water on a surfboard, waiting for a wave, but when he saw me, he came paddling back, grinning.

"What's up?" He called back. As he came closer, I stuck out my foot, poking him, and he smiled, grabbed my foot, and pulled me in. I shrieked, laughing, and then went underwater, coming back up in a moment. I spat water at him and he laughed, making a face. I pushed myself up onto the surfboard with him, squeaking when it unbalanced. He lurched forward and grabbed my arm, yanking me back up. "Be careful." He grinned, shoving my arm, and I laughed, shoving him back.

"There won't be any waves." I told him, and he shrugged, sticking out his tongue at me. I rolled my eyes back at him and shook my head, smiling.

"There might be," He pouted. I laughed and shook my head again. "Finnick gets back again tomorrow, doesn't he?" I nodded silently and he gave me a sympathetic smile. "You know he wouldn't go if it wasn't absolutely necessary."

"I know," I nodded, climbing back onto the dock. "But I still miss him." Lucas nodded, biting his lip.

"He's away a lot..." I nodded in agreement, unsure of where he was going with this. Obviously I knew Finnick was away a lot, why did he have to remind me? "Can't he just...not go?"

I was getting tired of answering this question.

"No," I shook my head slowly, averting my gaze from his. Before he could ask_ why not?,_ I continued, "It's too risky. The last time he refused...his sister was killed. And now that I'm in the equation, he's even more scared to defy them." Lucas stayed silent for a moment, taking this in.

"Sorry I asked...that sounds complicated."

"It is." I agreed, sighing. He was silent for another moment before saying,

"I'm really sorry it has to be like that. You guys are...perfect for each other."

"Thanks," I shrugged, hugging my knees to my chest. "but we're really not. With him being away, and me needing him so much..." I trailed off, and Lucas nodded in understanding. "I'm not gonna break it off," I added, running a hand through my hair. "I...I can't. I love the kid too much..." He sighed, pulled himself up onto the dock and wrapped an arm around my shoulders; his surfboard was left, abandoned in the water.

"Do you want to go see the cats or something?" He smiled, poking my stomach, and I smiled back, nodding.

"Let's go." We stood up and started walking back to the Victor's Village, his surfboard under his arm. As we entered the gates to the village, Lucas sighed.

"It's so nice here."

"I hate it," I admitted, shaking my head. "It reminds me of everything I've ever done wrong, including win the Games."

"Winning the Games wasn't a wrong." He murmured softly, and I shut my eyes, taking his hand. He led me back to Finnick's house, where I could see Jordie in the window when I opened my eyes again. Tess opened the door just as I reached for the knob, a beaming smile on her face.

"It's so good to see you both!" She exclaimed, pulling us inside. I almost tripped over Jeremy the cat, and his mother, Momma the cat, meowed at me. I smiled and scooped Jeremy up, burying my face in his fur. It had long since lost its sweet kitten scent, but he smelled like Finnick's home, and that was good enough for me. "Please, make yourself at home. Jordie and I were just making some brownies." My nose was suddenly flooded with the scent of brownies as the kitchen door swung open and Jordie came strolling out.

"Ma, the timer went off." He told her, and she nodded.

"I'll be right there, honey," she patted his head and he went back into the kitchen. "As I was saying. Make yourself at home, watch some TV. Mind the bat, he hasn't been feeling well." I looked around for Moku, spotting him on top of the couch, looking tuckered out.

"Is he okay?"

"I think so," Tess sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I _hope_ so, Finnick adores the little guy." I let Jeremy jump back to the floor and I scooped Moku into my hands, stroking his little head gently. He looked at me with cloudy brown eyes, his tiny chest heaving.

"You okay?" I whispered, feeling tears burn the backs of my eyes. "Please, please, please be okay..." I blinked, feeling Lucas's arm go around me. I set the bat down on the couch, wondering why this meant so much to me. Over the past year and a half (or so) the bat continued to pull my hair, screech in my ear, steal my food, and sit on my head. But I couldn't imagine the house without him. He brightened it up at the worst of times. He chewed on my ears as if they were insects. He annoyed the hell out of me, but he was a member of the Odair household, and even if I myself wasn't a part of said house, I knew it would make a big impact on poor Finnick.

And maybe that's why I wanted Moku to be okay so badly. Because it would kill Finnick if he wasn't.

I stayed there for the evening, and then into the night, not feeling like going home. I phoned Dad to tell him I was staying with Moku, and he laughed at me, but I stayed serious, and he eventually agreed. Tess decided that since I was staying, she and Jordie could go back to their own house, so I was alone in the quiet, empty house that no longer felt like a home. A plate of brownies sat on the kitchen table, and I took one before rinsing out my mouth and finding my way to Finnick's room, Moku in a little bundle in my hands. I set him on the bedside table and he settled down, just laying there, as he had on the couch.

After making sure he was still alright, I opened Finnick's closet, finding only day clothes, and switched to looking through his dresser. Inside the first drawer I found underclothes, to which I reacted with a red face, even if he wasn't there. I opened the second drawer and, thankfully, there were just shirts in there, and I picked one out and draped it over my arm. Moku made a tiny squeak as I started to look through the bottom drawer for pants, so I quickly picked out a pair of pajama pants, left the drawers open, and changed on my way over to the bedside table. Moku looked his same sick self, a little puddle of mucus beside him. I knelt down, feeling tears rim my eyes again, and walked over to Finnick's bookshelf, hoping to find a book on bats. No such luck. On top of the bookshelf was the series of seven books that he still hadn't returned to Mags. I'd have to remind him to when he got back.

Or maybe I could just _try _reading them, to take my mind off of things.

I took the first book on the pile, titled _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_, and flipped through it, then read the back. It was an old, old copy of the book, just like the rest of Mags's books, but this one was more worn than the_ Percy Jackson_ books. With the book in hand, I walked back to his bed, snuggled under the covers, and cracked the book open, starting to read.

An hour later, at about two in the morning, I was half-way through the book and I fell asleep still half-way through a sentence, the book dropping out of my hands and onto my face and neck, covering up to my nose. I only awoke again after what seemed like a few minutes of good dreams of wizards when the mattress unbalanced. I looked at the clock first, squinting to read _3:43AM. _Then my gaze traveled to Moku, whose chest was still rising and falling, and finally to Finnick, who had tenderly taken the book away and had set it down beside me, and was now half-way through climbing over me to the other side of the bed, his eyes locked with mine.

"Hey," I murmured, yawning.

"Did I wake you?" He murmured back, crawling under the covers with me. I nodded, and he started to apologize, but I just shook my head, reaching out to touch his cheek. He leaned a little closer and my fingers met the scruffy hair on his face. "I missed you." He smiled softly, reaching over me to turn the lamp off, but I stopped him quickly.

"I'm keeping it on."

"Why..?"

"Moku." I pointed to the bat, and he leaned closer, his warmth radiating from him onto me.

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's sick," I replied quietly, turning back my head to look at him. He wasn't looking at me, though, he was looking at his bat, his eyes big and sad. "He's looking better, though." I added, and it wasn't a lie, at least.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Finnick asked quietly, his lips parted slightly in a gape. I shrugged, then nodded.

"I think so," I cupped his cheek in my hand, trying to make him look at me, but he turned his head, kissed the palm of my hand, and kept looking at the bat. "You should get some sleep," I told him softly, and he shook his head, even though his eyes kept drooping closed. "I'll stay awake with him and wake you up if he gets any worse. Okay?"

His gaze finally shifted to me, tears starting to rim his eyes. He sounded like a small child, really, when he said, "Promise?" His voice broke on the second syllable and I couldn't make myself refuse, not that I'd been planning on it, anyway. This wasn't the time to lie about it.

"I promise," I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck to hug his head into my chest. He snaked his arms around my waist, shutting his eyes, and I bent my head down, kissing his forehead gently. "Just try to sleep, you look wiped." He nodded, already starting to drift off, and a moment later, he was snoring softly, my nose still buried in his hair. It smelled like smoke, not his usual cologne and shampoo, and I wrinkled my nose, trying to get the scent out, but to no avail. I gave up quickly, and with nothing else to do, I resorted to rubbing his shoulders, trying to ease the tension in his muscles. Or maybe part of me just wanted to feel his muscle, but that would be a shallow-girl thing to be thinking of, right? In any case, I pushed him into laying on his stomach on the mattress, a pillow under his head, and sat on his back, massaging his shoulders carefully. I checked up on Moku every few minutes, but from what I could see, he didn't get any worse. He didn't get any better, either, but it was a start.

A few hours later, when he woke up on his own, I realized I was still sitting on his back, now reading the last few pages of the book. "Annie?" He mumbled into the pillows, and I smiled, leaning down to kiss the nape of his neck. He chuckled sleepily, pushing his hands through his hair. "Mind letting me up, sweetheart?"

"Sorry," I moved, letting him sit up, and he rubbed his face tiredly, squinting in the light from the lamp.

"S'okay," he shrugged, scratching his face. "You should get some sleep, though."

"I'm not tired, it's fine." I mumbled back, still half-lost in the book. He stared at me for a second before closing his fingers over the two covers of the book, shutting it before my eyes. "Hey!" I glared at him.

"Sleep," he dropped the book into the drawer of the bedside table and I huffed, laying back into the mess of pillows and blankets. "I'm gonna go shower - "

"Good," I cut him off in a mutter. "You stink." He chuckled, rolling his eyes, and I pulled the blankets over my head, still mad for no good reason at him.

"And if you're reading again when I come back, I'll be unimpressed."

"Because impressing you is the one true goal in my life."

"It should be." He replied; I could hear the smile in his voice. I scowled and peeked out from the blankets, just catching a glimpse of him closing the bathroom door. I rolled onto my side, pushing the blankets down the bed. His room was too hot already, and the heat of the day hadn't even set in yet. I looked at Moku, who was still looking weak, but his little wings were fluttering, as if he wanted to fly, so I guessed that that meant he was getting better. I sighed with relief, feeling a surge of happiness fizzle through my veins.

I just sat there in his bed for awhile, leaned up against the wall behind his headboard. After a long shower, the water finally shut off and I snapped back into reality, staring at the bathroom door. He opened it a couple minutes later, shaved, still buttoning his shirt, his skin slightly pink all over. As he neared, I started to stand up, but he caught me around the waist and pulled me back down to the bed, laying beside me on his stomach. I turned my head to look at him and he smiled, wrinkling his nose. I giggled and leaned closer, our noses bumping together.

"I missed you." He whispered. I smiled softly and pulled his face ever-so-slightly closer to mine and kissed him. He propped himself up on his elbows after breaking the kiss. "Do I smell better now?" He murmured with a grin, and I laughed, burying my face into his hair, breathing in deeply.

"Much better," I nodded, sitting up. He slowly stood, stretching, and reached his hands down for me. I took them and he yanked me up into standing, chuckling and backing up a step when I fell against him. "Shut up." I stuck out my tongue at him and he laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulders, and knelt down beside the bedside table.

"How're you feeling, little guy?" He whispered. I stood behind him, leaning over with my arms around his neck. One of his hands was occupied with Moku, but the other was over my hands on his chest, his fingertips skirting over my knuckles and the backs of my hands. I nuzzled into the side of his head, pressing kisses to his cheek. He turned his head, pecking my lips, then turned back to the bat.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" I asked, and he shrugged, sighing. "I'm gonna go make breakfast," I straightened up, patting his shoulder. "Join me whenever, okay?" He looked at me, our gazes locking, and he nodded.

"Okay. Thanks, Ann, I appreciate it."


	44. Chapter 44

"My sandcastle's prettier than yours."

"Finnick, if you don't shut up, I'll become a pretty Godzilla and smush your damn castle." He looked genuinely scared at that, and maybe I would've felt sorry, if he hadn't been annoying me for the last three hours. I raised my eyebrows, challenging him to make another comment about my fail of a sandcastle and his 'fabulous palace', as he'd dubbed it. But him being scared didn't stop him from saying,

"Just pointing out the obvious." At that, I launched myself at his castle and he tackled me to the ground just before I reached it, pinning my shoulders to the sand.

"No fair," I complained, trying to push him off. He climbed onto my stomach, keeping me down, and I pounded punches into his sides as far as I could reach. "You're crushing me, fatty!" I coughed, and he narrowed his gaze, though he did lift some of his weight off of my stomach. He let go of my shoulders to lift up the hem of his shirt.

"You call this fat?" He asked, pointing to his stomach. I laughed, poking his belly button, and he giggled like a little girl, smacking my hand away.

"You just like showing off." I stuck my tongue out at him, and he shrugged, as if agreeing that this was probably the case. When he relaxed a little, I shoved him off, pinning him to the sand instead. Right on top of his sandcastle. He didn't even try to get away, I guess because he knew how easy it would be. After a moment of pride, I let up. "You're comfy." I told him, laying on my stomach on him. He smiled, leaning up to kiss my cheek, and I smiled back and rested my cheek on his chest.

"We should do this more often." He noted, grinning, and I rolled my eyes, staying quiet.

"I don't want you to leave again."

"I have to." He sighed, bumping his nose into my forehead.

"You could just let the tributes fend for themselves." I offered, and he shook his head, chuckling.

"Not a chance, Cresta, no matter how cute you are." I blushed, looking up to meet his eyes.

"I miss you when you go away," I propped myself up on my elbows, one arm on either side of him. "Every time..." I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and my vision blurred as I let one weak sob out. He sat up, wrapping his arms around me, and I curled up in his lap, letting him hold me. "People talk about me as if I'm not there," I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "They talk about us, too, but mostly just me."

"What do they say?" Finnick whispered in my ear, pressing kisses to the side of my head.

"That you only stay with me because you feel bad for me," I shrugged, biting my lip. "And that I pay you to stay with me, too."

"As if I need money from you." He rolled his eyes, and I shook my head.

"According to them, I don't pay you with money."

He puffed out his cheeks, sighing deeply. "Oh, Annie..." he tightened his grip on me, rocking back and forth slightly. "You know those things aren't true. So what does it matter?"

"You're not the one dealing with awful rumours like that...and even if you are, at least they don't say it to your face. It hurts, you know."

"I'd much rather they said it to my face. At least then I'd know what people thought about me." He said darkly, his eyes clouded. Tears were still falling down my cheeks like little waterfalls and he ran his thumb under my eyes gently, kissing my forehead. "Ann, it's alright..."

"No, it isn't," I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head. "I pretend like it doesn't hurt me, when you go away. I tell myself that it shouldn't hurt, because all you're doing is protecting me. But that isn't all you're doing, and I know that, no matter how much I deny it. You're forced to do this, and it's because of me that you have to do it. What nice thing have I ever done for you?"

"You've - "

"That was a rhetorical question," I cut him off. "I've never given you anything but more responsibility, what with my stupid condition, and I hate it! I hate being the bane of your damn_ existence_, I hate how much I depend on you, I hate how every day I'm with you, you just give me more reason to need you, and_ I hate how much I love you_." And there it was, out in the open air, what I'd been feeling for a year and a half, maybe even longer than that, when I'd been denying it. In a single moment, in a surge of courage, I'd told him how I felt. And it felt so much better with it off my chest.

"You love me?" He met my eyes. His were their lovely green colour, of course, but now they were so much more. Every emotion he was feeling was apparent in his eyes: first and foremost, confusion, but there was some joy in there, too, thrown in with fear and wonder, surprise and happiness, hope and despair, all at the same time.

I took a deep breath and nodded, blinking quickly, and looked down, only to have my chin tipped right back up.

"I love you, too," He smiled, his eyes scrunching up a little as if he was trying not to cry. He pressed his lips to mine in a quick kiss and I smiled, wrapping my arms around his neck. "God, I don't even know how long I've loved you..."

"Neither do I..." I admitted, resting my forehead against his with a sigh. "I didn't want to love you, I didn't even want to_ like_ you. But I do."

"Score." He murmured, a grin coming onto his lips.

"Stop being cute." I laughed, pushing him back into the sand.

"I can't, it's impossible; it's requisite to my nature."

"Do you even know what 'requisite' means?" I asked him, rolling my eyes. He nodded, propping himself up on his elbows. "Then what does it mean?" I leaned down and kissed his nose, and he wrinkled his nose, smiling a little. I giggled, combing my fingers through his hair. "Being cute won't make me forget that I asked you a question."

"Oh, won't it?" He grinned, wrapped an arm around my waist and jumped up, running down to the water. I smacked his shoulder, laughing, and squirmed out of his arms just as he reached where the water reached his mid-torso. I hadn't thought that plan out, though, thinking it was a good idea until I hit the water, sinking up to my chest.

"I hate you." I glared at him, only half-kidding.

He ran both hands through his hair, cocking an eyebrow. "Only because I'm beautiful." In response, I threw a punch into his gut, but I was probably the victim, hurting my hand more than him. He laughed until he saw that I was actually hurt. Then he reached out his hand, taking mine gently. "That was completely your fault." He teased lightly, lifting my hand to his lips and kissed it.

"You're a jerk." I smiled, looking down, and he wrapped his arms around me, stroking my hair.

"I'm a jerk," he agreed, leaning down to kiss my head. "But you love me."

"You just really like saying that." I laughed, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Maybe so." He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "Come on, let's head back."

"Good idea," I nodded. "I should change out of these clothes before I catch a cold." He started to walk before I jumped onto his back, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Piggyback, please." I laughed into his ear, kissing his temple.

"Oh, fine," He sighed, turning his head to catch my lips, smiling, and held my wrists firmly, letting me wrap my legs around his waist to stay up. "Are you staying over again tonight?"

I thought about it. I hadn't had breakfast at my own house in weeks. I hadn't slept in my own bed in longer. I hadn't talked to my dad much at all in the last few months. "No. I'll come see you in the morning, though, before the reaping. Or you can come over for breakfast, too."

"Deal." He smiled and nodded as he reached the sand. I slipped down from his back and he took my hand, lacing our fingers together. Leaning into his arm, I looked up at him, finding him already staring back at me, his lips curved into a smile. I pulled my hand away from his and lifted my arms up, giving him the best puppy-dog eyes I could muster.

"Carry me?" I yawned, my head drooping. "I'm sleepy."

"I gave you a piggyback ride all the way to shore," he rolled his eyes. "I think you're just lazy."

"Please?" I stuck out my lower lip and he shook his head, laughing, but wrapped one arm around my torso and the other under my thighs, picking me up. I rested my head on his shoulder, my face buried in his neck. "I love you," I whispered, wrinkling my nose when the ends of his hair tickled my face. "But you need another haircut."

"Do I?" He chuckled, turning his head to kiss my jaw. I felt his smile against my cheek, his warm breath trailing down my neck. I shivered as he turned his head away again.

"You do." I finally said, feeling my eyes begin to shut. My breaths were evening, slowly but surely, and I was just drifting off when I heard, almost as an afterthought, him adding,

"I love you, too."


	45. Chapter 45

I walked in between Finnick and my dad to the square, picking at the nail polish Phoebe had insisted on me wearing. As we arrived, Lucas and his family trailed in just behind Phoebe's, and soon after, Adam and Merle showed up, standing at the back so Merle could be near Lucas. It was his last year, finally, and he was just as nervous as any of the twelve-year-olds. I couldn't tune his worrying out. _What if I'm reaped? What if nobody volunteers if I'm reaped? What if I go into the Games and die? What if, what if, what if?_

Finnick kept trying to catch my eye from the stage, and to bug him I kept ignoring him until Valeria came on stage and started her boring speech. I finally met his eyes then, giving a smile. I probably would've stood there the whole ceremony staring at him, but some tall person in the seventeen-year-olds moved in the way and I couldn't see him anymore. Instead, I was forced to tune in to Valeria's voice, drawling on, and on, and on, and -

"Phoebe Roller."

I froze, scanning the girls' crowd, and sure enough, there was Phoebe, stiffly walking up to the stage. Lucas looked down and I put a hand on his back, trying to be comforting, but kind of failing miserably. He looked at me, his expression broken, and I shook my head, still in shock.

Phoebe reached the stage, turning back to the crowd. Valeria gave us her regular bright smile and asked for volunteers, and by some miracle, another eighteen-year-old stepped forward. I felt my heartbeat return to its normal rate and Lucas let out a deep breath of relief, smiling as Phoebe returned to the crowd. The boy's name was called - Charles something-or-other - and the ceremony finished up. Lucas hurried over to Phoebe, hugging her tightly. I followed him, unsure of where else I could go, and caught just the tail end of their words,

"I'm so sorry," Lucas murmured into her shoulder. "I was spending so much time worrying it would be me that I didn't even think for a _moment_ that you'd be reaped..."

"It's okay," she hugged him back, rubbing his back. "There was a volunteer. It was fine, Luc."

"But what if it hadn't been?"

"Enough what-if's," I clapped a hand over his shoulder. "You're both fine, isn't that what matters?" Lucas looked back at Phoebe, smiling a little.

"Yeah." He nodded, resting his forehead against hers. I rolled my eyes, looking from Phoebe to Lucas and back.

"Alright, if you guys are going to play lovers, I'm gonna go swimming. Join me whenever, if you feel like it." Phoebe pulled her gaze from Lucas's, taking his hand, and they started to follow me, bumping into each other with every step.

We spent the day at the beach, Lucas attempting to surf in the freezing water; we hadn't had enough hot days for it to warm up yet much at all. Phoebe and I stayed on the dock, giving him a thumbs-up whenever he looked over at us.

"Are you still going to break up with him?" I asked her quietly as the sun was beginning to set, and she looked at me, her lips slightly parted.

"No," she said after a moment, shaking her head quickly. "He's...I thought he wasn't interested, but he just...he's perfect. In every way. I can't even imagine a life without him anymore, whether we're actually together or not." It's like she was voicing everything I thought about Finnick on a regular basis.

"I...completely understand," I replied with a light giggle, shaking my head. "I totally get that." Phoebe smiled and threw an arm around my shoulders, watching Lucas paddle out on his surfboard still.

"Do you really love him?" Phoebe murmured, squeezing my shoulder. "Finnick?" I took a deep breath and nodded, looking at her. She smiled softly. "And he loves you?"

"He says he does, and I believe him." I nodded. Phoebe squeezed my shoulder again, resting her head against my arm.

"Good." She stood up and waved Lucas over again, and he finally got out of the water. I walked home, hugged them both before taking the turn-off into the Victor's Village. Before going to my house, I went into Finnick's, checking on the cats and on Moku, who was doing much better, and as Tess and Jordie hadn't yet come to live in the house again, I walked up the stairs to his room, opened up his shirt drawer and took one out, burying my nose in the fabric. I already missed him, and it hadn't even yet been twelve hours. Even to me, it sounded pretty pathetic.

But I still took the shirt back to my house.

Lucas's birthday came and went, though the party wasn't as big as the year prior because nearly the whole day had been mandatory viewing hours for the Games. It was pretty intense, I guess, but I'd been too focused on tying a net to really pay attention to what was happening. Phoebe and Lucas sat on either side of me on my couch, making retching noises every couple minutes. I thought they were just being dramatic, until I looked up and realized they absolutely were not. I couldn't get the image out of my head for the rest of the night - blood up to the one kid's shoulders (not his own blood) and another kid's ripped flesh, bleeding out onto the concrete of the ground. The latter wouldn't die, as if the Gamemakers were somehow keeping him from dying of blood loss. In the end, the better-off kid slit the dying kid's throat, looking utterly disgusted and completely horrified. If he won the Games in the end, I couldn't imagine the awful nightmares he'd get, and honestly, I didn't want to.

The Games finished up kind of like that, gory and gross, and the only good thing was that they were over and Finnick was coming home again. The girl from Two had won, but I had hardly noticed; all that was on my mind was how much blood a person could lose before they died. I definitely could wait until she came on her Victory Tour; I wasn't sure I'd be able to look her in the eye without being terrified, and since Finnick would probably make me come to the ceremony, it was inevitable that I'd see her at some point.

The evening that Finnick was scheduled to return home, I went up to the cliffs, staring down at the water. It looked black in the moonlight. The tide was in, washing up at least a few feet further than it usually was.

I was really going to do it. I was going to finally cliff jump, just as Finnick had wanted me to all those months ago. Somehow, it seemed like it would be a lot less safe at night, but I'd finally worked up the courage to do it, and in the morning that courage would be gone. So now was the time.

My toes were folded over the edge of the cliff. I blinked, fear clutching my heart. What was I thinking?

Never mind that. I knew exactly what I was thinking. I was going to jump, and nothing was going to stop me.

So I did. I took a step into thin air, closing my eyes, feeling my heart race. It was only a couple seconds that I was falling, but it was somehow fantastic. I felt free, the wind blowing my hair up, my arms extended up. A laugh bubbled out of me and I opened my eyes as my feet hit the surface, and in a split moment I was underwater, my eyes still open. I'd closed my mouth and started breathing through my nose, swimming back up. I took a deep breath as soon as I hit the fresh air again, a smile taking over my expression.

I saw somebody on the highest point of the beach, where the tide hadn't reached yet. Just standing there. I started swimming back to the shore, slowly and leisurely, not seeing much of a point in hurrying, until I realized it was Finnick on the beach. As soon as I reached the place in the water where I could touch the bottom, I started to run, pulled down by my wet and heavy clothes. Out of breath by the time I reached him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and collapsed into him. He picked me up, wrapping my legs around his torso, and grinned at me.

"You really did it," he breathed, pressing his lips to mine momentarily. I sighed deeply, trying to regain my breath, and nodded. "You're amazing." I smiled, still breathless, and slipped back to the ground.

"Sorry," I giggled, brushing his shirt off. It was now soaked, thanks to me, but I had no real regrets.

"Spending the night?" He asked me when we came into the Victor's Village. I nodded in agreement. It seemed like much too long since I'd shared his bed, felt his warmth beside me, fallen asleep and woken up to his soft snores.

I dripped water all the way up to his room, where he let me change into some of his clothes. When he opened his drawer, though, it dawned on me how many pieces of his clothing I'd borrowed while he was gone. His shirt drawer was nearly empty, his pajama-pants drawer only had one pair left, and the shorts in his bottoms drawer were completely gone.

"You're going about getting me naked much differently than I would've expected," he grinned at my expression. "You could've just asked, you know."

"Shut up." I threw a light punch into his gut and he faked doubling over in pain. I peeled off my wet shirt and sweatpants, replacing them with his clothes, the soft fabric warm against my bare skin underneath. I draped my wet clothes over my forearm and walked down the stairs, putting them into the clothes washer, then walked back up to his room. He was laying on his stomach on his bed, propped up on his elbows, a book in his hand. I crawled onto the bed, peeking at the book's cover. It was another of the _Harry Potter_ ones; I still hadn't finished the second book, I hadn't had the time, no matter how good a book it was.

I climbed onto his back, reading over his shoulder. He snapped the book shut, looking back at me. "No reading ahead, muggle." He laughed, putting the book on his bedside table, then flicked the lamp off, putting his pillow under his head. I was still sitting on his back, and he didn't seem to be making any move to tell me off for it, so I wrapped my arms around under his armpits, hugging his chest from behind, and rested my head on the base of his neck, pulling a blanket over us. He made a surprisingly comfy pillow, and I soon dropped off to sleep, a soft smile teasing my lips.


	46. Chapter 46

Why I ever agreed to 'doing whatever' on Finnick Odair's birthday is a complete mystery to me now. Because I'd finally cliff-jumped on my own terms, he admitted that he had to think of something else to do for his birthday. It took him right until July the thirty-first to figure out what we were going to do.

And of all the things in the world, he chose surfing. The one thing I sucked the most at. He argued that with his 'fantastical direction', I'd learn in no time, but I was still incredulous. They both made it look so easy, Finnick and Lucas, and I had to despise them for it, just a little.

"Isn't this dangerous?" I asked, climbing onto the surfboard beside Finnick. "Having two people on the same board, I mean."

"Sort of," he shrugged, helping me steady. "But everything fun is dangerous, so sometimes you just have to go for it." I sighed, nodding, and accepted that I wasn't going to get out of this. "So what you have to do is - "

"Is there really any point in telling me?" I asked him, pushing my hair away from my face. "I'm just going to be holding onto you, so." He shrugged, going on to tell me that he supposed there really wasn't much to tell ahead of time anyway, that he'd tell me what to do in the moment because it made it easier than having me worry about it and then miss the right cue. That just made me more nervous.

"It's alright," he whispered in my ear as a wave he dubbed 'decent' approached. We paddled out just a little farther and before I could realize what was happening, he was telling me to stand, push up off the board, and so I did, feeling his arm lock around my waist._ I can't do this. I can't do this._

"Damn it, Finn, I can't do this!" I turned my head back to look as him as we lost the wave and he dropped off the board, staring up at me. I looked back at him, sitting on the board, my eyes flooding with tears.

"Annie..." He pulled me off the board and into the water, kissing me softly. "You_ can_ do this. I know you can."

"No, I can't." I whispered into the kiss, opening my eyes to look into his. He looked back at me, his expression gentle.

"One more try." He murmured, and I sighed, hugging his neck, then finally nodded.

"I'm sorry I called you Finn again. I know you don't like it."

"It's not that I don't like it," he insisted, helping me back onto the board. "It's just that Lucy was the only one who ever called me it. You can, if you really want to."

"I won't." I shook my head. No reason to bring him more grief by reminding him of his sister. He climbed onto the board beside me again, wrinkling his nose at me, and I giggled softly, pinching his cheek like I was his grandmother or something. "You're so cute when you do that."

"I'm always cute." He grinned, and I laughed, kissing his jaw. "And I think you've told me that before. Possibly multiple times."

"Maybe!"

"Definitely!" He squinted farther out in the water. "There's a wave. Don't be scared." I took his hand, lacing my fingers into his, and pushed myself up when he told me to, trying to regain my balance on the board. It wasn't easy - it was sort of like trying to balance on the water mattresses the Capitol seemed to think the District Four tributes would feel more 'at home' sleeping on. As if we sleep in the ocean or something. Really, the mattress had just pulled all kinds of muscles in my back, making it harder to keep up my swimming in the end.

This time, up on the board, I lasted until the wave was gone, but only because of Finnick. He'd kept the balance up, kept me calm, and made sure I stayed on. He still acted super proud of me, as if I'd done any of the work.

"You're the most amazing girl." He smiled at me when we were back on the dock.

"I am not." I smiled back, shaking my head.

"You are!" He chuckled, catching me off guard in a kiss. I giggled into the kiss, and he laughed because I laughed, and right then, I couldn't tell what was better: kissing him or tasting his laughter. Or if they were both equally fantastic.

"I love you." I blushed when I said it but I didn't know why; tons of people were out and about and I didn't know how many people had heard, but I was so lost in his touch and his eyes and everything about him that I didn't even care.

"Ditto." He smiled softly, cupping my face in his hands and pulled me forward to kiss again.

From somewhere in the water, a guy's voice yelled, "Get a room, Odair!" and there it was again, that incredible taste of his laugh. Who knew that a chuckle that used to infuriate me so much could possibly _taste_ so damn wonderful. He pulled away, his forehead rested on mine, and I looked upwards, meeting his eyes. The corners of his lips twitched up and I smiled, wishing that I could just spend every moment of the rest of my life with him.

He leaned in again and I leaned backward, laughing. "Finnick," I shook my head, then stood up, patting his head. He wrapped his arms around my legs as I took a step and I squeaked, losing my balance. Before I could fall, he tightened his grip around my legs and stood up, abandoning his surfboard on the dock to parade back up the beach, carrying me. I rolled my eyes, drumming my fingers on the top of his head, and he laughed, grinning up at me. I shook my head back down at him and leaned down, kissing his forehead. He loosened his grip on me slightly and I slipped back to the ground, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Happy birthday," I told him, kissing his lips lightly before taking his hand again and continuing to walk.

I felt Finnick's gaze on me as we walked to his house, but when I looked back at him, he quickly looked forward, swinging our hands back and forth rhythmically. I rolled my eyes, squeezing his hand, and he smiled at me, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, Ann?"

"When do you have to go back?" I didn't specify where. It was implied, as it always was with the two of us.

"I don't know," he sighed, unlocking the door to his house and led me inside, flopping on the couch face-first. I sat down near his head, ruffling his hair, and he looked up, a tired smile on his lips.

"Somebody's sleepy," I smiled, leaning down to kiss his nose. He puckered his lips and I chuckled softly, kissing him briefly before laying down opposite from him, our foreheads touching. "Go to sleep, I can make something for dinner."

"No, I can help," He started to stand up, but I shook my head, kneeling down beside the couch. "I don't want people thinking I'm some sort of slave driver." He chuckled as I slipped a pillow under his head and placed my hand on his cheek, running my thumb over his cheekbone.

"I don't mind. You look tired. Sleep."

"C'mere," he reached up and ran his fingers through my hair, his hands stopping behind my head. I shivered at his touch, even after all this time, even though I was in love with the guy. I shouldn't still get the butterflies at his every physical connection with me. But the moment his lips touched mine, I knew this was different. It wasn't like the kisses we'd shared on the beach, the thousands of kisses we'd shared in general. This was gentle, it was soft, and it was nothing more than an innocent, youthful kiss two preteens might share. But it meant so much to me, and I can't even describe why. "I love you." He whispered against my lips, his breath tickling my face. I smiled as he pressed quick kisses to my cheeks, my forehead, to my nose and temples and chin.

"Maybe we don't have to have dinner yet." I smiled, crawling onto the couch beside him, my back pressed close to his chest, my arms crossed over my chest and his arms around me, our hands clasped tight.

"This is perfect." He whispered in my ear just as I was beginning to drift off. In my half-asleep reverie, as if from a distance, I heard my voice reply,

"It's so perfect that I can't believe it's real."

"It _is _real." He whispered back, his lips meeting my neck.

"How can you tell?" I breathed, still half-asleep and dropping closer to sleep every moment. He pinched my arm, and I heard myself curse quietly, pulled from my trance.

"It isn't a dream." He assured me quietly, and with a smile, letting him cuddle me, soon enough we were both asleep.

_A/N: Okay guys. So now that I've gone probably way too many chapters of plain old fluff, I'm getting into the part of my timeline that SOMETHING WILL ACTUALLY HAPPEN. **Ma'hanibu eebowai.**_


	47. Chapter 47

The time in between Finnick's visits to the Capitol went much too quickly for my tastes. In fact, the whole year went by too quickly. By spring the next year, it still felt like the beginning of the winter. There was no way I could've been nineteen for eight months and hardly _noticed. _Maybe it was that I'd been spending less and less time at my own house, but I'd been doing that since Finnick and I had gotten together. The time seemed to be flying now, and before I fully realized that Finnick and I had been dating for two and a half years, he was inviting me over for a dress-up dinner, just the two of us. We'd hardly ever done an actual fancy dinner, so I was naturally suspicious on what this was about.

Phoebe tried her very hardest to convince me that he was proposing.

"Yeah right," I laughed when she suggested it. She was helping me pick out something to wear, discovering piles of his clothes in my closet and drawers, throwing them on the bed so I wouldn't forget to return them to him when I went over. We ended up deciding on a simple dress that I'd gotten at Phoebe's family's store, an off-white with a pink floral-y pattern and a light pink bow at the torso._ "It can't scream 'bride'. Men don't like that, it takes their dignity of being the guy. Don't ask why, it's stupid to me too."_ Phoebe insisted, still on the false belief that he was proposing.

She helped me with my hair, too, pinned the piece that was always falling in my eyes up with a flower clip. I took a bag, slipping a book in, and Phoebe led me out of the house, my dad catching us passing through the kitchen.

"Annie," he smiled, hugging me tight. "You look lovely."

"Thanks." I smiled, hugging back even tighter.

"Will you be back tonight?" He kissed the top of my head, squeezing my shoulders.

"Maybe. I'll bring a key so you don't have to leave the door unlocked, in case."

"Deal." He nodded, giving Phoebe a quick hug. Outside the house, I smiled at her and she attacked me in a hug.

"You have to call me tomorrow and tell me everything. Got that? Everything." She shook a finger at me and I laughed, fixing the bag over my shoulder. Then her eyes softened and she smiled lightly, looking at me as if I was her daughter. "I'm just so happy for you." She hugged me once more, not so tight this time.

"He isn't going to propose," I shook my head with a smile, then frowned slightly. "He can't. Not with the circumstances. Not in his position, and I completely understand that."

"Just you _wait_." She grinned, and before I could reply, she ran off out of the Village, down to the beach. With a deep breath, I walked across the way, pausing outside his door. For a fancy time like this, did I knock or walk right inside, like I usually did? Not wanting to get it wrong, I knocked firmly a few times on the door, swallowing. A voice came from inside, _"It's open."_ and I gulped, shutting my eyes, and pushed the door open.

The house smelled fantastic. Not anything like dinner, though. More like breakfast. "Finnick?" I called, slipping my shoes off and left my bag with them, peeking into the kitchen. He turned around, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Annie."

We closed the distance between the two of us in a light hug. He smiled and lifted me off my feet, spinning me around with him. I giggled softly, resting my forehead against his, shutting my eyes lightly. "So, what's this about?" I asked as he set me down again.

"Just a thing," he shrugged, getting back to whatever he was cooking. "You ever had waffles?"

"No," I shook my head. Even just the word was unfamiliar. It didn't sound like a _word. _He smiled, opening the oven, where a plate of _waffles _were, and pointed, putting another one on the pile to keep warm. "They smell good." I smiled back and wrapped an arm around his waist, watching him cook.

"They _are_ good," he added. "Like pancakes, but better. Not really a dinner food, but..." he trailed off, and I looked up at him, frowning.

"What?" I asked.

"Uh - nothing. I got the iron for them in the Capitol, just to see what it was like, and - "

"No, what is it?" I slipped my hand into his, worried. "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing," he wouldn't look at me now. He was focused on his waffles, opening the oven to put another one in. I bit my lip, starting to make tea. "You look really beautiful." He told me, but it wasn't quite the right moment for him to say so, and I didn't reply, pouring tea into a mug. Soon after, he finished off the last of the batter, taking the waffles from the oven and placed the plate on the table, setting the places. I turned to look at him when his back was to me, putting the utensils by the plates. He didn't look back at me, like he usually did, so instead I hugged him from behind, wishing he'd talk.

"I love you." I whispered into his shirt, noticing for the first time what he was wearing - a light blue dress shirt and dark pants - and blinked my tears away quickly, not wanting to smudge the makeup Phoebe'd convinced me to wear on his nice clothes. He tensed up a little before turning around and sat in a chair, pulling me into a hug.

"Shh..." he pressed a quick kiss to my lips, half-smiling at me. "I love you too."

I choked up and a tear rolled down my cheek. "I just don't like feeling like you're keeping things from me..." he averted his gaze for a moment before meeting my eyes again, narrowing his slightly.

"Are you wearing makeup?" I nodded, sniffling, and he smiled sadly, wiping my tears away.

"What...?" I managed, swallowing.

"You don't need it," he kissed my nose, breaking into a genuine smile, and I coughed, shutting my eyes tight. "What's wrong?" He whispered, pulling me closer.

"Just worried."

"About?"

"Not being enough for you," I paused, sniffling. "I can't...give you what those girls in the Capitol give you. I'm not ready for that, I - "

He cut me off in a kiss, shaking his head slight. "I don't care about that," he kissed me again, briefly. "I care about you. Whatever you're doing is enough. _You_ are enough," he chuckled softly, hugging me again tight. "If we never kissed again, and were just friends for the rest of our lives, that would be enough for me." I choked on a sob, hugging him and burying my face in his hair.

"I love you," I whispered, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind him. "God, I'm a mess..." The flower had come out of my hair who knows when and my hair was falling in my eyes again. The makeup was smudged like nobody's business, mascara lines down my cheeks.

"You're beautiful." He told me again, and this time, I looked at him and smiled, kissing his forehead before straightening up, fixing the wrinkles in my dress.

"I'm gonna go clean up a bit." I motioned to the makeup and he nodded, standing up.

"I'll make sure everything's ready when you're back." I walked to the bathroom, finding Momma cat and Jeremy inside, Momma on the toilet lid and Jeremy on the window sill. They both walked over to me when I turned the water on in the sink, splashing my face and rubbing the makeup away. I wasn't too sad that it was gone - I hadn't felt like myself wearing it.

After my face was washed, I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror for a few minutes. I'd never really noticed, myself, if I'd really _needed _makeup. I supposed that nobody really did, except that the Capitol people seemed to think it was a second skin that had to be applied every morning. I didn't understand it. Most of the girls in the district wore at least a little, mostly on reaping day though, because other days people are nearly always swimming and there's no real point in putting it on if it was just going to wash away and make you look like a raccoon.

Putting this out of mind, I walked back to the kitchen, sitting at the table. Finnick smiled at me, reaching across the table to take my hand. "I told you, you don't need makeup."

I smiled a little, taking a waffle from the plate. "Why do they look so _weird_?" I asked him, poking at the little indents all across the cake with my fork.

"They're the best things ever. For every meal, I'd say. Just try it." I watched him spread butter and pour syrup over his waffle and did the same, cutting a small piece off and took a cautious bite, swallowing, and widening my eyes, immediately taking another bite. Finnick chuckled softly. "Good?"

"_Delicious_." I smiled, slowing down a bit after a few pieces.

"Told you." He grinned, eating his own waffle.

After we'd gone through half of the plate, we were both stuffed. He put a piece of plastic over them and pushed the plate toward me.

"You can take them home, let your dad try them."

"Thanks." I smiled and hugged him, then remembering that I still hadn't returned his clothes to him, walked back to the door and gave him the bag.

"Oh," he laughed. "I was wondering when I'd get these back." I blushed, smiling, and he smiled back, kissing my forehead. I followed him up the stairs to his room and helped him put his clothes away, offhandedly asking after a few minutes,

"What _were _you going to say, before dinner?" He looked at me, frowning a little.

"I have to go to the Capitol again."

"What?" I sighed, folding one of his shirts. "That's no fair, why don't they just wait until you have to mentor? That's in less than a month."

"I have to go early. I'll be gone for awhile." He closed his shirt drawer and opened the pajama one, stuffing his pajama bottoms in. I tried to hide how upset I was with a smile, but it probably came out as more of a grimace. "There was something I wanted to give you." He took my hand, leading me back to his bed, and sat with me on the edge of the mattress, taking my hand gently.

Phoebe's voice echoed through my mind. _I bet he's proposing. _

No. He couldn't be. Could he?

"What's this about?" I asked quietly, swallowing. Silently, he leaned over me, to his bedside table, where two rings sat, and picked them up, giving one to me.

"This is a promise ring," he told me, putting his own on his left pinkie. I put mine on the same finger, and he held out his pinkie. I linked mine with it, smiling slightly."I love you, Annie, more than anything," he chuckled softly. "I didn't think this would ever happen, with anyone, to be honest. But you...the moment I met you, I knew there was something special about you. I'm sure I've told you before. I didn't know what exactly. At first I thought it was that you completely and utterly _despised _me. It was such a change from the rest of the country, I guess, and I liked it. I thought it was interesting. But it wasn't that. It was how strong you were." I looked at the ring, closely for the first time, turning my hand over, and in the process turning his hand over. I apologized quietly but kept it turned, looking at the ring carefully. On the bottom, engraved, was the word _strong._ I smiled, looking at the figure-eight symbol on the top side of the ring. An infinity sign. "It took me a long time to realize that that interest I held for you was really a strong love. I guess...at first I didn't want to admit it, because I knew that adding another person to love to my life would only complicate things. But even though sometimes things were tough, and I still hate leaving you so often, you've made it better. You've given me an amazing reason for staying alive."

My cheeks were starting to burn, though I couldn't tell if it was because of smiling or because I was blushing like mad.

He continued. "You've made my life worth living over the past two and a half years. Maybe even more than that. Maybe the moment you were reaped, I had a greater reason to live."

"Finnick Odair," I smiled, putting my free hand on his cheek lightly. "You beautiful, amazing man," I didn't quite know what I was saying. It was just spilling out. "I never thought I'd love you. I thought I'd hate you. And for about a year after my Games, I would've been perfectly content to never set foot in your house, never use the speed dial button that goes to your house from my phone. But now...I can't imagine a life without you. It's taken a while, but now you've done it, just like you've done it with the rest of the country. You've made me love you." I shook my head, smiling. "It'd be a total lie to say you_ swept me off my feet, _like a regular knight in shining armor."

"What did I do, then?" He asked quietly, putting his free hand over mine on his cheek.

"You..." I paused, thinking about it. "You crept up on me." My mother once said to me that the person you'd someday fall in love with crept up on you, slowly and silently, covered your eyes and yelled _guess who! _They'd keep their hands over your eyes, keeping you blind to them and how wonderful they were until it was the right moment, when they were exactly what you needed, that last puzzle piece. After other relationships, troubles and trials, they'd finally take their hands away from your eyes and show themselves to you, and it would be in that moment that you'd realize that all along, you'd been this blind person, but now, everything is clear, and they are exactly what you need.

And that was exactly what I was feeling.

He just smiled, keeping his pinkie linked with mine. "Today isn't the time to ask for your hand in marriage," he murmured quietly, and I felt my heart flutter. "But someday, I know, it will be. And when that day comes, I want to make sure we both know it. This ring is a promise to you, that I'll never leave your side. We might be out of sight of each other, but never out of mind." He paused, leaning forward to kiss my cheek. "Annie Cresta, I promise to wait until the right time, to wait until I know we'll be safe together, forever."

"Finnick Odair," I smiled. It wasn't every day that I called him by his first and last name, and I'd already done it twice now in just a few minutes. "I promise to...love you. To wait until you have the assurance that we're safe, and keep this ring as a promise that it'll someday happen."

He grinned, shaking my pinkie, then hugged me tightly, kissing my forehead. "You're perfect." He whispered, resting his forehead against mine. I smiled, bumping my nose up to his, and he chuckled. "Come on, let's go watch a movie or something." He helped me up, walking back down the stairs.


	48. Chapter 48

"You know what I don't get?" I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What?" Finnick asked, rearranging the contents of his suitcase.

"I don't get why the girls in the Capitol like you so much. I mean," I grinned at his expression. "You aren't _that _good-looking."

He grinned back, striking a pose with his head tipped to the side, biting his lip with an eyebrow raised, one hand tangled in his hair, the other lifting the hem of his shirt ever-so-slightly, so the indents around his hips just barely showed. "Yeah, I don't get it, either. I'm hideous." I laughed, shaking my head, and turned back to his clothing drawers, leafing through them.

"Do you need anything else?" I asked Finnick, throwing a pair of jeans to him. He shoved them into his suitcase, using his clothes to make a safe haven for the piles of books in the center. I'd gotten him to leave behind the sixth and seventh _Harry Potter _books so I'd have something to do while he was away, but he'd taken the first five and about half of the rest of Mags's library, finding just enough space in his bag for the rest of what he needed.

"Just one more thing." He smiled, and I closed his jeans drawer, confused as he started to walk back toward the drawers.

"You have pajamas, underwear, shirts, jeans, what else do you - " he cut me off with a kiss, lifting me off the ground. I smiled against his lips, closing my eyes and kissed him back, giggling softly. "Got it." I sighed lightly when he pulled back, setting me down again.

"I'm gonna miss you _so much!"_ He sounded like a teenage girl when he said it, wrapping me up in a tight hug. I laughed, pretending to choke.

"Can't breathe!" I coughed, and he loosened his grip a little, smiling at me. I smiled back, pressing up on my tiptoes to kiss his jaw. "I'm gonna miss you, too." I mumbled, and he raised an eyebrow.

"You sound so enthusiastic." I shrugged, which was the wrong answer, I guess, because he tackled me onto the bed and started tickling me. I scrambled away, squeaking with giggles, but he caught me around the waist and pulled me back. I collapsed on the bed, laughing, and Finnick grinned, sitting on my back, and kept tickling my sides.

"Stop!" I laughed into the covers, tears starting to rim my eyes from laughing so hard. "Stop," I finally managed again in a whimper, giggling. "Finn, stop..." He chuckled, leaning down to my ear. I turned my head to look at him and he smacked a kiss to my cheek, laughing softly. I rolled onto my back, punching his stomach weakly. "Get off." I whined, and he made a face, shaking his head. "If you keep annoying me, I'm not going to miss you at all." He stuck out his lower lip and I rolled my eyes, reaching up to the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to me, kissing him. He raised an eyebrow and a surprised sound came from the back of his throat, and then he was kissing me back and I just kind of melted, like I always did when he kissed me like this. He raised his hands to mine, prying them away from his shirt, and pinned my shoulders to the mattress, parting my lips slightly with his. "Finn," I breathed when he moved on to my neck, running my fingers through his hair.

"Mhm?" He mumbled, his breath warm on the base of my neck, giving me goosebumps.

"I..." My mind was wiped when he started kissing me again, sitting up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, sitting on his lap, and pulled him closer still. His hands skirted over my legs and to my back, slipping up the back of my shirt. I shivered, my mind clearing again, and I shook my head, pulling away. He took a deep breath as I scrambled away across the bed and back to his suitcase, feeling my face burn. "Um...you don't have your toothbrush, I'll go get that." I ran off before he could argue, locking the bathroom door behind me.

_What_ had just happened?

I leaned on the counter, staring at myself in the mirror. My hair was ruffled, my shirt riding up on my torso, my lips swollen from kissing. Why had I even _let_ that happen?

I was forced from my reverie by a light knock on the bathroom door. "Annie? Can we talk?" Finnick tried the doorknob, then knocked again and I opened the door, handing him his toothbrush. He stuck his foot in the doorway before I could close the door again and I sighed, stepping away from the door to let him in. He placed his toothbrush on the counter, hugging me from behind, and met my eyes in the mirror, fixing my hair. I tipped my head back and looked at him, leaning back against him. "I'm sorry." He murmured, tipping his head down and kissed my forehead gently.

"Me too." I sighed, and he took my hands in his, squeezing them tight.

"Don't be."

"I am! I shouldn't have started it. I'm stupid, I don't think about myself and what I want to do, I only think about what you want and how I want to give that to you, and - "

"Shh," he shook his head, putting a finger to my lips. "That's the problem, Ann. You think you're doing what I want, but I want from you whatever you feel comfortable giving. I don't want you to feel like you're pressured to do anything just because I'm older than you, okay?"

I nodded, looking down, and sighed. "Okay, Finn."

"Hey," he smiled, lifting my chin. "Can I remind you of something?"

"What?" I smiled slightly when he kissed my cheek, then looked at me in the mirror again.

"I love you."

"I love you too," I smiled, holding my hand out to look at the ring he gave me. He held my hand, running his thumb over the ring, and I turned around, hugging him tight. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you, too. But when I get back, it will have been warm enough, we'll be able to go swimming." He smiled, walking me back out of the bathroom.

"Can we play guitar?" I asked him quietly, and he smiled, nodding; we walked back to his room and he took his guitar from its case, sitting on the edge of his bed. I sat down beside him, leaning my head on his shoulder, and he smiled at me, strumming a few chords before launching into a song. I listened to him play, watching his fingers, and stood on my knees behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiled back at me and stopped playing, his notes slowly fading. I leaned around him, kissing his cheek, and his cheeks coloured slightly. "Keep playing." I encouraged, and he shrugged, strumming a few simple notes. I looked into his suitcase again, making sure he had everything he'd need, and then frowned, realizing that he'd packed a piece of rope.

"What's this for?" I asked him softly, taking it out of the pocket it was in. He glanced back at me and bit his lip with a little smile.

"I always bring rope along with me. It reminds me of you." He leaned his guitar up on his bed and reached out a hand, cupping my cheek gently. I leaned against his hand, smiling. "It...it really does help. With stress, and all that." He murmured, and I nodded, putting my hand over his.

"I haven't had to use mine in awhile."

"Why's that?" He smiled, leaning forward to peck my cheek.

"Because of you, silly."

He smiled just a little wider and held out his arms for a hug. I crawled back over the bed to him, hugging his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist, tickling my sides lightly. I giggled, kissing his cheek, and he stood up, setting me down on my feet.

"Where're you going?" I asked as he left the room. He swung back in with a cocked eyebrow, hanging off the door frame by two fingers. I raised my eyebrows at him, and he half-smiled, giving me a tiny nod. "What the_ hell_ are you _doing_?" I crossed my arms, laughing a little. He ran a hand through his hair, taking long-legged strides back over to me. I stood up, taking his hands as he reached me, and he kissed my temple, whispering in my ear,

"This is what has all those girls in the Capitol falling over themselves with lust." I burst out laughing, sitting back on the bed, and covered my mouth, shutting my eyes to keep tears in. He grinned, walking back to the door. "I'm gonna go make tea, you want some?"

"Sure," I nodded, standing up to join him. He heard me following and reached a hand back for me, and I grabbed it, quickening my pace for a moment to catch up with him. "The Capitol girls really find that sexy?" He laughed, nodding, and I rolled my eyes. Then he took a sharp turn, pinning me against the wall, holding my hands high above my head. I raised an eyebrow and he grinned, his knee between my thighs, pressing himself against me.

"This too." He rested his forehead against mine and I nodded, understanding.

"You've got skills." I chuckled, and he pressed a quick kiss to my lips, smiling.

"You ever need a distraction, baby," he murmured, and I laughed, shaking my head at him. "all you have to do is ask." Then he let me go, slipping his hands into his pockets and laughing. I rolled my eyes and looped my arm into his, leaning against him as we walked.

"I love you." I said as we entered the kitchen, and he chuckled, watching me jump up onto the counter.

"Me too." He smiled, putting the kettle on the stove.

"You love me?" I asked, wanting him to elaborate, embellish the 'me too'.

"No, I love _me,_" he grinned, leaning on the counter, and I rolled my eyes, ruffling his hair. "I'm joking, I love you too." I sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling him over to me. "What is it?" He asked softly.

"I don't want you to go." I ran a hand through his hair and hugged his neck, biting my lip to keep from crying.

"It's okay," he mumbled into my hair, pecking my cheek lightly. "I'll be back, you know that."

"It's a long time, though."

"I'll write. And call, if I can. Okay?" I nodded, sniffling, and kissed his head, resting my forehead on his. "I'll come back as soon as I can." He promised, holding up his ring pinkie. I smiled and linked my pinkie with his, meeting his eyes.

"You have pretty eyes." I told him softly, and he smiled.

"Thank you. They're not nearly as beautiful as yours, though." I leaned forward and kissed his nose, and he chuckled, patting my knee as the kettle began to whistle. I clapped my hands over my ears, wincing, and he yanked the container off the hot burner, shoving it to the back of the stove, and walked back to me, prying my hands from my ears. "You okay?"

I nodded, my ears still ringing, and hopped down from the counter, picking out a type of tea. "Your train leaves at eight tonight?" I asked softly, rubbing my temples. He looked at me and pulled me into a hug, cradling my head in his hands. I started to push away, whimpering, but he held tight with one arm, opening a cupboard, going through the bottles, took one out and popped it open, giving me two pills.

"It'll help with the headache," he told me when I looked incredulous, and dipped teabags into the boiling pot of water, watching me swallow the pills. "They'll take effect in a couple minutes." He added, handing me a mug of tea.

"Thank you," I hugged his waist from the side, setting my tea on the counter. He wrapped an arm around me, stroking my hair, and sipped his tea. "Finn?"

"Hm?" He swallowed a gulp of tea and looked at me.

"When you come home again..." I paused, averting my gaze, embarrassed. "Can I, maybe, um..." He lifted my chin, meeting my eyes. "Can I move in with you?" Finnick raised an eyebrow in surprise, set his teacup down and looked at me, confused. I blushed deeply. "I mean, only if it's okay..."

"You really want to?" He asked quietly, his lips curved into a smile. I smiled back and nodded, and he nodded back. "Sounds good to me. It's okay with your dad?"

"I haven't asked him yet," I shrugged. "But I'm nineteen, I should be allowed to make my own decisions on where I want to live, and I want to live with you, and - " he smiled and kissed me gently.

"We'll figure it out." He nodded, then leaned back against the counter again, smiling at me.

"What?" I smiled back at him, and he lifted his shoulders in a shrug, resting his head against the cabinet.

"It's just not really what I expected."

"What did you expect?" I fiddled with my necklace absentmindedly, and he shrugged again, petting my head.

"Your head feel any better?"

"Much." I nodded, and he half-smiled.

"Good," he sat up on the counter, his head tipping down slowly. I cupped his cheek in my hand and pressed up on tiptoes to kiss him.

"You look exhausted," I told him gently. "Go sleep. You have a long train ride ahead of you." He nodded, not a single argument, and I followed him back up to his room, grabbing the book I'd left on his bedside table earlier on the way. He flopped onto his bed and I crawled over him, leaning against the wall and cracked the book open, brushing his hair out of his face until he fell asleep.

The book I had was a bit weird, but good, nonetheless, about a little prince and a man stranded in the desert and such. It was hardly one-hundred pages, and yet Mags had insisted it was a must-read, and so far I'd done well to trust her judgement. I couldn't concentrate on reading, though, with Finnick's soft snores interrupting me, and so I eventually snuggled up next to him, the book propped open in front of me, and blocked my ears between his arm and torso.

It worked for awhile, until I started to get drowsy myself, and drifted off into a slumber, only waking up when he woke again to leave for the train station.


	49. Chapter 49

"Annie, open up!" Lucas hadn't stopped knocking on my bedroom door for the past ten minutes. I'd locked the door without noticing last night and now I was too lazy to get up and let him in. I hadn't had a good sleep, so I was still tired, but he was making it hard to get any more rest at all. "Annie, c'mon, you have to watch the reaping recaps." He reminded me, a bit quieter, so I could hardly hear through the door.

I sighed and sat up, still staring at the letter Finnick'd sent me the week before. It was quick, to the point, and I had it memorized from reading it so many times.

_Annie,  
Hope you're doing well back home. Everything's fine here. I miss you lots, and I'll phone you as soon as I can._

He hadn't even signed it. I supposed he'd probably been in a rush, but it still made me just a little sad to think he hadn't put more love into it.

I was jarred from my thoughts once again by Lucas. It sounded like he was bringing a hammer to the door now, and now Phoebe's voice was joining his. Instead of fighting them on it anymore, I forced myself out of bed, walked to the door and yanked it open, and before I even had the chance to say anything, they were pulling me down the stairs into the living room where the TV was paused. I settled down into the armchair to watch.

"You only have to see the Twelve reaping." Phoebe told me as she unpaused the TV.

"Why?" I asked her, watching the camera pan across the crowd of girls then the crowd of boys.

"Just watch."

I didn't know District Twelve's escort, but she seemed like she'd get on swimmingly with Valeria. Then again, most of the Capitol people seemed like they'd get along with each other, until you see them actually meet and they give each other the death glares because of some aged gossip or something.

As for the Twelve teenagers, it was scary how skinny some of them were. You usually didn't notice in the actual playing of the Games, because generally they were some of the first to go, but with them all on display, it was hard not to see it. There was one girl the camera kept going back to, a blonde that looked fairly healthy, at least in comparison to the other girls around her in the sixteen-year-old section. The announcers told us that she was the daughter of the mayor of Twelve, so I suppose it made sense that she was well-groomed and in good health.

Then the escort, Effie Trinket, called a name, _Primrose Everdeen, _which I thought was a pretty name. The girl, a tiny twelve-year-old, stepped out of her crowd, her eyes already filling with tears. Effie was just beginning to help her onto the stage when there was uproar from one girl, from the sixteens, who rushed forward, screeching that she was volunteering.

Before I saw what happened after, Phoebe paused the TV again and they both looked at me. I was gaping ever-so-slightly at the screen. Twelve _never _had volunteers. Never. If I recalled correctly, there had never been a Twelve volunteer, and only ever two victors. Haymitch Abernathy was one - I'd met him - but I didn't even know what year the other one had won. And the fact that the girl was only sixteen - I hardly remembered the last time a Career district had a volunteer who wasn't eighteen.

"Why?.." I looked at Lucas and Phoebe, and the TV unpaused again, the girl running up to the younger girl and wrapping her in a tight hug, murmuring something that was inaudible to viewers. The younger girl, Primrose, had to be carried away by a dark-haired tough-looking guy who was now looking ready to cry himself as the other girl stepped up onto the stage.

Her name was Katniss Everdeen, the sister of the girl who'd been reaped. I didn't know her at all, of course, but something about her stood out to me. Before I could think much about it, though, the boy's name, Peeta Mellark, was called and the tributes were ushered into their Justice Building.

And I still couldn't stop staring.

"She's going to have _so_ many sponsors because of that." Was my first comment after Phoebe clicked the TV off.

"See why you had to watch it?" Lucas smiled, just a little.

"Wow." I chuckled, shaking my head.

I said the same thing when the chariot from Twelve went by in the opening ceremonies. _Wow. _Opposed to the shimmering fish suits the Four tributes sported, fire was pretty impressive. The Capitol folk were amazed. Katniss Everdeen never quit surprising them. An eleven in training. Her only weak point seemed to be her interview with Caesar Flickerman, but her dress of flames nearly made up for it; any other bits of doubt the Capitol citizens held for her was disposed of at the end of Peeta Mellark's interview. Caesar'd been asking him about a girlfriend back home, and he'd replied that there was a girl that he'd liked forever and that alone made Phoebe squeal, and I'm pretty sure she just exploded of love when Caesar and Peeta continued:

"You win, you go home. She can't turn you down then, eh?" Caesar grinned his blinding white smile, and Peeta gave him a little shrug of his shoulders and a sad half-smile.

"I don't think it's going to work out. Winning...won't help in my case." Phoebe seemed as dumbfounded as the Capitol at this, but a thought came to me immediately.

_He's in love with Katniss Everdeen._

He confirmed my thought a moment later, averting his gaze from everyone else's. The camera went to Katniss, her eyes wide and her lips parted slightly, a blush coming through her makeup. I smiled a little sadly, knowing that it could never work out, and suddenly, for no reason, I imagined what being in the arena with Finnick would be like. It'd never happen, but I just thought, for a second, _what if it did? _

He'd keep me alive at all costs. He'd already done that, as my mentor. It was too scary to think about anymore and I forced the thought from my mind as the announcers closed with telling viewers to stay tuned the next day, as the Games were to start then.

Phoebe and Lucas invited me to the beach with them that evening, but I was too distracted to want to. I couldn't shut my mind up, no matter what I tried. All I could think about was being in the arena with someone you were in love with. It would be the single most awful thing in the world.

And so, when the announcement came on in the Games that there could be two victors, and the fact that both the Twelve star-crossed lovers were alive, I didn't blame Katniss for searching Peeta out. Even if his love for her was clearly unrequited to anyone that wasn't completely brainwashed (a.k.a. the Capitol). In the small chance that she could make it home, she didn't want to go home without him.

The rest of the couple days they were in there, the cameras hardly left the two unwatched. They'd go to the Careers when the group would find someone to kill, for some excitement, but mostly, the excitement came from watching Katniss and Peeta kiss, which I thought was a bit silly. At least they sometimes deviated from their usual strong suit of being in love and they'd tell stories to each other, snuggled up in their sleeping bag.

The feast came and went, the girl from Two being killed and her district partner breaking down by her side as she breathed her last breaths; Katniss getting the medicine Peeta needed so badly.

The mutts were the scariest part, though. The boy from Two was killed. Only Katniss and Peeta were left, but still, there was no announcement of their victory.

And even before the announcers came on to tell them that the two-victor rule had been revoked, I got the message. The whole point of the Games was to be cruel; they were never going to allow two victors. The only way they could've been more cruel, I decided, is if they'd come to the final three being Katniss, Peeta, and the little twelve-year-old from Eleven, Rue.

The berries were pulled and nearly eaten before the Gamemakers stopped it from happening and announced that, in fact, the seventy-fourth Hunger Games had two victors.

The evening after it finished, Finnick finally phoned me. I was just finishing the last _Harry Potter_ book and I was crying and it was definitely not the best time to be talking to him. But I still got butterflies in my tummy when I read the caller ID.

"Are you crying?" He asked when I said hello.

"Yeah..." I sniffled, a giggle bubbling from my throat at how silly it was. "I just finished the _Deathly Hallows_."

"Got it," he chuckled, and I heard the squeak of his boots on the other end. "I'll be home day after tomorrow, okay? I've got an interview to do tomorrow, and - "

"An interview?" I sobered up, curious. "About what?"

"Just some stuff." I could practically see him shrugging his shoulders.

"Alright. I miss you."

"I miss you too," I looked at my ring, smiling slightly through my tears. "Are you still gonna move in?"

"Of course. Dad's totally cool with it." I grinned, and he laughed, and then from his end there was a smoochy sound as if he'd kissed the phone. I giggled, laying back on my bed. "Okay. I'll see you in a couple days. Love you."

"Love you too, sweets." He hung up first, and I smiled, clicking the end button on the phone, then walked over to my window, pulling it open. A gust of warm air blew inside, dancing through my hair. I took a deep breath in, watching the wind push the water into waves as the tide washed in up the beach. You'd expect the water to be still and calm when there was nobody swimming it it, but natural forces didn't allow that; still, there was something hauntingly serene about it.

I had trouble sleeping that night, my mind full of images of mutts tearing the boy from Two apart and berries and just blood in general. Around four in the morning I walked down the stairs, making a pot of tea and slipped into the piano room, softly playing melodies, hoping it would calm my mind down just enough to get to sleep. But it never happened.

Seven o' clock came around and Dad came downstairs and I was still playing, my fingers cramping. "Annie, you need some sleep." He leaned on the door jamb and I looked at him, knowing I probably looked like a zombie, but I didn't feel very _sleepy. _I'd been tired all night, but sleepiness is what puts me straight to bed.

Dad tried for a few minutes to get me to stand, to go back to bed, but I'd gone through the pot of tea and a box of tissues and the light of the day was too bright for me to feel tired anymore. He eventually gave up and went to make coffee. When he left I stood, picked up my guitar and started to play, but my fingers were already cramped from playing piano and it proved to be disastrous.

After a bit of struggling through a couple songs on guitar, I walked out to the kitchen, taking a mug of coffee and walked outside to the porch, sitting on the step in silence. Dad joined me a few minutes later, his hands wrapped around his coffee mug.

"I don't suppose the Capitol were pleased with the stunt in the Games this year." He commented after a couple minutes, and I shook my head, staring across the way to Finnick's house. Moku was hanging upside down from the inside of the window sill in the attic. In the big living room windows, the cats sat side by side, staring back at me.

"So you really want to live with him, then?" Dad asked, and I nodded again.

"I love him." I looked back at Dad and smiled. He smiled back, nodding.

"What are you turning this year? Twenty?" I always forgot how bad my dad's memory was. Most of the time he would joke, _what's your name again? How old were you when you were born? Remind me, how old's Adam? How old am I? _But sometimes, and it was hard to tell when, he was serious. I nodded to him. "Then you're more than old enough to make your own choices." He confirmed, and I leaned into his side, wrapping one arm around him.

"I'll still visit every day and play piano when I feel like it."

"Good," he softly chuckled, ruffling my hair. "If you were going to stop playing, I'd never let you leave home." I laughed, leaning up and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, Daddy."

"No problem, sweetheart," he put his coffee down and gave me a big hug. "When does he get back?"

"Tomorrow." I replied, hugging him back.

"He's a good kid."

"I know," I nodded, smiling. "I mean, I have to pay him back somehow, for keeping me alive. And since I don't completely despise him and he doesn't hate me, being in love with the guy is pretty much the best option, I think." Dad grinned, rolling his eyes, and I laughed.

"Better get on packing, then." He clapped his hands over his knees, standing up, and I nodded, stood up, and hurried inside and up the stairs to my room.


	50. Chapter 50

That evening I was packed up and ready to move. Because I'd just be across the way, I didn't have a whole lot of stuff to bring anyway, and I didn't have to worry so much about forgetting things. Plus, we'd agreed that when Finnick was away, I'd come back to the house to live so I wouldn't have to be alone, and then Tess and Jordie could still have free reign over that house in those times. It was like how some kids had split parents and they lived with each of them part time. Almost.

I was playing piano with Dad when the phone rang. He started to get up, but I was quicker, and without checking the caller ID, I picked it up. "Hello?"

"Good evening, Miss Cresta." Everything in me froze; my blood ran cold, there were chills sent up my spine, the hairs on the back of my neck pricked.

"Good evening, President." I managed, clearing my throat.

"Still hanging onto the golden boy, I presume?" He guessed in his smooth, silky way that made me want to upchuck and hide for the rest of my life. Realizing that he was still waiting for an answer, I croaked,

"Yes, sir." There was no point in lying about it. He'd known right from the start.

"Interesting." The president chuckled softly and I felt my stomach do flip-flops, leaning on the wall for support. If I had to talk to him much longer, I was going to faint, and that'd be worse.

"Um, what's interesting, sir?" I asked quietly, and Dad poked his head out of the piano room, giving me a worried look.

"Oh, I just thought you'd find Mr. Odair's interview with Caesar Flickerman later tonight a bit..." he paused, and my heart thudded in my chest. "interesting." He finished after a moment, and I blinked, shivering.

"Interesting how?" I pressed, swallowing the stomach juices rising to my throat.

"You'll have to tune in and find out," he chuckled again, but it wasn't friendly. It was dark, and mysterious, and absolutely terrifying. "If you think he really does love you, that is." He added, almost as an afterthought.

"He does love me," I insisted, but if anyone can touch on the mad part of my brain, it's President Snow. He knew just the right words to use, just the right chords to strike. "He does, he says he does, and - "

"Watch the interview, Miss Cresta."

"I will," I fired back, knowing that this wasn't the best way to be talking to such a powerful man, but frankly, I didn't care. "And I'll still know he loves me. I know it, because he's told me countless times and he doesn't lie to me, and I _trust _him. I trust him a whole lot more than I trust you."

There was a click on the other end and I slammed the phone down, trembling. Dad frowned and wrapped me in a tight hug, stroking my hair.

What could possibly be so interesting that the president would personally phone me to tell me about it? He'd never given me so much as a second glance at all; the only time I'd ever spoken to him was after I won, when I received my crown, and even then, it was simply a subtle _Congratulations, Miss Cresta. _Nothing more, nothing less. Not even when I'd mentored had I shared a word with him, and yet, the man terrified me. How powerful he was, to be able to kill off twenty three kids a year, the things he made victors like Finnick do, how he could kill anyone, any time he wanted, if they rubbed him the wrong way. The way the Capitol people treated him like some kind of hero. It disgusted me.

But I still flicked the TV on at nine that night. Dad was out for a walk, so aside from the living room, the house was quiet. The picture came through just as Caesar was introducing him, and I wrapped my hands around my teacup, pulling a blanket closer around me.

He strolled onto the stage in a suit, straightening his tie as he reached the seats, flashing a bright grin to the crowd before shaking Caesar's outstretched hand and sitting down, crossing one leg over the other.

Then, actually listening to what Caesar was saying, I realized he was introducing someone else, too.

Johanna Mason.

She came onto the stage, her arms crossed over her chest, but her scowl replaced by a light smile. As she reached the chairs, she found that there was only one for the interviewees and after a moment's hesitation, she leaned on the back of Finnick's, messing up his hair with a grin.

What Caesar said next, though, was the most surprising of all. "I've never seen a couple as in love as the two of you," I stifled a giggle as Finnick and Johanna shared a smile, then looked back at Caesar in unison, both giving him a knowing nod. "And my, believe me, that is _saying_ something."

"Well, Caesar," Johanna smiled, resting her chin on the top of Finnick's head. "I, for one, have to put forward my shock, but don't speak too soon. In a few days you'll have the star-crossed lovers sitting in this very chair."

"Isn't that right!" Caesar grinned and gave Johanna a clap of admiration, as if applauding her for her fantastic memory. She smiled and leaned over the back of the chair, whispering something in Finnick's ear, and he chuckled, his eyes crinkling up and his nose wrinkling as he turned his head to look at her, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

If this was what Snow had meant by_ interesting,_ then our definitions of interesting were very different. Or, like, complete opposites. Honestly, it was a bit of a let down.

Caesar went on to ask them how they met, if they were friends straight away, and I was laughing through the whole conversation, thinking, _lie, lie, lie, lie, lie. _Finnick had told me the real story of how he and Johanna met and became the best of friends.

It was the first year after she won, the 72nd Games, and it was her first mentoring year. She was sitting alone on the couch in the Remake Center where the mentors mingled before the opening ceremony, and he'd used one of his famously awful pick-up lines on her. She'd slapped him, he spilled his tea on her, she yelled at him, he defended himself with a strong belief that spilling the tea wasn't his fault, and she stood up, pouring her own tea down the back of his shirt. He told her to simmer and eat a sugar cube and she gave him a punch to the jaw, he showed up on floor for Seven and sat outside her room in the middle of the night, playing his guitar for her and she nearly attacked him, almost broke his guitar in half, and somehow, this ended with them being best friends. I didn't understand it, but then again, I didn't understand Finnick, and if she was friends with him, I probably wouldn't understand her, either.

Meanwhile, Caesar was asking Finnick about their 'relationship'.

"What with being from different districts, do you suppose this'll all work out?" Caesar inquired, and Finnick gave him a smile and a shrug.

"I sincerely hope so, Caesar. I'm waiting for the right time, you know? But I think there's definitely the possibility of a ring in the future."

Even though I knew it was fake, an act, I couldn't help but let a stab of jealousy hit me. It wasn't _fair_ that a fake relationship could be shown to the country and well-respected, but the real one had to be hidden to the watching eyes.

Still, I couldn't let it get me down. So I didn't. I watched until the end of the interview and no more than twenty minutes later, the phone rang. I ran to pick it up, clutching it to my ear, sputtering out a hello.

"Hey, Ann, nice to hear your voice."

I giggled, setting my tea down on the counter. "You're coming home tomorrow morning, right?"

"That's right. Oh, and also," he paused. "Do you mind if we have a guest in our house?"

"For how long?" I asked, tapping my fingertips on the counter.

"As long as she needs to stay." He sighed.

"Is it Johanna?" I dropped my tone as I heard Dad come in the door. Finnick muttered an agreement. "Why does she need to stay? Is everything okay?"

"I'd rather not tell you over the phone."

"Does this have anything to do with that interview?" I asked quietly, and he heaved a deep sigh, not answering for a moment.

"You saw that?" I murmured a yes and he sighed again. "You know that wasn't real, right?"

"Right." I nodded immediately. I'd already known, already convinced myself. But it still felt better to hear him say it.

"It doesn't have anything to do with it, anyway. Not exactly," he promised, and I nodded in relief, letting him continue. "It's just..." he paused. "Like I said. I don't want to say it over the phone. I'll see you tomorrow. My train gets in at eleven."

"I'll be there."

"You better." He chuckled, and from his end I heard him yawn. I yawned in reply, and we said our goodbyes quietly before hanging up, and I dragged myself up the stairs to bed, falling asleep without changing into pajamas.


	51. Chapter 51

Lucas and Phoebe joined me at the station the next morning. The train pulled up at exactly eleven and I hopped up, bouncing from foot to foot. Phoebe giggled and shook her head at me, and Lucas tried to calm me down, but I just shook them both off, watching as the train doors slid open and a crowd of people stepped off. I slipped through the group until I found who I was looking for, attacking him in a hug. Immediately, his arms were around me and he was peppering my face in kisses, stepping away from the crowd. I giggled and pushed away from him, my head tipping back, and he grinned, prying my arms from around his neck and set me down.

"Who knew a month without you could be so boring?" I laughed, hugging his torso. He chuckled and leaned down, kissing the top of my head, then wrapped one arm around me and gave Lucas and Phoebe both one-armed hugs.

"Sorry to break up the love," a voice came from behind us. "But Odair, really, help me out a little." He looked back at Johanna, who was decked out in all of their five bags, looking worn out. Finnick apologized quickly and took the three bags that were his, slinging one over each shoulder and held the other one by the handle on the top.

"Let me take that one." I offered, and he nodded, kissing my forehead.

"Thanks, Ann." I took the bag from him and we started to walk back to the Village, Lucas and Phoebe leading the way, Johanna backing the group. I kept glancing back at her, but she was just looking around the district, taking in the scenery. I supposed I could understand - Four probably seemed huge, what with there being just about no forest except for up on the cliffs. Especially compared to Seven, where everywhere you looked there were trees.

We got to the turn-off to the Village and Lucas and Phoebe left us, saying they'd be at the beach if we wanted to join them there later on. Finnick said we'd definitely be there, because he hadn't been in the water for a month and he missed it.

"So, how long are you staying?" I asked Johanna when we arrived at Finnick's house, dropping off the bags.

"I don't know yet," she shrugged, sighing quietly. "As long as you'll allow. I don't want to go home." Finnick closed the door behind us and pulled me into the living room, sitting me down on the couch. Johanna followed, sitting on the other side of the couch, and he took the coffee table, looking from Johanna to me and back. She gave him a nod and then they were both looking at me.

"What's going on?" I asked warily, hugging my knees to my chest.

"There's a reason Jo's staying. A better reason than the fact that the Capitol thinks she and I are together." Finnick sighed, reaching over to take my hand. I started to pull back, but quickly clutched his hand after our skin brushed and I felt the same butterflies in my tummy that I was trying so hard to tame. He ran his thumb over my ring, taking a deep breath to start explaining, when I said,

"Why did you pretend to be together in the first place? I don't understand."

"It was a set up Snow came up with," Johanna replied easily, leaning back on the armrest of the couch. "Your little boyfriend won't be going back to the Capitol as long as they believe we're an item. You're welcome."

"And why did Snow do something like that?"

"To faze you," Finnick stated, and when I looked at him funny, he elaborated. "Snow thinks you're the same crazy girl you were after your Games. Unfortunately for him, you've recovered splendidly. We're a step ahead of him on that part, he thought that showing you that interview Jo and I did would hurt you enough for you to end what we have."

"But why? I knew he didn't like us being together, but why are you two acceptable?"

"We're testing to see just how much power he has." Johanna crossed her arms, a rebellious glint in her eyes.

"After the Games this year, the Capitol likes love. As much of it as they can get." Finnick paused, sighing. "Prices in Snow's...auctions, were going down. Less and less people want one-night stands, they want the real deal. And the longer they think Jo and I are together, the better; I won't have to go back, Annie! Don't you see how perfect this is?"

But I didn't see. I'd put up with Finnick going to the Capitol, doing what he was forced to do. I'd put up with it because I had to, in order to be with him. But this, this was different. The whole point of his job in the Capitol was that it was a one-time thing. Not _dating_. And even though Johanna wasn't a Capitol lady, even though we could maybe eventually come to be friends, this was going too far.

"So what's going to happen to us?" I asked quietly, looking down at our hands. Johanna, getting the picture that this was becoming more personal, stood up and walked into the kitchen, leaving us alone.

"N-nothing, Annie - "

"What's gonna happen when they expect you to get married?"

"You don't understand - "

"I understand perfectly!" I exclaimed, standing up. He held tight to my hand, looking up at me with pleading eyes, but I just shook my head, looking away. Tears were beginning to sting the backs of my eyes, but I wouldn't let them go. I couldn't let him know just how much this was hurting me. He should've already known I wouldn't react to news like this well. He stood up, wrapping his arms around me, but I just shoved him away, walking to the door. "I'm going to the beach!" I called over my shoulder, but before I got to the door, he had his arms around my waist and was pulling me back, turning my head to look at him. "Leave me _alone, _Finnick." I choked out as tears started to fall, and he just shook his head, forcing his lips to mine.

"C'mon, Annie," he pleaded after pulling away, still in our close embrace. "You know I'm in love with you, and only you. Don't you?"

"Of course I do," I whispered. "I love you too."

"Then give us a chance to explain," I met his eyes as he wiped my tears away, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I love you." He breathed, turning me around and hugged me tight.

"I love you too," I repeated, tangling my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer, not wanting to let go of him. "God, I love you so much..."

"Let us explain," he begged, his breathing ragged, and I nodded, resting my head on his chest, and listened to his heartbeat; it was quick but steady, loud and pounding. He breathed a sigh of relief and propped himself away from the door with his elbows on either side of my head. I smiled and tugged him closer by his belt loops, our lips just barely touching before behind him, Johanna cleared her throat.

"So sorry to interrupt," she didn't sound sorry at all, three teacups hanging from a finger and a teapot in her other hand, heading back to the living room. "But Finnick, we have some things to talk to her about." Finnick rolled his eyes at me and kissed me briefly, then took my hand and led me back to the living room. They sat on the coffee table, facing me, and I leaned back into the couch, hugging my knees. Johanna poured a cup of tea and handed it to me. I took it but didn't drink it, still staring at Finnick for answers.

"Jo needed a place to stay," he finally said, pushing his hand through his hair. "People would talk if she came on the train to Four with me instead of the one to Seven. This was our solution." I dropped my head into my free hand.

"None of this is adding up." I told him bluntly, looking down.

"It will," he stuck out a pinkie. "I promise." I linked my pinkie with his after a moment and Johanna raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, but she didn't say anything.

"Nothing at home will change for you." Johanna said out loud, after a few moments. "If we're lucky, Snow's spies will get some pictures of you two and it'll be all over the tabloids."

"I've already got a bad reputation," he added. "They'll believe it out there in a moment, and then Jo and I won't have to keep up the act."

"But then won't you have to go back?"

"Not if they know you and I are together. As much as they love me, they don't want to screw my real love life over."

"Wow," I raised an eyebrow. "You've really thought this through."

"Snow's pissed, but hey, he already was, what with the Games this year."

"So..." I paused, thinking back to what he'd said earlier. "What's the 'better reason' why you're staying here, Johanna? I never...you never told me." She dropped her gaze, studying her fingernails, and Finnick sighed, putting his hand over hers comfortingly. I felt a stab of jealousy in my gut for no reason I understood.

"Jo's been through a lot," he began softly, and she looked up, meeting his eyes. She nodded to him and he continued, "Snow wanted her to...do what I do. Or did, I guess." He paused again, then tore his gaze from hers and looked straight at me. "But she refused," my eyes must've gone wide as saucers, "and her parents were murdered. Still, she refused. Then again, and again. And now..."

"Now, there's nobody left." She said quietly. "I didn't even know he was killing them until Finnick told me what happened when you refused."

"She came to the Capitol a month ago, same as me." He added.

"So I asked him about it. Snow. He allowed me one phone call, but he gave me a list of the people he'd had...executed. There was nobody I could call who wasn't on the list."

"I'm so, so sorry..." I blinked, my hand covering my mouth.

"Hey," suddenly, she smiled. "_You_ didn't kill them. Not your fault."

"But - !"

"You didn't kill them." She repeated, more forcefully. I quieted down, then stood up, looking at the door.

"I'm going for a walk. I need to think."

"I'll come." Finnick offered, but I just shook my head.

"I need to think." I hurried out the door and ran out of the Victor's Village, all the way to the outskirts of the market. Jerome was just setting up the stand when I threw a handful of coins into the jar on the counter, plopped on the stool next to it, and shut my eyes, listening to him play while thinking about everything I'd just heard.

_A/N: I know this one is confusing. If something didn't make sense, please just let me know by review or PM and I'll be sure to get back to you ASAP. If you're on anonymous I'll endeavour to answer whatever questions you have in the next update. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and sorry this was a slow update. :)  
_


	52. Chapter 52

I'd like to say everyone warmed up to Johanna nicely, but it would be a lie. We were all friends by the end of the week, but there was no 'warming up' to Johanna. Maybe she was too sarcastic, or maybe she was just too broken, but any mention of the Capitol and she'd sort of shut down, only letting Finnick hear what she had to say. They certainly were _best_ friends, more so even that me and Lucas or how me and Noah had been, because they were completely and totally comfortable with each other, and they could get along so easily that sometimes even I forgot that she wasn't the one dating him. Which I guess was what had the Capitol so shocked when the tabloids came out with pictures of Finnick 'cheating' on her. It was the joke of the district, really, the Capitol thinking the two of them were together, because anyone who knew Finnick and me, or even knew _of_ us knew what was really going on.

"That's a relief," she stated when Finnick smacked the magazine down on the kitchen table one afternoon. "I was getting real tired of pretending to be in love with you, surfer boy." He just grinned and hugged me, flipping to the page with the Capitol's reactions to the scandal. Their plan had worked, though, and Snow gave us a ring later that day, trying to hide his anger with his usual collected, calm tone, but by Finnick's grin all the way through the call, I could tell he wasn't hiding it all that well.

Johanna went home to Seven only when the Victory Tour was scheduled to be there, nearly six months after she arrived. I couldn't say I wasn't sick of her, because I was, and she and Finnick had even been getting on each other's nerves. In any case, it was nice to finally be able to move my things in completely, because while she'd been there I hadn't had the patience to live with her full-time.

Another excitement around the Victory Tour was the announcement from Merle that she was pregnant. She told me and Lucas before she even told Adam, and she'd been a nervous wreck, but in her eyes, we could see her hidden joy, that little part of her that had already decided that she didn't care how Adam reacted to the news, she was still the happiest girl alive for the moment.

Although I hadn't mentored at the Games, I went to the Tour ceremony, sticking close to Finnick and Mags at the back of the crowds. I hadn't known the tributes - only enough to know that the boy was thirteen and the girl was sixteen. The boy was killed right away, at the bloodbath, but the girl had lasted a little longer, being killed by the tracker jacker nest Katniss dropped on the Careers. Until now, I'd been able to forget that Peeta had been allied with them, too, but he said a few words on her behalf, that he hadn't known her well but she'd seemed a very strong-willed and intelligent girl. Her family was crying, a mother and a father and a little girl and a baby in a blue blanket, all through his speech, but that may have just been the sheer honesty in his words. I even felt tears sting the backs of my eyes for a moment.

When he was finished speaking, the ceremony finished up quietly. The pair found their way back into the Justice Building and Finnick approached both families, leaving me with Mags.

"Does he always do this?" I asked her quietly, watching him say a few words to the girl's parents and then give the little girl a big hug and a kiss to the forehead of the baby boy. Then to the boy's family, a father and two little girls who looked like twins, he hugged the girls and gave a firm handshake to the father, his expression apologetic.

"Every year." Mags managed, nodding solemnly. "To the families of any and every of his tributes who don't make it."

"Wow." I looked down, still silently begging his forgiveness that I'd ever thought bad of him. If I'd died, would he have gone to Noah, too? _If I'd died..._

I shook the thought away as Finnick came back to us. "You're looking cute." He smiled and kissed my nose, said a quick goodbye to Mags and we walked down to the beach, both of us silent for whatever reason. We sat in the sand and looked at the clouds, watching little kids swim. A little toddler walked up to us with a bucket and a plastic shovel and held them out to Finnick, babbling something happily. Finnick smiled. "You want to build a sandcastle, little dude?" He crawled over the sand to the damp stuff, helping the boy scoop sand into the bucket and make a number of towers; afterward, the boy stomped through them like some sort of monster and Finnick laughed. I walked up behind him, leaning over his shoulder and smiled, and he looked back up at me, accepting a kiss to his cheek.

We helped the boy make another village of towers and then helped him smash them again, looking around for a parent of him. Not long after we made a third set of towers, a woman ran up to us on the beach, scooping him up. "I'm so sorry," she muttered, looking at her son. "What have I told you about wandering away from the house? You had me worried sick..." she knelt to us again, picking up the shovel and pail and gave us a weak smile. "Thank you, so much for watching him. I don't even want to think of what could've happened if he'd gone into the water, he can't swim - "

"Not a problem." Finnick smiled and placed a hand gently on her shoulder.

"Are you sure?" She sighed, kissing the boy's forehead.

"I'm sure," he laughed, shaking his head as we stood up. "He's a cute kid." I wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning into his side as the girl thanked us and walked back up the beach, her son's arms hanging over her shoulders. Finnick and I walked back to our place in the sand, laying down again. I rested my head on his chest, looking at the clouds, and he pointed one out. "Looks like a turtle."

"How is that a turtle?"

"The shell," he pointed to a circular mass of cloud. "Head, feet, tail."

"Whatever." I laughed, shaking my head, and he chuckled, wrapping an arm around me, and took my hand, playing with my ring. I looked at it again, smiling softly, and as if from a distance, I heard myself ask, "Do you ever want kids?"

It took him a few minutes to answer, as if he hadn't heard, or he couldn't comprehend such a question coming from me. Finally, though, when I looked at him, he looked back at me, his thumb rubbing across my ring. "Yeah, I do," I blinked, and he added, "You know. Someday." I nodded, understanding, and he smiled and looked back at the clouds. "Do you?" It took me awhile to answer, too.

"I would, but...the Games." I sighed, and he nodded, leaning down and kissed my forehead.

"If not for the Games, though."

"Then, absolutely. I've never had younger siblings or anything. But the Games are still around, so, no." I felt a lump in my throat as I said _no, _because in truth, I wanted children badly. Even with the Games. The Games were an excuse so that I didn't have to say what I really felt, _I don't want to have kids in my condition. _However much I wanted children, the curse of thinking I'd be a bad mother was too much to consider it.

He sat up, pushing a hand through his hair, and stretched his arms. I ducked under his arm and snuggled into his side, giggling when he turned his head and kissed my nose.

"Hey," I suddenly thought of something, with the Games still in mind. "It's the Quell this year."

"It is." He looked at me, nodding.

"What'll the twist be, do you think?"

"If it's anything like the past Quells," Finnick began evasively, "Nothing good." He looked off into the distance, at the water. I leaned into his side more, wrapping my arms around his torso and stared at the water, feeling him look back down at me. His lips met the top of my head but I didn't react, watching the waves crash into the cliffs on the closest side of the beach.

"Seems like it goes on forever, doesn't it?" I whispered, looking down the other side of the beach, where the cliffs were just barely noticeable from the distance. Then I looked at the water, where there was no end in sight.

"Maybe it does." He voiced my thoughts, kissing my temple softly.

"But...there must be something else. Maybe...a place the Capitol hasn't found."

"You think so?" He was playing along now, I could tell. Didn't want to agree, but for my sake didn't disagree.

"I don't know." I sighed, shrugging.

"Come on," he helped me stand, intertwining our fingers. "Let's go home, have some tea. Mull over this all you need to."

"I'm sorry, I must sound crazy..."

"No," he wrapped an arm around my shoulders, walking back to his house. "Just hopeful."

I didn't know what to think of that. Was I hopeful, that there was something else out there? Another world, with no Capitol, no Games; a place where I could have children who would be safe. A place where Finnick and I could go and live, and make a new life out there, away from the prying eyes of the Capitol. Where nobody would think I was crazy.

A place where my life was worth living just for the experience of life, not for the people in it.


	53. Chapter 53

"Wake up, Annie." A pair of lips brushed against my neck and I giggled, shaking my head and pulled the blanket over me. He chuckled and turned my head, cupping my cheeks in his hands and kissed me, grinning. I laughed and squirmed away, pushing a hand through my hair, then yawned and straightened my clothes.

"Morning." I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and swung a pillow at him, hopping up and running into the bathroom before he could get a pillow to hit me back. I could hear him laughing from outside the door and he knocked lightly, rattling the doorknob. I pulled a brush through my hair and took a quick shower, leaving the bathroom in a towel as I hadn't had time to grab clothes while evading being caught in a pillow fight.

I could hear Finnick downstairs, singing to himself as he made breakfast. Laughing quietly, I quickly dressed and walked down the stairs, the phone starting to ring just as I passed it. "Would you get that, Ann?" Finnick called from the kitchen, and I nodded, picking up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, can I speak with Mr. Finnick Odair?"

I glanced into the kitchen, where he was looking back at me, a bowl of seasoned scrambled eggs and a plate of toast in his hands. "Sure, just one second, please." I walked to the stove and turned off the burner he'd left on, handing him the phone on the way. He put the phone to his ear and sat down across the table from me, waving Moku away when he tried to take a piece of egg. I didn't give his phone call much attention, serving myself and then scooping eggs onto his plate, pointing to the plate of toast. He put up two fingers in response and I took two pieces off the plate, dropping them onto his, then started eating, watching him listen to the person on the other end.

"That sounds great, but - " he stopped, as if the other person had cut him off. "Please, sir, I don't think I can - " he stopped again and rolled his eyes at me. I took a bite of toast and raised an eyebrow at him. "Thank you, but I can't. I have responsibilities and priorities here in Four, and mentoring in the spring." He paused, nodding to himself. "Of course I'll get back to you if I change my mind," he mouthed _never _to me and continued. "Alright. Thanks for the offer, but I'm pretty sure 'no' is my final answer. Have a good day." He sighed and clicked the end button on the phone, dropping it to the table. I took a spoonful of scrambled eggs, waiting for him to explain. When he didn't, I said,

"Who was that, Finn?"

"It's not important." He shrugged, taking a sip of water. I stared at him for a moment, hoping for a better answer. He glanced back up at me, met my eyes, then looked back down.

"Just tell me."

"It's not important. I'm not going." This was one of those problems I had with Finnick. When he didn't want to talk about something, he didn't.

"If it's not important, then you should be able to tell me." He didn't say anything in reply, which gave me the impression that I'd pissed him off. That was alright; he wasn't making me too happy, either. "C'mon, Finn, just - " he pushed his chair out from the table and stood, bringing his water and walked out to the porch. For a moment I stared at him out the window, watching the sunrise, until I realized he wasn't coming back in and stood up, following him out there.

The morning chill was still evident in the air, dew still clinging to the grass. Finnick didn't look back when I closed the door behind me, so I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, shutting my eyes, and rested my forehead on his back. He twisted around, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, and leaned down in an attempt to kiss my forehead, but didn't quite get there. I smiled a little and pressed up on my tiptoes, closing the distance.

"It was just a guy," he told me, turning around to hug me. "The Capitol's sending us another ship. He's calling on a bunch of guys to go on a trip for a few weeks."

"Why aren't you going?"

"You." He replied easily, walking back inside.

"You should go," I told him, sitting back at the table. He just shrugged and continued to eat, and I kicked his shin under the table. "Really, you should."

"I don't want to." He said, dismissive. I narrowed my gaze, taking a sip of his water.

"All guys want to. It's a part of living here."

"I don't want to." He repeated and looked down at his plate, just pushing his food around with his fork now. I stood up and walked around the table, hugging his neck, and he turned to face me, his arms around my waist as he looked up at me. Messing with his hair, I smiled a little, then leaned down and kissed him, my fingers tangling into his hair. He pulled back sooner than I wanted him to and bumped his nose up to mine, smiling. I smiled back and sat on his knee, kissing his cheek with a giggle. He took one more bite of eggs before standing up again, shooing me off of his lap, and scraped his plate into the garbage, starting on the dishes. I grabbed a tea towel and leaned on the counter beside the sink, waiting to dry and put the clean dishes away.

"Why don't you want to go?" I asked casually after a while, drying a frying pan. He sighed quietly and shook his head, pausing with his hands submerged in the dish water. "I mean...you don't have to tell me, but - "

"No," shaking his head again, he took his hands from the water with the sink plug and shook them off, and I handed him the tea towel to dry them.

"What is it?" I hopped up on the counter, leaning back against the cupboards. He did the same, his eyes clouded. I looked at him, waiting for him to talk, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his arm gently, kissing his shoulder. "C'mon, Finn, you can tell me. We tell each other everything, this is no exception."

"I'm going to take a bath." He pushed a hand through his hair, hopped down from the counter and started to the upstairs bathroom.

"Finn, wait," I grabbed his wrist, following, and he sighed. "Please, just talk to me." He continued into the bathroom, leaving the door open, and I walked in after him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"Annie..." he sighed again, tugging his shirt off over his head.

"You're always shutting me out like this," I complained. "You're an open book when we're talking about me, but when it comes to talking about you, you're so guarded and secretive."

"That's not fair," he spun around, frowning. "I just have more secrets, and they're not all ones I want to talk about."

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed, scoffing. He rolled his eyes and turned around again, starting to run bath water, and scooped up a handful bubblebath beads from the container, dropping them into the tub. "We always talk about me. Every little thing, every secret I have! I deserve to know at least as many secrets you have, if not, then more." He puffed out his cheeks in a sigh and waved me out of the bathroom, closing the door after I left. Instead of doing what he expected me to do, and go back into the bathroom after him, I went back to the living room, picked up his guitar and started to play, in wait for him to return.

For awhile, I heard the swish of water from the tub, the sound of water pouring as he washed his hair, the somehow comforting sound of his off-key singing. But then, after playing a particularly loud song - either from my still-lingering traces of anger or the general sound of the song, I don't know - when I stopped to listen to him again, I heard nothing.

My first instincts told me to go straight in, but then, thinking more rationally on my way to the door, I realized he could've just finished his bath. Still, I gave three firm knocks to the door, my hands shaking. There was no answer.

"Finn?" I called, my forehead pressed against the door. "Finnick?" I knocked again, frowning. Slowly, I turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, peeking inside.

The idiot was asleep.

"Finn," I knelt down beside the tub, shoving his shoulder, and he jerked awake, his eyes wide.

"What the hell..." he trailed off, sinking lower into the tub. I shook my head at him and sighed, ruffling his hair.

"You scared me." I kissed the top of his head and he scooped up a handful of bubbles, molding them into a beard. Floating beside him in the bubbles were bath toys, and I raised an eyebrow, giggling. "You're such a child." He smiled and threw a piece of his bubble beard at me, leaning on the side of the tub.

"You really want to know why I don't want to go?" He asked, and I nodded, kissing his forehead. "Do you mind if I get dressed first?" I smiled and shook my head, shaking out his towel and held it up for him as he stepped out of the tub, and he wrapped the towel around his waist, pulling the plug from the drain. I held out a second towel and he dried his upper half, draping the towel over his shoulders. "Out, so I can dress." He closed the door after me and was out in another couple minutes, dropping his towels in the hamper on the way.

I was sitting on the top stair when he emerged, twiddling my thumbs, and he plopped down beside me; I rested my head on his shoulder, waiting for him to speak.

"I never knew my real dad," he stated quietly, and I nodded. "My step dad's gone now anyway, but he's who I grew up with. He was Jordie and Lucy's father, but he was always just a dad to me."

"Your dad doesn't have to be your father," I shrugged. "Your dad is the one who was a father figure to you. Nothing more."

"That's right. But, I mean, it still would've been nice to know my real dad. He never knew I existed."

"I'm sorry." I murmured softly, but he just shrugged, getting to his feet and walked down the hallway to the door leading to his attic. I followed silently, my hands in my pockets, and listened when he kept talking.

"He died in a boating accident. That's why I don't want to go. It's just...one of those things, you know?" I nodded my head yes as we entered the attic, and before I could ask what we were doing there, he walked to the skylight, pushed the window open and pulled himself up through the ceiling. When I didn't follow right away, he popped his head back down, waving me over, and helped me through the ceiling onto the roof.

I'd never sat on a roof before. By his ease, I guessed he probably had millions of times, but I was _scared. _The height shouldn't have bothered me, after going cliff jumping, but it did. Probably because down below was only ground for us to splat onto, whereas on the cliffs, there was water.

And because of that, I clung to his arm, trembling slightly every time I looked away from him to the side of the roof.

"It's okay." He whispered, kissing the side of my head, and I sighed shakily, wrapping my arms around his torso. "I find it easier to think up here." He told me gently.

"Maybe I would, too, if I wasn't so worried about falling to my death." He laughed at that, which made me frown at him, which made him laugh even more. "What's funny, you jerk?" I grinned, and he shrugged with a grin back, laying back on the roof.

"Do you think Adam'll go?" He asked me quietly, when the sun was beginning to really heat up the day.

"Probably," I nodded, laying next to him on my side with my hand resting on his chest. "He's always wanted to."

"What about Merle and the baby?"

"Finn, what're the odds they'll be in an accident?"

"The boat's Capitol-made, and President Snow isn't very happy with what Jo and I did," he sighed worriedly. "The odds are surprisingly good."


	54. Chapter 54

Adam did want to go, though, and I didn't try to stop him. Merle was secretly just a little mad at him; she'd already been having a rough pregnancy, and him being gone meant she had to call on Lucas to help her with things around the house, and with keeping things in order. She was four and a half months when he left, and after we saw him off, Finnick had her over for lunch, telling her right off the bat that if she needed anything at all, we'd be there to help her, too. I think Lucas was more grateful for that than she was.

For the sake of the boating trip, they were lucky we'd had a quite warm winter so far, with no snow at all and the weather not even cold enough for the water to freeze slightly. Some people were still swimming.

In the end, after all the help Lucas and Finnick and I had given her for a couple days, she ended up going to Dad. He was exactly what she needed, because he wasn't busy with other priorities, his net shop was closed for the winter to have a whole new stock in the spring, and he was bored, with me moving out. Her not needing Lucas so much also gave him time to hang out with Phoebe; both of their dads had also gone on the trip.

Finnick still wouldn't give up the illusion that something was going to go horribly wrong. Mostly everyone who heard of his paranoia marked him off as going 'mad as his girl', but like the way he could understand me, I understood him, and I could tell he knew more than he was letting on. I kept wanting to confront him about it and make him tell me what he knew, but I'd figured out time and time again that Finnick was good at keeping secrets, and he was good at lying, even if he didn't like to do either.

I finally let it drop; I'd figure out what he knew either when he wanted to tell me, or when it happened, so there was no real point in worrying about it. We were laying in bed one evening, not trying to sleep yet, but just relaxing, when he simply said, "History repeats itself."

I looked up at him, pressed a kiss to his jaw and snuggled up closer to him, my arm wrapped over his torso. "What do you mean?"

"Think about it," I met his eyes, those tired green orbs I couldn't ever get over the beauty of. "Twenty four years ago, more or less, the Capitol sent a ship down to Four for no reason. Same thing's happening now. Twenty four guys were never found in that first accident. Twenty four tributes a year, Ann, it's all too much of a coincidence!"

"You aren't making any sense." I argued, sitting up cross-legged. He looked up at me, his eyes begging me to believe him.

"Twenty four more guys left. We had to remind them to check for lifeboats, and give them some extras, because there weren't enough already onboard. Because they weren't expecting it, because they assumed the Capitol would send enough." I bit my lip, beginning to understand his connections. Knowing that this trip was going to be four weeks - twenty _eight _days - I shakily asked him how long the first trip had been. "Twenty eight days," his voice broke ever-so-slightly. "But they had a radio with them, they sent in updates to the Justice Building every day, it was a part of the process."

"And how many updates did the Justice Building receive?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to know the answer.

"Twenty four," he whispered. "The boat lasted them twenty four days before it sunk and no remains were ever found."

I didn't know what I was supposed to say to that. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. A whirlwind of emotions erupted in me, and I just got so confused with what I was feeling that there was nothing I could do but cry.

Finnick sat up quickly, his arms wrapping around me, his muscles tensing as he hugged tighter, tucking my head under his chin. I wrapped my arms around his neck, hiding my face where his neck met his shoulders and cried softly, the occasional whimper coming from me. This wasn't like regular crying in the way that there were constant tears, sobs, heavy breathing - no, this was much more personal. There's no good way to describe why I was crying, because it didn't make any sense to me. I hadn't completely lost hope that the guys would be lost to us; they had lifeboats. But the truth and hurt in Finnick's words had just broken me.

When my cries began to subside, with me still leaning on his chest, Finnick laid back again, stroking my hair gently. "Just try to get some sleep," he told me softly, kissing the top of my head. I shifted slightly, trying to get more comfy, and sat up, staring down at him. He raised an eyebrow and stared back at me, his arms still locked around my waist. "What is it?"

"I love you. A lot." I blinked, my hands coming to rest on his chest lightly.

"I love you too. A lot." He smiled, putting his hands over mine, and I shook my head, sighing.

"I mean...I knew I loved you, but I guess I just didn't realize how much. You're so perfect, and - " he shushed me, and I only managed to say one more thing. "How am I enough for you?"

"You are the most perfectly imperfect girl I've ever met," he smiled, and I could only guess he didn't really know exactly what he meant, either. "Come here," he placed a hand in between my shoulder blades and pulled me down to him again, letting me rest my head on his chest. "Go to sleep."

"I don't want to, I'll have nightmares."

"You need your rest." He insisted, stroking my hair absently. I melted into his touch, listening to his heartbeat, and slowly closed my eyes.

"I like it when your heart beats." I mumbled, and he chuckled softly.

"Really? Me too. It means I'm alive."

I laughed, hitting his shoulder lightly. "Shut up, you know that isn't what I meant," I grinned, my eyes still closed. "I just meant I like_ listening_ to it. It's calming."

"I know," he wrapped his arms around me, his hands on my hips. "Now try to sleep." I nodded and yawned, snuggling closer into his chest, and fell asleep in moments.

My sleep, like I predicted, wasn't peaceful. Images of broken bodies, pieces of the ship that had held them, water-filled lifeboats, all floating in the water, while I fought to keep my head above the water, wishing for someone to find us; to find me. To rescue me and find out who else was still alive. To tell me that everything would be alright. To wrap me in a blanket and dress me in dry clothes and brush the knots out of my hair.

_I needed Finnick._

When I tried to call his name, there was no sound. I had no voice, no matter how loudly I tried to scream.

Even if there was no sound, though, I heard him then, calling back to me. I beat my arms through the water, whipping my head around, trying to catch a glimpse of him, but he was no where. I looked down below me, saw his face, distorted by the water, and dove beneath the surface to reach him until I could no longer breathe. Still he was just as far away as he had been to start with, but I kept going, my lungs filling with water by the second.

Finally, I reached him, but he told me to go back, that I could no longer be with him, because he was becoming a part of the sea, and with that, he dropped faster than anyone should, down into the water, into the deepest depths of the ocean. From a distance, I heard myself scream his name, and my eyes flew open, my cheeks burning with tears, trying to cough up the nonexistent water.

I was sitting up, Finnick's arms around me once again, holding me close to him. I let out a sob, clinging to him as he pressed a hard kiss to my forehead, picked me up and walked to the window, opening it up. I looked out the window, my tears freezing with the cold night air, and looked at him again, my breathing heavy.

"We're okay," he set me back on my feet and rubbed my back. "See? I'm fine. You're fine." He put up his out-stretched hand in front of me and I put mine up to it, intertwining our fingers simultaneously.

"I love you," I whispered and hugged him with one arm, our clasped hands in between us the only thing keeping us from being any closer.

"I love you too," he murmured back, kissing my forehead. I smiled softly and closed my eyes, resting my forehead against his chest. "C'mon, let's go back to bed." I almost argued, but then I looked up at him, the dark circles and bags under his tired eyes.

"You shouldn't have to deal with this," I sighed as I snuggled back up to him. He shrugged and punched his pillow a few times, then flopped down on his stomach, falling asleep before I could say anything more. I bit my lip and sat up, not wanting to sleep anymore. Instead, I combed his hair away from his face with my fingers, leaned down and kissed his temple.

People say that everyone looks younger in sleep. That wasn't true for him. In sleep, if anything, he looked more troubled, his face twitching as nightmares began to plague him. His snoring subsided as he began to mumble completely inaudible words. I thought to wake him, but he needed the sleep so badly that instead I settled down again, cupping his cheeks in my hands and kissed the bridge of his nose, whispering to him. Gentle, soft, soothing words. Words of hope and love, of good memories. Of the future in store for the two of us; of will and joy. And soon enough, his mumbles quieted and snoring returned, soft, and reassuring that he was having a better rest.

I balled up two handfuls of his shirt and snuggled up close to him, still smiling when I once again fell asleep.


	55. Chapter 55

The twenty-fourth day came and went, and we had no word yet from the adventurers since they left. I spent the day with Merle at my dad's house, Finnick joining me after a while of worrying by himself. We hadn't told anyone else of our worries - if only for the fear of word reaching Merle, she was stressed out enough as it was.

Finnick couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. He didn't talk nearly as much as he usually did, and Dad was beginning to worry. "Is he alright?" Dad asked one day in the late afternoon, when I was helping him fix a dinner for the group of us. The group was scheduled to return the next day, and Finnick wouldn't stop looking out the window at the sea, as if expecting them to appear on the horizon any second.

"He's fine," I lied, then as we put the casserole in the oven, I walked up behind him on the couch, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaned around him, kissing his cheek. "You're freaking me out." I whispered to him, my hands moving back to his shoulders. He sighed, tipping his head back to look at me, and I frowned, starting to massage his shoulders.

"I'm just - ow," he winced when I pinched a muscle by accident, and I kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair apologetically. "I'm just stressed."

"I know," I walked around the couch and sat beside him, his arm wrapping around me immediately. "It'll be okay." I tucked my head under his chin, tugging at a loose thread coming from his shirt.

"What if it isn't?" He challenged weakly, and I shrugged, snuggling closer to him.

"Then we figure it out. But there's no point in worrying yourself like this when you don't even know if anything's going to go wrong." He tipped his head down and kissed the side of my head, then started to curl a lock of my hair around his finger over and over, letting it unravel each time.

I pulled the collar of his shirt down slightly, looking at his tattoo again. _Be strong. _It seemed to be a sort of motto of his, but of the late, he hadn't been doing a great job of following it. Tracing the letters with my index finger carefully, I repeated the words under my breath. _Be strong. _Then thinking about the circumstances, I said it again. And again. What if Finnick was right, and everything went horribly wrong? _We'll find out tomorrow. _

He placed his hand over mine and pulled it from his chest, kissed it, then stood up. "Where are you going?" I asked, slipping my hand into his as I stood up beside him.

"Piano," he replied, and we walked to my piano room without another word, sitting down together and started to play a duet I'd finally got him to learn.

We played straight through until Dad called for dinner, and even then, it was hard to pull Finnick from the piano. He'd really become attached to it over the last while. Most of the time we'd be playing together, but then I'd get distracted listening to him and drop out, watching his fingers dance across the keys as if he'd been playing his whole life.

"You really do have a lot of talent," I'd told him one day, and he paused in his playing to look at me.

"Thank you," a kiss to my temple, a whisper in my ear, "but I'd be nowhere without such a lovely teacher."

"Oh, please," I giggled and blushed, turning my head to meet his eyes. He chuckled and kissed me gently, then got back to his playing, flipping through one of my dad's piano books.

Day twenty-eight came and near four 'o clock, the ship was spotted in the distance. Finnick was utterly dumbfounded; I just told him that he'd worried for nothing and his series of coincidences had been just that: coincidences. But that didn't stop him from wanting to investigate. "There must be something," he insisted, dragging me down to the beach with him to check out the boat. It was past midnight - we'd be in huge trouble if anyone found us - but that didn't matter to him. What mattered was figuring out his dilemma of being wrong about something.

"If we get in trouble, I'm blaming you," I stated as he helped me into the boat, but he just laughed, pulling me into the under compartment, where the lifeboats were stored. He pulled a flashlight from his belt and shined it into the shadows. I clutched his hand tightly, nervous. "Finn, this place gives me the creeps."

"It's fine." He stooped down, studying something. I peeked over his shoulder but I couldn't see what he was looking at. He made a small sound and started to crawl under the lifeboats, a frown on his lips. I knelt down, confused.

"Get back here," I tugged on his ankle before he got too far away, but he shook me off and kept crawling, dropping to an army crawl where the boats hung low to the floor. "Finnick, come back..." I looked around, shivering when a sudden breeze blew through the open hatch. "Finn, please, I'm scared." I sighed when he didn't answer and started to crawl after him, bumping into him where he'd stopped.

"Ann, you're gonna want to look at this." He looked back at me, his expression grave. I met his eyes, then nodded, peeking over his shoulder to what he was looking at, then picked it up, studying it.

It just looked like a box; a box with the Capitol seal on it and fine print beneath the seal, and on the top side a small strip of a screen. I held it closer to read the print: _Device m__anufactured in the Capitol. Use at own risk. Scan thumbprint to activate all devices._

He took the box from me, not realizing that in the process, his thumb grazed over the reader. The screen immediately lit up, reading _all devices activated,_ then the text disappeared and a timer with a count of fifteen seconds appeared.

"What the hell is - " he stopped, tossed the box away from him and wrapped his arms around my waist, throwing me over his shoulder as he ran back to the hatch, threw me onto the upper deck and started to climb up himself. I could see at least ten other lit-up screens, stationed around the boat, all with the same timer. _8. 7. 6._"Run!" He pulled himself onto the upper deck and grabbed my hand, yanking me to the side of the boat and wrapped an arm back around my waist at the last second, launching us off the boat and into the water.

Not two seconds after we hit the water, the boat exploded.

We were pushed back from it by the current, and I felt tiny pieces of the wood from the boards stabbing into my skin, letting out a scream as we came back above the water.

"It's okay," he breathed, scooped me up, and started walking back through the water to shore. I looked at him, distracted by the gash on his forehead.

"Finn, you're bleeding." I whispered, reaching up to touch the cut.

"So are you. I'm fine." He shook his head and coughed up water, the two of us just barely making it to the top of the hill when a crowd began to appear. He set me down and I slipped my hand into his, both of us waiting to hear what they had to say.

"What happened?" Our mayor asked, his eyes blazing with anger. I stepped back a pace, averting my gaze, and Finnick pushed me behind him, looking from face to face. The guy who'd led the boating trip stepped forward, his fists clenched as his eyes flicked back and forth from Finnick and me to the boat, parts of it still burning away.

"You _exploded_ my _boat_?" He seethed, flexing the muscles in his arms. I wrapped my arm around Finnick's waist, squishing in between his arm and his side, my gaze narrowed at the other boy.

"To be fair, it was loaded with bombs." He shrugged, never losing his cool.

"How do we know _you_ didn't bomb it?"

Finnick laughed at that, pushing a hand through his hair. "You think so? You really, really think so?" He squeezed my hand and I looked up at him, shaking my head slightly. _It's okay, _he breathed, and I backed away from his arm, trembling. He looked back at me, then looked at something behind me, and I looked back, then ran to my dad, hugging him tight. He glanced at me, as if asking for answers, his gaze narrowing when he looked back to Finnick. I shook my head, trying to get the point across. _It's not his fault._

"If it was already ready for bombing," the boy, Andrew, began angrily. "then why didn't it blow when we were boating? Why now, when only two people are on it?"

"We accidentally set them off," I spoke up, and gazes fell on me. I squirmed under the spotlight, then stepped away from Dad, swallowing the lump in my throat. "There were dozens of bombs all over the ship. We were in the hull, and we found one of them. He set it off by accident and then..." I met his eyes, blinking tears away. "He saved my life, and his. If anything, he's a hero."

"Of course _you'd _say that, little _bitch_." Andrew scoffed, and Finnick launched into offense mode, the muscles in his arms rippling.

"Finn, don't," I grabbed his hand, shaking my head. He turned to me and knelt down to my height, cupped my cheeks in his hands and kissed me briefly. "Don't fight him, it's stupid." I whispered, putting my hands over his.

"I don't care if he's calling me a liar, but you're the one he's targeting now," he whispered back. "I won't get hurt. Go home, I'll be there soon."

"No!" I exclaimed, then bit my lip, realizing how loud I'd said it. "Don't, Finn..."

"I'm a guy, it's instinct," he grinned, kissing me again. "Go on. I'll be okay. We might not even fight, if my charisma and charm can persuade them to believe me."

"I love you." I choked, and he nodded, kissing my nose, then my forehead as he stood up.

"I love you too," he patted my back. "Now go home, I don't want you to see this." I nodded and turned on my heel, starting to sprint away, ignoring the tears burning the backs of my eyes.


	56. Chapter 56

"You're such an idiot," I sighed, dabbing at a cut on his cheek. He winced, resting his head back on the armrest of the couch. Once the last cut was cleaned, I threw away the cloths and kissed his forehead with another sigh. "Do you want me to run you a bath?"

"That'd be lovely, thank you." He sat up and stretched while I walked up the stairs. A few steps behind me, he grabbed pajamas and a towel from our room and then followed me into the bathroom, kneeling down beside me and kissed my temple. I looked at him, blinking softly, and he ruffled my hair. "You look sleepy."

"I am sleepy," I admitted, leaning into his side as the water poured into the tub. "But I'll stay up until you finish your bath. I'll only get nightmares anyway, there's no point in trying."

"Baby, just go to sleep. I won't be long." I shook my head and turned the water off, rubbing my eyes tiredly. Finnick sighed and shrugged, helped me stand and waited for me to leave before undressing. Without changing into pajamas, I flopped on our bed and rolled onto my side, burrowing into the blankets.

I really did try to stay awake, but sleep took me before I knew it, only allowing me to wake again when the mattress unbalanced and I felt an arm drape over me. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting him to feel bad for waking me, but opened them again when the ends of his still-wet hair tickled my cheek and I heard his snores begin. Then I slipped my hand into his, my heartbeat still quick from the nightmare I'd had, no matter how weak a nightmare it had been.

The rest of the night dragged by. I might have drifted off once or twice, for short minutes at a time, but it didn't make much of a difference to my weariness. By morning, I was still horribly exhausted and still unable to sleep.

Finnick woke up shortly after nine and found me awake, pressing a kiss to my forehead, then sat up. "Morning, beautiful," he murmured, and I smiled slightly, turning onto my side. "Bad sleep?"

"Awful." I confirmed, and he settled down again beside me, wrapping me up in his arms.

"Go to sleep. I'll stay here with you."

"You don't have to do that." I argued tiredly, shaking my head. When he shrugged back, I sighed and snuggled up to his chest, shutting my eyes.

"I'll stay in bed all day, I don't care." He twisted a lock of my hair around his finger, stroking my hair with his other hand until I fell asleep.

This sleep was remarkably good, with no nightmares, but when I woke up again, it was only quarter to ten, and I was still tired. With a sigh, I sat up, slipping away from a sleeping Finnick's arms, grabbed clothes and went to take a shower.

When I got back from the bathroom, he was awake, staring at the ceiling. I crawled back onto the bed, sitting on his stomach, and he smiled up at me, taking my hands. "Will you make me breakfast?" He asked quietly, a sweet smile overtaking his features, and I giggled, nodding.

"Just this once." I patted his chest and got up, walking down the stairs to the kitchen and started to make omelets. I was just putting breakfast on plates when Finnick came down the stairs, running a hand through his hair, sporting a t-shirt and boxers.

"There you are," he smiled, and I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Patience is a virtue, Odair." He grinned and kissed my forehead, taking the plate and walked to the table, pulling his chair around closer to mine. I took out forks and knives, sitting beside him. He cut a piece off the omelet, biting into it, and smiled. "Good?"

"Very." He pressed a kiss to my temple and ate another piece.

"What do you want to do today?" I took a bite, glancing at him. He lifted his shoulders in a shrug and pushed the plate closer to me, laying his head on the table. "What's wrong?" I combed his hair away from his face, running my thumb over his cheek, and he sighed.

"I'm just not really hungry all the sudden, I guess."

"Are you sick?" I asked him softly, feeling his forehead, and he shook his head, lifting it up again to rub his face. "What is it?" I stood and wrapped my arms around his neck, resting my forehead on his.

"I just...remembered something."

"What?" I pressed, kissing his nose.

"The Quell announcements come out today. On TV, they'll tell us what the twist will be this year."

"So?" I shrugged, ruffling his hair.

"So, I'm just a bit nervous," I balanced on his knee, kissing up his jaw and cheek to his temple. "I love you." He chuckled, turning his head to look at me. I smiled and kissed him, bumping my nose up to his.

"What do you have to be worried about? You're a victor, you aren't going to the Capitol anymore. We're together. We can actually be married without it being such a nuisance..."

"That'll be nice." He admitted quietly, and I nodded.

"Maybe we can even have a baby someday. If you want to." He broke into a big smile and nodded, kissing my forehead. I smiled back and wrapped an arm around his neck, resting my forehead against his.

"How did I end up with someone as lovely as you?"

I blushed, looking down. "I should be asking you that, buddy." He chuckled and shook his head slightly, tilting his head to the side and kissed me, soft and gentle.

"How'd you manage to get me to love you so much?" He asked, and I blushed deeper, rolling my eyes. He grinned, standing up, and I slipped off of his lap, my arm sliding down from his neck to his torso. We walked to the clothes dryer, where he found a pair of jeans and pulled them on, and without another word we left the house, walking to Adam and Merle's house. We'd taken to visiting her every morning, and it just seemed routine now, even though Adam was back in the swing of things.

The weather had been pretty terrible in the last couple weeks. It was cold without much snow; it rained or hailed a lot, except in the evenings when it usually cleared up. Most stands in the markets hadn't been up and running, and we didn't have any of our usual stream of seafood being sent to the Capitol. Whether that was the peoples' choices, that they just didn't want to send the usual huge ration to people who didn't need it anyway or the fact that they honestly had to feed their families first was unknown to me, though.

Lucas and Phoebe were there when we arrived, making breakfast. To be specific, Lucas was reading out the recipe and Phoebe was cooking. Merle was sitting on the couch, running a little toy Capitol car across her belly, one hand tangled in Adam's hair, who was lying down beside her. Finnick went to talk to them while I joined Phoebe and Lucas in the kitchen.

"Lucas!" Phoebe laughed as I walked in, a layer of flour on her flushed cheek. "Stop being dumb, I'm trying to make a nice meal for your sister."

"What? Dumb? Who's dumb?" He grinned and flipped the pancake on the pan, then flicked another handful of flour at her.

"Stop!" She yelled, still laughing, then they both seemed to notice me at once, their faces going beet red. "Oh...hey, Annie." Phoebe turned back to the stove, running a flour-covered hand through her hair, and Lucas chuckled, waving to me as he ran his fingers through her hair, trying to get the flour out to no avail. She glanced at him again and shook her head, and he smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Having fun?" I smiled, pulling a chair out from the table and sat down. They both laughed and nodded, filling a couple plates of food and brought them out to the living room, then came back, Finnick now tagging along. Lucas and Phoebe sat down, leaving no extra chairs, and jokingly, Finnick gave us the most mournful look he could possibly muster and walked to the counter, head hanging. I held back a laugh and took his hand, pulling him back to my chair and sat on his lap.

Somehow, with Lucas and Phoebe around, Finnick and I completely disregarded the Quell announcements. No matter how nervous he was about it, for a reason I didn't understand, being with friends took his stress and fears away and let him relax for once, and for that, I was grateful that Lucas was such an easy-going guy, and Phoebe a fun and optimistic girl, much opposed to Finnick and me, the most angst-ridden young adults you'd ever meet.

After a few hours of hanging around, Finnick and I headed back home to the cats, who were both getting impatient for their lunchtime feeding. Moku fluttered into the room as always, but instead of going straight to Finnick, he perched on my shoulder, his wings flapping against the side of my head. I laughed and turned my head to look at him, sticking out my tongue. He made a squeaking sound and settled down, pulling his wings in close to his side.

Finnick finished dishing out cat food and straightened up again, slipping his hands into his pockets as he walked towards the stairs. I followed him, curious, and found that he was going up to his attic. He held the door for me and I slipped through, looping my arm into his. He glanced at me and smiled for a second, then started to go through a box of old photos. I peeked into the box, scanning each photo as he turned it over to look at the next one.

At the end of ten minutes, he was leaving again. "What were you looking for?" I asked softly, but he just shrugged, running a hand through his hair. We walked back down to the kitchen and he picked up the phone, starting to dial a number.

"When are the announcements on?"

"Seven, I think." He mouthed, putting the phone to his ear.

"I'll be back later, then." I pressed up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek and heard Johanna's voice on the other end before walking out to the entryway to put on my shoes.


	57. Chapter 57

Just before seven that evening, I came home, spotting Finnick up on the roof before I walked inside. I thought he hadn't seen me, but as I reached the attic, he met me in the doorway, his cheeks and nose pink. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips and I cupped his cheeks in my hands, pulling him down. He laughed softly and wrapped his arms around my waist, closing his eyes while I peppered his face in kisses.

"Did you sunburn up there?" I grinned, running a thumb over his cheekbone. He shrugged and smiled sheepishly, kissing me briefly before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. We walked down to the kitchen and he made a pot of tea before we went to the living room to sit down and watch the announcements.

There was something haunting about waiting for them to come on. There were ridiculous commercials first, ads, and stupid reports that I didn't care about, until finally the president was up, beginning a speech about the Dark Days, and I sort of tuned him out until he came to the Quarter Quell news.

There was a short recap telling what the past Quells had been - the first, the twenty-fifth Hunger Games, had entailed districts choosing their tributes, which I guess would boost your self-esteem just wonderfully and would really make you want to come home, to a bunch of people who wanted you dead. The fiftieth Games, which I knew were the Games Haymitch Abernathy from Twelve had won, had sent four tributes from each district instead of two. Now we had reached the seventy-fifth, the third Quell, and I couldn't imagine what kind of awful twist they could bring to it.

"And now," President Snow continued in his eerie, haunting way, taking pauses for suspense between every few words. "We honour our third Quarter Quell," Finnick tensed beside me as the president took a small envelope from the wooden box a little boy onstage was holding. Opening it carefully and slowly, Snow eventually came up with a little square sheet of paper, his eyes scanning the writing for a split second before he read it aloud. "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

Neither of us said a word for a minute or so. I was stuck frozen; Finnick could at least move enough to turn the TV off, then he threw the remote across the room from us, as if it was infected. After he did, we stayed silent for another moment before I got up, speed walking to the door. He caught my arm as I was turning the doorknob, spinning me around again and held me in a close hug, pressing his lips hard against my own. My arms immediately locked around his neck and my hands tangled into his hair, pulling him closer to me. He pulled away much too soon for my liking, his breath ragged against my cheek, and he met my eyes after cupping my cheeks in his hands.

"Where are you going?" He asked softly, looking on the verge of tears.

"It's okay," I kissed him again, quickly, locking eyes with him. "Just for a walk. I might go play some piano." He nodded, slowly lowering his arms to his sides. I pressed another kiss to his chin and pushed the door open, giving a weak smile before leaving the house.

I was only about five steps from the door before the flood of tears came around, and then I started running, unsure of exactly where I was going. After walking for about a half hour, my eyes flooded with tears, I found myself on the cliff Finnick had brought me to, what seemed like a million years ago. The sun was setting by now and I heaved a big sigh, plopping down on the edge of the cliff.

Lost in my own thoughts, I heard myself scream into the valley; a sob of a scream, muffling my cries with my hands. There was no telling how long I stayed out there, only that when I finally opened my eyes again, the sky was filled with stars and the night was silent.

Picking myself up, I walked back slowly through the mess of trees and underbrush, folding my arms over my chest with a shiver. I found my way back to the market, and from there I walked to Finnick's family's house. There was no answer to the door when I knocked, so I turned the door and slipped inside, checking the clock on my way in. _11:16. _

I'd only been in Tess's and Jordie's house a few times, never long enough to really look around. I listened carefully for noises from the upper floor, of Jordie or Tess hearing me and coming downstairs, but I didn't hear anything, so I wandered around for a bit longer, finding old pictures Finnick and Lucy, still both gap-toothed, happy kids. There was a frame of three photos, one of a ten-year-old Finnick, his hair mussed and kickball uniform covered in dirt. The next over was of Lucy, maybe seven or eight, practicing a ballet position, and the third was Jordie, a more recent picture, maybe at nine, playing soccer. We didn't have all that many kid pictures of Adam and me; we had lots of baby pictures, and recent pictures, but not many toddler or childhood photos to remember our more happy days.

As I was walking back out to the kitchen to leave, a floorboard behind me squeaked and I turned, seeing Tess at the bottom of the stairs. She tied the strings of her housecoat and held out her arms. I walked into them, already beginning to tear up again. She didn't say anything, as if knowing that if she tried to say that everything would be alright, she wouldn't manage the words.

Tess made up a pot of tea and we went through the whole thing before I left again, at nearly twelve thirty. Finnick would be worrying about me by now, but I still wasn't quite ready to go home.

Before long, I was down at the beach, pulling my thin sweater closer around me, shivering slightly. The slight breeze in the air made the chill worse, the cold kissing my skin where it was bare, and I soon gave up on trying to stay warm and started to walk back home.

The walk seemed shorter this time, to my dismay. Staying out all night would be ideal, I guess, but even I had to admit that it was too cold out for that to be an option, at least the way I was dressed.

The front door to the house was left hanging ajar when I got back, and I slipped inside, looking around cautiously before taking off my shoes. "Finn?" I tried to call, but my voice came out as a whisper. "Finn," I choked, my teeth chattering.

As I entered the kitchen, I heard the front door squeak, and I froze, my fists clenched by my sides so tightly the knuckles turned white.

"Annie," arms wrapped around me from behind, tight at first, and then loosening up gradually. "Oh, God, Ann, where have you been?" I spun around, burying my face in his shirt.

"Finn..." I slid my arms around his waist and blinked back the tears in my eyes.

"I was worried about you..." he lifted me off my feet and hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry," I rested my forehead against his and shut my eyes lightly, sighing. "I just...had to get away. Not from you, from..."

"Everything else." He whispered, sitting on the back of the couch. I opened my eyes again and nodded, settling onto his lap. He cracked a smile and kissed me gently.

"I love you." I sighed softly, my hand going to the collar of his shirt. He sighed and put his hand over mine carefully, meeting my eyes.

"Is it our fault, do you think?" He asked me after a minute of quiet, biting his lip.

"No," I said immediately, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed a possibility. "Of course not." I swallowed, but I could tell he'd heard the change in my voice. I sighed, flattening the wrinkles in the collar of his shirt where I'd clutched it. "I wish you'd tell me everything was going to be okay..."

"I don't want to lie."

"I can't lose you!" I choked out, the sob rising in my throat. "I just...I can't." I shook my head, taking a shaky breath, and he wrapped me up in his arms again, heaving a great sigh.

"You won't." He kissed my cheek and stood up again, waiting for me to slip off his lap before walking up the stairs. "I'm going to bed."

"Me too." I said quickly, following him up the stairs, only a step behind him. He flopped onto the bed face-down, his hands tangling into his hair, and I crawled onto the bed beside him, sitting on his back. He turned his head to the side with a big sigh and I leaned down, kissing the side of his head. He glanced at me, then shook his head slightly. I sighed, still leaned down, and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, massaging his shoulders gently. He sighed contentedly, using his arms as a pillow and shut his eyes.

"God, I love you." He managed, the words muffled in his arm.

"I love you, too." I smiled softly, ruffling his hair. He sighed and chuckled, propping himself up on his hands and pushed himself up.

"I'm going to brush my teeth." He left and I pulled the blankets up around me, waiting for him to come back. He couldn't have been gone for two minutes before thoughts began to consume me again, though, and before long I shot up and walked to the bathroom, tapping the door open. I tip-toed in and wrapped my arms around his waist, leaning around him as he rinsed his mouth with water. "What's up, Ann?" He sighed softly and stroked my hair.

"I'm scared." I admitted, hiding my face in his side.

"Me too," he turned around and knelt down, kissing my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his neck and our foreheads collided. He raised an eyebrow at me and I felt his forehead wrinkle, bringing a smile to my face. He started to lead me out of the bathroom. I stood outside the door, sticking my foot in the way of him closing it a second before he could. "Is there something else you needed?" He asked.

I didn't have time to weigh my options, or think about what I was saying. The words tumbled out, quiet and shy, before I could stop myself. "A distraction."


	58. Chapter 58

The morning after, when I woke up, Finnick was still sound asleep, one arm under me and the other resting across his stomach. I pulled the sheets up around me, feeling my cheeks warm, and snuggled back up beside him. My eyes were just drooping closed again when he woke, shifting to sit up. I turned onto my back, looking up at him, and he looked back down at me, smiling softly.

"I love you," he murmured softly, laying down next to me again, slipping an arm under my back again. I smiled and turned my head to look at him, feeling myself blush as he met my eyes for a reason I couldn't explain, considering where we'd been just hours earlier. He pulled me closer to him, pressing a kiss to my cheek, and I traced slow circles on his chest. He smiled, playing with a lock of my hair absently.

It was almost noon by the time I finally got up, taking the sheet with me, and grabbed clothes for a shower. In the bathroom I dropped the sheet to the tile floor, studying myself in the mirror for a moment. I didn't look any different; I didn't even feel much different. Just me. I hoped that was a good thing.

I took a long shower for a change; mostly just standing in the water and thinking. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about...anything, really. I felt completely numb with some emotion I decided was probably love.

By the time I was finished showering, the scent of breakfast had found its way up to the top floor. I gathered the clothes from the bedroom and brought the laundry basket down to the ground floor, throwing it all in the wash.

"Ann?" Finnick called from the kitchen, and I poked my head in, looking back at him.

"Yeah?"

He didn't say anything for a minute. We sort of just stood there, I waiting for him to say something, him somewhat lost and seeming to have forgotten what he was going to say. He finally just shook his head and looked back at his frying pan of hash browns and shrugged. I giggled softly and pressed the button on the washer, then walked up behind him and hugged his waist, burying my face in the back of his shirt. He froze for a second before relaxing again, turning to wrap one arm around my shoulders and still watch his food.

"Can we go to the beach today?" I asked, my words muffled by his shirt, but he still managed to make it out well enough, because he mumbled an affirmative response, turning the stove burner off. "When?"

"Whenever, I suppose." He emptied the contents of the pan into two bowls and gave one to me. I detached myself from his torso and walked to the table sitting across from him.

"Maybe not," I said when I was finished eating. "Can we stay here?" I couldn't explain why, but I guess I wasn't quite ready to face anyone but him.

"Whatever you want."

"We haven't played guitar in a while."

"Sounds like a good idea to me." I got up and walked around the table, hugging his neck. He leaned his head on my arm and ate the last bite of his breakfast, then just sat there for a few minutes, letting me hug him.

"Don't ever leave me," I whispered, resting my lips on the top of his head. He nodded but didn't say anything, finding my hand with his and squeezed it gently. "No, I mean it. You can't. I don't know what I'd even do..." he cut me off with a quick kiss, tipping his head back to look at me. "I need you." My voice cracked, and he cupped my cheeks in his hands gently and kissed me again, this time longer. When he pulled away, I kept my forehead pressed to his, and he twisted in his seat, letting me sit on his lap. I was grateful for that because I felt like I was about to collapse as it was.

"I love you," he murmured, bumping his nose up to mine. I giggled softly and nodded, mumbling my reply.

The rest of the day went by as per usual. We played guitar, laid in bed, made plenty of tea, and spoke quiet nothings to each other until evening after dinner. We almost went right back to laying down, but the pair of us felt a tad lazy, so we decided on a walk, instead. We went to my Dad's and played piano for a bit, then walked down to the beach and along the edge of the water long after the sun had set.

"I don't want to go back home yet," I sighed. "I don't want to sleep..."

"Why not?" He asked softly, still walking.

"The Quell's coming up fast. I want to spend as much time as possible with you."

"Don't remind me," he looked down, pulling me along.

"We can't just ignore it, Finnick, it's going to happen no matter what."

"But we don't have to sit here act like it's tomorrow, either." He let go of my hand and started to walk back up the beach, and I could practically see the steam coming from his ears; he was pissed off. There wasn't really a good reason why, either, because I'd only been telling the truth. The Quell would be upon us before we knew it. I couldn't sit back and watch and let the last few months with the guy I loved tick away without making the most of it. I definitely couldn't ignore the fact completely. Maybe it was because Finnick and I had different ways of dealing with things, and sure, maybe his way would be easier, but I wasn't looking for easy, I was looking for effective.

We were almost back at the house before I finally fell in step with him. He wouldn't look at me, and it wasn't until we came under the porch lights that I realized that there were tears in his eyes.

"Finn," I whispered, cutting him off before he could walk inside. He quickly rubbed the tears from his eyes, biting his lip. "Come here," I murmured, and he leaned down to let me wrap my arms around his neck. I rested my forehead on his, meeting his eyes. I kissed him quickly, then hugged his neck and we walked inside. I leaned on his side, tears starting to burn the backs of my eyes, as well.

"I love you." He told me softly, kneeling down in front of me when we'd reached the kitchen.

"I love you too." I replied automatically, pressing a kiss to his forehead. He smiled and hugged me tightly, and I hugged back, and after about twenty or so seconds, I realized that neither of us was in any mood to let go. I finally put my hand up against his, lacing my fingers between his. My eyes finally came to rest on our matching rings. "You and me? Forever?"

He whispered back, "You and me, forever. I promise." In the dim light of the kitchen, the two of us found each other smiling.


	59. Chapter 59

"Annie, come on, we have to go." Finnick pulled me out of bed, already showered and dressed. I pulled back, shaking my head. He just rolled his eyes and let go, leaving the room to let me get up on my own time.

The morning of the Quell reaping, and we were pissed off at each other. A great start to an even greater day.

"Finn," I called, still shrouded in blankets. He didn't answer, although I knew he was probably hovering just outside the door, waiting for me. "Finnick, come back, please..." He didn't, but I wasn't going to let him win and give in.

I sat in bed for maybe another ten minutes before calling him again, and he poked his head into the room, biting his lip. I looked down, trying to keep tears back, and he took four long strides to reach the bed, enveloping me in his arms. I was squished between him and the mattress for a few moments before he lifted his weight off of me and sat up. My head was tucked under his chin and my arms around his torso, the two of us tangled up in a knot of longing and love and hope and sadness.

"Come on." He deadpanned, getting up.

"I don't want to go..." I whispered, getting to my feet as well.

"Just like any other reaping, Annie."

"Just like my own reaping," I corrected him softly. "Only I won't be surprised when I have to stand up there, staring at everyone looking sorry for me. There won't be any mistakes on who's meant to win this time, Finnick." I looked up and met his eyes. "I'm as good as dead."

"Don't say that," he kissed the top of my head. "Don't ever say that..."

"Why not? It's the truth." He wrapped me in his arms in a bear hug, taking a deep breath. "I don't want to die." I whispered finally, slipping my arms around his neck. He carried me to the closet, taking out a dress. I took it and he set me on my feet and sat on the bed, rubbing his face.

I looked at him as I changed into the dress, pulling my hair over my shoulder to the front to brush it. He laid back on the bed after a few minutes, tucking his black shirt into the waist of his dress pants, and I smiled just a little, flattening the white fabric of my dress under my hands. He looked over at me after another five or so minutes, then got to his feet, reaching a hand out.

"Mr. Odair?" I took his hand, and he smiled at me.

"Come along, Cresta." He murmured, walking out the door and tugging me behind him. At the door, he held out a light jacket for me and I slipped my arms through the sleeves, shrugging it on. He pulled his jacket on and slipped shoes on, then we were on our way to the square.

We were allowed to stand all in one group for this particular reaping, as there were only about five of us in total: Finnick, me, Roger, with one of his non-victor sons just behind him holding his Capitol-purchased oxygen tank, Mags, and one other ancient lady who I couldn't actually recall the name of. She, like Roger, was pretty aged and beaten, so it pretty much ruled them out for tributes.

Finnick clasped my hand tightly as Valeria climbed up the stage, her heels seeming taller than usual and clicking louder than I remembered. From the corner of my eye, I could see Mags watching us. I kept my eyes fixed straight forward, as usual not listening to Val recite her stupid speech. As she quieted down a little, knowing that she was about ten seconds from calling the first name, I looked up at him, and he looked back at me, and I took a deep breath, leaning on his arm.

It felt like ages and mere moments at once before, into her microphone, Val called, "Finnick Odair."

Slowly, ever so slowly, he began walking up to the stage. As he reached the end of the line, our arms both stretched out completely trying to stay connected at the hands, he looked back at me and gave me the slightest shake of his head, and I felt silent tears burning down my cheeks, let my arm go slack, and he pulled his hand from mine.

"Well," Val smiled her fake wide smile as he climbed the stage to stand next to her. "How does it feel to stand on this stage again, Mr. Odair, and know you'll be heading right back into your specialty element? After all, everyone knows winning the Games at fourteen isn't an easy feat. You must be simply_ dying_ to get back in there!" He looked uncomfortable, like he wanted to break out the sass and say, _'Yeah, 'dying' seems like the appropriate word.' _But he stayed silent and just gave a non-committal nod, ignoring the microphone she was pushing at his face. After a moment, she seemed to come to terms with the fact that he wasn't going to reply and walked over to the glass bowl of girls' names. Mine, Mags's, and the other woman's were spinning around in the bowl, but everyone knew which she'd somehow manage to pick out.

"Annie Cresta," she called, and the name echoed through my mind and the voice in my head was screaming at me to move my ass and walk to the stage, and I guess I was acting pretty hysterical on the outside, too, because Roger's son walked over and wrapped me in a hug and only when I saw Mags walking onstage did I realize that she'd volunteered and an eighty-year-old woman was going into the arena in my place because I was too completely horrible to go myself.

I really came to, though, when I saw Val trying to usher Finnick off the stage, his eyes still fixed on me. He wouldn't move a muscle - and believe me, Val was _trying, _but I guess she didn't notice that Finnick's a big guy and she's a toothpick and if he doesn't want to move, you can't make him move. And then Mags took his hand and he let up a bit, letting her lead him part way to the Justice Building before Val stopped them. I caught her squeaky voice say, "We aren't doing that this year." Finnick looked at her like she was an idiot and as she led them off the stage and toward the train station, Peacekeepers beginning to block them off from us, realization came to him.

It was only a matter of seconds before he was pushing back through the Peacekeepers like a battering ram, running in leaps and it was only one more second after that before I was running to him, too, and it was like we'd already been away from each other. He lifted me off my feet and kissed me, desperation evident in his grip on me as Peacekeepers surrounded us.

As he set me back down and the Peacekeepers pulled him away, I slipped back in between them, grabbing his hand. "No! I'll go!" I could've been screaming, but it didn't make a difference to them. I must've yelled it a couple times, or maybe several, but when they reached Mags she pushed back through the crowd again, and this time only one Peacekeeper bothered to move to stop her, but one glare and they were set straight again.

She made her slow way to me and hugged me lightly, pressing a fat kiss to the side of my head and somehow I managed to make out her saying, "Take the books."

I looked at her and she looked at me and I smiled, just a little, and maybe it was her old-age wise-ness, or maybe it was just some display of how broken I was feeling, but her look gave me all the hope and trust in the world that she'd do everything she could to send Finnick back home, just like if she was his mentor again.

Somehow, it made me believe that everything would be okay in our imperfect world, and even though I should've known it was stupid to believe, it made me feel just a tiny bit better.

_I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you guys. I've been super busy with a bunch of stuff. You've all been so amazing to me so far, and I hope you'll continue to be. _


	60. Chapter 60

I couldn't force myself to watch the opening ceremonies, find out the training scores, or even watch interviews. I stayed locked up in Mags's library and let my tears go and zombishly walk to Finnick's house and take care of the cats and Moku better than I was taking care of myself and go to my dad's house and play the piano and sleep at Lucas's or Phoebe's. I did regret not watching the interviews when Lucas told me what had happened.

"All the tributes joined hands, like, they were banning together against the Capitol - it was totally badass! They cut away from them like, after five seconds, as if they were hoping nobody had noticed, but obviously everyone saw it. Everyone who mattered."

"What Lucas means," Phoebe interjected, giving him a bit of a look, "Is that during Finnick's interview, he recited this poem he wrote and it was obviously for you, Annie! But you should've seen it, he didn't specifically say your name, so they cut to shots of all these women and they were totally freaking out and crying. They all thought it was for _them_, the idiots." I managed a smile, and she took a big breath.

Lucas gave me a hug, sighing. "I know it's tough. Seeing him there again." I nodded, hugging him back. He pulled Phoebe into the hug, too, and she wrapped her arms around me, as well.

After we had dinner together, I went back to Finnick's and my house, setting out two bowls of food for the cats and went to close the window in our room before Moku fluttered back in through the window and landed on my shoulder, bumping my cheek with his little nose. I petted his head with a finger then lifted him back off, letting him fly again. A basket of clean laundry still sat on the floor by the foot of the bed. A shirt of Finnick's was hung on one of the poles of the bed frame. It felt empty. Without him there, it didn't feel like home. Without a word, I slipped the shirt on over the one I was already wearing and laid down, surrounded in the scent of his cologne.

I must've fallen asleep sometime, and I guess I was exhausted, because I didn't have nightmares; I only woke up when there was a pounding coming from the door downstairs. I stumbled down and opening the door, finding myself coming face to face with Peacekeepers.

"Um..." I yawned. "Can I help you with something?"

"You can come with us." They replied, and before I could make any sort of retort, two of them grabbed my arms and I was still so dazed from sleep that I hardly had a valid argument to put forward on why they _shouldn't_ take me away. We were out of the Village and nearing the train station before I finally started to fight back, kicking at their shins and yelling. The sky was still pink and nobody was out and about yet - no-one was around to hear me.

The train doors slid shut and we began to move, already in pursuit of the Capitol.

I was shoved into a compartment by myself and my head hit a hard backboard on a bench. Feeling the back of my head, I could already feel a goose egg forming and there was just a touch of warm, wet blood trickling down and soaking into my shirt.

It might have been my imagination, but the trip felt much longer than usual. Maybe because I hadn't been in awhile, or maybe because we were going slower, or maybe because I was alone - I don't know. All I knew was that I wanted someone - anyone who wasn't trying to hurt me or capture me - to talk to and to tell me what was going on. Because I couldn't answer that question myself.

When they came and got me again, I was too worn out to fight their already superior strength and I let them walk me down to what I supposed were probably prison cells. They slammed the metal door shut and I heard it lock, and then there was silence.

Somewhere, like from a distance, I eventually heard crying. Crying that didn't stop, and only when I told them to stop crying, I realized it was me. I made myself stop, having annoyed even myself, and I unbuttoned the flannel shirt I'd found back at the house, slipping it off and pressing it onto my face, letting it soak up the rest of my tears.

For the rest of what I assumed was the night, I sat there in solitude, feeling hunger pains creep up on me. There was no movement to be heard in the floors above me, aside from the occasional door opening and closing.

I didn't sleep the whole night. When floorboards started creaking from above again, I got up on shaky legs, trying to peek through the opening in the door. I wasn't quite tall enough to reach it. As I was climbing the door to be able to, it swung open, knocking me back to the ground. I took a sharp breath and rubbed my tailbone, glaring at the guard who had come through the doorway. He was a scrawny thing, an Adam's apple jutting out from his throat, legs and arms like a stick figure's. His eyes went wide when he saw me and he threw a tray down with assorted table scraps on it. I crawled to it cautiously, taking a crumb of food from it and licked my finger, tasting it carefully. He glanced over his shoulder, his expression nervous, and looked at me, a bit panicked.

By the way he wasn't speaking, at first I thought he might be an Avox, but he wasn't in the right getup. He was definitely a guard. As I continued eating, he slowly pulled the tray away as I cleaned it off. The moment the last crumb was gone, he yanked the tray away, running to the other side of the cell and jumped a couple feet off the ground, vaulting and flinging the tray through the barred window at the top edge of the cell, and just as quickly he left, pulling the door shut and locking it.

I sat in a state of shock, staring after him and shaking my head.

Maybe an hour later, a different guard came around and grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the cell and into a white room. I sat at the chair and for what seemed like hours, they asked me questions. Questions about Finnick and me and Four and the Quell, but I didn't know what to tell them. When they figured out I didn't have much to say, before I could argue they shot a needle into my arm filled with a liquid, and almost immediately I felt woozy.

A minute later, they started asking more detailed questions, to which I can't quite remember what I answered. In fact, I don't remember a lot after they shot that medicine into my arm, but when I came to again, I was in my cell, wrapped in a white bed sheet, my clothes in a disorderly pile in the corner of the room.

I had no way of knowing how long I'd been out, but along with my clothes, there was a pile of crumbs, an odd smell emitting from the pile. From the pinkish light coming from the small window high above, I could tell it was coming up on dawn. Maybe the boy would be back and he could explain some things to me.

But instead of him coming down with a tray of food, he was shoved into my cell with me, the tray being yanked from his hands. The door slammed shut, and we both heard it lock.


	61. Chapter 61

"Who are you?" I asked the boy, and even though he'd been my only source of food in the last little bit, I was cautious. You could never be too careful around a criminal.

But was he, really? My only clue was that he was in this cell, and the thing was, I was there with him. I didn't know what I'd done to be stuck in here, but clearly it was just as bad as his possible stealing food to bring to a prisoner.

"I'm Gabe," he began softly, his hands folded in his lap neatly. "And you're Annie."

"How do you know that?" I stammered, then, regaining my composure, shook my head and added, "And why were you so nice to me? I got you thrown in here. You don't even know me!" He shrugged and held my gaze for another moment before looking away. "Can I ask you something?" I said, almost in a whisper.

"Of course." He nodded, looking at me again and I felt myself at a loss of words. He waited and waited before I finally managed:

"What's happening in the arena?"

His face immediately fell and I knew I'd asked the wrong question. "You don't know..." he sighed. "God. Wow."

"What?" I sat up straighter, frowning. "What happened?"

"The arena's..." he paused, as if looking for the right word. "Destroyed." Before I could begin to comprehend what he meant, a loud bang of the door to the stairs sounded and a screaming girl's voice came through, profanities filling the room. Gabe and I went completely silent and I crawled closer to him, hiding my face in my sheet. He slipped his arm around my shoulders and covered my ears, taking a deep breath.

"What's happening?" I whispered as the stairwell door slammed shut again. Hot tears scored down my cheeks and it made me cry harder, and I suddenly didn't want Gabe's arms around me no matter how comforting they were, but some force in the world kept me from breaking away from him.

Not long after the screaming had ceased, the door opened again and Gabe's and my cell door swung open. A beaten and bruised boy was shoved roughly to the ground and the guard who'd brought him jabbed a finger at me. "You. Follow me." Without an argument, I got to my feet and followed the guard down the hall and up the stairs. Behind me was another guard.

They led me into a dark room, and I was seated in a chair, a bright light lit up and shining in my face. I squinted at the man across from me, reaching up a hand to shield my eyes from the light. He glared back at me, and then asked a number of questions I knew I'd answered before. Everything I said he wrote down, even though I knew my answers couldn't possibly be helpful because I was still making them up. I didn't understand what was going on or why I was here. I didn't even know what had happened in the arena or who was dead or alive and the Capitol guards and cops were obviously mad at me for not giving them answers, but the truth was, I didn't have them. I'd have given anything to know something, even if it was only for myself to know.

Not long after that, I was led into a completely white, sterile room. The lights reflecting off the walls almost hurt my eyes as much as the light in the previous room had, especially after being locked up in a dark cell for who knows how long.

To my own surprise, when I was seated in the white room, I was allowed to lay down on the bed in there while a blonde girl with a surgical mask on asked me simple questions about my life. Things I actually knew the answers to. I even found myself smiling while telling her some of them. I was relaxed for the first time in what seemed like years.

I hardly even noticed when a tube of some sort of medicine was injected into my arm. Almost. I still flinched at the pinch of the needle piercing my skin, and the masked girl helped me to sit up as I began to feel woozy. It sort of felt like the type of serum they'd given me the first few times they'd asked me questions, only this time I felt a sort of sting begin to work its way through where the needle went in and spread throughout my person. Once the sting had filled my body, working from my toes on up I felt a boiling sensation, something like anger.

At this point, they were asking me questions about Finnick. I knew with every answer I was snapping at them, the angry feeling taking its effect. I wasn't even sure what I was angry about, I was just yelling and fighting them every chance I got.

Eventually I was let back into the hallway while the nurses and doctors presumably spoke to each other about the things I'd said. It somehow didn't feel fair to me that they should get to remember what I'd told them when I could hardly remember myself.

Feeling faint, I leaned up against the wall, shutting my eyes, and not long after I heard the door open. Strong arms enveloped me and scooped me up, and keeping my eyes closed, I leaned into their touch, not strong enough to get away. They would only take me back to my cell where I could sleep and then maybe talk to Gabe again, and to the other boy who'd joined us.

But I wasn't brought back to my cell. I was set down on soft cushioned surface, and I began to open my eyes as another needle shot into my arm, and almost immediately my eyes were forced shut again. All I'd managed to catch in between opening and closing them was a room dark red in colour, the curtains drawn shut and the lights dim. The masked face of the blonde nurse just leaving my view. My eyes still closed, I felt the graze of fingers across my collarbone, the white sheet I'd been wrapped in draw back, just slightly at first. I blacked out.

When I finally once again woke, I was alone. I felt that same anger from earlier still in my gut and shaking my head, I rose to unsteady feet and pulled my sheet up over my head and wrapped it tight around my body. A clock by the door told me it was near to seven 'o' clock, but I couldn't tell morning or evening.

With a jerk, I pulled the door open, and when I did, my eyes took a moment to adjust first to the light, and then to what they were seeing. A familiar Avox, a careful hand outstretched to take mine. When I tried to smile at him, however, it immediately turned to a grimace and I felt tears score down my cheeks. His hand took mine gently and he led me away. I wiped my eyes carefully on my sheet, letting the man who could've once been like a second father to me lead me back down to my prison cell.

Back inside the cell, Gabe was talking to the newer boy, but they both looked at me when I came in. The door shut behind me and I glanced back at it, just momentarily, before walking to join Gabe. Before I'd sat down, I recognized the blond boy sitting across from him, and by the odd look on his face, it seemed as though he somehow recognized me, too.

"You're..." I began, only to have him cut me off.

"Annie," Peeta Mellark gave me a friendly smile, and I couldn't help but smile back, taking a seat beside Gabe. "Right?"

"Yeah," I hugged my knees. "How...did you know?" He nodded to Gabe.

"He told me. And before the Quell we watched all the other districts' reapings." At 'reapings', I felt my stomach drop to my toes. Mags. With a small frown, I asked him if she was okay. He took a deep breath, his eyes softening. I got the message and averted my eyes, sighing. "It wasn't your fault." He said softly, and I shook my head.

"I know," I murmured. "I'm just...sorry."

"Finnick's okay. He tried to save her, but..." He trailed off, and for whatever reason I couldn't even begin to explain, everything in me boiled with anger, just for a moment. I blinked, surprised at myself, and then nodded.

We didn't talk for much longer, having nothing to say. We each took a corner for our resting area away from where our bathroom pail was and leaned against our walls, listening to what was happening outside our cell. The voice I now recognized as Johanna's yelled, daring the guards to come down and fight her. They ignored her, even into the night, when her voice became tired and strained. When she finally quieted down, I fell asleep.


	62. Chapter 62

I woke up to screaming the next morning. Jarred from sleep, I shot up, wildly looking around the cell. Peeta and Gabe were still there, doing the same as me. The screaming didn't cease for at least an hour, at which point the three of us were huddled together, blocking out the noise from the next cell over with our hands. When it finally did stop, it wasn't long before our door opened and I was grabbed under my arms and hoisted up onto one of the guard's shoulders. Peeta began to get up to stop them before Gabe pulled him back, both of them watching as the guard carried me away and shut the cell door again.

I was brought into the same white room as the previous time, but this time they started off by taping wires the doctors called _receivers _to my temples. After testing each wire, they began asking even more questions. For the most part, I told the truth. There was a thin line on the monitor in front of the doctors, and each time I stretched the truth, the line wobbled. Too much and I could assume there would be some sort of punishment. Same went for taking too long to answer.

Once they could tell I was tired of answering questions, they began to ask the presumably more important ones. So far I hadn't had too many times I'd had to lie to them. Until they asked me, "_Who in the world means the most to you?_"

I couldn't exactly tell them _Finnick _was the most important person in my life, mostly because at this point with all the testing and shots they'd given me, I wasn't exactly sure I remembered why he was who he was to me. In fact, the most I could remember about him was that he'd been sort of a jerk to me a lot of the time, but somehow I felt still a pull to reply to them with his name. So I did.

This time, the line didn't even flinch. I had told the full truth. They had to know that. Even so, all I could feel next was a sort of buzzing sensation on my temples, turning slowly into an electric shock, like all the times Finnick had come to me after dragging his sock feet across the carpet and poking my arm, chuckling when I reacted by hitting him. He'd take my hands and kiss my fingers and say he was sorry, and yet he'd be grinning all through his apology and even though I knew he wasn't completely sincere, I couldn't stay mad at him.

The sting of the electricity didn't pause, and as if from a distance I heard myself screaming, I felt tears on my cheeks, and sweat beading on my brow. When I ran out of breath and my throat felt raw, I choked, trying to take in more air and finally the sting stopped, though I could still feel it throughout my body. Without an escort, they left me out in the hallway, and I leaned against the wall and slid down it to the ground, shutting my eyes tight. I was still crying, without the will or want to stop.

For hours I might have sat there, but instead it was only minutes before a familiar voice brought me from my reverie and I looked up into the eyes of Dex. I threw my arms around his neck and my tears didn't stop while he led me back down to my cell. Before he opened the door he gave me a tight hug and I wiped my tears, taking a deep shaky breath.

"How can you let them do this?" I asked in a quiet voice, but he recoiled as if I'd yelled.

"I can't stop them. It isn't my area, my job..." He just shook his head and hugged me. "It'll be okay." And then he opened the door, I stepped into the cell, and he closed and locked the door once again. I took a seat in my corner, letting the last of my tears run out. When Peeta crawled over and slipped his arm around my shoulders, I leaned into his embrace, having forgotten how nice it felt to rest in someone's arms and let them help you overtake your pain. Even if it wasn't the first person you might want to be comforting you.

We sat there for a good while, neither of us moving until I heard a soft snore in my ear. With a smile, I eased away from his arms, crawling back to my corner and giggled, watching him for a second.

He looked so peaceful that I almost slapped the guards when they opened up the cell doors again with a creak and yanked him off the ground. As I started to my feet to try to stop them, one pointed what looked like a gun at me and pulled the trigger. Not a bullet, but a shock hit me and pushed me back against the wall, an invisible force. The door shut and I could move again, slumped against the wall and slid down to sit, feeling drained. Gabe was staring at me in shock.

"What?" I asked quietly, and he shook his head.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." I nodded, and he tossed a piece of metal to me. I caught it and frowned. Just a thin bar of metal attached to a square. Like a key without the teeth.

I crawled to the lock on the door and hooked the metal into it, wiggling it around to try to open the door. No such luck. Tossing the metal back to Gabe, I sighed and laid down. "Keep trying." I mumbled, and he nodded hard. "I mean, I just want out of here." He nodded in agreement, twisting the metal this way and that. After a minute of watching him, I sighed. "Do you think Peeta'll be okay?"

"I'm sure," he nodded. "I mean, they've taken him before. Interviews and stuff. Always comes back without a scratch on him. They're keeping him alive for a reason." At least that I could accept. I had to, or I'd go completely crazy, and I'd die here. And that, for one, didn't seem appealing whatsoever, but for another thing, it would mean letting the Capitol win. I'd never let them win before, and I wasn't about to start just because they locked me up in a cell.

And, somewhere, in the back of my mind I couldn't fight the feeling that letting them break me down enough for me to die, kill myself, I'd be letting Finnick down. After all he'd been through for me, I'd be flushing it down the tubes. And that was just never an option.

Peeta wasn't returned to our cell that night. I kept expecting to wake up to the door opening, or even just waking up and having him be there, but it didn't happen. He didn't come back the next day, or the one after that, either. Gabe and I were given little food and just enough water to keep us going, all the while we had no idea if Peeta was even alive. It seemed weird, but since he'd come live in the cell with us, I'd felt it was my responsibility to keep him safe. Katniss, afterall, had undoubtedly saved Finnick's sorry ass at least once or twice. It was the least I could do.

And now I'd let them take him.

I didn't realize there were tears streaming from my eyes until Gabe crawled over and hugged me, his touch gentle and soothing. I leaned into his arms, shutting my eyes, and I took a deep breath in an attempt to let all of the bad energy out from my body. I couldn't be sure how much longer I'd be stuck here. I didn't know if we'd ever be rescued. The only thing I did know was that there were still people who cared, and that was enough for me to relax.


End file.
